20. Evan
Evan waiteduntil he heard Nick’s bedroom door close before exhaling, his heart thumping so riotously he was sure Brin and Kim could hear it down the block.
He needed to figure out a game plan. Going into a scene with a new partner, sans negotiation, was risky and not the way he usually played. But he and Nick weren’t strangers—they both had experience with kink, and Evan wasn’t planning on anything extreme. Plus, Nick had asked him to make it difficult.
Taking a deep breath, Evan centered himself then stood and followed Nick to his room. Upon opening the door, he found Nick just where he’d told him to be, naked and on his knees by the bed, hands folded in his lap.
Wasting no time on pleasantries, Evan crossed the room and grabbed Nick by the hair, tugging his head up so he could look him in the eyes. “What are your safe words?”
Nick shrugged like he didn’t care, which was too bad—Evan didn’t play without parameters—so he pulled his hair harder.
“Ow. Traffic-light colors, I guess.”
“Good. Limits?”
“The usual,” he said through gritted teeth.
Evan fought the urge to roll his eyes. He knew Nick’s type—the “hardly any limits” men who wanted to exorcise demons by being brought low and could end up with real damage inflicted upon them if they weren’t careful. That wasn’t Evan’s style, nor was it Ben’s—Evan wouldn’t have let Max stay with him if it were. Whatever self-destructive streak Nick had was either something his husband hadn’t addressed or something he’d developed in the years since his divorce. And while Evan could be sadistic if the occasion called for it, he tended to temper his tone depending on his partner, and he never went to extremes until he knew someone well.
“The usual,” Evan echoed before laying a light, open-palmed slap to Nick’s cheek. “Bullshit. You have limits—everyone does, Nicky.”
Nick’s eyes darted to the side when Evan used the diminutive—he was shy about liking it but not unhappy. Evan noted that for later. “If you’d rather not list them out, I can keep things light. But that means I’m going to be checking in with you a lot. For example…” He touched the pink mark his palm had left on Nick’s cheek. “Did you like that?”
Nick gritted his teeth. “Yes. Green.”
“Good.” Evan slid a foot between Nick’s thighs, nudging them open so he could get a better view of what he was working with. “You’re not hard.”
“Not yet.”
Evan lifted his foot just enough that he could press the underside against Nick’s balls. “Do you need some pain for that, or you’re just not there yet?”
Nick bit his lip. “Both.”
“Then ask me to help you out.”
There was a moment of hesitation before Nick shook his head, sullen and silent. Evan nearly smiled as he put his foot back on the ground. Nick was going to be a challenge, but Evan had never shied away from that in the bedroom.
“No? Too bad. But oh well.”
Nick’s mouth fell open. Clearly, he’d been expecting swift, painful punishment. “But—”
“Quiet. If you can’t ask for what you need politely, then you don’t get to speak at all unless it’s to use a color or answer a question.”
A muscle clenched in Nick’s jaw, but he didn’t say a word.
“There’s a good boy,” Evan said, only to be met with a flinch.
“No,” Nick said quickly. “I mean, uh, yellow.”
That was interesting, and Evan rolled with it. “What specifically made it yellow?”
“Calling me good.” He looked away. Evan gave his hair a tug to bring him back. “Boy’s fine.”
“Is that because you’re not good?”
He licked his lips. “No.”
“So, you’re bad?”
“No.” He shifted his weight and looked away again. This time, Evan allowed him the space to find his words. “It’s just that I don’t really want to be anything.”
That was a new one for Evan. Something in his chest pulled taut. The mindset didn’t seem healthy, but further questioning might cause the fragile bond they were building to crumble.
So he acquiesced and released his grip on Nick’s hair. “Go get a towel for the bed. Then lie face down on it and put your hands above your head.”
Nick did as he was told, spreading one of his ratty blue towels on the mattress before turning to Evan with a frown. “I, uh… sorry, I know you told me not to talk, but this is important.”
“Important stuff is an exception,” Evan clarified. “Go ahead.”
“You can’t fuck me.”
“That assumes I planned on—”
“No, I mean, you literally can’t. My stomach was acting up earlier. I’m okay now, but I don’t know how much, uh… fortitude I’d have in that regard.”
“Oh fuck. What do you think it was?” They’d eaten the same dinner, and Evan felt fine.
“Sometimes I have a bad reaction to peppers, so I think it was that, plus nerves about my interview.”
“Why didn’t you pick them off?”
“Because I didn’t want to make Sydney think I didn’t like what she ordered.”
