Live for Me (Hallow Ranch)

Chapter Fourteen

Abbie

The sight gutted me.

I was back at Hallow Ranch.

Only this time, it wasn’t against my will.

Three hours ago, as Dave and Harris tried to console me on the couch, Denver Langston came to talk to me. I didn’t know what shocked me more: the fact that he actually seemed to give a damn about me, or that he told me to come back. I had no choice in the matter, really.

When Denver Langston tells you to do something, you do it.

“You’ll stay at Hallow Ranch until this is taken care of,” Denver said firmly standing on the other side of my coffee table, his eyes fierce. Beau was with Mason out on the front porch, talking to the man I’d called and rambled to a few nights ago. When I said nothing, Denver looked to the men sitting on either side of me. “Gentlemen, would you give me a minute alone with Abbie?”

Dave and Harris were staring up at him in part awe and caution.

“I think it would be best if we stayed here,” Harris said, clearly not trusting the cowboy.

Denver looked out the window, a deep sigh leaving him. A second later, his deep voice filled the room once more. “You got five seconds to leave the room, gentlemen. I’m not asking anymore.”

Chills scattered across my skin, knowing that tone.

Dave shifted beside me, and I looked over just in time to see him getting ready to give the Hallow Ranch owner a piece of his mind. My hand shot out, landing on his knee. “It’s okay,” I said, my voice shaking with emotion. “You and Harris can leave.”

Dave looked back up to Denver, who was glaring at him. “Five,” the cowboy counted. “Four.”

Harris sighed. “Come on, darling.” He stepped around me and held his hand out for Dave to take. Once they were both on their feet, Harris looked at Denver. “Cowboys are so bossy.”

“You have no idea,” Dave muttered as they walked away.

I looked back to Denver, his gaze already on me. “Threatening me is fine,” I began. “I can take your scorn as well as your brother’s. I can take your threats, but don’t you ever threaten my friends again.” My voice was colder now, harder, as I glared up at the man.

His eyes flashed with something I couldn’t read. It was gone just as quick as it came.

Then, he was moving around the coffee table. I kept my spine straight and chin high as he took a seat on my table, the wood groaning underneath his weight. He leaned in, the tightness of his jaw evident even underneath his beard. His hat cast a shadow on one side of his face, making him look more menacing than usual. I stopped breathing, a trick I learned as a child when my mother or one of her boyfriends tried to hurt or scare me. I convinced myself if I didn’t breathe, they wouldn’t be able to see how scared I actually was. As I grew older, I realized this tactic worked in other aspects of my life.

If I didn’t breathe, I didn’t have to show my feelings.

My body wouldn’t have the time to think about that, only the air it desperately required.

Denver’s gray eyes scanned my face for a few moments before he murmured, “You still love him.”

No amount of practice or preparation could’ve prepared me for that.

All the air escaped me as my eyes widened. I flinched. Damn it all to hell, I flinched.

Denver said nothing, studying me with an intensity that could scorch the Earth.

After a few moments, he spoke again. “He may not see it because he is blinded by his own goddamn pain, but you aren’t fooling me, Abbie. You loved Beau, then you left him, and for some fucking reason, you still love him.”

My lips parted as my face heated, hating how exposed I felt.

“You can love him from a distance, Abbie. You’re allowed to do that,” he said gently. “But that’s all you’re allowed to do.”

I blinked. “W-what?”

“Hallow Ranch will protect you. You have my word,” he vowed. I waited, knowing he had more. He looked over my shoulder, no doubt looking at Beau on my porch. “Under one condition, Abbie.”

A lump formed in my throat. “What condition, Denver?” I asked, hissing his name, my chest heaving now.

Those gray eyes collided with mine again. “You let Beau go.”

Pain shifted inside my chest, his words coming directly for my soul. I knew what he was asking, but I had to give him a sliver of the truth. Then, maybe, he would understand. I lifted my chin a fraction, ignoring how my bottom lip trembled. “He never could’ve been mine in the first place, Denver.” His dark brows snapped together, but I continued, “There’s nothing to let go of.”

With that, I stood and walked into the kitchen, leaving the Hallow Ranch owner alone.

I didn’t get out of the truck when Beau parked in front of the bunkhouse instead of behind it, the back of his truck filled with all my damaged art pieces and supplies, having just transferred it from Mason's.

