Limitless Love: A Polyamorous Charity Anthology

4. Micah

The sound of low, throaty laughter woke me, and I uncurled, stretching my limbs out. I wish I’d woken not knowing where I was, or what I’d walked in on, but alas, my memory was right there the moment I opened my eyes.

I hadn’t even bothered to put my things away. After the treacherous drive up here and the awkwardness I’d created with my arrival, all I’d wanted to do was sleep. Curling up on the couch and surrendering myself to oblivion seemed like the better option than waiting for both of my life-long crushes to emerge from the bedroom.

“Hey, you’re just in time for dinner,” Connor said. “Zeke made his famous chili. We know it’s your favorite.”

“That sounds great, but you didn’t have to go to any trouble for me.”

“It’s no trouble.” Zeke checked something in the oven. “You’ve got about three minutes until the garlic bread is ready if you want time to freshen up.”

Barely managing to mumble a reply, I excused myself and went to the bathroom. Not that I didn’t have to go. After hours on the road, then a nap directly afterward in which I slept like a corpse, my bladder was full to the point of bursting.

I stalled for as long as possible, taking time to wash my hands extra thoroughly and wash my face. Zeke and Connor had clearly come up here for a romantic getaway, and it was hard for me not to feel bitter about it. It seemed that no matter where I went, I was a third wheel. Un-fucking-wanted. If going back out in the snow wasn’t a death sentence, I’d have turned right back around. But the drive up had been harrowing enough, and I had no desire to slowly freeze to death in a ditch.

I jumped at the knock on the door.

“Dinner’s ready,” Connor said.

“I’ll be right out.”

There was a pause. I was sure Connor had walked away, but then I heard him again, quieter this time. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. Just freshening up.” I took a deep breath and opened the door. I didn’t have the energy for a fake smile, but I managed to not look as miserable as I felt. “I’m sorry for crashing your weekend getaway.”

“It’s no big deal, Micah. We don’t get to see you often. It’ll be nice to catch up.” Connor slid his arm over my shoulders like he used to do when we were younger. Warmth flooded my body, and how fucking sad was that? I’d been out of the scene so long that a side hug got my blood pumping.

Doing my best to act nonchalant, I forced myself not to shrug out from under his arm. Truthfully, I could use a hug, but I wasn’t about to ask for one.

“The chili smells amazing, Zeke.” I took a seat at the table. The cabin wasn’t very big, but it was cozy. The fire crackled, and the scent of dinner permeated the air. It felt like home in a way that even my apartment didn’t feel. And I liked my apartment. None of my stuff was here at the cabin, but it was like there was this magical connection between me and this place.

“Thanks. I hope it passes muster.” Zeke set a plate of garlic toast on the table and a bowl of chili in front of me. He came back a minute later with bowls for him and Connor.

None of us talked for the first few minutes as we tucked into our food. Zeke was a hell of a good cook, and the chili was more than welcome on such a miserable day.

“This is amazing.” I dunked a piece of garlic bread in my chili and took a bite. “As soon as the roads are open, I’ll leave and let you two get back to your vacation.”

“You don’t have to rush on our account. I dragged Connor up here so we could escape the grind. I promise you’re not interrupting anything.”

“I couldn’t be a lawyer,” I admitted.

“Of course you couldn’t. You’re too nice,” Zeke said.

Connor balled up his napkin and tossed it across the table, missing Zeke by a mile. “I’m perfectly nice.”

“You threw a napkin at me.”

“I could’ve thrown something harder at you. Like a bowl.”

“If you’re going to throw it at him, at least eat the rest of your chili first. It’s too good to waste.”

“You heard him. Eat up.” Zeke shot me a satisfied look, like we were co-conspirators in winding Connor up.

“Yes, boss.” Connor rolled his eyes.

“I’ll remember you said that,” Zeke said, the heat in his gaze intensified and suddenly that third wheel feeling came rushing back to me. It’s not that I’d gone through life not fitting in. I fit plenty of places. I was popular at work, my family didn’t suck, my roommate was my best friend. I’d never had trouble finding people to hang out with.

But I still felt the crushing weight of loneliness. Sometimes I felt so hollow inside that I wondered if I’d crumple into a two-dimensional figure. I sure felt that way sometimes. Like I existed without any substance at all, and one day everyone would realize there was nothing to me.

Zeke and Connor spent the rest of the meal trying to drag me into conversation, but I couldn’t make myself focus. I kept retreating into my own head, and after a few failed attempts, they gave up like most people did.

“You should join us outside.” Connor’s statement snapped me out of my thoughts and back into the present.

“Outside?” I said, blinking like an owl and feeling dumb that I’d drifted so far away from the conversation.

“Zeke and I turned the hot tub on, and we plan to soak. It’s still snowing, and we thought it would be fun. We’ll totally help you drink that wine so you don”t end up with the mother of all hangovers.”

“Yeah, Micah. Come on. What do you say? Shall we go down together?” Zeke held up one of the bottles of wine I’d bought and looked at me. If I’d already been drinking, I might’ve thought he wanted me to join them, because he had that look of barely contained hope. But that couldn’t be right. He was likely hoping I’d decline.

“Please, Micah,” Connor begged.

“You don’t have to invite me just to drink my wine. I bought two bottles, the two of you can absolutely have that one. I can stay out of your way. You won’t even know I’m here.”

Zeke shook his head. “Micah, you’re impossible.”

“I’m trying to stay out of your way,” I pouted.

