Knot the Alphas’ Feral Omega

15. Killian

15

Killian

I stayed in wolf form for three days after watching the SRU cart Lilah away. I couldn’t go back to human form, not when everything inside me ached so badly that all I could do for the first day was howl.

Emmett and Oliver shifted during that period to try and come find me, of course; I felt them when they reached out along our pack bond, prodding and trying to figure out where I was, who I might be with, and if I was ever coming home.

I knew Oliver felt guilty, though not for the reasons I thought he should. He didn’t feel guilty for rejecting Lilah and tossing her out on her ass—no, of course not. The guilt he felt was that he had made the decision unilaterally for the pack rather than sitting Emmett and me down to explain why he believed we should reject Lilah.

Of course, I knew why he hadn’t. He’d been so blinded by hurt and pain and rage that the only thing that he had been able to think of was getting rid of the source, and I knew for a fact he’d been looking for a reason to cut things off with Lilah ever since I brought her home. He didn’t trust her or his own instincts. I didn’t understand why, but it wasn’t my place to understand why.

I didn’t go home until I felt I could reasonably face him and Emmett without biting their heads off. When I did reach that emotional place, though, I still couldn’t look them in the eye.

When I returned to the house, it was empty; they were both at work, making it easy for me to shift into my human form on the porch before letting myself in. The beep of the security system sounded as I made my way to my room, and I knew that Oliver would be informed that I was back home through the app on his phone. If he could get away, he would probably try to make it home to catch me before I left again.

I didn’t care, though. I quickly got dressed and looked down at the closed door of the nest that Lila had so painstakingly built during her time with us.

I knew it was wrong, that it was her private space that she’d wanted to share with us during a special moment, but...well, I didn’t know if she was ever coming back here.

And I wanted to see it.

I slowly made my way down the hallway and paused just outside the closed door, my heart pounding far more than I would have expected, considering I was alone. It took a second before I found my courage, but then I pushed the door open and peered inside.

I’d expected it to be destroyed or broken back down to the guest room that the room had been before Lila had come into our lives. I knew Oliver; any reminder of his bad behavior was on the chopping block, including the nest, so I was surprised to see that the room was exactly how I assumed Lilah had left it.

I swallowed hard as I made my way into the room, her scent hitting me like a ton of bricks and making the hole in my chest ache fiercely. It was beautiful, all soft colors and warm woods. Luxurious fabrics were piled around the edges of the bed, creating a cocoon that would have cuddled all four of us comfortably without any of us crowding each other.

It was exactly perfect, exactly what I would have expected Lilah to make for herself and a pack. The idea that she was never going to use it—that she had been ripped from her pack because of the decisions of one stubborn asshole—made me grit my teeth.

Now was not the time for a conversation with Oliver, though. I needed to know where Lilah was and how she was doing before I could face that .

I swallowed hard before turning on my heel and shutting the door to the nest firmly behind me. I retrieved my car keys as I made my way through the house and even whistled a low, threatening tune as I made my way to the car and hopped into the vehicle for the first time in days. It took a moment to remember exactly which buttons turned on the car, but then I was on the road, flying and ignoring the prodding from my packmates along the bond as I made my way through the city.

I wasn’t ready to talk to them. They weren’t the ones I needed to talk to, not right now.

Lilah’s mother’s house was as nondescript and cute as I remembered it, and the slamming of the car door was loud in the quiet street when I got out. I walked up to the front porch and took a deep breath, ignoring the throbbing in my chest as I lifted my fist and knocked on the door three times.

It took a moment before anyone answered, and I took a tiny step back at the small, blond woman who looked up at me curiously once the door swung open. She wore a starched white uniform, and her hair was pulled into a perky ponytail. A tag hanging from her pocket declared her to be an in-home nurse.

“Hi, I’m here to speak to Katrina?” I said, my voice rough with disuse.

The nurse eyed me suspiciously, not saying anything, and I sighed, leaning in a little closer and lowering my voice. “It’s about her daughter? I’m her alpha, and I need to speak to Katrina, please.”