I’d spent a good chuck of my morning talking with Ash Doss, former SEAL, current employee of Red Snake Investigations. He walked through the house with me, asking me questions about my stalker in great detail. I showed him the gift my stalker had delivered to my office before everything went to hell. Of course, I did this behind my bedroom door, away from my friends. I didn’t need them knowing the man who was stalking me also managed to get locks of their damn hair.

After telling Ash the details of the nightmare I’d been living, he put his hand on my shoulder and promised me Red Snake would handle this. When I asked him about payment, he only shook his head and said, “I’m not taking your money, Ms. Spears.”

Beside me, Beau shifted his old truck into park, remaining silent. Neither of us moved for some time, the air around us thick and wired with emotions too dangerous to process.

I didn’t know how much time passed, but when Beau’s father stepped out of the bunkhouse, his hat in hand, his eyes not on his son but on me, I nearly broke.

Jigs’ eyes connected with mine, and the pain was too much. I sucked in my bottom lip between my teeth and twisted my neck, eyes closing.

Beau said nothing as he opened his door and folded out of the truck. “Pop,” he greeted.

I could still feel Jigs’ eyes on me, but I couldn’t look at him. I couldn’t look at the man who took me in, convinced John Langston to let Hallow Ranch be my sanctuary, a home away from my mother. I couldn’t look at the man who used to kiss me on the forehead when I was having a bad day, the man who taught me how to right a horse, how to drive, how to cook…

Being around Beau was torture enough, but being around his father?

I didn’t know if I could handle it. I bent my head, trying to get a grip on my emotions as my heart pounded in my chest like a thunderstorm.

Jigs Marks was shorter than his son, his bowed legs making him that way. Back in the day, I was sure he was just as tall as Beau, and just as handsome. Now, his skin was weathered, tanned, his hair gray—almost white and a thick, gray mustache was the primary resident on his face. His eyes were blue, but not Beau’s blue. Beau’s eyes were a mix of Jigs’ and his mother’s eyes, the woman who destroyed Jigs nearly twenty years ago, leaving him with a little boy and a broken heart that would never be healed.

I couldn’t look at Jigs because I was the woman who shattered his son.

History was repeating itself in the Marks family, and there was nothing I could’ve done about it. No matter how much I wanted to stop it…it happened. Neither of them could ever know the truth, and I would have to let them hate me for it.

“This is what you deserve, Abbie,” I told myself on a shaky exhale. I didn’t have any more tears to cry, not today, at least. Tomorrow, though, that was a different story.

Suddenly, my door opened, and I jumped.

My eyes collided with Jigs’. His hat was now on, but the shadow it cast did nothing to hide the look of concern painted across his features. “Abbie, sweetheart, you okay?” he asked, his rough, aged voice soft.

Sweetheart.

You okay?

He was asking me if I was okay?

I looked out the windshield, finding Beau walking out of the bunkhouse with a bag over his shoulder and second pair of boots in his hand. The twins emerged in the doorway behind him, their faces serious.

“Abbie,” Jigs called softly.

Slowly, I looked back at him, my chest heaving.

He tilted his head, his gray brows furrowing, his age lines creasing deeper. “You going to tell me what’s going on or do I have to get it out of Beau?” he asked.

“Jigs,” I croaked, not knowing what else to say. Something wet hit my cheek then, my body proving me wrong.

I guess I hadn’t run out of tears.

His features softened. “Hi, sweetheart.”

His name slipped from my lips a second time as I crumbled, lunging for him. My arms wrapped around his shoulders, my face buried in his neck as violent sobs left me, shaking us both. Not even a second later, his arms were around me, his hand stroking my upper back in a loving way. “Oh, Abbie,” he whispered. “My sweet girl.”

Jigs was the father I never had.

Jigs was the father I needed.

Hell, Jigs had been a better parent to me during some stages of my life than my own mother.

My tears soaked his old, worn-out, black button up—his work shirt. My arms tightened around him as he cooed, “It’s alright, sweet girl. You’re safe now. There’s nothing to worry about now. I got you. We got you.”

“I’m sorry,” I pushed out quietly into his shoulder. I shook my head against him. “I’m so sorry, Jigs.”

He gently urged me to sit back, and his hands were cupping my face, his thumbs wiping away my tears. “Shh. Shh. You have nothing to apologize for, darlin’.”

