CHAPTER 34
The week went by way too quickly. I had to share Grey during the day, with work and his constant band practices, but at night he was all mine. We would hole up in my room and get high and just…be together. There were no distractions, no interruptions, just Grey and I, hanging out, having fun. With every moment I spent with him, I dreaded his leaving that much more.
I was happy when the guys decided to cancel their regular Saturday night gig at the Aurora that week, even happier when Grey chose to spend the night at home with me. Don’t get me wrong, I loved to party, nothing cheered me up faster than a night out on the town. But I loved being alone with Grey even more.
He leaned across my bed, handing me a railed-up mirror carefully. I bent over and snorted the blow, pulling back on my forehead as I sniffed in.
“That’s good,” I commented, sniffing the drugs deep into my sinuses. I could feel their effects almost immediately. I smiled shakily and took a drag of my cigarette, aware of Grey’s eyes on me. Ever since the overdose, he’d been extra cautious when it came to my coke use…how much I did, how often I did it. I didn’t mind, though. The bruises covering my legs had just begun to heal, but they were still a little sore. If Grey’s concern would keep me from having a seizure again, I was all for it.
“Your turn.” I passed him the mirror and fidgeted with my smoke, crossing and re-crossing my legs, smiling at the warm energy permeating my being. He took the mirror from me and sniffed back the lines of soft, chalky powder.
I studied him closely, taking in his every feature, committing them to memory so I could imagine his gorgeous face when he was gone. His cheeks were tan and covered in coarse dark stubble, his eyes the most beautiful blue, his lips full and curved into the usual smirk. His dark hair was short and messy, sticking out from under his hat. The shirt he wore was plain and black, he had leather-studded bracelets on his right wrist; his arms were dark and tattooed and muscular and strong.
“What?” He chuckled when he noticed me staring. I shook my head, biting my lip, pulling my fingers absently through my long, dark hair.
“Nothing. I’m just going to miss you, that’s all.”
“It’s only for a month…or so, but it’ll go by faster than you can imagine.”
“Yeah.” I nodded, though I didn’t believe him. I knew the time was going to drag by, at least, it would for me. I chewed my nails. “Promise you won’t forget me?”
“You mean, while I’m off making myself famous?”
“ Rich and famous.” I corrected.
“Right. I forgot you were spoiled.” Grey teased. “Can’t forget rich.”
“Shut up.” I slapped him playfully. His fist clenched tightly around the offending wrist and pinned it back against the bed. I tried to fight him with the other hand, but it suffered the same fate as the first, trapped in an iron grip against the mattress. Laughing, I lay back, pinioned by him as he leaned overtop of me.
“Grey, Grey…stop…” I choked out between laughs. “…I’m serious…”
“If you’re so serious, why are you laughing?” His voice was suddenly thick, his eyes heady as they scanned my face. His face hung just inches from mine.
“I’m not,” I whispered, the last traces of mirth disappearing from my voice. I smiled at him, pleadingly. “Grey, promise me.”
“Promise you what?” Grey bent and kissed my collarbone, just below my neck, sending a shiver of pure heat through me. Then his lips moved slowly, achingly down my breastbone, beyond my ribs, gliding across the smooth skin of my stomach. He let go of my wrists but I didn’t move them. My heart was beating loudly in my throat; my breath was shaky, faster.
“Promise you won’t forget me.” I pleaded.
“Forget you? I could never.”
Grey stopped his trail of kisses just above the waistband of my jeans. His lips curved into a smile as he looked up at me, his blue eyes gleaming wickedly.
“What about you? Would you forget me?”
I shook my head, breathless.
“You won’t after this.”
The alarm clock clicked on early Sunday morning, humming with static, rousing me from sleep. It took me a few minutes to come to, a few minutes to assimilate the heavy weight of Grey’s arm around my waist. Once I understood, a smile broke over my lips. I snuggled against his hard form, reaching over to hit the snooze button.
Holding onto him for as long as possible.
Grey stirred. “Morning, " he whispered in my ear, his voice low, like velvet. His stubble rubbed against my cheek. My heart wanted to burst; I was so content. I tried to enjoy the moment as best I could while it lasted.
“Morning.” I brought his hand to my lips and kissed it. I thought quickly about doing some more cocaine, but pushed the thought from my mind. I had to save my rations, I’d need them after Grey left. “Do you want a smoke?” I asked instead.
“Sure.” He answered. I’d recently discovered the brilliance of smoking in bed. I grabbed my pack from the nightstand and lit two cigarettes, turning over and handing him one. We smoked in satisfied silence a moment.
The blankets were low on his torso, his tan chest naked, his head resting against his arms. I propped my head on my hand and slowly trailed my fingers over the hard contours of his pecks and his abs in open admiration. He was so perfect, so unbelievably beautiful. I sighed happily.
I’d never been this intimate with anyone before. Cocooned in love, wrapped up in him. He’d held me all night long, skin to skin, and I’d never felt safer.
We still hadn’t had sex. We’d done other things…wonderful things…things that sent a quick blush of heat to my cheeks at the thought. We’d spent the most amazing night together. But still, Grey had stopped us before we could go the final distance, and I just didn’t understand it. I was actually starting to get a complex about the whole thing. I mean, we’d had plenty of opportunity, plenty of chances to do it, but we just…didn’t. He didn’t want to, for some reason. I couldn’t help but think it had something to do with me.
I blew my smoke out thoughtfully, trying to imagine what it would be like, how it would feel. The curiosity was driving me crazy. I knew he had to leave soon; I knew our time together was fleeting. I had to ask him, I had to know before he left.
“Grey?”
“What?” His voice was still raspy from sleep.
