36. Carter
M arcus is waiting for me when I stumble out of the medical wing. I fall into my friend’s arms, both of us trembling, and I’m not sure who is holding up who right now.
“Let’s get some sleep,” he mutters.
I nod, letting out a shaky breath as I follow him upstairs to the suite he shares with Keegan. I hate feeling as if I’m taking advantage of their friendship, but I’m thankful they’ve been there for me the last few days.
I don’t know what I would have done without their understanding, and allowing me to bunk in their room.
With Roman hurt, and his lovers taking turns staying with him round the clock, there’s not really anywhere else I could go.
I suppose I could have asked Lio for my own room, or taken a risk with my life and gone to Leandro, but…
knowing I have allies, friends, means more than I have words for.
Keegan is waiting for us in the small sitting area of their suite. He looks up with concern filling his gray eyes. “You two okay?”
Marcus looks at me, and I open my mouth to reassure my friends, but… I break instead.
The sob that escapes my throat is loud in my ears and I panic, worried I’m going to wake Cole.
Keegan crosses the distance between us and pulls me into his arms. “Shh. You’re okay. I have you.”
He leads me to the couch and we sit heavily on it as I bury my face in his chest and cry. Marcus sits on the other side and wraps his arms around me, and the two of them hold me as I let out days’ worth of hurt.
When the onslaught is over, and I’ve soaked Keegan’s shirt, I pull back. “I’m sorry,” I manage to say between heaving breaths. Wiping my eyes on my sleeve, I try to take a deep breath, hoping to calm myself.
“Fuck…I’m sorry.”
“You have nothing to be sorry for, Carter,” Marcus says. “Nothing. It’s been a stressful few days. We’ve…been wondering when you were going to break.”
I let out a harsh laugh. “I don’t blame you. I… Fuck, I don’t know what I’m going to do. Everything is so fucked up. Cris…he stomped on everything I thought was true.”
“What happened?” Keegan asks softly. “After dinner, what did he say to you?”
Swallowing, I look down at my hands, the words getting stuck in my throat as more tears burn my eyes. “He…he said only one of us has ever had any actual rights as Roman’s father.”
You could cut the tension in the room with a knife. Both Keegan and Marcus hiss, and soft, quiet curses flow from Marcus as he jumps to his feet.
“How dare he! Anyone with fucking eyes can see how much you love Roman! He is your son, and nothing can take that away from you. You don’t need to be fucking blood related to be a father, or would he like to tell us we’re not Cole’s fathers?”
“Settle, Tease,” Keegan tells him. “You’re not helping.”
“It’s fucking bullshit!”
“Enough,” Keegan says in a firm voice.
I set a hand on Keegan’s arm that’s still wrapped around me. “It’s okay.” I look up at Marcus. “I appreciate you wanting to go to bat for me, but Keegan is right. I don’t want you to get in trouble with Il Padrone over this.”
Marcus deflates, but I can still see the anger swirling in his dark gaze. He knows that the situation with his Boss and Master is already volatile, and the last thing I want is for my friend to end up on the other end of Allesandro’s vitriol because he was defending me.
“You’re a good friend, both of you… But I don’t want either of you to get hurt because you’re trying to protect me.
I’m… Well, fuck, I guess I’m a mafia Head now, since I claimed my birthright.
” The words make me sick and I double over, grabbing onto my knees, sucking in deep breaths as Keegan rubs my back.
Fuck… A Boss… I never wanted that. I never wanted to become what my brother and father tried to turn me into, but… I can’t let this stand.
For too long I’ve allowed Cristian to make decisions for me, rather than with me, and that was a mistake.
I’ve learned. The past ten years, I’ve learned how to be a Boss as I stood by his side.
I know what Georgio and Julian taught me.
I watched Roman take up the mantle when the Bosses were kidnapped.
I may have never wanted to take the bloody, twisted crown my father left behind, but for my son, for my Family, and for myself, I will do what needs to be done.
Georgio may have discredited me because I’m a bastard, but I am still his son. De Luca blood runs through my veins, and Cristian seems to have forgotten that.
I didn’t move up to be Roman’s guard all those years ago for no reason, but because of the survival skills Julian beat into me for nearly ten years.
I’m not as bloodthirsty or hardened as Cristian and Roman, but I was bred for this life.
It hurts, fuck does it hurt so badly I can barely breathe.
Only Keegan’s hand on my back, and Marcus kneeling in front of me, holding my hands, keeps me in place and grounded, but I will not back down, not from this.
“We’ve got you,” Marcus says.
I look into his eyes, seeing his affection for me, along with the fire in his gaze that begs to be let out so he can take down everything that’s ever hurt me.
“Whatever you need, Carter, we’re here. You’re not alone.” It makes me warm from the inside out, knowing I have Il Padrone’s War on my side.
“Thank you. I… Fuck, I need to talk to Roman and Lio, but I’m done. I…I can’t do this anymore. My heart can only break so many times.”
I fall into Marcus’s embrace, his arms tight around me as he shifts from his knees to his ass, holding me halfway in his lap as I cry once again. Only, as the tears fall, I feel less alone.