Chapter Nine
Davin set his beer down and leaned back in his chair with a smile.
Alexis cocked an eyebrow at him. “I take it you enjoyed that?”
“I did. The food was good, but more than that, just … Sitting here with you like this ... It’s good.”
“I think so, too. I don’t want to keep harping on my ex, but I didn’t enjoy sharing a meal with Gordon. The conversation certainly never flowed like this. I … sorry, I don’t know why I brought him up.”
“I don’t mind.” It struck Davin that perhaps she still needed to process the end of her last relationship. Gordon had been here at the lake, still trying to persuade her to go back to him only a few days ago. Just because Davin was already bowled over by her and hoping that they were starting something real and lasting, it didn’t mean …
She laughed. “You’re far too considerate, you know. Don’t get me wrong; I’m not saying that’s a bad thing – it’s wonderful, and I appreciate it, but I don’t want to waste a minute of our time on him. He’s the past – and good riddance.” Her smile faded. “What about you?”
“What about me?”
“Well, you told me about Zoe, but I’d guess that you’ve had far more meaningful relationships in the past.”
He nodded slowly as it occurred to him that he hadn’t even told her that he’d been married before. Talk of their exes had been limited to Gordon and Zoe.
“I was married for twelve years.”
“Oh! Sorry, I shouldn’t be surprised. Just because I’ve never had a successful relationship, that shouldn’t make me assume that you haven’t, either.”
He chuckled. “I think it’s a fair assumption that if I’d had a successful relationship, I’d still be in it.”
She rolled her eyes. “Yes, but you know what I mean. It was successful enough that it led to marriage. I’ve never gotten that far.”
“Did you want to?”
She raised her eyebrows. “Is that a genuine question – or simply an avoidance tactic?”
“Genuine question. I don’t know why, but I assumed that marriage hadn’t been on your radar. I know a lot of folks in your line of work make a conscious decision to not get married.”
“No. Well, yes and no.” She let out a short laugh. “Honestly? I don’t know if it was a subconscious choice – it might have been. I thought I was open to the idea of marriage. I certainly wasn’t against it. There were times when I would have said that I was actively hopeful but …” She shrugged. “Obviously, it didn’t happen. And don’t think I’m letting you off the hook that easily – what happened with you?”
He shrugged. He didn’t like to talk about his divorce. He’d been all in on marriage. He would have done anything to make it work, until it went so wrong that he no longer recognized the woman he was married to.
“I’m sorry. You can tell me to mind my own business.”
He smiled. “No, it’s not that I don’t want to talk about it – more that I don’t know where to start.”
She smiled. “Mind if I take a guess?”
“Go ahead.”
“You met when you were in your twenties. You were all in – determined to be the best husband you could be. It was great for the first couple of years, but your career, the deployments, the secrecy, the camaraderie with your brothers, all wore on her. She wanted more from you than you could give, and eventually, she grew resentful?”
He chuckled. “Now I feel like you read my file or something.”
She laughed with him. “I promise that I haven’t done any background research on you – I wouldn’t, and I won’t; you have my word. Unfortunately, it’s just such a common tale. I saw it so often with the men I worked with. I’m glad that you didn’t immediately run her down and tell me all the awful things she did when things turned sour – that’s all too common.”
Davin met her gaze, feeling as though she somehow knew exactly what had gone down.
She shook her head as if she’d read his mind. “I’m only guessing that was how it went for you. But I saw it so often that it’s a well-educated guess.”
He shrugged. “It was a nasty divorce, but she had her reasons. I’m not saying that I was an asshole,” he added hurriedly. “Just that from her point of view, the marriage never became what she wanted it to be. And as she lost hope of ever changing me, she grew more bitter. I’m not going to say that I don’t blame her – that’d be a lie. But looking at it from her perspective, I can understand her reasoning, if not her actions.”
Alexis grinned at him. “And I’ll bet you were more than reasonable with her even at the time, weren’t you?”
