Chapter 14
Luca
“You’re going to what?”
I turned to Heath. “I’m moving in with Addison.”
I was doing my best not to freak out even though it felt like that was all I was doing, and centering my own freakout was not going to help Addison.
Because if she wasn’t calm, she could lose the baby. She could die. And I would not be the cause of that. I would do whatever it took to make sure she was healthy and didn’t need to lift a finger.
“You’re moving in with Addison? Does she know that?” August asked as he handed me my toiletry bag.
“Thank you. And yes. We already talked about it. Well, I sort of said I’m moving in and she’s just going to have to deal with it, and she didn’t argue.”
“Because she’s dealing with a lot right now,” Heath put in, handing me my stack of jeans.
Considering my brothers didn’t understand and thought I should probably not do this, they were sure being accommodating about helping me pack.
“She needs help. She’s not on strict bed rest, but she’s being forced to be stuck in her recliner or in bed while she’s working, or even while she is in the house. She can be on her feet to take care of herself, but only for a certain amount of time each day.”
“And you’re what, going to take time off work?”
“No. I’m going to, I don’t know. I can’t be there twenty-four hours a day, but I can be there for some of it. When I’m not at the clinic making sure that my business doesn’t fail, I’ll be at her house. I don’t see what the problem is. You would do that for any one of your friends.”
“Addison isn’t our pregnant friend. You know, you’re going to be a dad, Luca. Have you actually sat down to think about this?” August asked.
“Of course I have. And I’ve no idea how we’re going to function after this. But it’s one thing after another and I need to focus on this. So you know what I’m going to do? I’m going to make sure Addison has everything she needs. Her quitting her job now was probably the best timing because now Paisley is here saving the day.”
“Paisley’s good like that. She’s making it so Addison can start her new job from home, right?” August asked.
“Yes. Thank God. And I know Devney and Paisley have a plan of their own, and Addison isn’t happy with what’s going on, nor does she have a plan beyond just making sure we don’t screw things up. She can’t do everything on her own, and I’m going to be there. Because she’s my friend. Because she’s having my kid, because I love her.”
“There it is,” August grumbled, pacing my bedroom.
“You’re just going to blurt it out like that as if we were supposed to know all along?”
“What am I supposed to say? I didn’t mean for it to happen. I did my best not to want her before all of this happened. I did my fucking best to let her just be my friend. But then I kissed her, and we did more than kiss, and I can’t stop wanting her. I love her. But I don’t know how she feels about me and it’s not like there’s been a good time for me to ask.”
“Maybe before you offered to move in?” August asked, and I flipped him off.
“All I know is that I have to take care of her. Even if she never wants to be with me, even if we screw up whatever relationship we have and we’re just awkward co-parents, I’m not letting her do this alone.”
“You’re a good man, you know,” Heath said gently.
“I sure as hell don’t feel like it.”
“You know I hate talking about feelings, but do you want to talk?” August asked, and I pinched the bridge of my nose.
“I don’t know what more there is to say. I love her. But I feel like that’s not really high on the ladder of importance right now.”
“I’m pretty sure you’re wrong about that,” Heath said.
“She knows about Ashleigh, right?” August asked, and I threw my hands up in the air.
“Yes. We all know about Ashleigh. And yes I’m panicking because the thought of losing Addison too? I won’t do well, but that’s not because of Ashleigh. Yes, the only other person I’ve ever loved died. And I can’t get those times back. I can’t get that feeling back. She isn’t here and there’s no fixing it. I grieved and I cried and I left the situation. I pretended that I knew what the hell I was doing all this time just so I could live. Because you don’t get to pause time and grieve and find out who you are after someone that you love is gone. You have to look out into the future and pretend. You put on this mask so the world doesn’t know you’re dying inside. And I did a decent job of it. Yet even under that mask I figured it out.”
“Figured what out?” Heath asked, his voice soft.
“That I’m always going to miss her. That I’m going to hate what happened until the end of my days. But also that I needed to learn who I am without her.”
“I wasn’t thinking that you were conflating Addison and Ashleigh in your mind, I was just being a guy worried about your feelings. I don’t like being that guy.” August rubbed his temples. “I’m really sorry. About all of this. And I am worried about Addison, just like you, but I’m also worried about my brother. Are you okay?”
“No. Of course I’m not. But Addison needs me to be strong, so I will be. I’m going to move in and make sure she’s safe and healthy and has what she needs, and we’ll take it from there.”