Beau came up behind him, his jaw tight. Jigs dropped his hands, turning to face his son.

“Gonna drop Abbie up at the main house, and then you and I need to have a conversation,” Beau said gruffly.

Jigs nodded. “Alright, Son. I’ll be here,” he replied in the same tone he’d been talking to me in. He looked at me, tipping his hat. “I’ll be seeing you, Abbie. Okay?”

I wiped my tears, nodding. “Okay, Jigs.”

One side of his mouth quirked up, giving me a glimpse of the cocky cowboy he once was. Then, he was walking away, and I pulled my door closed. Seconds later, Beau was in the driver’s seat, and we were heading back up the gravel path to Denver’s house.

I had yet to meet Valerie, but I knew if she was half as kind as Harmony, I would have nothing to worry about. Then again, both of their husbands didn’t like me much, so we would see how that went.

As we came up the hill, I stole a glance at Beau, hat on, shoulders tight, one hand on the steering wheel, his other elbow resting on the windowsill. I looked at his hand on top of the steering wheel, my eyes focusing on his ring finger, knowing damn well he was supposed to have a gold band around it. A gold band I would’ve purchased from the jewelry store in town, one I would’ve gotten in engraved.

He would’ve worn that ring until the day he died.

Hell, he would’ve been buried with it, right beside me.

“Beau,” I whispered once he swung in, parking beside Denver’s red truck.

His eyes snapped over to me, and the urge to drown in his blue was stronger than ever before. “What is it, Abbie?”

“I’m sorry,” I murmured.

Two words.

A thousand things to be sorry for.

It would never be enough.

He looked away from me, the wheels turning in his head as a muscle jumped in his cheek.

“Don’t apologize to me,” he said after a few moments of strained silence. He looked at me again. “Ever again.”

Then, he was out of the truck, coming around to open my door.

Once my boots were on the ground, he turned, heading towards the beautiful, old two-story farmhouse with a wraparound porch. The front door opened, and Denver’s teenage son, Caleb, stepped out, wearing boots, jeans, a white t-shirt, and a black cowboy hat. He was the spitting image of his father, bringing up memories of the past, when all of us were kids, running around this ranch in the summer.

“Caleb,” Beau greeted. “Val here?”

The young man nodded, chewing on a piece of gum as he jerked his thumb over his shoulder. “Yeah, she just put NJ down for a nap.”

Beau and I stopped at the bottom step of the porch. I tilted my head back to look at the boy as he assessed me with guarded eyes. Then, he took a step down. “I remember you,” he stated plainly.

“You’ve grown up,” I said, my voice hoarse.

Caleb looked out to the field behind me. “Yeah, well, that’s what happens, I guess.”

“Jigs is down in the barn,” Beau cut in. “I’m sure he has some chores for you.”

Caleb went down the final two steps. “I’m sure the old man does,” he grumbled, brushing by me and heading in the direction of the barn and bunkhouse.

“You signed up for this,” Beau called out to his back.

Caleb turned around, smirking. “I signed up to take over the ranch, not work it.”

“One and the same, buddy,” Beau replied.

“Yeah, yeah,” Caleb said, waving his hand, disappearing down the hill.

I felt Beau move then, walking up the steps. He knocked softy on the screen door and called out for Valerie.

“Come in,” a soft voice called.

Beau looked at me over his shoulder. “Come on.”

I moved quickly as he held the door open for me. I turned to see him stepping inside and taking off his hat. He hung it on one of the hooks on the wall and looked around me.

“I’m in the dining room,” the feminine voice called from down the hall.

Beau moved then, not sparing me a glance as his boots hit the hardwoods, carrying him down the hallway. I turned in a slow circle in the middle of the foyer, taking everything in for a moment. The stairs were still the same, the floors were still the same, the walls still a lovely cream color. I stepped into the living room, the smell of roses and lavender hitting me as my eyes landed on the rocking chair in the corner by the fireplace.

That was Jane Langston’s chair, Mason and Denver’s momma.

I’d only met her once, in town. She’d taken the boys out for ice cream. I remember how beautiful she was, how her hair glowed, fragments of her smile. She was an angel, a damn good mom. The complete opposite of mine.

