Limerence (Famous Young Things #2)

Thirty Nine

Thirty Nine

Felix

I ’d never considered myself a big hugger. I mean, I’d hug Ava now and then, but it wasn’t something I ever gave much thought to on the whole. My father had never hugged me once that I could remember, so it feels shockingly good to be wrapped so tightly against Nico, his long, warm, solid body cocooning mine. He’s a little taller than me, something I’d always hated, right up until this moment. His scent, masculine and faintly traced with his sweat, is something I associate with sex now, and I’m already bloody hard.

Just let me look after you , he’d said.

I’m not sure I know how to do that. It’s usually me looking after me. Or me looking after others. Others like Charlie. Like Ava. People who didn’t care about me when it got right down to it. I get a flash of a reminder of the look on Charlie’s face right before I’d hit him, and my chest aches.

I look up at Nico. “Look, just so you know, I’ve not had anyone look after me in a long time. So it might take some getting used to. But I’m gonna try.”

“Yeah? Well, I’ve also been on my own a long time, so this will be a learning curve for us both. I just want to be here. Be useful to you.” He says it so sincerely it makes my heart beat faster.

“You want to be useful to me?”

“Yeah, just tell me how, baby.”

“You can take me to bed and fuck me into the mattress.”

He frowns a little. “Is that… a good idea? Right now? You’re…” He gestures at me.

“Looking like shit, I know, but you haven’t fucked me in 13 days and I’m starting to get a complex. Do you know how long it’s been since I’ve gone this long?”

His frown only deepens. “I assumed… well, Christian.”

Christ, he really is clueless. I roll my eyes. “You could have just asked me outright, you know. Whether I was still fucking him. Have I ever lied to you about my sexploits? Ever?”

“Um… I don’t know. Have you?”

“No, I haven’t. The night you agreed to help me, I said there’d be no one but you, and I meant it.”

“Yeah, but then you lied about meeting Christian for dinner. So I thought maybe you’d lied about that too.”

I give him a sheepish look. “I shouldn’t have done that. I don’t know why I did except that I assumed you’d react a certain way if you knew, and things were going so well with practice and us that I didn’t want to throw any spanners.”

He nods. “And… I reacted just like you thought I would.”

I tighten my arms around him. “Look, if it helps clear things up, the last time Christian and I were together was the weekend you and I were together. Slutty, I know. It was the worst sex we ever had because it just didn’t feel right after you. And, well, I haven’t been with anyone since you and I started this properly. Happy?”

“Ecstatic.”

I frown. “You don’t sound it.”

“Well, now I’m distracted. It’s been thirteen days since I was inside you and it’s all I can think about.”

I give him my prettiest smile and move off toward the stairs, looping my fingers around his. “Let’s go then. Oh, and don’t worry, sweetheart, I won’t hold it against you if it’s all over pretty quickly this time.”

“Just you worry about yourself, sweetheart,” he says.



Slowly, we strip each other out of our clothes, kissing each new part that’s uncovered. He kisses me reverently, deep kisses which feel like he’s feasting on me after being starved. I suck and bite on his nipples, drinking up every deep and delicious groan he lets out. When I go to sink to my knees, he stops me by gently pushing me onto the bed and taking my dick into his mouth instead. Nico’s head-giving skills are surprisingly competent for a man who’s been in the closet for so long; it’s a turn-on if I’m honest. The confidence and grit with which he does everything never fails to turn me on; he’s a fucking mountain. Unshakable and strong, and it’s with a weak and soft heart that I realise that the shadow I’ve always been resentful of, is one I now want to live under. I want to use it for shelter and warmth. Have it at my back when it rains. Have it warm me when I’m alone and afraid.

I want him in my life in all the ways that matter.

You. You’re what I want. In whatever fucking capacity I’m allowed to have you.

And he wants me too.

He’s watching from where he is between my legs, black eyes heavy with lust, my dick filling his mouth and his hand smoothing tender strokes over my thigh.

“You okay?” he asks, letting my cock slip from his mouth.

“Mmm, I’m good. I was just thinking.”

“I could see that. What about?”

“You. Me. Life.”

He sits up. “Okay, is this a conversation best had without your dick in my mouth?”

“No, it’s a conversation we can have after. Please continue.”

He smiles, indulgently, and kisses down towards my cock, but then goes further and kisses down the seam of my balls. When he slides his hands under me and hikes my legs up, I gasp, but grab them behind my knees to hold them in place.

“Ah, there it is,” he says. “The promised land.”

I laugh, but it’s cut off by a jolt of pleasure as he closes his mouth over my hole. It’s an exasperating sort of pleasure, overwhelming but lacking, because I need more. I crave the feel of him inside, filling me up, that urgent, primal need with which he always fucks me. I want it more than I want anything else.

“Nico, enough, just fuck me already, please. Please, I need it.”

He moves up the bed immediately, settling himself on his knees with my legs draped over his thighs. I hand him the lube and he spreads it liberally over himself and me, slipping a finger inside for good measure.

