Leaning On You (Iver’s Sphere University #2)

PROLOGUE - A NEW BEGINNING

Qiang’s POV

My life was supposed to change today. And I guess, in reality, it’s still going to change in several ways.

But really, the way it unexpectedly and unwelcomingly changed just a few months ago kind of overshadows today.

I was supposed to be excited about stepping into a new chapter, but instead it almost feels like I’m running away.

Running away from the bad memories, but also leaving behind the only support I’ve ever had.

A timid knock on the door pulls me out of my head. “Qiang, Mom says we’ve got to hit the road soon. We’ve got a long day of driving ahead of us,” Qi calls out.

When I talk about my support system, it’s him, through and through.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s my parents, too.

They’ve been amazing through everything, and I am forever grateful for the support I’ve always had, and that I know I always will have from them.

But no one gets me like Qi does. No one ever has, and honestly, I don’t know if anyone ever will.

From when we were little and I first realized I danced to a different drum than most people I knew, all the way through the years that I pretended to be everything I thought I was supposed to be and nothing of what I actually am.

And he was there when it all fell apart.

He may be four years younger than me–my pesky little brat brother–but I know I would have never survived these last few months without him.

I know there’s supposed to be sibling rivalry and all that jazz, but all those ‘arguments’ were us just teasing each other.

We’ve been best friends since he was born, and as much as I’m looking forward to getting away from this place and starting fresh, somewhere where I can just be myself without pretenses, I’m not looking forward to the twelve hours between me and my little bro bestie.

I take a deep breath and nod to myself in the mirror. I’ve got this, I tell myself, but the brown eyes staring back at me in the mirror tell me I in no way have this. Fake it ‘til you make it. That one sounds better. Not that it hasn’t screwed me in the past.

I faked everything about who I was and pretended to be everything I wasn’t and then watched that shit explode as traumatically as possible. That’s really what that means. Shit, I’m really not ready for this.

“Qiang?” Qi calls again.

“Yeah, yeah. I’m coming,” I call out before opening the door.

He’s got a huge smile on his face that’s just barely hiding the sadness in his eyes.

I know he’s happy for me to be starting a new adventure.

But I also know he’s sad that I’m leaving, too.

I’ve already promised him I’d come home for the holidays and any long weekends I might get, and maybe, if Mom and Dad agree, I could have him come and stay in the dorms on occasion so he can see the campus, too.

“Hey, you excited? New start and everything,” Qi chirps as I step into the hall.

“Yeah. New start.” I try to give him a reassuring smile, but the furrow of his brow tells me he’s not buying it.

“You’re gonna do so great,” he tells me with big eyes, and part of me almost sags with relief that he still looks at me this way, even after everything that went down a few months ago.

But then, because of that, a huge part of me doesn’t feel like I deserve the hero worship in my baby brother’s eyes anymore.

“You’re gonna have so much fun. Meet new friends who are gonna love you for who you are.

I think you are so brave for being out and proud.

Not that I didn’t think you were brave before, just that, I don’t know; I’m just so happy to know the people you meet from now on are gonna know and love you for you, you know,” he rambles on as we head towards my room to collect the last of my bags.

My classes at Iver’s Sphere University start next week, so my family and I are making the twelve-hour drive so I can move in and get settled.

I’m looking forward to it, but also terrified.

This will be the first time that I’ll be stepping out into a public setting as my fully authentic nonbinary omnisexual self.

Everyone here already knows all about it, but it wasn’t something I stepped out to share on my own.

It was shared for me in the most humiliating way.

My parents and brother have now seen a side to me that no family member should have to see.

I really couldn’t care about any of the rest of the people who saw it; they showed they weren’t my true friends the moment that stupid video was blasted.

While part of me is extremely devastated and traumatized by how everything came out, there’s also a small part of me that’s a little relieved that it’s out now.

Honestly, the absolute worst thing that could have happened by my coming out didn’t happen.

My brother and my parents are still by my side, and it’s not like anyone else at that school was really my friend anyway.