Everything inside me screamed for me to shove past the nurse, barge my way into Katrina’s room, and demand answers without engaging in the social niceties, but I knew that wouldn’t be the way to get what I wanted. This nurse would just as likely call the cops on me for breaking and entering as she would allow me to have a conversation with the invalid in the bedroom, so I waited.

A moment passed before the nurse sighed, stepping to the side and allowing me into the house. “She’s awake, but she might be a little loopy. We had to increase her medication this last week for the pain,” she said quietly.

I swallowed, ignoring the voice in my head that said Lilah wouldn’t like that. She would want to be here if she were around—the fact she wasn’t told me things were so much worse than I thought they were.

“Okay,” I agreed quietly. “I’ll be quick.”

The nurse let me go, but I felt her eyes on me all the way down the hallway before I knocked on the bedroom door and waited.

It took a moment, but then a soft voice croaked, “Come in.”

My stomach twisted, and I let myself into the bedroom, quietly shutting the door behind me and turning to face Lila’s mother.

The sight made my throat dry, and sympathy fluttered inside me.

I’d only met Katrina once in the weeks that Lilah had been at our house. I’d come here with Lilah to tell Katrina that Lilah would be a member of our pack and that we were inviting her to live with us. Katrina had been thrilled that Lilah would have a family to take care of her, especially—she had emphasized—since she was not doing well and wasn’t certain how much longer she had.

However, even as she had said that, she’d looked fine—a little tired, of course, with dark circles under her eyes and her skin a little waxy-looking. But her weight had been good, and there had been some color in her cheeks even if she was hooked up to monitors and an IV.

Any image of health was gone now, though. Katrina had lost a stunning amount of weight in the weeks since I had seen her, and her cheeks were hollowed. Her wrists were thin and fragile, and the monitors she was hooked up to seemed to be even louder than they had been before.

She looked like she was on death’s door, and I hated that Lilah wasn’t able to be here for her mother.

Katrina’s eyes flickered with recognition as she looked up at me. “Killian,” she croaked. “Why are you here?”

Even sick as she was, the distrust in her eyes made me want to smile, and I carefully approached before I pulled up a seat next to the bed. I let all of the pain and anger that I felt read on my face, and after a moment, Katrina’s face softened, and she reached out with her hand to touch my wrist.

“You’re not looking good, sweetie,” she said hoarsely.

I couldn’t stop myself from smiling a little, chuckling humorlessly. “I think that’s the pot calling the kettle black, Katrina,” I said. I gently put my hand on her forearm and squeezed, and I looked up at her, blinking away the sudden sting of tears. “Have you seen Lilah? In the last three days or so?”

Katrina frowned, and slowly, she shook her head. “I...”

I saw the hesitation on her face, and I swallowed, pushing forward, needing to speak and make sure I was heard before she shut me down. “I understand why you might not want to tell me. What Oliver did...I’m still pissed with him about it. I’m sure you know at least some of the story by now?”

She nodded, and I continued. “It wasn’t my plan or my intention to hurt your daughter in that way. I promise. And I...I just need to know if you’ve seen her. The last I saw her, she was upset, she was in wolf form, and I saw her being carried away...”

The way Katrina’s eyes narrowed confirmed my fears. “Where is she?” I asked.

Katrina pressed her lips together and sighed, running her hand through her limp hair. “A few men came to the house the day before yesterday,” she said, glancing at the closed bedroom door as if the men in question would appear right then and there. “They said that they were doctors at Melvin Rehabilitation and that Lilah had been admitted there for a case of shifter ferality.”

My eyes widened until I was certain it looked like they would fall out of my head. It was so much worse than I thought. Melvin’s Rehab was one of the worst state-run facilities for shifters. Many shifters never left its walls once they were admitted, even if they recovered from the original ailment that they had been brought in for in the first place.

