6. Avery
Ineed to keep smiling no matter how tired I am.
Meeting fans is amazing. It’s one thing interacting with people online, but another seeing them face to face, chatting with them—however briefly—and seeing the excitement in their eyes.
What’s less amazing is the small number of fans who use the meet and greet as an opportunity to touch me in unwelcome ways. I’ve had my arse patted, pinched, and squeezed more times than I can count. Hands have been ‘rested’ on my thigh, and although I am one hundred per cent a hugger, some embraces have been so over-familiar they’ve left me feeling icky.
Should I have lied and told the one thousand-odd people in the room I was in a relationship? I didn’t answer the question. It’s no one’s business. My private life is my own. Besides, it would have felt wrong to say it while Lochlan and Dexter were in the audience. Not that they’d care. Why would they? They’re happily married, and I’m the idiot pining for two guys I can’t have.
I glance at the queue and gauge how long it’s likely to be before I can have a break. Dexter and Lochlan are standing near the end. They look amazing in their cosplay. Dexter’s armour is especially great. Did he make it himself?
Fuck. This isn’t how I wanted to meet them. I promised I’d make time for them, but so far, it hasn’t been possible. I want to turn into pixels and sneak off to their in-game home. Sadly, we’re not living in a sci-fi movie where that would be possible. I shouldn’t even be thinking about sneaking off. It’s an honour to be here. Without my fans, I wouldn’t be able to do what I love. The thought renews my energy, and I greet the next fan with a grin.
I chat until my throat is sore and smile so much my cheeks ache, spending as much time as I can with each person who’s waited to see me. The security guards are quick to move people along, so mostly, it’s a case of a quick ‘hello’, signing an autograph, and allowing them to take a selfie and then rinse and repeat with the next fan.
Finally, Lochlan and Dexter reach me. I have to stay cool. The hall is much quieter than it was, but we’re far from alone. I can’t gush about how much I’ve appreciated chatting with them these last few months. I can’t tell them how much hotter they are in person than via webcam.
Lochlan is taller than I was expecting, with god-like proportions. He’d still tower over me if I stood up. I’m certain Dexter is three or four inches taller than me too, and he’s easily six inches shorter than his husband.
The security guard motions for them to sit in the chairs on either side of me. It’s easier to take group selfies if I’m in the middle. Stay cool. I have to stay cool. I take a breath and do what I’ve done with everyone else. Smile, shake their hands, and say an enthusiastic ‘hello’. They do what everyone else has done—introduce themselves, even though I already know their names. Not that anyone else here knows that. It’s best for us to act like strangers.
“Your armour is amazing. Did you make it?” I ask.
Dexter blushes. “Yes.”
“Great job. You’ll have to email me some armour-making tips for next year’s fan convention.” I mean it.
“Could you sign our autograph book?” Lochlan asks.
“Sure thing.”
He offers me the book and a blue ballpoint pen. I take the book but ignore the pen. I have my own with glittery ink. It’s much more me.
“This page.” He flips the book open to one with a loose note tucked into it. He holds my stare for a second, smiling.
I’m being stupid. I have to stop crushing on married men. The note reads, Need a breather? Meet us after the meet and greet in the chill-out zone. My heart flutters. They’re looking after me, just like they do in-game. I slip the note from the book into my pocket, then autograph my name in swirly writing. We take a photo together, and then they’re moved along by the security guard. It was too brief a meeting. Too impersonal.
Once the meet and greet has ended, I and the other three streamers are ushered into the behind-the-scenes area, which has seating and refreshments. We don’t have to stay here, but it is a haven away from the crowds. The problem is that Dexter and Lochlan can’t come here. I might have been able to get them tickets to the sold out event, but I didn’t have enough clout to get them backstage passes. I have so much to say to them. Words I can say, words I shouldn’t, words I absolutely can’t.
I read the note again. I don’t know where the chill-out area is, but I bet it’s signposted. Will I be able to get there without being accosted by fans? Probably not. Will it be worth it? Absolutely, if I get to spend more than five polite minutes with my friends.
I approach a security guard. “I’m not needed anymore today, am I?”
He checks his clipboard. “No. Would you like an escort to your room?”
I laugh his offer off. “Nah, I’ll manage.” My room is the last place I want to be.
I put my headphones over my ears and leave the behind-the-scenes area. Any hope that people will take the hint and leave me alone is shattered within thirty seconds. Four giggling teenagers dash over to me, autograph books and phones at the ready. I greet them with a smile, chat with them for a while, and then ask them to point me toward the chill-out room. They melt away into the crowd, but I’m accosted several more times before I reach my destination. It’s exhausting.
The chill-out room is dimly lit with blue neon lighting. Instrumental music from the game plays quietly in the background. People relax on padded chairs. It’s quiet here, and no one instantly moves to mob me, which is a good start.
“Hi,” a familiar voice says from behind me.
I spin around and come face to face with Dexter and Lochlan. “It is so good to see you,” I whisper as I take my headphones off and put them around my neck.
Lochlan grins and motions to the cloak that’s looped over his arm. “Do you want to get out of here? We could sneak you back to your room.”
I grimace. “My room isn’t exactly a safe haven.”