Evan fought back a smile then shook his head. “For the record, I ordered the peppers. And okay, rule number two is that you shouldn’t eat shit that gives you the runs, even if it makes someone feel bad. Also, if you start feeling sick again, let me know.”
“Noted.”
“Now, I believe I told you to lie down on the bed.”
A smile threatened to surface on Nick’s face as he got into position. Evan waited until he settled before speaking again. “I’m going to get some supplies. Don’t move.”
Not wanting to leave Nick for long, Evan made quick work of his supply run. He found toys and rope in his bedroom and water and a straw in the kitchen, all of which he brought back and placed in easily accessible locations.
The water was up first. He tapped Nick’s shoulder. “Roll over and drink this. You’re probably dehydrated.”
Nick turned over and sat to drain half the glass then passed it to Evan, who set it on the nightstand.
“If you need more, just ask.” Evan reached for the rope. “Stomach again. Wrists out.”
Evan made quick work of the bondage, bringing Nick’s wrists together with a double-column tie then fastening the rest of the rope to the center slat of the headboard. The furniture was flimsy—if Nick pulled hard enough, he’d break the wood before he broke the rope—but Evan got the sense Nick would stay where he put him.
“Too tight?” he asked, running his finger between rope and skin.
“Stop babying me.”
Evan rolled his eyes and laid a sharp slap to Nick’s exposed backside. “I’m not babying you, and mouthing off isn’t the same as answering a question.”
“Yes, sir. Sorry, sir.” The words were sarcastic.
Evan rewarded Nick with a few more smacks to his ass for the impertinence, recognizing something within him that needed to be tamed. “I don’t want you calling me sir if you don’t mean it,” he said, pinching the skin of Nick’s inner thigh until he squirmed. “Plus, I told you to keep quiet.”
Nick grunted, but to his credit, he didn’t say a word.
“That’s better.” Evan kneaded the pinked-up skin of Nick’s ass. “Have you ever been caned?”
Stiffening slightly, he nodded. “Yes.”
“Cold caned?”
Nick didn’t answer. Evan kept rubbing, bringing blood to the surface of Nick’s skin. A cold caning was intense, but he didn’t want to do real damage.
“I don’t know what that is,” Nick admitted, though Evan could tell it was hard for him to do so.
“It’s just what it sounds like—a caning without a warm-up, so it hurts more.”
Nick shuddered but stayed silent. Evan smiled then rose to his feet and picked up the cane, which was the lightest of the four he owned. According to the subs he’d used it on, the impact burned like fire when wielded by someone who knew what they were doing.
“Six, I think,” Evan said, swishing the cane through the air so it made a sound that brought to mind a helicopter’s whocking blade. “Ready?”
Nick flexed his toes, pointing them at the baseboard. “Ye—”
Evan landed the first stroke, the cane cutting cleanly across Nick’s ass, leaving a white line that swiftly flooded with color.
Evan stepped back to watch Nick’s reaction, which was gorgeous. A ripple of discomfort ran through his body, and he gathered all the pain he was feeling into taut muscles and curled toes before releasing it with a shudder. Evan’s instinct was to soothe and praise, but he curbed it in favor of an impassive reaction. “You don’t have to count, but I’d keep track in your head in case I ask you.”
Wasting no time, Evan laid down the second stroke, which was lighter, though he made sure to cut at a slight diagonal across the first. Nick hissed, and Evan’s eyes roved over the long, lean line of him, noting everything from his fists gripping the rope to the way his calves flexed as he worked through the pain. There was still tension in him, though. So Evan hit him again, lower and harder, cutting into the tender skin where his ass met his thighs. That got a yelp as Nick twisted to the side, pulling on the rope, finding it impossible to stay strong and silent any longer.
“Unless you’re about to give me a color, I suggest you get back into position,” Evan snapped.
Heaving an inhalation, Nick rolled his body back into place. Evan gave him a breather, placing the cane on the bed and dropping a hand to his thighs instead. “Open up a little.”
Another shudder wracked Nick’s frame, but he spread his legs, exposing himself to Evan’s attention. He was embarrassed, probably, but craving the humiliation—Evan knew the type, and he was curious how far Nick’s enjoyment of the degradation might go. He walked his fingers up the inside of Nick’s legs until he reached his balls, which he gave a squeeze before continuing to his hardening cock, which twitched at the inspection.
“Getting there.” Evan spoke with a marked disinterest, projecting the tone of a bored doctor in the middle of a routine checkup.
