8. Lilah
8
Lilah
Killian practically vibrated with nervous energy as he drove me back home, and I couldn’t stop myself from smiling at him anytime I glanced over. My wolf was surprisingly content, and I couldn’t stop myself from humming quietly as I looked out the window.
Killian’s scent filled my nose, and that, more than anything, soothed some of the ragged edges of my emotions. I had the feeling that my presence had dropped a bomb in the middle of the pack last night, even before the events that had occurred.
I flushed at the thought, and out of the corner of my eye, I saw Killian grin, his nostrils flaring a little as he no doubt scented my arousal. He reached out with his hand to link our fingers together, and my stomach—and wolf—settled at the touch of my mate.
My cheeks burned, and I looked at our joined hands and then at Killian again. “Can I ask you something?”
He stopped at a red light and frowned, then nodded. “Of course you can, baby girl.”
I looked ahead and saw the traffic jam that had made him frown. Red and blue lights flashed in the distance, the clear source of the holdup—probably an accident.
“There was a lot of tension this morning, right?” I started hesitantly. “With Oliver and Emmett. That wasn’t just me?”
Killian hesitated and then slowly nodded. “Yes.”
I blew out a breath and squeezed his hand even tighter, letting his scent soothe me. “Why? Was it just...I mean, was it me?”
I hated how hesitant my voice sounded and how my wolf was curled in a tight little metaphorical ball in my chest, whining and begging for comfort. I felt the tips of my ears tingling, and I had to force myself to calm down so that I didn’t partially shift by accident.
I hadn’t partially shifted involuntarily since I was young, and in the past twelve hours, I’d had to contain my partial shift more times than I could count. It signaled how my wolf was begging for this pack, and I wasn’t sure how I felt about it.
I wanted them; that was clear...but could I have them?
Killian was silent for a tense minute as the car slowly crawled through traffic, the cars in front of us slowly merging into one lane. My instincts had been right; I could see a nasty accident corralled off by the cop cars, a three-car pileup in which the middle car had been crunched almost beyond recognition.
Finally, Killian sighed, and when I peeked at him out of the corner of my eye, there was a new sorrow I had never seen there before.
“I can’t tell you the whole story, because that would be unfair to do without the pack,” he said somberly. He glanced my way, and I nodded to confirm I was listening. He continued, “But I will tell you that Oliver has...complicated feelings about taking in an omega to the pack. He has for some time. Ever since...”
He hesitated, and I lifted his hand to brush it against my cheek, rubbing there for a moment on instinct. I couldn’t explain why I did it, only that it felt right, and I was gratified to see Killian relax a little bit.
“Ever since?” I prompted softly.
“We had another pack member when we first declared the pack,” Killian said sadly. “He’s no longer around, obviously. And that has left an impact.”
My stomach swooped out from underneath me at the grief that was written all over his face, and I lifted his hand again, this time scent-marking the tender inside of his wrist where I could feel his pulse fluttering strongly. I didn’t need to ask why this mysterious fourth member of the pack was gone; the reason didn’t matter when it affected Killian—and clearly Oliver and Emmett, too—so deeply.
“I am so sorry,” I said, trying to project every ounce of sincerity that I had into my voice.
We inched past the accident, and regular traffic resumed after the lanes expanded again. Killian shook his head, and the car sped up as he released my hand so that he could keep both hands on the steering wheel.
“It’s not your fault, Lilah,” he said gently. “But if I had to guess, that’s what the conversation was about. The only time that Oliver and Emmett clash is when they’re talking about Jack.”
There was an undercurrent in his voice that made my ears perk up, my instincts ringing that there was clearly more to the story, but I didn’t push. I barely even knew this man or his pack, after all. What right did I have to ask him about their deeply personal history?
None—that was the answer to that question.
Killian’s hand slid up the back of my neck and threaded through my hair, and the touch comforted me as we made our way to the suburb where I lived with my mother. I’d already texted Eddie to make sure she knew I was safe and would be home shortly, and she had already demanded that I call her as soon as I checked in with my mom so that she knew what had happened after I left Fracture.
How was I going to tell her everything that had happened? It felt like the last twelve hours had been a hazy dream, and the only proof that everything had actually happened was the man sitting beside me.
“I probably shouldn’t have come home with you last night,” I mused, pointing to the upcoming turn into my neighborhood.
I didn’t need to be looking at him to feel Killian’s gaze burning into the side of my face or the tension in his fingers where they were cupped against the back of my head.
“Why do you say that?”
His voice was low and dangerous, making something in my belly curl up, warm and safe. The fact that this man sounded like he could just as easily rip my throat out as he could kiss me should not have been a turn-on. I wasn’t going to argue with myself, though—not when I was only wearing his shirt and a pair of boxers that I’d had to pin snug around my waist, and he would be able to scent even a hint of arousal in the tiny space of the car.
“It’s causing problems in the pack,” I pointed out. “Obviously.” Then I glanced out the window and pointed again. “It’s the blue house at the end of the street.”
Killian pulled in front of the house I indicated, then killed the engine. He stared out the windshield, and though I knew I should get out and say goodbye, I didn’t.
