Chapter 21
21
AMARA
His entire body freezes solid. “Amara, you are not ready for that.” His voice sounds so firm, but tense. “I know you’re feeling good, but that isn’t something we need to do tonight.”
“But you’re still hard.”
“I don’t care. I care that you feel good and satisfied. I’ll take care of myself if I have to, or just let it go down on its own.”
“You’d rather jerk off than do it inside me?” I ask, hurt filling me at his statement, as irrational as it might be.
He groans. “No, that’s not what I want, but sex is a huge step for you, and I won’t take advantage of you feeling good because of what you just did.”
“But if you could, you’d want to fuck me?”
“A fuck implies that it’s going to be one and done, Amara. There will not be a one-and-done between us. Our first time will be me claiming you, showing you how perfectly we fit together. Feeling you clamp down around me as you come, milking every last drop I have to offer inside you. I want it dripping and spilling from you after we’re finished. I want to see it. I want to feel your nails clawing at me, marking me back in your own way. That is what I want from our first time.”
My body trembles at the imagery. The man knows how to paint a picture. I want all of that, so much, but is he right that I’m not ready for it? My body certainly is, it’s cheering for it, but I don’t know if I can do this in the dark. Not something this important. I just don’t know if doing it in the light will help either. Will I freak out?
I sit still, letting my mind work through it all. I’ve pushed myself hard today, but I don’t know if I can go to sleep now, having come this far and not taking that last step. The worst thing that can happen is I freak the hell out, but at least I have the memories I do now to help get me back. I have Lazaro’s patience, but I can’t do this this way. Lazaro is not going to push me, and he’s not going to agree unless he knows I’m completely serious.
I move off him and scramble over to the nightstand, feeling around for the lamp that I know is there. Finally, I feel it, reaching up to flick the switch to turn it on. The light blinds me for a second, but my eyes quickly adjust as I turn back toward Lazaro. I stop to look at him.
Shadows cradle his ink covered chest, and I see that his beard is wet, his lips swollen slightly. I trail my eyes down over him, until they finally snag on the erection tenting his soaked pants. I swallow hard as I focus on the size. Damn, that really is big. In the darkness, it felt different somehow, but seeing it, I can’t deny it. And that’s even behind his clothes.
“Can…Can I see it?” I whisper, slowly lifting my eyes to his. “Please.”
His eyes glitter as they stare at me. Neither of us moves, until finally, he must see that I’m not going to let this go. Without looking away, he lifts his hips, pulling the pants down and off, tossing them aside. I watch him for another second before I nervously lower my gaze.
Holy shit, I was right. He’s huge.
I swallow hard as I stare at him. Length and girth, this man is not small. I don’t think he’s as big as those porn stars I’ve heard some women talk about before, but he’s definitely big enough. It’s going to be a very tight fit.
If he can fit at all.
Still, as much as it worries me, I’m also curious. If a woman can push out a baby, then surely, I can take something like that. It’s the pain that holds me back. Erect, he extends straight up, skin stretched tight, the flared head flushed a dark color and coated with something wet. His balls sit below, and they look heavy and full. I watch as he circles the shaft with his hand, slowly stroking it. “Tell me what you’re thinking, Amara,” he orders softly. “I need to hear you.”
“That I want to touch you,” I blurt out. And it’s true. I really want to touch him and see what it feels like without any fabric between us.
I swear his groan sounds pained, but he releases himself and invites, “Go ahead, dolcezza . Every part of me is yours to explore.” He mutters something under his breath that I don’t quite catch, too intent on crawling forward until I’m kneeling next to him.
Carefully, I reach out, wrapping my hand loosely around him. I hear his breath catch, and I quickly look up at him, ensuring I’m not doing something wrong. His eyes are screwed shut, and his jaw ticks as he clenches it. “Does this hurt?” I ask.
“It hurts in the best possible way,” he assures me, eyes coming open. They are dark, dilated, and full of lust. “Keep going, colombina .”
