CHAPTER 46
There was nothing on TV. I sighed and flipped absently through the channels, bored and lonely. I leaned quickly over the coffee table and did another line, then sat back on the couch and let the cocaine race through my veins.
A shaky smile bent my lips as I lit a cigarette.
It was Thursday. Somehow, I’d managed to get through the week without doing more heroin—not because Grey said it was addictive, not because we were supposed to save it for special occasions, but because I had no means of getting any.
All my usual hookups were MIA.
Grey and the guys were still in the studio, flying home the next day, and I had no idea where Charlie was. She didn’t come home and she didn’t show up to work and she didn’t answer her cell. It worried me. I even debated calling the police, but in the end decided against it. If Charlie was just off binging somewhere it wouldn’t do any good for the police to find her. She’d never speak to me again if I got her in any trouble.
I just wanted to know she was okay. Safe and alive.
My worries were put to rest when, after an old rerun of The Simpsons , I heard sudden footsteps hurrying up our stairs. My heart leapt with relief as the door swung open and Charlie swept in, makeup on and dressed for the club, her hair a riot of curls.
“Oh, hey.” She smiled at me—but it was more like a sneer—and threw something in my direction. I knew what it was without having to look. “You left this in my car.”
I blinked a moment in amazement and then sat up to retrieve my license from the floor. I looked down at it—at the little photo of the young girl I’d been then, smiling widely as the picture snapped, given the key to new freedom. I remembered that day, how exciting it was to be able to drive, how Riley and I had celebrated by getting stoned and then cruising around town. I’d hit a parked car pulling out of my parking spot, and Riley had screamed, “Go, go, go!” and I’d peeled out, terrified, laughing uproariously with my friend as we stole away from the scene of the crime.
No, no, no. I shook the thought of Riley firmly out of my head, knowing if I didn’t, I’d never be able to keep the sadness at bay. Forgetting him proved harder than I expected this time. I’d tried all week—with copious amounts of cocaine—to shelve him back to the farthest corners of my mind, but he was impossible to ignore. My thoughts skittered to him constantly; memories of him long forgotten would suddenly pop into my head. His face even invaded my dreams at night. I was holding onto my sanity by a tenuous thread and counting down the days to Grey’s arrival, knowing full well that only his gloriously handsome face would help distract me entirely.
“I’m not staying; Courtney’s in the car. I just had to grab some things.” Charlie was saying. I looked up at her, puzzled. Who the hell was Courtney? I frowned to myself. A new best friend? How easily everyone replaced me.
“How was your weekend, anyway?” Charlie snickered. “It must have sucked not being able to go out.”
I stared at her evenly. “Zack is cheating on you.” I blurted. It wasn’t the most tactful way to tell her, I could admit, but I figured she was still getting off easy.
That was enough to wipe the smirk from her face. She froze in her steps, her head whipping up to glare at me. “What did you say?”
“Zack’s cheating on you.”
Charlie swayed. She grasped the edge of the counter for support, teetering a moment as the full weight of my words crashed down on her. She let out a little gasp then, almost like a sob, and sat weakly down in a little faded armchair.
“Really?” She gazed up at me, her blue eyes wide, sad. “Are you sure, Mac?”
I sighed. “Yeah.” Already I could feel the air clearing between us. I forgave her easily for everything, feeling nothing but compassion for her now. “I’m so sorry, Charlie.”
“I mean, I always feared the worst, but I never actually thought…” She shook her head and dropped her face into her hands. “I never thought he’d do it.”
Wordlessly, I crossed the living room and joined her on the chair, wrapping my arm around my friend and drawing her near. She wasn’t actually crying, but her petite frame was shaking with pent-up emotion.
“Hey, you can do better.” I encouraged. “You can do so much better than that asshole, Charlie. He doesn’t deserve you. ”
“Yeah.” She sniffed doubtfully.
“No, I mean it. You’re way too beautiful to waste tears on a loser like him.”
Charlie smiled weakly, her blue eyes full of emotion as she cast them up at me. “Why are you being so nice to me, Mac? I’ve been terrible to you.”
“A huge bitch, yes.” I smiled. “It doesn’t matter. You know I love you.”
Charlie managed a laugh, sniffling loudly. “I should be used to this by now.”
“I’m so sorry,” I repeated. I wasn’t sure what she meant, and I didn’t know what else to say. She leaned her head against my shoulder. Despite Charlie’s sorrow, I couldn’t help but feel happy we were friends again. I wanted nothing more than to help relieve her pain, to help her forget everything, to help her forget all about Zack…
A wicked, horribly tempting idea crossed my mind. I sat up, excitement coursing through my veins at just the thought, and glanced down at Charlie, beaming impishly.
“Charlie, I have the perfect thing, something I know will cheer you up.”
“Oh yeah?” She replied doubtfully. “What’s that?”
“Heroin.”
“Heroin?” That sparked some interest in her dull blue eyes. “What? Where’d that come from?”
“I did some on the weekend,” I remembered fondly. “Trust me, nothing on earth will ever make you feel better. It feels so good. I can’t even describe it.”
That intrigued her, I could tell. “Really? But…where would we get some?”
“I don’t know. I was hoping you might know somebody.”
“I don’t.” She frowned a moment, but then her eyes lit up with an idea. “I bet Courtney would. Let’s go ask her.”
“Okay.” I smiled eagerly.
It felt like old times again as Charlie and I—swept away with anticipation and the age-old desire to get as wrecked as we possibly could—hurriedly readied ourselves and trounced down the old wooden steps, giggling as we headed for Courtney’s idling car.