I mean, Qi and my parents already knew the real me, but there was also this part of me that believed that not being out in public made it a little easier to hide in private. Or at least that’s the stupid shit I used to let play in my head when I lived my life in lies.

The only part of how everything played out that I can’t rationalize away as being good in any way is the one part I refuse to let myself dwell on, because it’s too much, too devastating.

The only reassurance I have is that Qi is safe and, thankfully, completely unaware of how close he came to danger.

“Hey, Qiang. I wanted to give this to you before we left,” Qi breaks through my thoughts. His fist is clenched around something, and I smile over at him.

“You didn’t have to get me anything, Qi,” I tell him.

He smiles over at me. “I really wanted to, though. I just– I know that you said you don’t want to hide anymore, and I’m so fucking proud of you that I thought this would be something you could have.

You could wear it if you want, but if you really aren’t ready, then you don’t have to.

But you have it, you know, in case you do,” he rambles.

“Qi, the anticipation is killing me. Are you going to give it to me or not?” I ask him, holding my hand out so he’ll stop his nervous rambling.

He’s always struggled with sentimental stuff.

He feels like the spotlight is on him, and it makes him uncomfortable, which is a little odd to me because he’s a competitive dancer who performs in actual spotlights–on purpose.

But then again, he’s talking with his body and not his mouth, which is easier for him, I think.

And it’s not like it isn’t inherited or anything.

I’m just as bad about sentimental stuff, but mine is because I cry at the drop of a hat, and it usually fucks up my makeup.

At least that’s the excuse I use, because it’s not like I wore enough makeup at school for such a consequence to be noticeable.

Qi huffs a bit and holds out his hand. “It’s nothing much, really, so if you don’t wear it, it’s fine. I mean, of course, it’s fine. It’s a huge thing to wear it, so I get it, you know, if it’s too much, or if it’s a dumb idea, maybe, probably,” he rambles more as he drops a pin into my hand.

I hold up what he got me, and my throat almost instantly chokes on the flood of emotion that rushes through me.

It’s a ‘hello, my pronouns are they/them’ pin, with white gold surrounding the letters and omnisexual flag colors filling them in.

He didn’t just encapsulate my gender; he included my sexuality in the pin as well.

It’s the simplest thing, but the acceptance and support behind it is staggering.

“Qi, this is–” I barely breathe out, completely overwhelmed by the significance of the gift.

“Dumb, right. Totally dumb. You really don’t–” Qi starts rambling again, and I wish he’d have just a little bit more faith in himself sometimes.

“Stop making fun of my pin, dammit; it’s rude. I was actually thinking that in the history of baby brothers, you might be the best one anyone has ever had, and I’m really lucky that you’re mine. But don’t let that go to your head too much. You’re still a pain in the ass,” I tell him.

Qi lets out a laugh, and his cheeks darken. “Duly noted, and for the record. I feel the same about you, except, you know, older siblings, not younger ones.”

I snort and shake my head at that. I don’t know what’s showing on my face, though, because there’s suddenly a fierceness replacing the sweetness that was there just a moment ago.

“I mean it, Qiang. What happened at school says everything about that asshole and nothing about you. You didn’t do anything wrong except trust the wrong guy. Trust me, there’s someone out there who is going to show you how high above that douche canoe you always were.”

My heart cracks a little at that because I know he means it, but part of me still wants to defend Kingston. Even after what he’s done, and what his father has done, there’s a part of me that still misses him–still loves him.

People fail to mention that when the person you’re in love with turns out to be a complete and utter scumbag, the feelings you have for them don’t just magically go away.

Learning that the person they really are is nowhere near the person they convinced you they were is like loving a ghost. The person you loved is dead–never even existed–but yet, you can still see them walking around, living, and breathing.

I close my eyes and take a deep breath. As soon as we get on the road, I’ll never have to look back and see that asshole again.

I’m moving into a new future with new people and an authentic me.

I’m keeping the best parts with me, and I’ll still have the only people who ever counted resiliently by my side and on my team.

But the future is only going to get better from here. It has to, because I don’t know if I can handle it getting any worse. I’m still barely surviving this.