Feeling empowered, I tighten my grip ever so slightly and start to move my hand up and down the way he did. I’m not as smooth, but he doesn’t complain, even as he jerks in my hand, and his body tenses further and further. Liquid seeps from the slit, and before I can think about it, I lower my head to flick my tongue across it, wanting to taste him.
“Fucking hell,” Lazaro hisses, hips arching as I quickly pull away, looking up at him. His flavor is salty, musky, but not unpleasant. Just different. I stare at him, eyes wide. “I’m sorry, colombina ,” he rushes out. “The feel of your tongue on me, it’s so fucking good that it’s almost too much.”
“You like it when I do that?” I ask.
“Like is not strong enough a word,” he rasps with a wry laugh.
I look back down, and sure enough, more liquid spills from him. I lean forward, licking at it again, and this time, wrapping my lips around the head. I’ve read about this, and I can see why a lot of the women in those books love to do this. More spills into my mouth as I suckle him, before I pull away and look back at him. “You taste good,” I tell him. “I don’t think I can take all of you in my mouth though, like they do in the books.”
“Jesus, fuck,” Lazaro rasps. “Those are over-exaggerated, Amara. I don’t expect you to do anything you’re not ready to do. We can eventually work up to where you can take as much as you can, but not tonight. Definitely not tonight.”
I nod, agreeing. I look back at him, stroking him, getting used to the feel of him before I once again lower my head. This time, I take an inch more than the head into my mouth, trying to give him some of the pleasure he gave me. He moans, and his thighs flex when I press my free hand on him to keep my balance. The muscles tremble, and when I apply the same kind of suction that he did on my clit, they spasm as he works to hold himself back. I can all but feel him forcing himself to stay still as he hisses and grunts.
“Fuck, Amara, that fucking mouth,” he garbles out. “It’s going to be the end of me. So fucking good. You’re doing perfectly, dolcezza .” He gently wraps his hand around mine where I grip his shaft, and helps me move it up and down in time with my mouth. At first, I’m jerky and uncoordinated, but he’s patient and continues to guide me. “Look at you,” he praises. “Such a good girl, taking your man’s cock so perfectly. That’s it, slow and steady, only do what you can, no more. That’s it. Yes, that’s it,” he breathes as more fluid fills my mouth. I get a couple more pulls of my lips and strokes of my hand before he suddenly stops me, hand going to mine just under my mouth. “We need to stop now, Amara, or I’m going to shoot my cum down your throat. You did so well, and I can’t wait to do it again.”
I don’t really want to stop, but I force myself to pull away. I’m not done, but I want him inside me. Hearing him so excited, tasting him, it’s ignited that fire inside me again. I just need to figure out how to do it without freaking out. But I can. I know I can. I’ve done all of this, and there is no stopping me now.
I slowly release him, and watch as it jerks before staying erect. I look up at Lazaro and see him watching me, face flushed and expression dark, nearly feral. My heart pounds at the sight of it. Not out of fear, but excitement. I did that. I made him feel that way. And I want to see it with him inside me.
Before I can allow any doubt to creep in, I move quickly to straddle him, letting his cock rest against my mound. “Amara…” His voice trails off.
“I want to try, Lazaro,” I tell him shakily. “Please. I just want to try. If I can’t, we’ll stop, but I’ve done all of this, and I need to try. For myself. Please. All I need is for you to be here to help me if it’s too much.”
“Amara, you’re pushing…”
“I know,” I interrupt. “But I’ve been scared and holding myself back for too long. I trust you, I want to be with you, and I want to try and see if this giant cock of yours is going to actually fit.”
“Amara, it will fit, but I can’t promise that it won’t be painful this first time until your body gets used to me.” He curls forward, gripping my hips to hold me still and bring his face close to mine. “I never want to cause you pain, Amara. If we wait, I can properly prepare you so that when I finally ease inside you, you’ll know what to expect and won’t be fearful.”
“How do you prepare someone for that?”