“We don’t want you to stay out of our way. We want to sit in the hot tub and watch it snow and drink with you.” Zeke took a step closer. His gaze landed on me, changing into something more menacing than he’d had a second ago. I watched him exchange a glance with Connor.

“Don’t make us make you, Micah.” Connor’s stern voice flipped all my switches. It was stupid of me to let myself want them as much as I did, but I couldn’t help it. I’d never been able to curb my crush on the two of them. Apart, they were equally stunning, but together they had this energy between them that crackled. It drew me in like a moth to a flame, and even knowing I’d be burned, I couldn’t stop.

“Fine.” I rolled my eyes but couldn’t stop the smile that tugged at my lips. “I’ll go in the hot tub with you.”

“A hardship, I’m sure.” Connor nudged my arm as he took my empty bowl for me. “Are you still hungry?”

“No. Hell, no. It was good though. Ah, one thing though, guys. I didn’t exactly plan on having company in the hot tub so I didn’t pack my trunks.”

“What did you plan on doing here with two bottles of wine then, young Micah?” Zeke set the bottle of wine down and grabbed a corkscrew. He worked at the cork while keeping one eye on me at all times.

“I planned to get drunk and eat peanut butter straight out of the jar like an adult.” My confession was met with quiet laughter, but not the kind where it made me feel small and laughed at. I could tell that they were laughing because they understood where I was coming from. Even if they didn’t know exactly what I was going through, they still understood the compulsion to get wasted and make questionable dietary decisions.

“Wine and peanut butter is an odd choice.” Connor grabbed three glasses from the cupboard and set them down in front of Zeke.

“My roommate is deathly allergic to peanuts so we don’t keep any peanut products in the house. Just in case. So don’t think I’m some sort of weirdo for planning on eating an entire jar to myself.”

“That’s not weird. That’s sweet. I’m glad you look out for your roommate.” I loved the way Connor managed to say nice things to me without making me feel patronized. It wasn’t like I was a hero or anything. Going without one thing was easy when it could kill someone. But it still made me feel gooey inside whenever Connor or Zeke said something nice to me.

“Anyway, we’re all adults. We can go in the hot tub in our underwear. Or we can go commando. It’s no big deal, right, Connor?”

Connor’s cheeks turned pink, but he smiled at Zeke, then me. “Right. It’s no big deal. We’re in the middle of nowhere, so it’s not like the neighbors are going to get a free show.”

“You and Zeke should get in first, and I’ll stoke the fire so it’s nice and toasty when we get out.” Connor brushed a kiss against Zeke’s mouth on his way past.

“You heard the boss, let’s get in that tub.”

I grabbed my glass of wine and the remainder of the bottle, and Zeke carried his and Connor’s. We shoved our feet into our boots and slipped out the back door.

Clearly Connor and Zeke had been busy while I’d napped. The deck had been shoveled off, and there was only an inch or so of freshly fallen snow. We set the drinks down, and Zeke was the first one to whip his shirt off.

“Oh, holy shit. That’s colder than I thought it would be.” Zeke’s skin broke out in goosebumps, and I turned my back, letting him strip out of his clothes in private. He let out an obvious sigh of relief when he climbed into the water. “Micah, you’re going to freeze to death standing there.”

“Right. Right.” I took a deep breath and yanked my shirt off. I was already freezing cold, and I wasn’t looking forward to the next part. I kept my underwear on but stepped out of my boots and got rid of my pants. Shoving my feet back in my boots, I gathered up our clothes and tossed them back inside, letting them land in a heap on the floor just inside the door. “At least they’ll be dry.”

“Good thinking, now get in here before you turn blue.”

I hadn’t stopped to check and see whether there was underwear in Zeke’s pile of clothing, and I did my best to keep my gaze above water level even as I climbed into the hot tub.

In a word, it was glorious. Steam billowed off the top of the water, and the bubbles offered a bit of extra modesty. I was leaning back and getting comfortable when the back door opened and a very naked Connor stepped outside. Though I looked away fast, it wasn’t fast enough, and I got an eyeful of Connor’s package.

The urge to sink below the water was only stopped by the knowledge that Zeke was just as fucking naked. My face burned hotter, and I downed half a glass of wine. When Connor climbed in and sat in the empty corner opposite to me, I managed not to ogle him. He dunked his head under the water and came up dripping wet. Big fat drops of water hung off his eyelashes. He was so fucking beautiful it was unfair.

He draped his arms over the back of the hot tub, blowing a kiss to Zeke when he handed him his glass of wine. I leaned my head back under the guise of relaxing, but I was anything but. My dick was harder than granite, and I was happy I’d chosen to wear my underwear into the hot tub to conceal my stupid, inappropriate erection. Yes, we were all adults, but I didn’t feel like one at that moment. Instead, I felt more like a horny teenager than I’d ever felt even when I had been one.

As a teenager, I’d been awkward. I’d never had the opportunity to be alone with two naked men in a hot tub. Certainly not in a setting as romantic as a snowed-in cabin. But just like my teenage years, I was unlucky in different ways, because Connor and Zeke were a couple and I was a tagalong. An uninvited guest. A party crasher. A?—

I yelped and sat up, sending water splashing over the side.

“Was that a foot?”

“It certainly wasn’t a snake,” Zeke quipped. He looked at me with a hooded gaze, and that feeling returned. It was a foot. It was Zeke’s foot, sliding up the inside of my leg.

“What are you doing?” I glanced back and forth between them, and they glanced back and forth between each other.

What the hell was going on?