Chapter 15
Kai ranpast people and the DEA SRT. She saw an orange and white helicopter sitting on the pier, and a Coast Guard patrol boat buzzing around the harbor. Two Coast Guard members were hunched over a prone body on the dock. Davis. She ran faster, her throat burning, tears swelling. Jason caught her, his expression killing her. He was soaking wet. He must have gone in after Davis.
“Let them work, Kai,” he said softly. But she fought to get away. She hadn’t been there for Allison. She had drowned, and it was too late to resuscitate her. Jason held onto her firmly, working at not hurting her. “He’s in excellent hands.” He shook her a little, and she realized that he was right. Most of her irrationality had to do with the way she’d lost her child. She couldn’t lose Davis like this. She clutched at Jason, a sob catching in her throat, aware that these men did this for a living. She could only be thankful they had been so close. Her heart still slammed in her chest, the need to panic nearly swamping her common sense.
“Davis, please,” she pleaded, her voice fracturing with the rawness of her dread. One man was pressing a mask over his nose and mouth, squeezing a bag in intervals while another performed CPR. Suddenly, she could barely breathe as the seconds elongated into what seemed like hours, suspending her in a limbo of agony. The thought of losing him left nothing inside of her, nothing but an empty maw. He’d made promises, and she wanted him to keep them. Swallowing against the sudden tightness in her throat, Kai clutched Jason tighter, feeling as if her insides had turned to lead, dread overwhelming her. She couldn’t accept it. She wouldn’t. He was going to pull through. He had to.
Suddenly, Davis spit up water, and one of his rescuers pushed him to the side as he vomited, gasping for air. His body convulsed with violent coughing, but they were already moving as an ambulance showed up. Davis was transported onto the gurney, then wheeled quickly away as one of the EMTs covered him with a blanket and placed an oxygen mask over his face. She wanted to go with him, but she expected pushback from the EMTs, and she didn’t want to distract them from attending to Davis.
Jason rushed her to the hospital as Derrick took over managing the aftermath of taking down the Los Esmeraldas. She dismissed any thoughts about them, too focused on getting to Davis. Jason bullied someone until they took a look at her wrist, gave her stitches, bandaged it, and injected her with an antibiotic. She was so worried about Davis, she barely felt it.
They cooled their heels in the emergency room waiting area until they told them that Davis had been stabilized and moved to a regular room. The nurse informed her the doctor was waiting for them. When they got to his room, a man with sharp blue eyes who was going over a tablet looked up.
“Special Agent Talbot?”
“Yes.”
He nodded. “Your man was very lucky. From what I can see, he’s reoxygenating very well.”
Her panic, fear, and relief at the doctor’s words came dangerously close to the surface. Her voice breaking badly, she asked, “Can we see him?”
“I’m afraid not,” he said briskly. “I’ve sent him for several tests, but as soon as he’s back in his room, you can visit with him.”
“Thank you.”
He smiled his encouragement and turned and left.
Kai closed her eyes against the sudden welling of tears, clenching her jaw, feeling as if she were about to shatter.
Jason gently led her to a chair and pushed her down into the seat. When she looked at him, he’d crouched in front of her. “He’s going to be all right. He’s a stubborn bastard,” Jason said, the anxiety she’d seen there fading. She had to remember that he, too, had lost a colleague, and she was sure he had been worried as hell he would lose another. “I’m going to get us some coffee. Okay?”
She nodded. “Thank you so much. I appreciate everything you’ve done.”
He rose and squeezed her shoulder briefly and she was comforted by his assurance that warmed her to the soul. “I’ll be right back.” He stopped and turned. “Oh, black? Sugar? Cream?”
“Just cream.”
Hours later she was jerked awake by Jason’s hand. “Davis is back in his room, and the doctor said you can see him.”
She jumped up and made a beeline for his door. Once inside, she saw that the room was dimmed, and he was in the bed with his eyes closed. He was sleeping and she didn’t want to disturb him. He had an IV in one arm attached to a bag of fluid and a pulse monitor with an oxygen mask over his nose and mouth. He was breathing rhythmically, his breath slow, deep, and easy.