“Yeah.” Nick’s voice was muffled, face turned to the mattress. “It depends sometimes.”
“On…?” Evan squeezed again just enough to hurt, allowing for the interruption.
“The pain. If I’m already hard, I can usually stay hard.”
“Do you have a preference?”
“No.”
“Why?” Evan was curious about the answer, considering that things tended to hurt more without arousal to mask the discomfort.
“If it’s more painful, it’s easier for me to get out of my head, but I’m indifferent to orgasm. If I get to come, that’s fine, and if I don’t, that’s fine too.”
Evan wanted to probe deeper, but too many questions at once might derail Nick’s progress. Better to space them out between strokes. “We’ll see how you do tonight, then. Get up on all fours to take the last three, please.”
A full-body shudder rolled down Nick’s back as he pushed himself onto hands and knees, parting his legs as he settled, which left him more exposed than he needed to be. Not that Evan minded—it was a nice view.
“Have you ever worn a cock cage?” He tapped the cane gently against Nick’s ass.
“Yes,” Nick hissed.
“Interesting.” Evan let fly with the next stroke. Nick grunted, rocking from side to side as he processed the pain. Evan counted to five then asked, “Did you like it?”
“I—” Nick sucked in a breath. In a shaky voice, he said, “Yes. But it’s not about shame. I just prefer when I don’t have to think about it.”
“About what?”
“Sex. Fucking. Getting off. Any of it.”
“Why?” Evan asked, lining up the next stroke, desperately curious and trying not to show it.
“Because I don’t care that much.”
“Why do you think that is?” Evan kept his voice gentle, without judgment.
“I don’t know—I never have. Maybe my sex drive isn’t as high as some people’s or I just need the right motivation. It’s easier when I can focus on getting someone else off and just… take myself out of the equation, unless the person I’m with wants it for me.”
That was a big admission, and Evan rewarded it with another stroke of the cane, giving Nick the opportunity to lose himself in physical—as opposed to emotional—pain. It sounded like Nick fell somewhere in the gray-asexual range, though lately there were so many labels it was starting to feel like everyone needed their own individual pride flag. Sexuality was a buffet where some people wanted to dive right in, while others were slower to fill their plate. Nothing was wrong with either approach, but nobody’s dinner looked the same.
“Thanks for telling me,” Evan said once Nick had whined his way through the stroke. He was shivering, a fine sheen of sweat visible on his back, and for all his big talk about limits, it was clear that the caning was taking it out of him. “Feeling all right?”
“Sure,” Nick said through gritted teeth. “Sorry if the sex stuff is disappointing.”
“Nothing about you is disappointing.” He slid the tip of the cane down to Nick’s perineum, where he pushed at the sensitive skin just enough to make him squirm. “If other people made you feel that way, they’re assholes.”
“I bet you say that to every loser you accidentally fall into bed with.”
Evan snorted and took a few steps closer to Nick’s upper half, where he crouched low and tapped his shoulder. “Look at me.”
Nick looked, and Evan was pleased to see tears in his eyes. “Sorry,” Nick said. “I didn’t mean to imply—”
“You’re right. I’ve had sex with plenty of losers. However…” He brushed away a threatening tear. “I don’t consider you one of them. Even if you are a shithead who keeps talking when he hasn’t been asked a question.”
The ghost of a smile graced Nick’s lips. “Sorry.”
“There you go again. Good thing you’ve got one last stroke coming, huh?”
Nick nodded, and though he kept quiet, there was a smile on his face. Evan smiled back then lined himself up for the final stroke, which was always the hardest. When it landed, Nick cried out loud for the first time, a sharp, strangled yelp, as he jerked forward then back, reminiscent of a cat stretching in the sunlight.
The reaction was what Evan wanted, but he knew he needed to tread carefully because he had no intention of ending the scene. He placed a hand on Nick’s ass and rubbed his reddened skin, pleased when Nick whimpered in response. Every bit of Evan wanted to praise him—to tell him he was a good boy, a sweet boy, and had taken his licks like a champ. But Nick didn’t want to be good or sweet or any sort of champ, and if Evan wanted to change that—to make him see he was worthy of being called good—then he needed to bide his time. After all, they were friends with benefits now. He’d have other opportunities.
“That’s the worst of it,” he said when Nick’s breathing began to slow. “Now, as for the potential of your orgasm…” Nick twisted his head around to study Evan, who fought to stay impassive. “I haven’t decided if I’m going to let you get off, but either way, you’re getting a blow job.”