He nodded.
“I say that because a lot of people only come to terms with it and find peace and forgiveness years later – You weren’t one of those.”
“Yeah. I guess … I … It was a rough time, but I didn’t get into all the bitterness or the blame game. I didn’t see the point. I failed at marriage. We’d already made each other unhappy enough. The more bitter she became, the more I accepted it. We weren’t cut out for the long haul together, but … We were good together for a while when we were younger.”
“No children?”
He shook his head.
“You didn’t want them – or she didn’t?”
He shrugged. “I wanted kids, she used to say that she did, too. But … I never felt settled enough to want them with her. I’d guess that she felt the same way about me. So, no, it never worked out.”
“I’m sorry. I don’t mean to interrogate you. I certainly didn’t mean to make you sad.”
“I’m not sad. It is what it is.”
“For what it’s worth, I bet you would have been a great dad.”
“I’ll admit that I regret that I’ll never know.”
She reached across the table and laced her fingers through his. “I’m sorry.”
He squeezed her hand. “There’s no need. It’s not something I’ve even thought about in years. There was a while when it laid heavy on me, but I got over it. Well, every now and then …” He chuckled. “If you promise to never repeat it, I’ll tell you something.”
She laughed. “Have you forgotten who you’re talking to? Secrets are my whole jam!”
“True.”
“Go on, then.” She nodded encouragingly.
“Have you seen Cal with little Skye?”
“Oh! You mean his granddaughter? I haven’t seen him with her yet, but I will tell you that it took me a long while to get used to hearing him talk about her. I never thought I’d see the day that Blake Callahan went all gaga over a little girl like that! I’m looking forward to meeting Terry, she swept that man off his feet, but her daughter – Elle, isn’t it? – and little Skye, seem to have made him into the kind of family man I never thought he’d be.”
“Yeah.”
“Sorry, what were you going to tell me – what’s the secret?”
He was tempted to change his mind, hold back – to tell her something else instead, make a joke even, but … “I envy him. That’s my secret. He stepped into a ready-made family with Teresa. Elle is with Donovan, who works for Cal, so he has a son-in-law, a daughter, and a little granddaughter, too.”
Alexis held his gaze for a long moment. “And you feel like you missed out?”
“I … no … not really. It’s just – I’m not saying I’m an old fart or anything, but at this point in my life, I know that the possibility of having kids is behind me and …”
Alexis set her glass down. “It doesn’t have to be. Men can have children much later in life …”
He leaned forward in his seat. “I’m not saying that I want it; I don’t.”
“But with someone like Zoe …”
He’d suspected that was where her thoughts had taken her. He squeezed her hand. “I’m saying that I’m past that stage in my life.” He chuckled. “Can you imagine having to do the sleepless nights and everything else that goes with it at our age? I can’t. I don’t have the energy even if I had the desire – and I really don’t have the desire. That wasn’t what I meant. All I meant was that sometimes, when I see Cal with his family, I envy him. I wonder what it might have been like. That’s all.”
“I understand. I’m the same way. I never wanted children, but … I can’t help but think about it sometimes. When Christmas rolls around, and most people are getting together with their families, or when friends and colleagues become grandparents, it does … it makes me wonder, too. At best, I might end up as the odd great-aunt-by-association, not by blood.” She frowned. “You have two younger brothers – are you an uncle?”
“No, they don’t have kids either.”
She blew out a sigh, and he felt bad.
“You know, I’m sure they envy us, too, sometimes. While they’re mired in all the drama, we’re footloose and fancy free. Life’s like that – there’s an upside and a downside to every situation you find yourself in. All we can do is focus on the good that we have, and not worry about the rest.”
She smiled. “You’re right. Sorry I got a little melancholy there.”
“Don’t apologize; I’m the one who started it. Either way, we can end it. Want to go inside and we can get another drink?”
