Chapter 35
35
AMARA
Trusting him was a terrible idea. My entire body is on fire, suspended on the edge of the most intense orgasm I’ve ever felt. The man is the devil himself, and I want to curse him and beg him to keep going. How can you want both?
“Lazaro!” I cry, body bucking into his tongue that is thrusting inside of me, and the devil’s tool on my clit. The vibrator felt amazing at first, but now it feels like someone is holding me over a cliff, not letting me fall or pulling me back, leaving me suspended. “Please. Oh, God, please,” I beg, sobbing, my head grinding back into the wall and my body arching deeper into his mouth. My legs are over his shoulders, and I press my heels into his back, hoping to impart a little of the pain that’s swirling inside me.
He pulls his mouth away from me, then the vibe, and I nearly sob in relief. “You’re doing so well, colombina ,” he praises. “You’re so close. Just a little more.” Then his tongue is back to tasting me, rimming around my entrance before gently thrusting back inside. He refuses to put his fingers inside me, insisting that it will be too rough and cause me unnecessary pain.
I don’t know what he thinks, but maybe he’s finally started to deprive himself of oxygen from being down there so long.
Before I can suggest that, he puts the vibrator over my clit again, and this time, I swear the vibration is faster. I sob as painful pleasure shoots through me. I can’t take much more. I’ll go insane. “Lazaro, please, please, please,” I plead. “Please.”
He thrusts his tongue inside me a little harder in response, but it’s still not enough. I arch, grind, and squeeze my thighs around his head, but nothing is pushing me over that edge. It’s not enough. I need something more. I need him. I need him so badly.
He must finally realize that I’m not going to come this way, because he finally eases back, tossing the vibrator aside. Either that or I was finally about to suffocate him. Either way, I don’t care. “Come for me, Amara,” he rasps. “Come all over my face like a good girl.” Then his lips wrap around my clit, and his suction finally sets me free.
I scream as I finally, finally, fall over the edge, my entire body convulsing. “Lazaro,” I scream, grinding into his face with every wave of pleasure.
“Yes, Amara,” he grits out, kissing at my thighs. “That’s it. Come for me. I want it all.” Then he thrusts his tongue back inside me, drinking down everything I can give him. It’s wicked, but it prolongs my orgasm, wringing every last ounce of pleasure out of me.
When I finally start to come back to earth, Lazaro is grinning up at me, a wicked look on his face before he eases my legs off his shoulders and holds me steady as he gets to his feet. I try to catch my breath, and stare up at him lazily. He leans down to kiss me, and the taste of me on his lips is strange, but not necessarily unpleasant. “So fucking delicious, colombina ,” he murmurs before he pulls back.
He goes to move away, but I stop him, my hand reaching out to grab his hip. “Your turn,” I tell him.
He stills. “I’m not going inside you, Amara,” he reminds me firmly. “You’re still too sore, and I won’t hurt you any further.”
I shake my head. “No, I want to do the same thing you did to me. I want you in my mouth.”
He hesitates. “This isn’t the same as before, Amara,” he tells me carefully. “I will be towering over you, and I don’t want to push you too far.”
He does have a point. I nod toward the bench. “What if you sat down? Eventually, we work up to you standing. I just want to make you feel as good as I do. Please.”
He looks at the bench and then back at me. He must see that I’m not going to be dissuaded, because he turns and sits down. I move toward him eagerly, my mouth already watering to have him on my tongue again. I kneel between his outstretched legs, reaching out to wrap my hand around him. He lets out a soft grunt but he doesn’t move, watching me.
I stroke him a few times, watching his reaction. I love to see the change on his face. The way his jaw tightens, his eyes darken, and his stomach clenches. I’m enjoying this kind of power, one where I have such a large man ready to take everything I can give him. Leaning forward, I hold him still and run my tongue along the head of his cock, teasing and licking at the pre-cum that’s leaking from him.
“Amara,” he hisses. “Take me in that pretty mouth, dolcezza . Before I lose my mind.”
I want to tease him like he teased me, but I’m too eager to taste him. I take him into my mouth and suck him down as much as I can, eager to make him feel as much at my mercy as I was at his. I don’t have a lot of skill or experience, but I’m going to try my best.