She settled in the comfortable chair, and the next thing she knew, she stirred awake. She opened her eyes and saw soft light spilling over Davis. He was still in bed, his hands flat on the bedcovers. She simply watched him sleep as her gaze traveled over the tanned skin any woman would envy and the sexy stubble dusting his jaw. Her eyes moved down his body, remembering every muscle, his big hands and the familiar feel of them on her skin, yet it wasn’t just her body that responded to him, it was her soul.
As if sensing her, he opened his eyes. The smoky darkness sent a jolt of something sweet through her. She rose and approached the bed. “The next time you go for a swim, maybe you should bring one of those little animal floaties…maybe a bunny rabbit or a unicorn?”
He chuckled and then coughed for a few seconds. “I’ll make sure I put that in my kit,” he said.
Her face contorted for a moment and Davis cupped her jaw. “Ah, don’t, babe,” he whispered gruffly. “I’m okay. I’ll be out of here probably tomorrow.”
She looked at him, her eyes awash with tears, and Davis brushed his knuckles across her cheek, then tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. His expression etched with strain, he wrapped another strand around his finger, then swallowed hard and looked at her, his eyes dark and tormented.
He lifted her wrist, his eyes flashing. “What happened here?”
She shrugged. “Freddy refused to go quietly. She did all the talking with her knife.”
“You got her, though?” he asked flatly.
“Oh, yes. She’s at NCIS right now.” Kai said coldly. “She’s not going anywhere.”
“You should wrap up this case, then take the time you need.” The honest emotion reverberating in his voice grabbed at her.
“What?” A little cry escaped her, and she cradled his face in her hands, shaking her head. Regret and despair spiraled through her. “No, Davis. I want to be here for you.”
“And I want that, too, Kai. Forever. But until we can get to that place, you need time to think.”
She tried to push down the mind-numbing fear lurking just below the surface.
“Don’t you think I know what it must have been like for you while they were reviving me, bringing everything back?” He released a long, shaky sigh, shifting to pull her against him in a tight embrace.
Kai sagged against him, unable to hold in all the raw and turbulent feelings that surged through her. She resisted leaving him, even when she knew he was right. The miracle of being held by him, of having someone to share her fear with, of finally getting to the end of this terrible and debilitating grief that was holding her back from a full life, was too much to handle, and she huddled in his arms, pressing her wet face into the curve of his neck. On a day when her ongoing fear had once again resurrected itself, it drove home to her how much she needed peace.
He read her expression, his big hand sweeping over her hair, cupping her jaw. She turned her face into his palm, an ache in her throat. It magnified in seconds, and she tried to smother it, hating the weakness, but then he said, “Go, babe. Find out what you want. Find your way through. I’ll be waiting for you.”
Kai nodded and couldn’t stop the tears. She clung to him, her fingers digging as her throat constricted. “You better be,” she whispered.
A soft knock interrupted them, and she composed herself before calling, “Come in.”
Jason entered with a small bag. “Just some clean clothes for you and the essentials.” He hefted the bag, then set it on the floor near the door. He turned to leave.
“Jason, could you give me a ride back to the office? We should get this all taken care of, and I want a few moments with Freddy.”
He nodded. “Of course.” His gaze went to Davis. “I’m glad you’re okay. But don’t make me haul your dead weight up in a rescue chopper again.”
Davis chuckled. “Thanks for the save. I owe you one.”
“You owe me more than that,” he said, then looked at Kai. “I’ll wait for you downstairs.”
Freddy wentto push her hair off her face, but the handcuffs hampered her movements. Apprehension skated through her as she waited in the NCIS interrogation room. There had been several arguments outside the door. She smirked. She was a hot commodity.
“Are your government agencies fighting over little old me?” she asked. She had a wealth of information as her ascent to the leadership of the Los Esmeraldas and their subsequent work for the new Alzate Cartel had been paved with bribes. She had bargaining chips to play, and she was going to get out of this unscathed.
Her awareness of her surroundings amplified. Not like the scent of air but its movement against her skin. Not her vision, but the clarity of her eyes. The door opened and the woman who had chased her across the docks walked in, a white bandage on her wrist. This steely-eyed woman was a definite threat. “Hello, Freddy. I’m Special Supervisory Agent Kai Talbot.” She sat across from Freddy and opened a file. She started speaking.