“Did you tell them that she could come home?” I whispered, helplessness twisting inside of me. “Did you try—”

“I’m not exactly the picture-perfect caretaker for a feral wolf right now, Killian,” Katrina said, her voice sad and dry. “But yes, I did ask. They told me there were no other choices until she came out of her feral state. Apparently, she hasn’t even shifted back to human form yet. I’ve been calling every day to get status updates.”

I closed my eyes, a few hot tears leaking out and trickling down my cheeks. I knew I needed to be strong and keep myself together so I could get Lilah out of the situation she’d been shoved into by Oliver and his bad decision-making. But for a moment, I let myself be weak, and I felt the pain inside of me ache intensely before I slowly, slowly shut it down and looked back up.

Katrina was looking at me sympathetically, and she reached out to pat my wrist again. “Do you want to tell me what happened?” she asked, her voice quiet and non-judgmental.

I was only certain that she wasn’t biting my head off only because I wasn’t Oliver; if he had been the one to show up, even with the best of intentions, he never would have made it past the front door.

I swallowed hard and looked up at her, curiosity warring with the devastation inside of me. “Before I do,” I started, “I have to ask you a question.”

She arched an eyebrow at me, and I plowed forward, even as everything inside of me screamed that this was an enormous violation of privacy that I should be asking Lilah and Lilah alone about. But Lilah wasn’t around, and I needed to know before I went to get her.

“Do you know who Lilah’s father was?” I finally asked, keeping my voice carefully neutral.

Part of me had wanted an immediate refusal, an indignant scoff, or something else that would tell me that Oliver’s instincts about Lilah knowing who her father was were wrong.

I didn’t get that, though. What little blood remained in Katrina’s cheeks drained away as she looked at me, and she clasped her hands together in her lap, her digits trembling slightly as she determinedly looked anywhere but at my face.

That, more than anything, told me all that I needed to know. My stomach sank, and I ignored my inner wolf howling, begging for me to shift and ignore the pain all over again for another couple of days.

I had to hear it from her lips, though. “You do, don’t you?” I asked gently. “You know who Hunter Randall is.”

I saw her sway slightly as her heart rate monitor screamed even louder. It calmed after a second, though, and Katrina looked at me with resignation in her face. “Yes, I know who he is,” she said softly. “And yes, I know that he was Lilah’s father.”

I swallowed hard but didn’t say anything, and she seemed to take that as an invitation to keep talking.

“We were young when we first met, Hunter and I. He was the perfect alpha—strong, smart, and witty. He stood up for me when other shifters looked down on me for my beta status. Things were different back then; there wasn’t the same understanding and acceptance of other designations,” she explained. She waited until I nodded, and then she continued. “We moved in together after we finished our degrees, and neither of us was entirely sure what we wanted to do with our lives. We were very much in love, and I only knew that I wanted to be with him as long as he would have me.”

She sighed. “He told me that he got a job. He would disappear for hours at a time, but our bills were always paid, so I didn’t ask him exactly what it was that he was doing for work. That was my mistake, but one day, he came home smelling like blood, and I...” Her hands trembled, and she had to take a shaky breath before he finished, “I couldn’t bring myself to ask. But I had to know, too.”

My stomach sank. “What was he doing?” I asked softly.

“I’d just found out I was pregnant with Lilah,” Katrina said softly. “I was so excited to tell him. But the way he’d smelled when he came home scared me and planted doubt in my head. I had to know what he was doing before I told him I was pregnant, so the next day, I followed him.”

Her face paled a little, and she got even quieter as she continued, “I watched him kill a man in cold blood on the street. A wealthy-looking guy with a suit that probably cost a few month’s rent. He was just walking down the street and turned down an alley to take a shortcut. Hunter followed him, and I heard the man scream.” She shook her head, then looked at me pleadingly. “I...I didn’t look to see exactly what it was that he did. But I knew, and I fled.”

I reached out and put my hand on her wrist, squeezing firmly. “You did the right thing,” I rasped.