He was tempted to tell her that they could find ways to enjoy life together, that they could look forward to holidays just the two of them, and not need all the rest. But for one thing, he didn’t want to get too far ahead of himself, and for another, it felt a little hollow. He knew that he wasn’t likely to acquire a family like Cal had, he meant what he said that he wasn’t looking for it, but that hollow feeling in his chest wouldn’t allow him to speak words that made light of it, either.
~ ~ ~
While Davin rinsed the dishes and loaded the dishwasher, Alexis took a tub of ice cream from the freezer. She hadn’t been planning on serving dessert. At least, not in food form. She was still hoping that they might get to the naked kind later. But after their conversation about family – and their lack of one – she was feeling a little down. She didn’t think of herself as the kind of woman who consoled herself with ice cream, but she was hoping that a little something sweet might lift her mood and get their evening back on track. Davin had said all the right words, and she could tell that he meant them – but that didn’t automatically dispel the disappointment that came from knowing that certain avenues in life were closed to you – and would never reopen.
She searched the cupboards for bowls – she just could not get the hang of this kitchen. Davin found them in the first one he opened and handed her two with a smile.
She made a face. “My brain obviously doesn’t work in the same way that Teresa’s does.”
“We’re all different.” He came to stand behind her and slid his arms around her waist as she scooped out ice cream.
“I hope we’re similar enough that you want some of this?”
He chuckled. “We are. Although, I wouldn’t have you down as someone who uses ice cream as comfort on a regular basis.”
“Nope. I just thought …”
“Yeah, sweeten things back up a little, right?”
She set the scoop down and turned around to face him, loving the way he gripped the counter on either side of her, caging her in.
“That’s what I was thinking, but if you prefer spicy …”
He leaned in and brushed his lips over hers. “I want it all. I want sweet – I want to cuddle on the sofa and eat ice cream together, then later, I want to take you upstairs and see just how spicy things get.”
She looped her arms up around his neck. “That sounds like a plan to me. Are you at work tomorrow?”
He rested his forehead against hers as he shook his head. “Don’t have to be back there till Monday morning.”
She swallowed. “I want to invite you to stay for the weekend, but maybe we should start with just – do you want to stay tonight?”
He closed his arms around her waist, drawing her closer until she was pressed up against his chest.
“I’d love to. And I have a feeling that I’ll say the same tomorrow night, too – if you ask.”
She pressed a kiss to his lips. “I hope so – but I wanted to give us an out in case …”
A little smile played on his lips. “In case I’m no good in bed?”
She laughed. “I wouldn’t have put it so bluntly, but yes. Or in case I’m not – in case we don’t … you know.”
Heat flared through her when his hand slid down over her ass. “You already said it – our chemistry is off the charts. I’m not worried – are you?”
“No,” she breathed. “Not even a little bit.”
The sound of her phone ringing cut through the moment, and Davin gave her a rueful smile as he stepped back.
“Dammit! Foiled again,” she said with a laugh. “I can ignore it.”
He held her gaze as he asked, “Can you?”
“No,” she admitted.
“I didn’t think so. I’m the same. When it rings, I have to at least check.”
She hurried to the island and picked up her phone. “It’s Lily. I should …”
“Yeah, you should. I hope the horses are okay.”
Her heart was pounding as she answered; she couldn’t think why Lily would be calling her unless it was to do with the horses. “What’s wrong?” she answered.
“Nothing,” said Lily. “Sorry, I didn’t think. I didn’t mean to worry you. It’s just that I’ve been thinking about what you said – about setting up a camera in the trailer, I’ve been researching them online, but I wasn’t sure what kind I should get. I hope I’m not disturbing you; I should have waited until I see you again to ask.”
Alexis leaned back against the counter as she relaxed and smiled at Davin. “It’s not a problem. And don’t worry about the camera, I was looking to see what I could find earlier. I’ll order one.”