“There are toys, and I can stretch you with my fingers. Ways that will be pleasurable.”
“Why would I want a toy when I have this?” I ask, waving my hand toward his cock. “Lazaro, I promise, I’ll let you know if I can’t do it, but I…I really need to try, okay. I need this. I don’t want a toy to be the first thing inside me. I want you. I just need you to let me set the pace, okay?”
He hesitates. “Amara…”
“Please,” I whisper. “Just let me try. If I can’t, we’ll do this your way, but I want to try mine first.”
His eyes search mine, and I let him see everything. The desire, the trepidation, but also the need to prove to myself I can do this. I see the exact moment he gives in. “You will stop if you can’t do it, Amara,” he says firmly. “You will not force yourself to go further, and you will tell me what you’re feeling at all times. Do you understand?”
I nod, relief and excitement filling me. “Yes, I understand, Lazaro,” I whisper. I lean forward to kiss him, and he cups the back of my head, kissing me deeply.
When he pulls away, he murmurs, “Straddle me, colombina . Spread your legs wide.” I do as ordered, nerves making my belly jump. “That’s it,” he praises. His hand moves down to my core, and his fingers swirl around my entrance. “You’re still soaked, dolcezza , but I think you need a little more.” He moves his fingers back up to my clit, rubbing it in sure motions, making me moan and arch into him. “Yes, that’s what you need, isn’t it? You’re already getting slick again.”
He’s right, I’m instantly slick again, my body heating up at the feel of his fingers. He keeps rubbing me, using just the right amount of pressure to keep the desire rising. Then he slides his fingers down, dipping one inside me, making me gasp and bear down on it, pushing it deeper inside me. “One more,” I pant. “Like before.”
“How do you feel?” he asks me as he slowly and carefully does as I ask, stretching me. “Is this too much?”
I shake my head, enjoying the fullness. I grip his shoulders as I lift up and down in shallow strokes, loving the stretch and feel inside me. “It feels good,” I gasp.
“Good. That’s it, colombina , ride my fingers just like that. I’m going to spread them a little wider, okay?” I nod, still moving. “Words, Amara,” he orders firmly.
“Yes, wider is fine,” I gasp out. I don’t know if I’m going to be able to keep talking like he wants. The sensations are sending my brain splintering in every direction. He twists his fingers, widening them, and stretching me even further. There’s a slight burn, but it doesn’t stop me. I keep moving on his fingers, and then cry out when his thumb bumps against my swollen clit again. “Oh fuck, that feels good,” I moan. I move a little faster, relishing in the feel of his thumb on my clit and his fingers inside me.
“You’re so wet, colombina . Dripping over my fingers. I need to add one more before we go any further. Are you ready for that?”
“Yes,” I say desperately. How can I not be? If it’s anything like this, it’ll be perfect.
“This will make you feel even fuller,” he warns me, still rubbing at my clit. “Remember to stop if it’s too much.” Then he stills my hips as he pulls his hand back before slowly easing back in with three fingers, his eyes intensely on mine.
Oh shit. Shit, he wasn’t joking. This is a lot. I whimper at the pressure, unsure how to feel about it. He stills instantly, eyes sharpening as they take me in. He moves to pull away, but I grip his wrist. “No, wait,” I pant. “Just give me a second.” He stills, watching and waiting. I don’t move, just sit there with his fingers inside me, allowing my body to adjust and come to grips around him.
Panic is trying to push through, but I fight it back. No, I will not let it win. It doesn’t hurt, it just feels uncomfortably full. There’s a pressure inside me, but nothing that I can’t handle. Slowly, I release Lazaro’s wrist, put my hand back on his shoulder, and carefully lift up, before sliding back down. The feeling this time is different, but it doesn’t dull the pleasure so much as change it.
“I’m okay,” I breathe out as I move over him. “I feel full, stretched, but not scared. It’s different, but I don’t want to stop.”
