Chapter 17
I had passedcrazy and was now dangling on the edge of insanity as I drove away from Easton’s very luxurious apartment building back to the dorms with the Sunday evening sun setting in my rearview mirror.
I had one week left of class before graduation, and he had his first week at his new job. We agreed to take one week apart to give ourselves time to think about what was the best decision for us. Well, I did anyway, and he continued to suggest moving in with him right away, but I wasn’t ready just yet.
I kept wondering what Kennedy would say and how my parents would react. If they would even care at all since they couldn’t even find the time to come to my college graduation.
Easton was patient and kind as he listened to my fears and objections, and I tried to listen to him.
“Fuck them. Fuck anyone who judges us.”
He said it over and over, and I wanted to believe his words. I wanted them to be my mantra, but fear plagued my mind, their judgmental voices screaming in my head.
What are you doing with him?
You’re sleeping with an inmate?
You should be with someone better.
He’s tainted.
He’ll never give you the future you deserve.
We taught you better.
He has a criminal record.
You let his dirty hands touch you?
Shaking the evil from my mind, I tightened my grip on the leather steering wheel and tried to enjoy the late, summer sunset.
Every time I blinked, I saw Easton’s gorgeous, soul-sucking eyes. Their clear, hypnotizing blue drawing me in, hook, line, and sinker.
His smile, perfectly white teeth that shined in the darkness of his bedroom, our skin glowing under the moonlight that streamed through his windows.
His burning touch, setting my skin aflame, my soul rising to meet his with every gentle stroke of his fingers or brush of his soft, full lips.
Heat crept up my neck, fanning across my cheeks at the memory of him. I gripped the steering wheel tighter, clenching my thighs at the heat coiling in my stomach. Goosebumps blazed a trail across my skin, and I squirmed in my seat.
Was our connection purely sexual? Or was it more?
I thought back to the way he held me this afternoon in his bed after making love to me. How he wrapped his big arms around me and listened to me talk about my parents. His strength never wavered, only surrounding me. “You deserve better, my sweet little bird,” he’d whispered in my ear, his lips kissing anything they could touch, soothing an ache so deep in my soul, I wept until I fell asleep.
Parking in the student lot at my dorm, I entered the quiet building. Everyone was either out for dinner or preparing for the next day. I stuck my key in the lock of my room and prayed Kennedy was out with her boyfriend tonight.
Stepping into our shared space, I checked her bed first, and lying there, hair a mess, makeup smudged under her eyes, tears rolling down her cheeks, sat my roommate.
“Kennedy, what’s wrong?” I shut the door behind me, surveying the mess surrounding her. She had wrapped herself in a big blanket, her small body hidden beneath baggy pajamas, so unlike the girl I’d come to know.
“Aaron cheated on me!” she wailed. Grabbing a tissue from the box next to her, she blew obnoxiously loud into the paper. “He actually kissed another girl,” she cried, continuing to blow her nose.
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” I crossed the small room and settled on the edge of her bed, wrapping my arms around her and offering my strength.
“I just can’t believe he’s embarrassed me like this. I have to show my face tomorrow on campus,” she cried into my shoulder, her tears wetting my skin.
“It’ll be okay. You have me,” I tried to comfort her, but she shook her head.
“My face is going to be so swollen. My eyes. Oh, God, they are going to look terrible!”
Trust this girl to be crying over her appearance tomorrow.
“Then stop crying and do one of those face masks,” I suggested, and she pulled away from me.
“You’re a genius, Harley! Why didn’t I think of that?” She jumped from the bed, running into the bathroom. I heard the water running from the sink faucet. “Oh, God, my face!” she shrieked, and I cringed.
Flopping back onto her bed, I closed my eyes while I waited for her.
“Okay, spill all the beans. You’re glowing, which means you’ve just had the best sex of your life.” She jumped onto the bed, making me bounce up, and I groaned, looking up at her. She was wearing a ridiculous face mask, her hair neatly pulled back into a perfect ponytail.
“It was the best sex of my life.” She laughed and slapped my leg.