I work him with my mouth and hand, suctioning my lips around him as tight as I can. He groans, his hands coming into my hair as he helps guide my mouth over him the way he needs. “That’s it, Amara,” he grunts. “That’s it. Take me a little deeper. Just like that. So fucking good. Your mouth is so fucking perfect, colombina . So fucking good.”
I double my efforts, stopping short of gagging myself. I’m not at the point where I can do that yet. Lazaro, thankfully, seems to understand that, and doesn’t push me to do more. He just helps me lift my head back up and then follows it back down. I spread my knees to stabilize myself, and use my free hand to cup his balls, rolling them gently, not wanting to hurt him.
“Fuck,” he snarls. “Amara, I’m going to come if you keep doing that.” I keep up the same motion, lifting my eyes to watch him. His head is thrown back, his neck corded, and his eyes squeezed shut as his jaw clenches. It’s my new favorite sight. I watch him take his pleasure from me until he hoarsely shouts my name. His head comes forward, watching me with dark eyes as he fills my mouth.
I swallow him down as much as I can, my eyes never leaving his. My neck and jaw are killing me, but I don’t care. I never want to forget this. Never want it to end.
Finally, though, he’s spent, and I finally allow myself to ease away. He slumps back against the walls and reaches out to lift me into his lap. “You’re going to be the death of me, colombina ,” he murmurs, pressing a kiss to my forehead. “Your mouth is perfection.”
A thrill sparkles down my spine at his praise. “I’ll get better at it,” I promise him huskily.
“Any better and you’ll kill me,” he huffs on a laugh as he helps me to my feet and we ease under the spray. “I don’t expect you to always return the favor, Amara. That will never be us. I want you to do things because you want to do them, not because you feel you have to.”
“I don’t,” I assure him, smiling at him. “I want to do that. I like looking up at you and seeing you powerless to me.”
He chuckles. “Powerless is about right,” he agrees. “You have me totally ensnared, Amara. There isn’t anything in this world that will ever change that.”
My heart melts at his words. “I was worried that your father didn’t approve of me,” I tell him. He stiffens at my admission, but I rush on to add, “He corrected that himself, don’t worry. I was in the office space again and he came in to check on me. I got super nervous and blurted out that I didn’t want him to tell you to walk away from me if he didn’t like me. Then he told me I had nothing to worry about, and that he thought I was a great fit for the family and for you. It was a good talk.”
He relaxes. “My father is a good man, Amara, but even if he didn’t approve of you, it would change nothing. I will never walk away from you. You are my heart, colombina . My reason for breathing. Nothing will come between the two of us. Not my family, my job, or anything else the world throws at us. When I said you’re mine, Amara, I meant it to the day we die. Not until something else comes along, or because of something someone says or wills. I will say it over and over again until everyone understands that, including you. Forever, Amara. You and me, we are forever.”
I stare at him, not sure how to feel. Elated? Fearful? Excited? Nervous? It’s all rolling around in my head and chest. “What if, when this is all over and things go back to normal, you realize that it was a mistake?” I whisper.
“Never. That will never cross my mind, Amara,” he says firmly. “You are what I want, and I know that, deep into my bones.”
“What if we realize we’re not compatible?”
“Then we work to make it so we’re both happy,” he answers instantly. “My parents were not completely compatible. My mother had a temper, and that often caused problems between them, but they worked on it together. I want the same. We talk, we yell, we fight, and then we work together to fix it. I will not give up on you, Amara, just like I want you to never give up on me. I’m a stubborn son of a bitch, and I’m going to piss you off regularly. The difference is knowing that for you, I will move heaven and earth to make you happy, and I will compromise however and wherever I can to ensure it.”
“You mean like how you’re going to be a jealous ass about my business and who sits in my chair?” I ask him with a teasing smile.
“Especially that,” he grunts.
I smile. “As long as you don’t chase off all my clients, I’m sure we can figure something out.” Then I give him a serious look. “I’m terrified that you’re going to think I’m too much, or that the baggage I have is too much for you to deal with. I don’t know if I would survive it.”