“Petty Officer Second Class Mayta Mosquera, Special Agent Carter Lennon.” As she spoke she set down photos. “US Attorney Betsy Marlowe, ATF Agent Francisco Martinez, DEA Agent Cal Huff, US Marshal Clyde Jackman, ICE-HS Investigator Rita Cabbreao, US Coast Guard representative, Lieutenant Sasha Young, and NCIS Special Agent Nathan Curran.” She paused and looked at Freddy with a stare that could freeze her blood. “Solange Cordero, Roberto, María, Camila and Jorge Jiménez, Eduardo Mosquera, and Colonel Cesar Aguilar.” She put down the last photo, and Freddy had to admit she flinched at that one. She’d had a bit of a soft heart for him. “Senator Barlow Finch.” She leaned back with a satisfied look on her face. “We have plenty of evidence to put you away, especially the gun we found in your vehicle that matches the one who killed Mayta and Senator Finch.”
“Collateral damage,” Freddy said, shrugging, none of the names moving her, except the distaste and hate she had for Mayta and her father Eduardo, who had stupidly sent his daughter a sensitive and damning text. “It’s too bad Mayta wouldn’t give up her mom or tell me where her phone was. If I’d had that information, there wouldn’t have been the need for any deaths. All those people would have lived, except Special Agent Lennon. He wouldn’t have given up trying to find out who killed his woman.”
“Neither would NCIS,” Kai said coldly.
“Fair enough. She was brave but stupid.”
“You’re looking at the death penalty. Your case will be tried in federal court.”
“I don’t think so.”
Kai leaned forward and set her elbows on the table. “Why is that?”
“If I was a betting woman, I’d say all that activity outside the door was all about the US attorney arguing that I should be given over to them.” She smirked when Kai’s eyes narrowed. “Why don’t you fetch her for me? I have information I can sell for full immunity and a new life that only your excellent WitSec can provide.”
“Leigh, you can’t be serious,”Kai said, her anger spiking as she left the interrogation room and went into the observation room. When she’d gotten to the office, her boss had held off the attorney general and the other agencies clamoring over Fernanda Delgato. She was one of the most wanted fugitives in the United States.
Leigh winced. “I know, Kai. Believe me. This decision isn’t mine, and I know it’s unpalatable, but I answer to the attorney general who in turn answers to the president,” she said, her tone placating. The look of disgust on her face made Kai feel marginally better. “Our hands are tied. I’m supposed to sign an agreement, get her statement, then turn her over to the marshals.”
“What a bitter pill for them to swallow,” Kai said. “Having to guard and give a new life to a woman who was instrumental in killing one of their own.”
“Yeah, the director had a few choice words for my boss, but in the end, he realized that to get full justice for our murdered colleagues, we have to grin and bear it.”
Kai turned to the two-way glass and stared at Freddy. She looked calm, serene, but Kai detected a slight trembling in her hands. Deep down she was afraid of whoever set all this in motion with the death of Mayta, and she was about to rat out the Los Esmeraldas and an unforgiving and vicious organization.
Now it was time for her to have a target on her back. As Leigh sat down and they started to talk, Kai left the room. She had done her job at great personal risk. It was time for her to wrap up things so she could have a few days to be by herself and contemplate her next moves with Davis.
When she got to the bullpen, Austin looked up. “They’re cutting her a deal, aren’t they?” he said, Derrick, Amber, and Lucy all focusing on her.
She nodded. “I’m afraid so.” There were choice words and looks of disgust on all their faces. She understood it completely. “But the information she gives us will lead to the big fish, and the tools to dismantle the Los Esmeraldas in San Diego at least. Maybe farther afield if we’re lucky.”
“That’s at least something,” Lucy said. “I think we did a monumental job clearing this case.” Kai loved her enthusiasm and her ability to stay positive. Lucy pulled her drawer open and pulled out a bottle of scotch. And there were several comments, ribbing her, but she just smiled. “My dad said that it’s appropriate to toast a job well done.” She grabbed four shot glasses and came around her desk, opening the bottle and pouring the amber liquid into each glass.
She distributed them, then held up her glass. “To perseverance in the face of tough odds, and justice for Mayta and all the victims affected in this case. Cheers.”
Kai threw back the shot, the alcohol burning all the way down, leaving a soft, warm glow in her gut. “I want you all to go home and take the rest of the day off. This has been a grueling few days, and I’m thankful to have you all working with me.”