“Tell me all about him. Is it the guy you’ve been writing all those letters to?” I sat up, looking at her in shock, and she grinned sheepishly. “You didn’t think I noticed, huh? I might have snooped on a few of them.” She blushed, averting her gaze. “He sounds like a catch.”
“You read my letters?” My jaw dropped at her little nod. “How long have you known?”
“About six months. Please don’t be mad.” She reached for my hand and squeezed it with both of hers. I struggled to hold in my laugh at her strange appearance but manage to mask my expression for her sake.
“I’m not. Just shocked. How much do you know?”
“Are you implying that he’s an inmate?” I nodded, and she sighed, rolling her eyes. “Does he make you happy, Harley?” I nodded again, and she smiled.
“Then, it doesn’t matter who he is or where he came from. Life is too short to be unhappy with anyone.” Her eyes welled with tears. “I should have known better with Aaron. He’s been making up a whole lot of excuses on why he couldn’t see me recently.”
As far as I knew, she was still seeing him the normal amount, although I hadn’t seen him in our room for months.
“Where have you been going then?” I asked, holding her hands, sympathizing with her.
She choked on a sob. “The library or the mall. I didn’t want anyone to find out.”
“Oh, Kennedy, it’s going to be okay.” Pulling her into another hug, she sobbed in my arms, and I let her, a small connection between us forming with every minute that passed.
“When can I meet him?” She sniffled on my shoulder, and I cringed at the thought of whatever wet substance rolled down.
“He’s coming to graduation, actually.” She sat up and got off the bed, pulling the face mask off and washing her face.
“Do I look any better?” Her face was red and blotchy, but I lied and nodded, earning a sigh of relief from her. Surely, she would look better after a good night of sleep.
“I’m actually moving in with him after graduation.” She dropped her phone that she had just picked up off the bed, and it bounced on the carpet by her feet.
“You’re doing what?” she squealed, and I shrunk back. “That’s amazing, Harley! I am so happy for you!” Her reaction was unexpected but welcomed, so when she threw her arms around me, I hugged her back.
An hour later, we had shared the events of our weekend, and we were both lying in our own beds in the darkness.
“Hey, Kennedy?”
“Yeah, Har?”
“Why couldn’t this have happened sooner?” I didn’t elaborate, scared to put a name on our sort-of friendship.
“I guess because everything happens for a reason, right? At least, I like to believe that.” She said exactly what I had been thinking, and my heart soared at my favorite mantra.
“I wish we could have been friends sooner.”
“Me, too, but I’m glad it happened this way.”
The week flew by,and before I knew it, I was standing outside Easton’s apartment door, two hours before graduation. The lobby man had to call to let me up the elevator, so I knew he was expecting me, but I was suddenly afraid to knock on the big door.
What if a week apart had given him time to think?
Just as I raised my fist to knock, the door flew open, and East’s scent engulfed me as did his arms. He dragged me into the apartment, the door swinging shut behind him. His lips found mine, and every fear evaporated just as quickly as I thought them.
“I thought you weren’t coming,” he whispered against my lips, his minty breath fanning my face.
“As if I could possibly stay away.” I pressed my lips to his, our tongues fighting for dominance. But in the end, I let him win, and he walked me back until my back hit the door. He caged me in.
“How much time do we have?” he rasped, desire lacing every word.
“None. Kennedy is waiting downstairs to meet you.” He pulled back, raising a brow.
“Your roommate, Kennedy?” I nodded, and he took a step back. I got my first real look at him, noticing his new shoes, freshly-ironed slacks, and a white button-up shirt tucked perfectly into his navy pants.
“New clothes?” He rolled his eyes and shrugged.
“I’ve got a lot to tell you.”
“Good or bad?” I waited for him to grab whatever he needed from the kitchen, and he surprised me with a fresh bouquet of daisies.
“For you, grad!” He pressed a soft kiss to my cheek and then opened the front door, ushering me out. “Good and bad, I guess. I’m not really sure. Depends how you want to look at it. But we can talk about it later tonight. This afternoon is all about you, Harley.” Linking my fingers through his, I let him lead me downstairs to my running car in the parking lot.