Lazaro twists his fingers, wringing a groan from me at the pressure and pleasure. “Keep riding my fingers a little longer, dolcezza . I want you to feel how deep I am, how thick this is. You’re going to look so good stretched around my cock, just like this. We’re going to have to do this over a mirror sometime so you can see just how beautifully you take me.”
I continue to move over his fingers for a while longer until I can move faster and grow slicker, if that’s even possible. He uses his thumb to brush against my clit again, and pleasure swamps me. I need him. I need more. “Lazaro, now, please,” I beg. “Please, I need you. I’m ready. Please.”
He pulls his fingers from me, and I cry out at the loss, but I cut it off as soon as he takes my hand from his shoulder and wraps it around his length. “Hover over me, colombina ,” he encourages. “Legs as wide as you can.” I move into position, doing as instructed. “Slow and steady.” He sounds pained, but I don’t look at him.
Instead, I focus on what I’m about to do. Nerves threaten, but I quickly remind myself that I can do this. At the first brush of the head of his cock against my entrance, I still, my breath becoming choppy. I can do this. I can do this. I want this.
I say the words over and over again as I take a deep breath, pressing down slowly but firmly. My body resists at first, but I breathe through it, until finally, my muscles relax and he slips inside. I gasp, stilling, struggling not to immediately pull him out of me. It’s not pain I feel, but this is nothing like his fingers. This is bigger, fuller. The only thing easing him is how slick I am from my orgasms.
I look up at Lazaro desperately, needing that connection. He looks like he’s in pain, but he seems to know I need encouragement. “Look at what you’ve done already, Amara,” he praises, sounding slightly breathless. “Can you take any more or do you want to stop?”
“I want to keep going, but I’m scared I was right and you’re going to tear me in two.”
“No, you’re made for me, Amara, that won’t happen. I won’t let it, I promise. Ease down a little more if you’re ready. That’s it,” he encourages when I do as he says. I take a little more in but stop. “Do you need me to help you?” he asks, sweat beading his brow.
I nod. “Yes. I don’t want to stop.”
He moves his hand down to my clit and rubs it again, making me momentarily forget about how full he’s making me. More arousal flares, and I feel him slip a little further inside. “There,” he purrs happily. “That’s all you need. Still want to keep going?” I nod rapidly. His fingers on my clit are helping and I want more. I want as much as I can take. “Good. Now, rise up again, but don’t go up so high I slip out. Just enough so that when you sink down again, your pussy will help ease me in more with how wet you are.” I follow his directions, and once again he’s right.
I repeat the process over and over again, going slowly until finally, I take as much of him as I possibly can. I pause, my eyes wide as I realize just how good this feels. Lazaro stills his finger as he watches me. “I’m so full,” I rasp. “But it feels so good.”
“You feel incredible, colombina ,” Lazaro groans. “Fuck, this pussy is the best thing I’ve ever felt. I’ll never get tired of it.”
“I want to move,” I tell him, the desire to actually move strong. “Help me?”
He quickly moves his hands to my hips. “Only go as fast as you feel you can, Amara. Do the same as before. That’s it up, up and down, just like that. Fuck, yes, so fucking good,” he praises as I fall into a slow and steady rhythm. “Jesus, you’re so wet,” he moans as he stares at me. “I can feel your pussy dripping around me. I’m going to dream of this. Fuck.”
His breathing speeds up, and I watch, fascinated as I move over him. He’s the only thing I can focus on. Seeing the pleasure that borders on pain on his face. His grip on my hips is hard, but the movements of his hips aren’t overly powerful. He’s holding back.
We continue to move at the same pace for awhile, until I need more. I need faster, and from the look of Lazaro, so does he. I start to increase my pace, gasping when sparks of pleasure ignite. “Lazaro, more, please,” I beg, gripping his wrists as I try to move faster, chasing the pleasure filling me once again.
“I’m going to move faster and harder, Amara,” he hisses out between clenched teeth. “If it’s too much, you’ll tell me, understand?”
“Yes. Yes, just move.” Desperation puts a demand in my voice.