“Why not?” Dexter asks.
“Oh, somehow, everyone knows which room I’m staying in. I arrived to a dozen notes declaring love pushed under my door.”
Lochlan presses his lips together.
Dexter gasps. “Could you switch rooms?”
“Yeah, probably, but how long would that room stay secret?”
They look at each other and nod. It must be amazing to know someone so well you can communicate with them without words.
“Come to our room for a while,” Lochlan says.
My knees weaken. “Hide there like I hide in your in-game house?”
Dexter smiles. “Yes. We can’t promise it’s anywhere near as nice, though.”
“You mean there won’t be an indoor forest and cosy furniture?”
Lochlan laughs. “I’m afraid not.”
I click my fingers. “Oh, well, now I’m disappointed. Which is my way of saying, yes, please, I’d love to.”
Lochlan hands me the cloak. “Put this on.”
The cloak is ginormous on me, allowing me to hide in its dark folds.
I follow them from the convention centre to the attached hotel without anyone bothering me. Once inside the room, I remove the cloak and lean against the door. “Thank you.”
“We figured you needed a break,” Dexter says.
“So, so much.” I press my palms against the door. I want to run over to them and hug them, but damn it, I can’t. “You look amazing. Your armour is fabulous.”
Dexter blushes. “Thanks.”
“He spent hours making it,” Lochlan says.
“I can imagine. I can’t believe I’m finally getting to meet you.”
“I think that’s meant to be our line. You’re the star after all.”
I laugh as my cheeks heat up. “Maybe, but you’re—you’re—” I clench my teeth. I’m going to fuck up and say the wrong things. “Great.”
Lochlan arches his eyebrow.
I push away from the door. “I wanted to say thank you for humouring me all these months. You could have told me to piss off, but you didn’t, and well, you’ve made me feel less lonely. Your friendship means a lot to me.” I tug my hand through my hair. Yup, I sound silly.
“We haven’t been humouring you,” Dexter says.
“I know. Sorry.” I’m fucking this up. I suck in a breath. “You’re amazing. I wanted you to know that.”
Lochlan chuckles. “You’re pretty wonderful yourself.”
I open and close my mouth a few times. I want his statement to mean more than it does. I want?—
“Can I give you a hug?” Dexter asks.
“Yes. Yes! I’m a very huggy person. I love hugs.” But I live alone and haven’t dated anyone in months, so proper hugs have been in short supply. And maybe, given how much I want these men, I should have said no, but I can’t take it back, nor do I want to.
Dexter closes the gap between us and envelopes me in his arms. His embrace is just as soft, cuddly, and comforting as I imagined. I hold him and press my face against his foam armour. I don’t want to let him go. The only thing that could make this moment better would be if Lochlan embraced me too. Fuck. I have to stop thinking like that. We’re friends. They’re married.
He rubs my back. “Are you okay?”
“Uh-huh.” I don’t trust myself to say more.
He steps away.
“Do I get a hug too?” Lochlan opens his arms.
I rush into them and hold him as tightly as I held Dexter.
“You give good hugs.” He kisses my cheek as he lets me go.
I stare at him. At his lips. What would it be like to kiss him? I bet he’d take charge. His lips would be firm and commanding. Dexter’s kiss would be softer but no less wonderful. Stop it. They’re only going to kiss each other. Not me.
“So do you.” I only speak so I’m not standing in awkward silence while fantasising about them.
“We got you something. It’s only small.” Dexter drops a keyring into my palm.
It’s the archer symbol. “My favourite class.” My chin wobbles.
Fans have given me gifts before, but this is different. Lochlan and Dexter aren’t just fans. They’re my friends. They genuinely care about me, and I, well, I like them more than I should. The keyring might be small, but it’s thoughtful. They must have known I wouldn’t have a chance to check out the merchandise. They’ve paid enough attention to know which class is my favourite, even though I’ve never openly declared it in my streams. They know me, and that means so much. My knees wobble, and I sway.
Declan cups my elbow, steadying me. “Are you sure you’re all right?”
“Just tired.”
Which is true, but not the reason the room is spinning right now. Why are all the amazing guys taken? Why can’t I meet someone who treats me like they do? Someone who makes my heart patter like they do? Someone who makes me weak at the knees by simply being close and kind like they do?
I dangle the keyring in front of my eyes and force myself to focus on it, not the two gorgeous men before me. “It’s wonderful. Thank you. You’re both amazing and kind and caring and fucking gorgeous, and I wish I could kiss you. I—I—” So much for playing it cool. I slap my free hand over my mouth and back away. “I’m sorry.”
They glance at each other and then stare at me.
“You—?” Lochlan begins.
I wave my hand. “Forget it. I didn’t mean it. Well, I did, but still, forget it. You’re married. I’m sorry. You’re amazing. I adore you. But we’re friends. I’m good with that. Forget everything else.” This is going hideously. I need to get out of here.
“Avery—” Dexter steps forward.
No. Nothing they can say will make this any less mortifying than it is. I’ve fucked everything up. I need to leave.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to ruin everything. I should have kept my mouth shut. I’m sorry.” I turn and grab the door handle as the desperate desire to flee overwhelms me.