Katrina latched onto my hand, squeezing tightly, and she nodded. “I know. I couldn’t stay with him after that. So I went home and packed a bag to leave. We hadn’t formally bonded yet, which is why I got away. It was also why he didn’t know I was pregnant yet.” She licked her dry lips, letting out a sad little sound. “I had to flee. I had to start over again. I hid away in a women’s shelter for a while and then was able to rent out a tiny little apartment to wait out my pregnancy. Lilah saved my life. I knew I had to get out for her...to be better for her.”

I nodded slowly, understanding her story washing over the hurt and fear I felt for my mate. “And you never told Lilah?”

She bit her lip, then slowly shook her head. “I never told him, either. I didn’t want him to come after us. I was so frightened of him after seeing what he did, and I knew that if he knew that I had a daughter, he would never let me go. He was the only man I’d ever been with, and there was no way I would have been able to convince him that Lilah wasn’t his.”

I struggled to wrap my head around what she was telling me. “So...not only did you never tell Lilah who her father was...but you never told Hunter that he was a father, either?”

She shook her head. “I kept my eye on the news while I was pregnant. The stories of men being slaughtered, all with the same symbol carved into their bodies...they terrified me. It’s his family crest, you know—the symbol.”

I let out a shaky sigh. “I didn’t know that.”

She nodded. “I knew staying silent was the only way to keep her safe.” She eyed me sharply. “Why are you asking about Hunter, Killian?”

It was the moment of truth. She’d shared her story, and it was time for me to return the favor. “Hunter Randall killed our fourth pack member, Jack. Almost two years ago.”

Her face paled, and she clutched at my hand even tighter. “Killian, I am so sorry.”

I nodded, the old hurt blending with my new pain. “Thank you. Oliver got really fucked up over it, and he hasn’t gotten over it. Especially since the Slicer has been missing ever since, and the police never found him.” Katrina nodded, and I continued, my voice a little more hesitant, “We got a letter...a few days ago. The day that we were set to bond with Lilah.”

She raised her eyebrows, and I continued, “It was from Hunter. He claimed that Lilah was his daughter and that he couldn’t wait to get to know her.” I paused at the panic that was written all over Katrina’s face and hurried to finish, “Lilah told us that she’d never known who her father was, but Oliver...Oliver went a little crazy. He didn’t believe her when he confronted her over the letter, and he rejected her before I could come home and smooth things over between the four of us.” I swallowed. “I would have. I need you to know that. I...I care about your daughter so much. Not just as our scent-match, but as a person. And when I came home to hear what Oliver had done...”

Katrina let out a little humorless snort. “I’m sure you weren’t happy.”

“I ran away,” I confirmed. “I shifted and tracked Lilah to the van where she was being carried away. And now it’s been a few days, and you’re telling me she’s at Melvin...”

Katrina suddenly grasped my hand with her other hand, holding me with both weak palms and determination blazing in her eyes. “Now you listen to me,” she suddenly said, her voice strong and curt. “You’re going to go to Melvin, and you’re going to do whatever you have to in order to get my daughter out. I see how much you care for her and how much you want to help. I don’t care if your pack decides against bonding with her in the end. Lilah is wonderful, and any pack would be lucky to have her.”

The thought of any other pack having her made a pang ring through my chest, but I nodded. “I’m not family, though.”

“Get me a piece of paper and a pen,” Katrina ordered. I hurried to obey, digging through drawers until I found the supplies in question, and with a shaking hand, Katrina penned a quick letter. After signing it at the bottom, she handed it to me, fixing me with an intense look. “Go get my daughter. Help her out. If you even care a little about her, you’ll do this for me...before I’m gone.”

Panic swirled inside me at the thought of Lilah not getting to see her mother one more time, and I tucked the letter into the pocket of my jeans before standing up. “I will. I promise. I’m going now.”

I turned on my heel and hurried away before Katrina could say another word. I nodded at the nurse, who was sitting in the chair outside the bedroom door, knitting. She eyed me suspiciously but nodded her farewell in return, and then I practically bounced out of the house, already putting the directions for Melvin Rehabilitation in my phone.

I had an omega to retrieve.