Lesbian Boss (Sapphic Sweethearts #5)

5.

Hillary

“ I can’t fucking take it.”

I’m leaning against the bar, elbows on the counter, staring at Max, my favorite bartender. The bar is almost completely empty tonight. It’s just me, Max, and a group of girls who come here every night. They’re barflies who drink while their boyfriends work across the street at Motley’s, a restaurant nobody really likes that much.

“You need to chill,” he says. “You’ll give yourself a heart attack.” Max shakes his head. He knows me almost as well as I know myself. We’ve been friends for a very, very long time.

“She’s so pretty.”

“I get it.”

“You’re gay, Max. You don’t get it at all.”

“Not pretty girls,” he says. “Pretty boys, though. I like lots of pretty boys.”

“It’s different with girls,” I say.

“Sure.” Max chuckles. Then he turns and starts serving one of the other patrons at the bar. As much as I want to monopolize his time, I can’t. The girl he’s helping has been sent to the bar as representative for the group. She’s tall, thin, and has black hair that falls just past her shoulders. She catches my eye and waves.

I wave back.

“What’s your name?” The woman yells even though the bar is pretty quiet. There’s music playing, but it’s some 80s album I’ve heard a million times before. The songs are so familiar they fade into the background of the bar, blending with the atmosphere.

“Hillary,” I say.

“You drinking alone?”

“Something like that.”

“Want to join us?”

“No,” I say.

“Yes,” Max says, turning back around. “She does.”

“Max, fuck off.”

The girl gasps.

“Don’t worry, Katrina,” he says. “She’s always like this.”

“I’m not.”

“It’s okay,” Katrina says.

And for just the briefest moment, I believe her. For one very small, very limited moment, I allow myself to think that maybe everything is going to be okay, that perhaps my world is going to be just fine.

“You know what? I’m just going to go home.” I pull out some cash to pay Max, but he shakes his head. I haven’t paid for drinks here in a long time, but I still always try. It’s the polite thing to do.

“You sure?” Katrina asks. “We could talk for a little while.”

“I’m not sure we have much in common.”

“Why? Because we like boys?”

I nod.

“You having love problems?”

“She is,” Max says helpfully. “She wants to fuck her new employee.”

“Max!”

“Well, you do.”

“It’s not like that with her. It’s complicated.”

“It’s messy,” he says. “But we like messy.”

“Just come hang,” Katrina says. “Who knows? You might learn something new.”

She turns and heads back to her table.

“Just go,” Max says.

“Fine.”

I don’t know why I’m finally doing this, but I am. I make my way to the table where introductions are quickly made. Katrina, Amy, and Lucy are all here for their nightly drinks. The girls are friendly, and before I know it, I’m laughing along with them. I’m feeling safe, comfortable, and happy.

I shouldn’t feel like this with people I don’t know, yet here I am.

Feeling things.

“So, tell us about her,” Amy says.

“The girl,” Katrina says.

“I know. Well, it’s complicated. We met online.”

“Of course,” Lucy says. She smiles dreamily.

“I mean, everyone meets online, so that’s not really saying much,” I say.

“Not everyone. Amy met her boyfriend in person,” Katrina says.

“It’s true,” Amy nods. “A rarity, I know.”

“Oh?”

“It’s not about me, though,” she says quickly. “The girl. Tell us.”

“We met online, and we really hit it off. I wanted...well, I wanted to spend more time with her.”

I wanted to take her out, wine and dine her, and make love to her.

That was what I wanted.

It’s what I still want.

“So, what stopped you?” Lucy asks.

“She told me she had a new job, and that she was starting the next day,” I say.

“So?” Katrina asks.

“I’m her boss.”

“Again, so?” Katrina rolls her eyes, as though she doesn’t care at all about this information, and for just a brief second, I wonder why I do care so much.

Should I be caring?

Should I be caring this deeply?

“She’s my new employee,” I repeat.

“We get that. Is there a HR policy that states you can’t date an employee?” Katrina asks.

“Not really,” I admit, “but it is frowned up.”

“So, you’re top dog,” Lucy says.

“I’m not.”

“You could do whatever you want.”

“I can’t, honestly.”

“What’s holding you back? Do you think you’ll get fired?” Lucy asks.

“I mostly think that falling in love with someone I work with will complicate things,” I say.

“Have you been hurt before?” Amy asks quietly.

“Yes.” I don’t bother lying to these women. “I think everyone has been hurt, but yes, I have, too.”

“Do you think that maybe this is the real reason you’re nervous?”

“Maybe,” I say.

Definitely.

“You know, I was hurt once,” Amy says. “It was by a woman,” she adds.

“What?” Katrina asks.

“You never told us this.” Lucy sounds offended.

“I didn’t think it was going to be something I needed to share,” Amy says. “I’m not keeping her a secret, and I’m with Henry now, but...well, she was something special.”

“What happened?” I ask.

“We drifted apart.”

“That’s a lie,” Katrina says. She lifts up her glass before taking a long time. “Spill the tea.”

A part of me feels nervous about pushing Amy, but there’s another part of me, a twisted part, that wants to know what she has to say.

What’s she holding back?

Has she really been hurt, too?

“She was everything to me,” Amy says. “We were engaged. Hell, I’d picked out a wedding dress.”

“Seriously, what the hell?” Lucy asks. “We’ve been coming here for months. You never thought to tell us you were engaged?”

“Like I said, it didn’t come up. Anyway, she cheated.” Amy rolls her eyes. “Of course, she was cheating. Isn’t that what always happens? You think everything’s great, but it’s not.”

“I’m sorry,” I say. It’s the only thing I can say.

“It happens.”

“No,” Katrina says. “It doesn’t. She was a total bitch.”

“I agree,” Amy says sadly. “But it is what it is, you know? It took me a long time to get over her. It took a whole year before I even thought about dating again. Then I met Henry, and suddenly, I felt like I could fly again.” She smiles at me. “You could feel like that again, too, Hillary. You deserve to.”

“I don’t know.”

“I do,” she says. “I think you should just go for it.”

I nod, and I sip my drink, but I don’t know if she’s right.

And I don’t know where I go from here.