“We’ve become friends,” I informed him just as the passenger door on my car opened, and Kennedy burst out, her hand outstretched toward East.
“Good Lord, you are good-looking. Do you have any friends?” Kennedy blushed, and I cringed, but Easton chuckled.
“None good enough for you. Nice to meet you, Kennedy.”
“Darn. My boyfriend just dumped me, and I was hoping to bring a total hottie to the party tonight.” She slid into the backseat of my car, and East held open the passenger door for me.
Kennedy slapped my shoulder as he rounded the front of my car, and I turned to her, catching a wink and cheesy grin. “Wow!” she whispered as he got in the car and shifted it into drive.
“Directions?” I showed him the route on my phone, and we fell into an easy conversation on the short drive.
“What are your plans for after college?” Easton asked Kennedy, looking at her in the rearview mirror. Our hands were linked on my center console, his thumb rubbing the top of my hand soothingly.
“Going back home to my parents, actually. They’re supposed to have some friend hiring at the local florist, which will give me time to figure out what I actually want to do because I am lost.” East chuckled, and Kennedy nervously giggled. “Sounds familiar, right?”
“I think every grad has the same idea. No harm in that. As long as you don’t get comfortable with that job and find your true purpose, I don’t see anything wrong.” I listened, wondering about my own future.
I hadn’t secured a job yet, and besides, all the local journalist positions were full at the moment.
“What do you do for a living?” Kennedy asked, and for the first time, I realized I didn’t even know what Easton’s been doing for the last week.
He coughed, his hand becoming tense in mine. “Construction.”
“Oh, so you’re really good with your hands.” She giggled, and I blushed, remembering just how good he was.
An hour later, Kennedy and I were sitting in our designated seats, but my gaze remained on Easton, who was grinning at me like I was some rare gem. My heart somersaulted at the way he watched me. When my name was called, he screamed, and Kennedy joined him. I nearly tripped going up the three steps on the stage, but when I looked out into the sea of people, I saw Easton standing, clapping his hands. And I knew deep down in my heart…
He was a good man.
The rest of the ceremony passed quickly, and before I knew it, we were saying goodbye to Kennedy and getting back into my car, heading to his apartment for the night. We’d eaten celebratory cake with Kennedy, and the urge to expel it from my body was bubbling in my chest.
I’d barely eaten the entire week to fit in my dress for tonight. And whatever I did eat came right back up. I wanted to be thin. I needed to have the perfect body for him.
As soon as we entered his apartment, I rushed for the bathroom, throwing the seat up. I retched into the toilet until everything I ate in the last hour came up. Quickly brushing my teeth, I wiped my mouth, fixed my hair, and unlocked the bathroom door.
Checking my appearance one last time, I didn’t see Easton standing right there until I slammed right into his broad chest.
“Are you sick, Harley?” Worry plagued his tone, and I stepped back.
“No, of course not. I just needed the bathroom real quick.” I reached for his hand, but he shook his head, stopping me.
“I heard you.”
“It isn’t what you’re thinking,” I defended, but his mouth settled into a frown.
“And what exactly am I thinking, Harley?”
“I’m not pregnant.”
“Didn’t think you were.”
Fear settled in my gut, and my hands grew clammy. “I must have eaten something bad earlier, that’s all,” I assured him, trying again to close the distance between us, but he shook his head yet again.
“Don’t try and play me the fool, Harley. I saw you last weekend and again today. You’re malnourished. I know what you’re doing.” Disappointment flashed in his eyes, and this time, I took a step back.
No. He doesn’t know. He can’t know. No one can.
I shook my head. I watched his lips move. I heard his words, but I refused to accept it. He didn’t know me. He didn’t understand. No one understood.
If I could be perfect, have the perfect body, then he wouldn’t leave. He wouldn’t be like my parents. I wouldn’t disappoint him.
But the two words that left his mouth brought me to my knees as they echoed in the small bathroom.
Eating disorder.