“You don’t need to do that, I can get one. I …”
“I’ll take care of it, Lily.”
“Okay, but can I at least pay you for it?”
“There’s no need, honestly.”
“Okay, thanks. Well, I’ll let you go then.”
“All right. I’ll be out at the barn at some point over the weekend. I’m sure I’ll see you there.”
“Probably not. I try to keep the weekends free when I can. Nate’s not working this weekend, so I’ve rostered myself off.”
“Good for you. I hope you have a good weekend. I’ll see you next week then, and when the camera arrives, I’ll set it up.”
“Thanks, Alexis. You have yourself a good weekend.”
“You too.” She ended the call.
“I take it everything’s okay?”
“It is. She was trying to figure out what camera to get, but I never intended for her to buy one. It was my idea, and I know exactly what I want. I just need …” She stopped when she saw the puzzled look on Davin’s face.
“Camera? What for?”
“Lily thinks that someone might have been in the trailer at the barn. Have you been there?”
“No.”
“She has a travel trailer – she lived in it for a while, apparently. Now, it’s parked there, and she uses it as a break room of sorts. When I was there with her, she said that something felt off, as though someone had been in there.”
“Why? Were things out of place?”
“Nothing that she could put her finger on. Not until she noticed that the blankets were folded more neatly than she would have folded them herself.”
Davin frowned. “You think someone’s sleeping there?”
“That’s my first guess. I talked about setting a camera up so that we can see who this uninvited guest is, and what they’re up to. That’s why she called – she wanted to know what kind of camera she should buy. I didn’t mean for her to get it, though, I’ll do it. That way I can get something that I can monitor myself. I’d rather see a live feed and get my ass over there to catch them in the act than have Lily show me a recording after the fact.”
Davin reached around her and picked up the bowls. “What do you think, do you want to research them while we have ice cream?”
She smiled. “You wouldn’t mind?”
“Nope. If we can find what you’re looking for and get it ordered tonight, we can have it delivered sooner. I’ll help you set it up if you …” He chuckled. “Scratch that – I don’t imagine that you need my help. How about, I’ll come over there with you when you set it up if you want. I don’t want to tread on your toes; I know you’re perfectly capable. At the same time, security is what I do for a living, too, so …” He shrugged.
“Aww! Thank you! I’d love your help if you want to come over there with me. And thank you for giving me credit, that I do know what I’m doing. You’re like a breath of fresh air. You have no idea how many men try to take over. I can usually bite my tongue – because I’ve learned that’s less stressful than dealing with hurt male pride – but that just creates distance.”
“I don’t see why anyone’s pride would get hurt. It’s obvious that you’re capable of doing what you need to – whatever you need to, and I think I would have drawn that conclusion about you even if I didn’t know your background.”
That made her smile. “Thank you again!”
He chuckled. “There’s no need. It’s just how it is.” He looked down at the bowls. “But I will thank you if we can sit down and eat this soon. I’m not a big fan of sloppy ice cream.”
They sat side by side on the sofa, and Alexis balanced her laptop on her knee so that they could search for a camera.
She couldn’t help smiling to herself. This felt great. Davin felt like an equal – which was truly refreshing, after Gordon. And perhaps even more importantly – he treated her as an equal.
He took her bowl when she’d finished. “I don’t think we’ll find better than that.” He jerked his chin toward the camera on the screen.
“I agree. That’s the one. I’ll get it ordered.”
He stood to take the bowls into the kitchen. “Do you want anything else?”
“I’m fine, thanks.” She turned to watch him, and a warm feeling washed over her at the sight of him standing at the sink. A man who accepted her for who she was, was willing to let her take the lead when it made sense for her to do so, and who did the dishes too? She’d have to watch herself, or she could go from being off men completely, to falling for Davin in a big way. Her pulse quickened as she wondered why she should watch herself – what would be wrong with falling for him? She couldn’t think of a single reason not to – so far.