CHAPTER 19
The week dragged by. School was a joke at this point in the year; I only went for an excuse to get out of the house. I wasn’t brave enough to hang out at Charlie’s. Not when the guys spent most of their time there. Zack and Alex probably thought I was a big joke, and I couldn’t stand to imagine what Grey thought of me. I actually cracked my books at home; I was so desperate for a diversion.
On our last day of regular classes, the morning dawned bright and warm, clear blue skies forecasting the start of a brewing hot, perfect summer day. I threw on some shorts and a tank top and put my hair up in a ponytail. My mood was lightened considerably by the promise of summer freedom in the air.
One week of exams to plod through, and I was done. Then I was finally free.
We had to clean out our lockers that day. It was almost fun, all the kids running amuck in the hallway, chucking out assignments and lessons and tests toiled over, feeling freer and lighter with each trip to the trash bin.
I was going through my binders, flipping through page after page of doodled looseleaf, looking for anything that may be worth keeping. A sudden presence caught my attention and there was Brad, the cowboy from the restaurant, smiling warmly at me, his hand on the hip of his tight Wrangler jeans.
I found myself smiling back. Brad was cute; I’m sure all the cowgirls went crazy for him. The sleeves of his blue button-down shirt were pushed up to reveal his arms, dark brown with farmer’s tan and thick with muscle. Away from his cowboy friends, he looked less ordinary; I noticed the warm hazel of his unique amber eyes and the slight blond tinge to his reddish hair I hadn’t seen when he blended into the others.
“Hey, Brad.” I greeted him in surprise. “Come to take back your tip? ”
“No, nothing like that.” Brad laughed, his smile revealing two dimples set in his wide apple cheeks. He shook his head. “It’s a shame, you know. We’ve gone to the same school for nearly twelve years, and we’ve never really talked until now.”
“Well,” I shrugged and gave him a smile. “Better late than never, right?”
“Yeah, I guess.” Brad cleared his throat. “Are you going to pre-grad tonight?”
“The party? No, I hadn’t planned on it. I have to work.” And there was no way I was going to a class party alone, without any friends. I doubted very, very much that Riley would be gracing the party with his perfect self, and who knew what the other boys were up to.
“That’s too bad. I wanted to take you.”
“You did, did you?” I raised my eyebrows at him. It was still baffling Brad wanted anything to do with me—I didn’t know what a hock was, I thought calf roping was cruel, and I absolutely hated the movie 8 Seconds . We couldn’t have anything in common. But at the moment, it was flattering. He sincerely seemed to like me, and I needed to be liked at the moment. I needed a friend, some easy, carefree fun.
Really…what could it hurt?
“I work until ten.” I relented. “You can pick me up after if you want.”
“I’ll be there.” Brad beamed. “We’re going to have some fun tonight.” He promised.
I nodded. “Okay. Great.” I couldn’t help it. I liked that Brad wanted to spend time with me. I was looking forward to our night out, to the party. I was ready to blow off some steam.
I picked up another binder from the bottom of my locker, and for just a brief moment, I thought about Grey. I couldn’t help that either. Deep down, I knew no matter how much fun I had with Brad, I’d be wishing he was somebody else. Because I still loved Grey, as pointless and futile as it may be, even despite all my efforts to convince myself otherwise.
Still, I could try. I would try. I smiled at Brad as he headed off down the hallway, giving him a little wave as he left, determined to have a good time that night.
“My replacement?” A voice beside me asked. I knew who it was without even looking. A frown fell on my face as I flipped my binder open.
“Hardly,” I answered him. More doodles. An entire school year of doodles. I licked my finger and went through the pages.
Riley laughed. “That would be pretty unbelievable, you replacing me for a cowboy.”
My mood soured. I was glad Riley found this so funny. “No more unbelievable than you replacing me for a Christian. And you found a way to do that, didn’t you?” I gazed up at him. He was the same old Riley, and a wave of sadness crashed over me as I looked into his familiar face—the warm dark eyes that once brought me so much comfort, the wide smile that laughed with me so many times before. I bit my lip.
“Are we going to do this every time we see each other? Can’t we just have a conversation without getting into a fight?” He sighed and leaned against the lockers.
“Probably.” I glared at him, tossing the binder in the trash. “Until you move, anyway.”
“Oh.” He looked down at the floor, sheepish. “You heard about that, did you?”
“Yeah. I did. When were you planning on telling me?”
“I don’t know. I don’t know if I was.”
“Why? Don’t you think you owe me that much?”
“I guess. I’ve just been…afraid.”
“Afraid?” I looked up at him incredulously. “Afraid of what?”
“I don’t want to say goodbye to you, Mackenzie,” Riley explained. His voice lowered, and he looked at me fondly. “I know things are screwed up right now. Come on, you’ve been my best friend for ages. Saying goodbye just feels so…final.”
“You’re moving away, Riley.” My voice shook. “That’s pretty fucking final.”
“I know.” He nodded quietly.
A sudden thought occurred to me. “You could stay.” I grasped his hand, holding it in both of mine. Pleading with my grip, imploring with my eyes. “Please? Stay with me.”
Riley shook his head. “There’s nothing for me here, Mac. Nothing.”
I felt the full sting of his words. “Nice. Nice to know you feel that way.”
“No…that’s, that’s not what I meant, and you know it.”
“Whatever.” I stared up at him angrily. “Just go. Go and have a wonderful Christian life. Sing a round of “Kumbayah” for me while you’re at it.”
Riley shook his head. “Fuck, you’re impossible.” He muttered, stepping around me, his form rigid with anger as he stalked down the hallway. Madly, I watched him go, but as he walked away, I realized this could be the last conversation we ever had.
I didn’t want him to remember me this way. I didn’t want to end things in anger.
“Riley?” I called to him. The hall was crowded and noisy, but somehow, he heard.
“What?” He looked back at me in agony.
“Just…don’t go without saying goodbye. Please?” I implored.
Riley paused in thought, his jaw clenching in consideration. He looked at me and nodded, one small, slight nod, then continued down the hallway.