“So tight, princess, fuck.”

I make an embarrassing simpering noise and spread my legs wider while fucking onto his finger. “Thirteen days.”

“And you haven’t put anything in here? No toys or fingers or…”

I shake my head. “Please,” I say again.

He gives me a very determined look, pulls out his finger, and lines up his cock, pushing the large, blunt head against me. His body looks insane from this angle, the perfectly elegant neck and shoulders, the tight pectorals, the ridged stomach, down to his cock, his cock, his—

“Holy fuck, your cock,” I say as he pushes in, slowly.

“All mine,” he says half-grinning.

“It’s perfect, it’s so fucking perfect, shit, Nico, fuck.”

“Your language is atrocious, you know that, right?”

“Shut the fuck up and fuck me.”

And he does. He starts slow, slipping almost all the way out before pushing slowly back in, over and over until I think I’m going to pass out. I pull my legs up, hold them there, and use my own body to change the angle and pace so that he’s still and I’m fucking myself on his perfect dick.

“That’s it. Shit, look at you,” he says dreamily, before reaching behind him. I think it’s for the lube, but then I feel him rimming my hole with his finger and it almost makes me come right there. I grab hold of my dick and squeeze hard, crushing it into submission so I can make this last a little longer. I’m not sure why, I’ve no intention of letting him go anywhere anytime soon.

“Nico, you have to… Oh my god, please.”

He stops playing with my hole and grabs my dick instead, jerking it slowly.

“You wanna come, baby?”

“I don’t… know,” I whine. I’m not moving now, just letting him pound into me as he jerks me off. The pleasure starts to build again. “Yes, I want to come. Make me come, please. Fuck, you feel so good.”

He changes the angle minutely but keeps his pace steady, and I’m done. I can’t hold it anymore. I come, shooting over my stomach while he watches my face.

“That’s it, baby. I love feeling you come when I’m this deep inside you…” He falls onto my chest and kisses me roughly, biting and sucking at my mouth as his dick begins to pulse with his own orgasm. It’s so fucking hot that I feel my cock give a last little shudder between our bodies, sensitive and then depleted.

Nico settles next to me and pulls me into his body. He smells even better now, and I have to stop myself from turning to lick the side of his throat.

“Fuck, we’re so good together,” he muses after some time. “All those years we could have been fucking, we were fighting instead.”

I turn my head and reach across to play with his very dark nipple. “I doubt the fucking would be so good without it.”

“You think?”

I shrug. “It’s a theory.”

He plays with my hair as he thinks about this. “I have a theory too,” he says.

“What?”

“I’m starting to think that maybe you don’t actually hate me after all.”

When I look round at him, it’s to find his eyes dancing with amusement. “Well, you’d be wrong. I fucking loathe you. More than ever, actually.”

He laughs, warm and delicious. “Okay then.”

We’re silent for a long time before he says, “I’m going to talk with Ben whether you like it or not. I’m not doing this without you, Felix.”

I bolt upright and glare down at him. “Yes you are! You’re not missing out on this role because I’m a fucking mess, Nico. This is going to be a hit, you know that.”

“Not without you it isn’t,” he says calmly. “Or me.”

I climb out of bed to the sound of him sighing. I swipe my underwear up from the floor because this isn’t a conversation I want to have with my cock flapping about.

“Nico, you’re not pulling out of this. And anyway, you can’t, you’ll be in breach of contract.”

“I don’t care about that,” he says as he sits up, back against the headboard.

“Eh, you will when he sues you for it.”

“He can’t sue me if I’m injured,” he says pointedly.

“You’re not injured, though.”

His eyebrows raise, suggestively.

I open my mouth, wide. “Are you out of your fucking mind? You’d injure yourself ? On purpose ?”

“It would solve a lot of problems.”

“No, it wouldn’t! Because you’d be injured! Injuries for ballet dancers aren’t problem solvers, Nico, they’re career-enders.”

He gives me a very serious look then and exhales. It’s what he does when he’s about to tell me something I probably won’t like. “I’m retiring after this show, Felix. After this year, I’m out. I’m done.”

“What?” I’m sure I didn’t hear him right.

“You remember what I said in the restaurant that night, right? I hate ballet. I have for as long as I can remember, and I can’t do it anymore. I don’t want to. I came here to dance with you.” His face softens. “The only reason I came back at all was because Ben offered me the chance to dance with you.”

“But…” I can’t think, can’t seem to draw in a full breath. In fact, I think I might be about to cry again. Since I’ve not stopped the entire weekend, this would track. “But you’re the best in the world, Nico. You can’t… stop. Who the fuck do I try and beat if you’re not dancing? Vincent Rega? Matt Hershel? Niall ? Fuck off.”

He smiles. “Maybe you just dance? Maybe you dance just because you love it, because you do love it. That’s what makes you the greatest, you’ve the talent and the love of it. You’re the whole package, baby.”