I felt heat behind me then, and Beau’s scent surrounded me. “I have to go handle something,” he informed me gruffly. “I’ll be back a bit later to get you.”

I turned around, my brows coming together. “What do you mean?” I asked. “Am I not staying here?”

Beau’s eyes were piercing and cold as he said, “You’re staying with me.”

Shaking my head, I took a step back. “I’m not wanted in the bunkhouse. I already told—”

“We aren’t staying in the bunkhouse.”

I stared at him.

He said nothing for a moment, taking me in. Then, he bent his head, muttering something about a curse.

“What?” I asked.

“Nothing,” he sighed. “Look, you know this house. You know where everything is. Valerie is in the dining room on a phone call. She said you can make yourself at home. I’ll be back to pick you up later.” He turned, his boots carrying him away from me.

I reacted before I could stop it, following him. “W-where are you going? Denver said you didn’t have to work today,” I said to his broad back.

He spun back to face me, both of us standing in the middle of the foyer. His eyes were brighter now, like a blue flame, and that’s when it hit me. Beau’s blue would never match the sky above or the ocean covering majority of the Earth. The beauty within his blue orbs were nothing but heat and anger— pain.

“I said I’ll be back later,” he said through clenched teeth, his nostrils flaring.

“And I asked where you were going?” I shot back.

He stared at me, his jaw working.

“It’s just a question, Beau,” I continued hotly. I jabbed my finger into his chest. “I have had a hell of a day—no, hell of a fucking week. My life is in shambles. My boss doesn’t know where the hell I am. My friends are fearful for my damn life. I’ve been dragged back to the last place on this Earth I want to be by a man—”

“—you destroyed?” he quipped harshly, cutting me off.

His words struck me, and I let them. Honestly, I deserved far worse.

I tried pulling my hand away, but he snatched my wrist quickly.

My eyes widened, and with a growl, he yanked me forward, forcing my body to slam into his. He bent down, his eyes on fire now, his harsh breaths hitting my skin. Goosebumps skated down the back of my neck, over my shoulders, down my arms and back. I held my breath as his free hand came up to grip my jaw, tipping my head back, not allowing me to hide from him.

“You think this is easy for me?” he asked, his voice laced with something that sounded a lot like hate. “You think I want you here? You think I want to look at you, Abbie? You think I want to talk to you?”

Tears welled in my eyes, and I tried to jerk out of his hold, but Beau wasn’t having that. With another low growl, he spun us, pinning me to the front door. His chest heaved against mine as he whispered, “You have no idea, do you?”

All I could do was stare at him—feel him all around me. I was trapped in his prison and my soul didn’t want to leave.

“I was a man when I was with you,” he began, his words coming out in harsh pants. “I had a fucking purpose when I was with you. I had a future when I was with you.”

“Beau—” His grip tightened on my jaw, his fingers squeezing my cheeks together.

“I’m speaking ,” he growled, baring his teeth. “I don’t remember my life before you. My first memory was seeing you sitting all alone in the fucking cafeteria with a damn bruise on your cheek. From that moment, something changed inside me. I was no longer a little boy, careless and free. I had a duty, this overwhelming need to protect you.”

I whimpered, tears flowing from my eyes, running over his fingers now.

His eyes scanned my face, growing cold. “I gave you my fucking heart, Abbie. I gave you all I fucking had, and it still wasn’t good enough.” I brought my hands up to his arm and tried shaking my head. He didn’t seem to notice. “I was ready to give you the world, Wildflower. Fuck, I was so ready.”

If he continued, my heart would be nothing but dust.

You deserve this, Abbie. Shut up and take it.

“I don’t know what was the bigger mistake: letting you walk away the first time, or kissing you this morning,” he murmured, his eyes dropping to my lips. “Got a taste of something I can’t have, and I feel like I’m dying all over again.”

Beau’s eyes snapped back up to mine as his hands fell away from me. I remained where I was, plastered against the door, not wanting to move. Then, when he looked away from me, it took every ounce of strength I had to keep myself upright. I watched in agony as he swiped his hat off the hook and turned away, walking down the hall. I closed my eyes when I heard the back door open, and my knees gave out when I heard it slam shut.

My ass hit the hardwoods, and I brought my knees up, hiding my face.

As my body rocked with sobs, another cold truth revealed itself, and by the time my tears dried, I was numb.