“Taking it from there means you’re going to be a father, Luca.”
“You’re going to be a father too, Heath.” I grinned, I couldn’t help it. “And even in all this insanity, we’re going to be dads at the same time. How fucking amazing is that?”
“It’s pure insanity, and I’m nervous. There’re classes and books to read and I feel like I’m behind.”
“I’m reading all that I can, and it doesn’t matter that I have a so-called genius level IQ, I’m such a dumbass sometimes.”
“Oh good, we can do this together.”
“I love this bonding,” August said dryly. “And since I’m the only one not currently impregnating the women in their lives, I’m just going to put it out there that if you need me, I’m here. I have weekends off when I know you don’t always, so if the girls can’t figure out a schedule so Addison doesn’t get bored or stressed out or have a panic attack, I guess I could help.”
I just stared at my brother, confused. “Really? You?”
“Don’t sound so surprised. I have emotional growth. Sometimes.”
“You’re a good brother, you know.”
“I try. Just don’t get hurt, okay? I love you, you know. You’re a dumbass but I love you. Addison has you and her support group, but she has us too. She’s carrying my niece or nephew.”
I smiled, then wrapped my arms around him, giving him a tight hug, doing the same to Heath.
I zipped up my bag and made my way to the front door, ready to head to Addison’s.
The doorbell rang right as I got there though and I frowned in confusion.
“Who the hell’s that?” I asked and opened the door without looking to see who was there.
I really, really should have.
Or maybe left a little earlier than this.
Our parents stood on the porch, not touching, not looking at one another. It was a familiar tableau.
Our parents were either all over each other and ready to show the world that they deserved to be together, or they were passive-aggressive assholes who hated one another and used that to become blockades between their children.
There was never any middle ground with them.
And from the tight look in my mother’s eyes, and the set line of my dad’s jaw, this wasn’t going to be one of the good times.
“Mom, Dad. I wasn’t aware you guys were in town.”
“Your mother and I wanted to tell you something first, that way you can tell your brothers and sister. You were always the more rational one.”
“Well, that’s good to know,” Heath said from behind me, his voice flat.
August didn’t say anything, but I could feel the anger radiating off him.
My parents stilled, looking at each other then back at me.
“I didn’t realize your brothers were here.”
“Their cars are out front. Good job with the situational awareness. And I don’t know why you think I’m the more rational one that’s going to help with whatever the hell is going on between the two of you.”
They finally noticed the bag in my hand.
“I didn’t realize you were heading out,” Mom said. “We’ll be quick.”
“Don’t bother,” August growled. “Just go.”
“Don’t talk to your mother with that tone,” Dad snapped.
“Don’t defend me,” Mom reacted.
This couldn’t be happening. Not again.
But as they bickered on my front porch, I realized of course it was happening again. These were the parents that had raised us, albeit reluctantly and not consistently.
“So, are you splitting up or getting divorced? Or are you trying an open marriage this time?” I asked.
“What?” my mom asked.
“If you’re here to tell me that you guys are getting a divorce—one, I’m not surprised; two, I don’t care. I have things to do.”
“Please just let us come in, we have a lot to talk about.”
“I can’t. I have to go help the future mother of my child. Oh yes, you’re going to be grandparents. I’m going to be a dad. Shocking I know. I know I’m not going to screw up my kid’s life like you continually try to ours. And you are not going to even come near my kid when you’re acting like this. You don’t get to be those kind of grandparents.”
I pushed through them and August began a slow clap, while I could hear Heath grumble under his breath.
“Grandparents!” my mom called out.
“We’re too young for that. Who’s the girl that you got in trouble?” my dad asked, and I whirled.
“You just assume I got a girl in trouble. Are you serious right now?”
“I’m just, I always thought it would be you and Ashleigh,” my mom said, her eyes filling with tears.
I ignored the blow, because my parents were so selfish that nothing they said mattered. “Ashleigh’s been gone a long time, Mom. You would know that if you had any concept of time when it has to do with human beings other than yourself.”
“Why are you so mean to me?” Mom asked, honestly confused.
“I’m not being mean, I just don’t want you here. Good luck on your divorce or whatever the hell is going on between the two of you. I don’t care anymore. You’ve ruined my relationship with my sister and my brothers. You forced me into the position I was in when I was younger when it came to school, and I fought my way out of that. You’re not ruining the rest of my future.”
