Life of the Party (Wayward #1)

CHAPTER 32

The day from hell was finally over. Mom dropped me off late that evening after the quietest ride home in the history of the world, the tension in the car almost tangible. The lights were on inside my house as we pulled up at the curb; loud music pumping out, noisy laughter filtering through the windows to meet us on the street. I was cheered by just the sight. Mom peered up at the apartment, a worried look on her face as I opened the door, totally prepared to leave her without even saying goodbye.

“Mackenzie,” she stopped me before I could. I didn’t answer, but sighed, turning to show she had my attention. I’d been waiting for her to apologize all night.

“Mackenzie,” she started again, “I need to tell you something.”

I nodded for her to continue.

“I talked to Marcy about it, and she still wants you to be her bridesmaid, but you have to promise to be sober. If you honestly can’t do that…she’ll find someone else.”

My response was a blank stare. “Are you kidding me?”

Mom shook her head.

I could feel the anger building again. I let it escape in a hiss through my teeth. “You guys are unbelievable. When did I become this…this raging alcoholic to you? I party a little, yes. I’m not a friggin’ idiot.”

“Marcy just doesn’t want her wedding ruined—”

“Heaven for-fucking-fend precious Marcy ever be disappointed.” I got up out of the car. I felt so…betrayed by them, I couldn’t help but swear. I could feel my hands trembling. “You really think I’m capable of ruining her wedding? Thanks, Mom. Thanks for thinking so highly of me.”

I think she was shocked by my reaction. Her face looked crushed .

“Mackenzie—” She started.

“Whatever.” I slammed the door before she could continue. I couldn’t stand to hear another word. Frantically, I searched through my purse for my cigarettes, but my hands were shaking so badly it proved impossible. Frustrated, I dumped the bag upside down into the withered grass clumped in our front yard.

The headlights from Mom’s car fell on the pack as she backed up and drove away. I picked them up and lit a smoke, watching her taillights bump down the road.

I couldn’t believe her. I couldn’t believe them.

I toyed with the idea of backing out of the bridesmaid thing altogether, but somehow I knew I couldn’t do it. I knew that sometime, maybe years from now, I’d regret missing out on my only sister’s wedding. At the moment though, I was mad enough that even the thought of standing Marcy up made me feel better.

I clawed through the grass until I found my cocaine, and sitting in the shadows of my front yard, I brought the scoop to my nose, time and time again. In the cocaine-haze, Mom and Marcy didn’t exist, the wedding didn’t exist, and being second didn’t exist. It was like a fog of bliss, enveloping me, cutting me off from the rest.

I lit a smoke off my first one and gave in to the Superman-like qualities of the drugs.

With them, I could do anything, I could get through anything, survive anything. They were my hero, my refuge. My saviour. I don’t know what I would’ve done without them.

The urge to cry had been strong, so strong my throat ached with the effort…but the cocaine swept it away, replacing my sadness with the numbing, happy trembles I craved. I let out a shaky sigh of relief and pure pleasure.

Good again.

After gathering my things from the grass, I headed slowly up the creaky old stairs. I knew seeing my friends would make me feel even better, knew their exuberance would be contagious. Alex, Grey, Charlie and Zack were gathered around the table playing a loud, rowdy game of quarters when I opened the door.

“Hey, baby!” Charlie greeted me. “How was your day?”

“Oh, you have no idea.” I managed a smile for her and set down my things. There was dead grass all over my jeans; I wiped at it absently. “Marcy’s got me wearing a tutu. Like, an actual tutu.”

“When, tonight?” Grey looked up hopefully. His blue eyes smiled at me. I grinned back; my first actual sincere smile of the day was for him. Just his voice buoyed me .

“No.” I laughed. “For her wedding, three weeks from Saturday. Remember? You’re coming with me.”

“Oh, yeah. Right…” Grey looked sheepish. He cleared his throat as a sudden silence descended over the room. Zack and Alex avoided my gaze.

“What’s going on?” I wondered. “You’re coming, right?”

“Well…we just got our recording schedule. We fly out this Sunday for the studio.”

“This Sunday? Like, four days from now?”

“Yeah.”

“Wow.” I was incredulous. “That’s exciting.”

It took me a minute to process, for this new information to register in my already-exhausted frame of mind. I smiled at him again, but this time it was forced. Really, could this day get any worse? I mean, it was awesome the guys were going to record their music. They’d worked so hard, they were so talented, and they totally deserved it. Still, I was selfish enough to wish it wasn’t happening at all. I didn’t want Grey to leave me.

“How long will you be gone for?” I wondered.

“I don’t know. A few weeks probably, maybe a month. However long it takes to make the record.” He shrugged.