“Fuck off, no.” I go towards him and climb onto the bed, forcing him to meet my eyes. “You’re not doing this, Nico. I’m not doing this without you.” But then I remember. I’m out. I’m not doing anything with anyone. “I mean, you can’t. LBC needs you; Ben and this show need you.”

“They need you more,” he says firmly. “I’ll make sure they know that.”

“Nico, you’re not going to injure yourself to make a point. If you do, I’ll fucking kill you, I swear to God.”

He smiles, lovingly. “Noted. Hopefully I won’t have to.”

I climb back onto his lap and let him put his arms around me again. I’m slowly becoming addicted to how this particular position makes me feel. Protected. Cared for. Cherished.

“You can’t retire. It makes no sense; what the fuck will you do?”

“Whatever I want, princess.” He sighs dreamily. “Whatever the fuck I want.” I’m about to ask if that includes me but the sound of the doorbell ringing prevents it.

“Expecting company?”

“Absolutely not.” I get out of bed, pull on my jeans, and head downstairs. It could be anyone, Charlie or Ava or anyone, and anyone would be better than who I find when I open the door. My light, fucked out, loved-up mood disintegrates, replaced by the weight of dread. A tremor of fear moves through me at the look of pure, murderous rage on my father’s face. He charges past me with all the intent of a bull in a china shop, and I’m left with little option but to close the door and follow him through.

“Tell me, will there ever be a single BLOODY day where you don’t make a fucking mess of everything you touch!?” he booms.

“Ben called you then?”

“Called me? He sent an email to the entire board of directors to tell us you had been dismissed from the company with immediate effect for unacceptable behaviour toward another dancer. What the fuck is wrong with you!?”

Maybe it was the mind-bending orgasm Nico just pulled out of me, or the fact that I’ve literally got nothing more I can lose, but my mouth and brain disconnect for a moment and I’m asking him:

“So, is this worse than when you caught me sucking off Leo Sutton in my bedroom when I was fifteen or…?”

He steps forward and backhands me so hard across the face that I see spots in my vision. He’s going to hit me again but there’s suddenly a body between me and my dad and a voice speaking to my father in a way no one has ever dared to in all the years I’ve been alive.

“Don’t you fucking dare,” Nico growls. “Try it and I’ll break your fucking hand.”

“Mind your own bloody business,” my dad seethes.

“Oh, he is very much my fucking business, Mr Brooke.”

“He’s my son.”

“And do people know you smack him around? Don’t imagine that would go down too well if it became public knowledge.”

I’ve never seen my father so furious. He’s the sort of colour I imagine Chernobyl was just before exploding. Part of me would love to see him try and raise another hand to me just to see Nico put him on the floor, because I’ve no doubt that he would, easily.

My father steps around Nico—Nico shifting his position, too, so that he’d have to move past him first to hit me again—and gives me a look he hasn’t ever given me before. I’m not even sure I could name it, but I know something is broken between us that will likely never be mended. I wish I cared more about that, but I’m a grown-up now, and I’ve never really had a father, so it also feels like nothing has really changed here.

“There won’t be any charges brought by Dever,” he spits. “You’re welcome.”

And then he’s striding toward the front door.

“Mr Brooke,” Nico says, halting my father mid-march. He glares at Nico.

“If you ever touch him again or speak to him like that again, you will be very, very sorry.”

My father says nothing more, but the slamming of the door is so hard that it rattles through the entire house.

Nico turns to me to inspect my cheek, holding my chin as he tilts my head.

I can only stare at him, stunned. Mesmerised.

“Are you okay? I wanted to hit him; would you have wanted that? I wasn’t sure, so I didn’t, but shit, I really wanted to.”

“No one’s ever stood up to him like that. I try to, when I can, but it’s not always…” I grab hold of his hand as I stare up at him. There’s a very strange feeling in my chest as he meets my eyes. It feels like… “No one’s ever stood up for me like that.”

“Yeah, well. I said I’d be here for you, and I meant it. Do you need ice or something for this? It’s really red.”

“Thank you.”

“You don’t need to thank me for that, baby. He shouldn’t have hit you.” A dark look comes over his face, hardening his features. “Is that something he’s done before?”

“Once or twice, but not for a long time.” I shrug. They’d never felt like the worst of his crimes against me, the indifference was always much worse, so I’d never dwelled on them. He pulls me into him and kisses the top of my head.

“Well, it’s never going to happen again, I promise you that.”

It probably makes me weak letting him do this; protect me, hold me, chase away all the things that want to hurt me, but god it feels so good. He feels so good. There’s hope in the way he holds me, in the promises he makes to me. Today, for a moment, I lost everything.

But he stayed. He’s still here despite everything I am and everything I ruin, and right now, he’s the only thing I want. Not only that, shit, he’s the only thing it would truly destroy me to lose. Not ballet or my friends or my sorry excuse for a parent, because I lost all of them already and I’m still here. Still smiling.

He’s the only thing I don’t think I could live without.

Fuck. I love him.

I love Nico Savini.

Fuck.