He lifts me up to face him, my legs wrapping around his waist and my arms around his neck. “There is nothing about you that is too much, Amara. I want to be the one you reach for when you’re having a hard time, just like you did the other night. I want to be the one you go to when you’re having a rough day, or when you just need someone in your corner. I meant it when I said it before, and I mean it now. I love you, Amara, and that isn’t going to change. That means every part of you. Every memory, every flaw, every perfection, every emotion you have. There is nothing about you that will ever change my mind.”
“You love me?” I ask him, shocked.
I’m sure that he’s going to look away, or deny it, but instead, he replies, “Yes, Amara, I love you. How could I not? I fell in love with you in that bunker, and it’s only grown since. I love your sharp wit, your sassy mouth, your stubbornness, and your strength.”
“It’s barely been a week,” I whisper.
He gives me a warm smile. “Amara, in my life, a man knows. My father knew the minute he saw my mother. Pietro knew with his wife. It happens all the time, and you and I are no exception. I will tell you every day for the rest of our lives, and you will believe me.”
“What if?—”
“I will love you no matter what,” he interrupts gently. “You will see, Amara. I will spend the rest of my life proving it to you. I swear it.”
I can’t hold back the tears anymore. “No one has ever said that to me before,” I sob, clinging to him.
“Then I will be the first, colombina ,” he murmurs, rocking me. “And they will be the last words I say before I die. You will hear it from me so often that you’ll never for a second doubt it. I love you, colombina .”
I continue to cry, holding him tight. I don’t even know where the tears are coming from. Why should I care about three words? They’re words. Actions will always speak louder. Except, with Lazaro, I want both. I want to hear him say them over and over again, and show me every day like he’s promising. I want it all.
I finally pull back and manage to choke out, “I love you too, Lazaro. I was terrified to lose you today. I was with your father when I heard a doctor was needed, and I thought I had lost you.”
“I’m sorry if I frightened you,” he murmurs. “I’ll try not to do that again, but I can’t promise. I’m right here, and you have nothing to fear.”
I don’t know how long we stand there, but finally my sobs subside and I lift my face into the spray to let them wash away. Then I kiss Lazaro as deeply as I can, wanting him to feel and taste every emotion I can’t put into words. He kisses me back, holding me tight. “I love you,” I whisper when I finally pull away.
“I love you too, colombina ,” he whispers back. “We’re in this together, yes?”
“Yes. Together.” Then, because I can’t resist, “But if you think you’re going to put me in air jail all the time when I make you mad, you’re going to have some very sore balls.”
He laughs heartily, and then grins at me. “I’ll be sure to keep that in mind,” he promises before kissing me one more time and setting me on my feet. “Just remember that every time you do that, you’re kissing it better,” he adds wickedly.
I grin, unable to help myself. That doesn’t sound too bad. Then I ask him, “Do you want me to go back to Sicily with you?”
He doesn’t even hesitate. “Of course. I don’t want to be away from you, Amara.”
“But, how is that going to work? I’m an American. I can’t just live there.”
“Leave that with me,” he says simply. “I want you with me, Amara. I want you in my bed, and I want to build a shop for you just like you’ve always dreamed. I want to teach you Italian, and I want to watch you flourish in a place where you will be accepted for who you are. There will be no bad memories there like here. Sienna will be returning with us, so you won’t be alone. And if Rori and Alonzo figure themselves out, she may just be there too.”
Surprisingly, that doesn’t scare me as much as it probably should. “Okay,” I accept. Then I grin. “When you start teaching me, can you start with the good curse words so I can call you those when I get really pissed at you?” I joke.
He laughs. “Absolutely not.” Then he winks. “But I can teach you ones that you can call my brothers or the Carusos when they piss you off.”
I laugh. “Deal.”
He pulls me into him again. “I love you, my little dove,” he says. “I can’t wait to show you my home.”
“I hope you have a big tub. I’m getting spoiled with all of this,” I tease.
He grins. “Done.” Then he presses his lips to mine, and everything inside me settles. This. This is what I’ve been missing. Not just a family, but love. Love, acceptance, and a man that stands with me.
There is nothing else I need. This. Just this.