“Really? A month?” My stomach sank at the thought. I was happy for him, I really was, but I couldn’t help feeling deflated. That interminable amount of time stretched out in my mind, seeming like forever, feeling that way already. Grey was going to be gone for the rest of the summer. I was going to be alone for the rest of the summer.

“Hey, I’ll be your date for the wedding,” Charlie promised, trying to lighten the mood. “I’ve even got a matching tutu I could wear.”

“Thanks, Charlie.” My voice was quiet, subdued, ignored over the sudden deafening cheers as Zack flipped his quarter expertly into the cup. It was Grey’s turn to drink then. They carried on with their game, laughing and cheering, completely oblivious to me and my utter disappointment. I stood by a moment, vexed, my arms crossed impatiently as I watched and waited for something else—more of an explanation or maybe even an apology, but none came. It didn’t help that everyone was half-cut while I felt completely sober; the cocaine seemed to have already worn off, which made me even angrier as I listened to their stupid, happy jabber.

Finally, in frustration, I headed down the hallway to my room and shut the door behind me .

I flopped down on my bed, grumbling as I dug through the dead grass inside my purse until I found my vial again. Eagerly, I snorted back the blow, doing more and more, trying to drown out the happy laughter from the kitchen with the dim buzzing in my head. Finally spent, I lay back and stared up at the ceiling, nearly overwhelmed by the sheer volume of cocaine shooting through my veins. My hands were trembling.

I looked around my room, my eyes darting rapidly as I tried to catch my breath. It was a fairly tiny space, holding just my bed and my dresser. The walls were totally bare. It was already as messy as my room had been at home, and now I had to do my own laundry. Once in a while Charlie and I would load up her car with garbage bags of our clothes and do them all in one day at the local laundromat, but for the most part they just lay wherever I threw them off at night until I was desperate for some clean ones.

I grabbed my stash of cigarettes from the nightstand and lit one. Even though I was super high now, I felt no urge to join my friends. I preferred to sit alone and feel sorry for myself, lucid enough to know life sucked, high enough it couldn’t really bother me.

Even without feeling, I knew how badly I was going to miss Grey, how I couldn’t imagine my life without him in it, even for a day. And he’d been so casual about it, so aloof—like it didn’t even matter that we’d be spending a month of more apart, like it was no big deal.

There was a sudden knock on my door. I looked towards the noise but didn’t answer until the knocking came again.

“Mackenzie?” It was Grey. The door opened to reveal him, and most of my anger melted away at just the sight. He would always have that effect on me; it really wasn’t fair. Dressed in dark jeans and a red T-shirt, his dark hair was hidden behind a well-worn hat. His perfect lips curved into a cautious smile, and his gorgeous blue eyes—though a bit bleary—gazed at me hopefully.

“Can I come in?”

“Sure.” I was twitching as I looked back up at the roof. The bed sunk as Grey laid down next to me, the springs groaning from his weight. I could smell his delicious cologne and tried to breathe it in as deeply as I could while remaining as stiff beside him as possible.

“Your room’s a mess.” He noticed with a chuckle. “What are you doing in here? Aren’t you going to come and join us?”

“No.” I shook my head, my teeth grinding.

“Why not?”

I rubbed at my nose with a shaky hand, avoiding his gaze .

“You’re mad about the recording thing, aren’t you? ‘Cause I’m missing the wedding?”

“No.” I managed to answer.

“Yes, you are.”

“No, I’m not.” My heart was pounding in my chest, and my skin shone with the cool sheen of sweat. Heat was pouring off of me. I sat up and looked at Grey. “I’m not mad, really.” I panted, “I’m happy for you. I mean, I’m going to miss…miss…”

“Hey, Mackenzie…are you okay?” He sat up and looked at me, his face concerned, his eyebrows furrowed. “You don’t look so good.”

“What, yeah, I just…” I pressed a hand to my chest. It felt like someone was sitting on it, or pushing against it or something, like I couldn’t breathe. I wiped a hand over my damp face and got up off the bed, but the change made me feel dizzy and I staggered back against it. I fanned myself with my hand. “I just gotta…”

What did I have to do? Wasn’t there something I had to do?

“Mackenzie.” Grey was suddenly before me. When did he get there? He waved his hand in front of my face as if trying to get my attention. I felt the sudden urge to run, like I had to escape the mounting panic in my stomach. My hands were tingling like they’d fallen asleep. I stared blankly in front of me, trying to think, trying to get my mind right. There was something I had to do. Run. I wanted to run.

“Hey, hey, look at me.” Grey’s face was close to mine—too close, he was stealing my breath. I couldn’t breathe. His hands were on my arms, burning me, searing my skin. “Mackenzie, look at me!” He implored.

Then everything went blurry, like water poured on a painting, and there was a flash of white, blinding light that engulfed my entire being.

I knew nothing more.