I could feel the heat in my face. “Nothing, never mind.” I blushed, changing my mind. I couldn’t ask him. It was too embarrassing.
“What is it? Tell me.” He chuckled. “You have to tell me now.”
“No, it’s stupid. Forget it. ”
“Mackenzie.”
I shook my head. “No, it’s…” I groaned and shut my eyes, forcing out the words. “I just, I’ve been wondering. I mean, don’t get me wrong, last night was amazing, but I was wondering why we don’t…” I couldn’t say it.
“Why we don’t have sex?” He finished for me.
I nodded shamefully. “Yeah.”
“Well, you’re a virgin, right?”
“Is it that obvious?” My blush deepened. Why did I bring this up? I was going to die of humiliation; I just knew it.
“No, it’s not obvious. Not in the way you’re thinking. Not in a bad way.”
“Okay…”
“Look, Mackenzie.” He sat up a bit, adjusting the blankets as he did so. He looked at me seriously, but his lips were bent in a smile. “I’m not in a rush or anything. We can wait until you’re ready.”
“I’m ready,” I stated certainly.
He chuckled. “I know you think that, but are you really? Maybe you just feel that way because you think I expect it. I don’t. I mean, I’d like to, yeah…hell yeah.” He looked me over roguishly and smirked. “It’s definitely not easy. But I can wait.”
I was stunned. And relieved. I had no idea Grey was so…thoughtful. That he cared enough to wait until I was truly ready, that he wanted to make sure I knew for certain when I was. I shook my head at him in utter disbelief. “What makes you so…careful?”
“I don’t know.” Grey shrugged. He took a drag of his cigarette and blew out the smoke, avoiding my gaze, like he was the uncomfortable one now. “I don’t know.” He repeated. “I’ve had a shit life, Mackenzie. A total shit life. But I’ve got a chance now, to do something right, for once. You know?” He met my eyes then, his burning blue. “I feel like if I do right by you, it’s, I don’t know, it’s like a shot at redemption, or something. Does that make any sense?”
I nodded. “Yeah, I guess so. But…what do you need redemption for?” Though elated by his sentiment, my heart swelled with compassion for him. I hated hearing that he had a “shit life,” I couldn’t imagine what that meant. As much as I complained about my family and my parents, deep down I knew I had it pretty good. What Grey was alluding to, I had no real idea, only a feeling it was bad. I looked up at him with concern.
“It’s nothing. It doesn’t matter.” Grey chuckled and shrugged it off. “I just; I don’t want to screw this up. That’s all you need to know. ”
“How could you?” I lay my head down on his hard chest; my long, dark curls spreading over him. “I won’t let you.”
Grey’s hand found my hair, stroking the soft tresses, running his fingers through them, sending little shivers through me. We lay together in comfortable silence for a while. I wondered what he was thinking about; if he were back reliving the memories of his youth he needed to be absolved of. I hoped one day he would talk to me about it, but I wasn’t going to push him or pry. Grey was always so cool, so casual; he never conveyed even a hint of trauma or torment about him. I had a feeling all of it was buried, somewhere deep and lost inside, hidden in a dark corner no light ever touched.
His life was a mystery to me; there was so much I had left to discover. I looked forward to learning everything there was to know about Grey. I had so many questions about the different chapters in his life and could only hope that one day he would tell me the rest of the story, the parts edited for content, kept only to himself.
His heartbeat was loud in my ear. I smiled contentedly. When Grey was ready to talk, I would be there to listen.
Zack’s car idled loudly against the curb as the guys loaded their luggage into the trunk. It was a gorgeous day, hot enough to “fry a cat on a sidewalk,” as my grandma would say. I stood back and waited, my arms crossed, watching them pack their things. They were jovial and cheery, excited to embark on their adventure.
I couldn’t say the same for me.
I hated this day. I couldn’t even pretend to be happy about it. I wasn’t going to cry though, I’d promised myself that much. I could be strong; I was going to be strong. After Grey threw his last bag into the trunk of the car, he turned back to me and smiled. I forced myself to grin back at him. I was going to be strong.
He gathered me into his arms then, and I clung to the hard warmth of his body, breathing him in one last time. I could tell he was trying to hide his excitement, his perfect face seemed crestfallen as he looked down at me, but there was no mistaking the light apparent in his clear blue eyes. At least he’d tried, for my sake.
“Have fun while I’m gone.” Grey brushed the hair back from my face. “But not too much fun, okay?”
“Yeah.” I nodded. “Same for you.”
“Promise you’ll be careful? I don’t want to go crazy worrying about you.”
“I promise.” I smiled, despite myself, at his obvious concern .
Grey bent down and kissed me then, long and slowly, his lips lingering on mine. I wrapped my arms tightly around his neck. I wanted to beg him to stay.
“I love you,” I whispered.
He smiled at me. “I’ll call you.”
I nodded as he pulled away. I forced myself to take a breath, to hold back the tears that were threatening. My throat was aching.
“Let’s go boys!” Alex called—ever his loud, grinning self—cheering as he slammed the trunk shut. “It’s time to make some music.”
“You be good while I’m gone.” Grey implored. I nodded again, unable to speak, and watched in agony while they all piled into the car. Charlie came and joined me after saying goodbye to Zack. She wrapped an arm around my shoulders and gave me a comforting squeeze. We waved forlornly as the vehicle pulled out onto the road, music cranking from the open windows as they drove away. We could still hear Alex cheering, even from afar.
I sighed heavily, crossing my arms.
“Well, Mac, it’s just you and me now,” Charlie stated.
“Yep.”
“So…” She grinned at me. “You wanna get blitzed or what?”