Lazaro wastes no time, moving his hips up in time to meet my downward thrusts, and the force has a cry escaping me. Not with pain, with desire. He grunts softly, and then he orders, “Lean forward, Amara. Angle forward.” I do as he says, and the slight change of position has him hitting new spots inside me that have my mouth dropping open in shock, and a keening cry falling from my lips. He grips my hips again as he pounds inside me, a steady hard pace that echoes through the room.
At this angle, my clit rubs against his lower belly, and the sensation has me crying out, my hips swiveling in his grip to chase it along with the pressure inside me. I moan, unsure of what to do or how to get there faster. I can feel my orgasm just out of reach again, even as hard as I reach for it. “Lazaro, please, I’m so close.” I sob. “Do something. Please.” My fingers curl into his chest hard as I try to grind back into him.
“Put your hand between us, right on your clit, Amara,” he hisses. “Touch yourself like I did.” I don’t even question him, I just do as ordered, lifting myself up to press my hand between us. I have no idea what I’m doing, but I roll my clit with my fingers, fast like Lazaro did, and it’s all I need.
My orgasm swamps me, this one just as intense as before, and I scream Lazaro’s name. My eyes fly open when I hear him let out a guttural groan, a grunt of my name, and see the ecstasy overtake his expression as he moves harder and faster, before I feel something hot and liquid splash inside. He continues to pound inside me, his breath coming in pants.
I stare down at him, certain I’ve never seen a sexier sight in my life.
My own orgasm starts to subside as Lazaro slows, but I still tremble, even as I lower myself to sprawl over him. Both of us are breathing hard, sweat covering our bodies, and I surprisingly enjoy the feel of Lazaro still inside me, though now only half hard. I can feel his cum leaking out around him, and while it’s a strange sensation, not an unpleasant one.
“Are you alright, Amara?” Lazaro asks, drawing my attention, concern in his voice.
I blink at him. Is he seriously asking me? “I’m fine.” Then I give him a wry smile. “I’m just surprised you fit, and I was sure you weren’t going to for a moment. I guess you were right, but I haven’t seen the damage yet, so there still could be a giant mess down there.”
“Oh, there’s a mess down there, alright.” He smirks, clearly pleased with himself. He arches his hips, his semi-hard cock sliding further inside me, and I gasp at the gush of wetness that spills, my body instinctively tightening around him, trying to hold it all in. “You’re so full of me, dolcezza , that your body can’t hold it all,” he purrs in satisfaction. “This greedy pussy trying to keep it all inside, isn’t it?”
Another low-grade heat warms me at his words, but there is no way I can take any more. The spirit might be willing, but the body is shot. “Stop,” I moan. “If you keep doing that I’m going to want more, and I’m too tired. I’m probably going to be sore too, but I’m too relaxed to tell right now.”
He gives a low chuckle, but then slowly and carefully eases himself out of my body. I moan, then gasp at the feeling of his cum spilling out of me. Okay, that might be a bit much. It’s like a freaking flood. “Let’s get you cleaned up,” he says as he eases me off him and then rolls off the bed, leaving me laying there, sprawled and cringing at the mess we have definitely left on the sheets. I can only imagine what the person washing these sheets will think when they see it.
Oh. Dear. God.
Horror grips me, and I bolt upright just as Lazaro reaches for me. I stare up at him, eyes wide and gasp, “Is your sister going to wash these sheets? Is she going to know?” I demand. He jerks back at my question, his expression morphing to one of confusion. “She will, won’t she? We have to hide them, or let me wash them myself or something. God, what will she think? And it’s still leaking out of me,” I wail, lifting my butt off the bed like that’s going to do anything to stop the constant trickle. Then I hear it, the laughter. My head whips toward him, infuriated that he’s daring to find this funny. “It’s not funny!” I hiss. “Jesus Christ, how pent up were you? It’s like a freaking river coming out of me.” I lift my butt even higher, going up on my knees. “Why are you just standing there? If I get up, it’s going to go everywhere, and I am not desecrating these sheets any more than I already have. At this rate, it’s probably soaked into the freaking mattress, and I don’t even want to think about how much that will cost to clean.”