“But we need you,” Mom said, and I just turned and walked to my car, knowing my brothers would lock up.
I did not want to leave my brothers to deal with all of that, and I knew we’d have to talk to Greer soon, as our sister needed to know as well.
Why couldn’t they make it work? I knew they loved each other, but they fought so often that it didn’t make sense why they even tried to be together.
They just needed to make a final decision.
And as I pulled away and drove towards Addison’s house, I wondered why I was putting myself into this situation.
I was nothing like my parents. I knew that. My relationship with Addison was nothing like theirs.
And yet for some reason all I could think about was the fact that if this didn’t work out, if Addison and I couldn’t figure our relationship out, I could hurt my kid just like my parents had hurt us.
And I didn’t want that.
I pulled into her driveway slightly calmer to see the family text chat blowing up.
My brothers and Greer were all growling at one another, and I knew I would probably get yelled at by August for leaving him alone with them. But I didn’t care. Heath could handle it.
That’s what big brothers were for.
I typed in the code to the door for Addison’s house and walked inside, letting out a breath and telling myself that I could handle this.
We would handle this.
Addison lay in her armchair, a blanket over her lap with a baby book in one hand and her laptop to the side.
She was so damn beautiful. And she was mine. If I could get the balls to actually tell her.
“Hey,” she said, her eyes a little sad. “Are you okay? Devney just said that your parents showed up at your house. Are they really getting a divorce again? I’m so sorry, Luca.”
I set my bag down and moved towards her. I didn’t even think about what I was doing before I was cupping her face and kissing her softly.
She hummed and pulled back, giving me that same sad smile.
“Luca?”
“I’m moving in, you know that, right? To take care of you and our baby. I’m not going to be my parents. I’m not going to split our time with this kid and screw them up and make our kid wary of us being in their life. I don’t want to one day show up on my kid’s porch and have them resent it.”
Addison reached up and cupped my cheek and I leaned into the touch.
I loved when she reached out to touch me.
“Of course. No matter what happens with us, we’re never going to be your parents. I hear enough of it from Devney. Don’t worry. And yes, we already talked about you moving in. Because I really want to just relax and not have to lift a finger.”
I took her hand in mine and kissed her fingertips.
“You never have to lift a finger. I’ve got them for you.”
“This isn’t going to be easy. It’ll be months of me being stressed out and hormonal and not being able to do what I want. Of me learning a new job and having to do it remote. It’s going to be baby books and doctor’s appointments and life.”
“I am going to be here for all of it. I work long hours, but I’m also the boss. And Colt and I were talking about adding on a new tech and an additional vet to help.”
“That’s not going to hurt the business?”
“No. We’ve just been lazy. Or unable to give up control.”
“Are you going to have animals in the house?” Addison asked, then winced. “Not that pets are bad, I love them. It’s just before I wasn’t able to really be home enough to have any.”
“Maybe overnights, like I have at my house. If that’s okay with you? Hell, I didn’t really think about that.”
“No, that’s fine. We’ll make it work. Because you’re here to help and I like spending time with you.” She blushed as she said it, and it was as if someone had warmed me from the inside out.
I wanted to open my mouth and say something, to say that I loved her or cared for her, but nothing felt right, so I just leaned forward and took her lips again.
“I’m going to take care of you. Promise.”
She searched my face and nodded at whatever she saw there, and a sense of relief slammed into me.
“I know you will. But just know I’m going to be a horrible bitch about this because I like taking care of myself.”
I rolled my eyes. “Shocking. You, a bitch? I would never have guessed.”
“You’re very lucky that I’m not supposed to get out of this chair right now or I would beat the shit out of you.”
“You could try. Now, I’m going to make some dinner.”
“Paisley and Devney already put a few covered dishes in the freezer.”
“Of course, but I’m going to make something from scratch just because it’s my first night here.” I winked. “And that means you have to eat whatever I give you.”
“I feel like there’s a dirty joke in there.”
“Probably having something to do with a penis, but don’t worry, I know you’re not allowed to do that either.” I let out a put-upon sigh, and she laughed.
“Sorry. This whole bedrest thing really sucks.”
“Very much. But I’m going to be here the whole time, I promise.”
I looked down at her hand and realized she still wore the ring. What was supposed to be fake was becoming all too real.
And I didn’t mind it.
Only I was worried what would happen when she took the ring off, and living together for months set in.
That would be the true test of whatever relationship this was.
But I would make it work.
Even if it broke both of us in the end.