I couldn’t stand the look on his face, the torn expression of guilt and longing. Unbidden, a low whine rose in my throat that vibrated through the air and made me clap my hand over my mouth.
Killian’s head snapped to me, and a small smile tugged at his lips as I stammered, “I’m...sorry, I don’t know what that was. I’ve...I’ve never made that sound before.”
He chuckled softly, turning to face me fully before he reached up with his other hand to gently thumb at my lower lip. “That’s an omega sound,” he informed me. “You felt that one of your alphas was upset, and you wanted to soothe me.”
I furrowed my brow; I was no stranger to being a wolf, of course, but all the new dynamics that came with being an omega made my head spin. “But...you’re not my alpha. Not formally.”
Killian cocked his head to the side, his gaze boring into me from behind his glasses. He stroked his thumb across my lower lip, the fingers of his other hand flexing against the back of my head as he leaned in. His scent filled my nose, dizzying me, and his breath fanned out over my face as he murmured, “Does it feel like I’m not your alpha, baby girl?”
The question was low and neutral, posed innocently enough, but I could feel the vibration of madness, hunger, and desire behind it. Killian’s eyes were intense on mine, and I felt another whine building in my throat, begging me to lean in and appease this alpha.
I whimpered, and Killian’s green eyes flashed, a smirk tugging at his lips before he leaned forward and crushed our lips together. The kiss was aggressive and almost feral, and I whimpered again as my hands shot out and curled in his shirt, pulling him as close as humanly possible with the center console between us.
Killian’s tongue slid along my lower lip, and I whined, low in my throat, as I kissed back with everything that I had. The conversation we’d just been having faded from my mind, and all I knew was how he felt, his scent in my nose, and my instincts screaming, “ Mine .”
Killian broke the kiss, and his lips trailed down my jawline, his hands working in tandem to tip my head back and bare my throat. I allowed it, of course, and my eyes fell half shut as he nosed at the soft spot where my pulse thudded, breathing in my scent and letting out a low growl that vibrated all the way down to my pussy.
I clenched, and the scent of my arousal was unmistakable and heavy in the car. I squirmed a little in his grip, and the slick slide of my folds between my legs was enough to make my cheeks burn with desperate, aroused humiliation.
“ Fuck ,” Killian groaned, mouthing at my pulse, the scrape of his blunt teeth against my skin scattering my thoughts even more.
It also reminded me of a question I’d had earlier. It had faded from my mind while we’d had the very serious conversation about their former packmate.
“Killian?” I desperately tried not to let my voice be breathy and needy, but I only half succeeded.
He lifted his head, his pupils dilated in his green eyes as he looked at me. “Yes?” His voice was low and husky, and as I watched him, his eyes flashed alpha gold, signaling how close he was to losing control as well.
That thought made my wolf whine, but I didn’t give in to the hormones. Instead, I swallowed and asked, “Why didn’t...Oliver fuck me last night? Why didn’t any of you?”
I stumbled a little over the word “fuck”, but Killian didn’t seem perturbed. Instead, he cocked his head to the side, and a small smirk tugged at his lips.
“Are you saying that you wanted to lose your virginity to three alphas you’d only just met...on the top of our dining room table?”
I flushed a little at the thought of them being so overcome with instinct and arousal that they wouldn’t have had any choice but to take me in such a raw and primal way...and then my rational brain caught up with his words.
“No,” I admitted. “But...”
Killian thumbed at my lip again, effectively silencing me. His eyes were intense, and I could feel my wolf reaching out for his as his eyes flashed gold again.
When he spoke, his voice was husky and just as intense as his eyes. “Listen, Lilah. You’re it for us. I know it, and you know it, even if you’re feeling uncertain right now. Oliver and Emmett will know it as soon as they pull their heads out of their asses. There is no world where you’re not our omega, and I’m more than willing to wait until all of you catch up with our reality before we take that next step.” He cocked his head to the side, a small smile softening his expression slightly. “I want you to trust us before you give yourself to us, baby girl. We might be scent-matches, but I don’t want us to be your default. I want us to be your choice.”
He leaned forward and sealed our mouths together in another sweet kiss before gently releasing me and nudging me away. I swayed a little in my seat, dizzy for a moment before my head cleared. I didn’t have any words, so instead, I swallowed hard and shoved down on my wolf, who was panting to climb across the center console and show our mate how much his sweet words meant to me.
Instead, I nodded and gently grabbed his wrist, pulling him close to me. I marked his jawline and neck with my cheek and was gratified at the low rumble he released as I let him go and leaned back.
“Give me your phone?” I asked, holding my hand out and smiling shyly.
He handed it over, and I input my number and texted myself. My phone pinged, and I handed it back before opening my door and stepping out.
Killian rolled the window down after I shut the door as gently as I could. He grinned at me, his green eyes twinkling as he looked me up and down again. “We’ll be seeing you soon, baby girl. I promise.”
With a wink, he rolled the window up and drove away, and I stood there on the curb watching him go until he was out of sight, trying to ignore the whining of my wolf.
I was already desperate to text him so I could see them again as soon as fucking possible.