“And you, boss,” Austin asked.
“I’m taking some time off. I’m not sure how long. It really depends on what conclusions I come to, but I will keep you posted.”
“How’s Davis?” Amber asked.
“He’s in good shape, and the doctor expects him to make a full recovery.”
She nodded. “Just so you know. We seized ten thousand kilos from the trucks. That’s eleven tons of cocaine worth eight hundred million on the streets.”
Kai smiled, nodding. She headed toward her director’s office. As soon as she was admitted in to see him, he held up his hands. “I know. I know. You’re pissed and rightly so, but I?—”
“Yes, I am, but you don’t need to apologize. This is the way the system works.” She took a breath. “I need some time off.” Her gut clenched hard. She was going to do this. No work to distract her, no interactions or mundane activities to fill her time, and no Davis to lean on, talk to, or fill the void, or comfort her. Not for the first time, she questioned the thought of being alone.
“Oh.” His eyes flashed, his gaze riveted on her. “You’ve certainly earned it, and you”ve accumulated plenty of time. What do you need?”
She had no clue if this was even going to be enough. Soul-searching. How long did that really take? A lifetime? “Initially, two weeks, maybe some more after that. I can’t be more precise right now.”
His features softened. He had been a very good agent and was an even better boss. “You don’t have to be, Kai. Take the time you need.”
She nodded, her heart twisting. She didn’t want to go back and feel what her younger self felt and hadn’t dealt with. She didn’t want to cry when she faced all her fears. “What did we get from Freddy’s deal?” Kai asked.
“A wealth of information regarding her gang, and that the cartel responsible for that shipment of cocaine is out of Colombia—an up-and-comer, the Alzate Cartel. Apparently, its new leader, Angel of Death, as he goes by filled the vacuum Ignacio “Nacho” Siachoque left when he was taken down recently.”
“Nature hates a vacuum. It will always be filled. It’s a never-ending battle.”
He nodded. “Well, we did our job and we’re out of it now.”
She nodded. It was now up to the attorney general and the justice department to handle the search and capture of Alzate for his crimes. She would have to put Nate and Carter’s justice in their hands.
Her boss’s phone rang, and he answered. “When?” He shook his head. His gaze locked on her, a startled look registering in his eyes. “Thanks for letting me know.” He looked at her. “That was Leigh Waterford. Fernanda Delgato was killed by masked gunmen when she was being transported to the marshal service.”
Kai looked away, her jaw fixed, the feelings of relief and retribution unfolding in her. “Are Leigh and her detail all right?” She waited for the feelings to settle. His affirmation that everyone else was unharmed released the knots in her gut. “Do you think it was the cartel?”
He released a heavy sigh and tipped his head. His voice was quiet when he finally answered. “Not sure. Do you want to investigate it?”
Kai shook her head. “No, thank you. Freddy got what she deserved. As far as I’m concerned, justice was served in her case. We’ll see how it pans out for Angel and his cartel. I’ll see you soon, sir.”
She left the office and headed home, tempted to text Davis and find out how he was doing, but that was only a way for her to avoid thinking about her life and her feelings. She was determined to hash it out with…herself, and there would be no quarter, no distractions or excuses. An equal, involved, and full relationship with him would be her reward.
When she got home, the house felt unfamiliar, empty, and threatening. But that was because she was going to delve into her past and discover her way forward.
She took a shower, washing off the morning’s events. Getting clean made her feel stronger in tackling what she had to discover. She had a light lunch, then went into the living room and looked toward the bookcase. She trembled, her heart already locking up thinking about the photo albums there. Her mom had sent all her things to her when she’d left the Marines. But she hadn’t been able to open those photo albums.
Shaking like a leaf, she went over and grabbed them. This was Allison in still life, her image locked as a forever child. Kai went to the sofa and sat down, making sure that she had some tissues on the coffee table. She swallowed away the feeling that she was being weak. She had a right to her grief, and experiencing it was an act of self-care—something she had denied herself for years.
She opened the album and got lost in the first set of photos. Her and her tummy growing every day, her parents’ shock wearing off as Allison and the promise of their grandchild came to full term. She remembered her terror when she’d found out she was pregnant, the pain she knew she would cause her family, and the hardship she was going to endure as a teenage mother. But she’d loved Travis and he’d been part of everything. It allowed her to indulge in planning her life with him and her new daughter.