Lazaro’s laugh is booming, probably loud enough to wake up the whole damn hallway full of people, the bastard. He leans forward, bracing his hands on the bed, body shaking with his amusement. Why the hell is he laughing? What is so fucking funny about not wanting his freaking sister to know what the hell we just did?
My back aches the longer I stay like this until, finally, I have to flop back down; I’m too tired to stay like that any longer. I let out an aggravated sigh and decide it’s just best to roll to the other side, away from the man who clearly lost brain cells when he blew his load. I can hear him trying to get control of himself, but I’m done waiting around. I get to the other side, my feet hit the floor, and the second I’m standing upright the floodgates open, the rest of it dripping down my thighs. “Mother of fuck,” I groan, clenching my inner walls as tight as I can to try and keep it in, but it’s useless as more seeps out, coating my thighs, and I swear to God, dripping to the floor.
Desperately, I run for the bathroom, even as I hear Lazaro’s laughter kick back up again. Bastard.
I run for the shower, stepping inside and quickly turning on the water. I gasp at the blast of ice-cold water, but thankfully it warms up fast. I grab the fancy-looking wand beside some of the dials and point it toward my center. The door to the shower opens, and in steps a grinning Lazaro, who watches me with eyes still full of mirth. I glare at him.
“Amara,” he says smoothly as he approaches me. “Let me help you.” He holds out his hand for the wand, but I ignore him, cleaning myself as much as I can before pulling it away.
Instead of feeling clean, I still feel more leaking out. I stare down at myself, shocked. “How the fuck is there still more?” I gasp.
“It’s normal, colombina ,” Lazaro soothes, gently pulling the wand from my hand and putting it back in place. Then he lifts me up in his arms, encouraging me to wrap my legs around him. I wince at the feel of all that between us. “It might be a few hours or even a few days before it stops. Or so I’ve been told.”
“Days? Days? ” I screech, horrified.
“Shhhh, yes, for some, but I’m sure it will stop soon. As for the rest of it, don’t worry about anything. It will be the cleaning staff that will handle the sheets, not my sister. And even if, for some reason she did see the sheets, she’s not going to care. Between us and everyone else around here, we’re not the only ones to make a mess of some sheets. Alright?”
“It’s still embarrassing,” I huff. “Again, I have to ask, how long has it been, because that is next level.”
He gives me an indulgent smile. “That’s not how that works, dolcezza . That is a normal amount, though I suppose it might be a bit more with how much I’ve had to hold back over the last few days.”
“You mean it’s going to be this much every time? Alright, I’m starting to see why people wear condoms instead of dealing with all this.” I wave my hand between us.
His expression changes from amused to serious. “No, I don’t want anything between us,” he says firmly.
I glare. “Well, it’s not all about what you want. I don’t want to deal with this mess all the time. Especially if it’s going to go on for days. It’s bad enough to have blood and stuff to deal with once a month, now you want to add more gunk coming out of there too?”
“Do you know how sexy it is to see you so filled up with my cum that it spills out of you?” he returns, his tone taking on a sexy timbre. “To see it dripping and coating my cock? No condoms, Amara. I’ll help you clean up afterward and handle all the sheets, but I want nothing between us. I want to feel every response when I’m deep inside you. Okay?”
I shiver at his words. “We can discuss it,” I say noncommittally, though something tells me that I’m going to give in. “But right now, I want to clean up and then go to sleep. I’m worn out.”
He smiles at me, cups the back of my head, and kisses me hard. Then he pulls away, presses his forehead to mine, and murmurs, “You have no idea how proud I am of you, colombina . So fucking proud.”
My throat thickens. I’m proud of me, too, but he has no idea what this one night has done. I’m finally starting to take control of my life for myself.
Fuck everyone who has hurt me in the past. I’m moving forward.