But she underestimated her emotions related to the stress and responsibility of raising her child, even with all her support. She felt bereft, alone. She missed her friends, missed her way of life before Allison. She and her mother had argued that morning, Kai not understanding, or realizing, how stressed out her mother was as well. She didn’t have to feel shame over that. It was a natural reaction to being a teenager. She swallowed hard, her eyes stinging and her throat closing up.
She hadn’t had enough empathy for her mother, and her heart wrenched when she thought about how awful she must have felt to lose her grandchild, then her daughter. Her throat was thick with another painful cramp, only this time her vision blurred with tears. She covered her face with her hands. It seemed like an eternity before she cried herself out, her harsh sobs dwindling to the occasional ragged one. Pressing the heels of her hands against her throbbing, swollen eyes, she forced herself to face the one fact that had driven her all these years. Something that came out of all this pain and grief.
Her most basic fear and the one she had been the most scared to face, allowed her to transfer the blame for Allison’s death to her parents in an attempt to absolve herself. She hadn’t wanted to face her own shortcomings.
But as the day progressed into the night, and sleeplessness plagued her, she did that soul-searching, working hard to find her way through the terrible realization of how she had cut her parents out of her life, cut herself off from their support, leaving her feeling so terribly alone, and breaking their hearts. They should have grieved together, worked out all the negative feelings surrounding the accident, and found forgiveness.
That was the way forward. Forgiveness, not only for Allison’s death, but for herself, for that young girl who had to grow up, but one who hadn’t been ready. She was ready now.
She stood at the front window, waiting for the kettle to boil, her arms wrapped around herself, the belt of her robe pulled tight. She felt like she had crossed over to a better place, that teenager inside her had found peace, and Kai was a new person.
She couldn’t understand why she thought she should go through this alone. Then she saw him, and the revelation was that she had never really been alone. It had only been her perception.
She ran to the door and opened it as he came up the walk.
He stopped at the bottom of the stairs. “Don’t tell me to go away because I won’t. I can’t. I want to be with you through whatever comes, Kai. No matter what that is. I’m staying, and I’m listening.”
“Then why are you standing down there?” She could do this with him by her side. Anything else was too unbearable.
His handsome face contorted with emotion, then he grinned and bounded up the stairs. He caught her by the neck and pulled her into his embrace—a warm, safe embrace. Kai turned her face against him and embraced all the feelings she had for him.
Davis tucked his head down against hers and tightened his hold, then slowly rubbed his hand up and down her back. “It’s okay, babe. I’ve got you. I’ve got you.”
It was as if he knew exactly what she needed. She shivered and pressed against him, her arms caught against his chest.
“You want to talk about it?”
She nodded. “Yes, but first I need to tell you something.”
“Okay, let me have it.”
“I love you, Davis. I was so closed and locked up. Then this dark-haired man with a killer grin and sexy eyes came into my life. And my universe shifted. Right from the beginning, Davis Nishida, you made me feel special.” She focused on the warm scent of him. “You made me feel beautiful, smart, capable, and secure. I can’t imagine not having you in my life.” She slid her arms around his neck and hung onto him with every ounce of strength she had.
He gazed at her, his expression open and vulnerable, then he bent his head and kissed her—one of those long, wet, openmouthed kisses that made her senses swim and her body go weak. And Kai sank into it, tears seeping out from beneath her lashes.
“So, do you have this figured out?” he whispered gruffly, wiping her cheeks with his thumbs.
“Yeah, I think I do.” Peace filled her. “Whatever we shove into the darkness will always struggle to come back to the light, and so often we mistakenly interpret its bid to escape as proof of its darkness. It was my abandonment of myself that created my real suffering and reclaiming myself that has brought me back to peace and empowerment.” She smiled serenely. “I need to go back before I can move forward.”
He hugged her hard, and she closed her eyes and hugged him back, happiness spiraling through her. He understood her completely. That was Davis, sweet, compassionate, strong, and steadfast, willing to listen, and never afraid of his own thoughts, emotions, or words. She was truly blessed, and she would make sure as the years passed, she would give him all that she was, and their happiness, love, and union would endure forever after.