Live for Me (Hallow Ranch)

Chapter Eighteen

Beau

Being in this house felt like I was being pulled under dark water.

It was different this time. When I was here earlier with Denver, I could still fight for my life, could still keep my head above water and sneak in a breath or two. Now, with Abbie sitting in the living room, I could practically feel the chain around my ankles attached to the heavy boulder of love, ready to drag me into the depths. I didn’t stand a chance of coming back up for air.

I braced my hands on the counter top and dropped my head, my body aching from the last three days.

This was my own personal hell.

“Beau?”

Her sweet voice filled my ears, making me grind my teeth. “Yes?”

“Could I have my phone please?”

My head shot up, and I looked over my shoulder, finding her eyes on the other side of the couch. “Why do you need it? Ash said it would be a risk for you.”

Earlier this morning, Ash warned us Abbie using her phone could be a risk on the off chance that her stalker had been monitoring her location. She gave it to me just to be safe and hated doing so.

“Yeah, I know that,” she said softly. “But I need my hot spot for work and—”

“Work?” I cut her off, my brows coming together.

What the hell was she doing working?

I turned to face her, folding my arms over my chest. “What are you talking about?” I demanded when she didn’t answer my first question.

She tucked some of her hair behind her ear, the movement distracting me and bringing up memories. Good memories. Memories filled with so much happiness and pleasure, it had almost been too good to be true.

And in the end, it was.

“Well, a hot spot is like your own personal WiFi—”

“—I know what a damn hot spot is, Abbie,” I all but growled. I dropped my hands from the counter, leveling her with a cold glare. “Not a fuckin’ idiot.”

Her lips thinned. “Never said you were, Beau,” she replied, that sweet voice of hers even softer than before.

God fucking dammit.

We’d been in this house all of three hours, and I was fairly certain I’d left my sanity out in the fucking truck. I tried to ignore her presence, but the second her eyes landed on the cabin, a small gasp came from her, a gasp I’d hoped to hear years ago, when I’d gotten down on one knee. It was too much to bear, and when her eyes met mine underneath the pine trees outside, I nearly lost all control. It took everything in me not to grab her face, take her sweet mouth, and claim her against a tree. Then, she stepped inside the house meant to be our home, and I watched her take it all in, wondering if she was envisioning the same life I pictured for us.

Did she see the same beauty in it that I did?

Did she picture us on the couch?

Or laughing in the dining room?

Slow dancing in the kitchens on Sunday mornings?

“I’m sorry,” she muttered, clearing her throat and bringing me back to the present. I forced my gaze from her, focusing on the window above the kitchen sink. The sun was gone now, leaving nothing but darkness outside. This shit day had come and gone before either of us had time to process it, which meant there was no work to be done on the ranch, and if I were to go anywhere, everyone would know it was because of her presence.

I didn’t need anyone to waste any more time worrying about me because of her. The guilt on my shoulders was heavy enough already.

The shrill ring of my cellphone cut through the air, and I fished it out of my jeans, swearing softly under my breath at the name on the caller I.D.

“Marks,” I answered.

“We have a problem,” Ash said, his voice cold.

My spine straightened as my eyes shot over to Abbie to find her slowly rising from her place on the couch, throwing her blanket aside. “Who is it?” she inquired with a furrowed brow.

“Ash,” I answered her before giving her my back and walking to the fridge. “What’s going on?” I demanded, pulling open the fridge door to find it fully stocked with everything I liked. My eyes narrowed, spotting some of Abbie’s favorite things as well.

Fucking Val, ever the caretaker.

“Abbie’s boss contacted me this afternoon,” he began. “He gave me access to their old security feeds and Jake was able to hack into the system to give me a view of the live feed.”

“Okay,” I drawled, eyeing the beer on the top shelf. “What did you find?”

“Fucker just broke into the building twenty minutes ago.”

“What?” I barked, whirling around to put my eyes on Abbie. “What the hell do you mean he broke in twenty minutes ago?”

Abbie’s skin paled, her hand going to her mouth.

“Meaning I’m fucking standing in her office with the cop outside and her fucking boss,” Ash clipped as my nostrils flared, anger sparking in my chest.

Abbie’s brown eyes were wide with something I hated most in this world: fear.

“What is it?” she breathed out, her hand falling away from her mouth and coming to stand in front of me. I didn’t answer, only focusing on the fear swirling in her eyes, cooling the warmth within them. “Beau, tell me what’s wrong.”

“There’s something else,” Ash added.

Of course, there fucking was.

I didn’t break our gaze. I couldn’t. “What?” I clipped harshly, my fingers tightening around the phone.

“He left another gift.”

When he didn’t elaborate, my jaw jumped. “What did he leave her this time?”

The fear in her eyes grew, and the sight made my gut twist painfully. My wildflower deserved to live a life without fear, without worry. She deserved to live the life I promised her.

“I don’t think I should say, Beau. I don’t need you doing any cowboy shit,” the bounty hunter replied, his voice controlled. Too controlled.

Whatever the bastard left her wasn’t for her—-it was for me.

“Ash, whether I hired you or not, I was going to be doing cowboy shit,” I told him bluntly. “You’re just expediting the process by helping me fucking find him.”

“Beau—”

I cut him off. “What did he fucking leave in her damn office?” I barked, my voice bouncing off the walls of the beautiful kitchen.

There was a moment of tense silence before he gave it to me. “A photo of her in the shower,” Ash growled.

The vein in my temple began to pulse, and my next words were slow, calculated. “Say again?”

Abbie’s eyes widened, my tone compelling her to take a step closer. That was a horrible idea. I didn’t need her near me, not now. Not with the thought and images running through my head.

“I’m not repeating it. It’ll just piss me off more, Beau,” Ash replied coldly. “There was nothing else, just the photo in a white envelope.”

I looked away from Abbie, pulling myself out of the warmth of her brown pools. “Anything else you wanna update me on?”

“No.”

I hung up the phone and carefully set it down on the table before I launched it into the living room. I bent my head, squeezing my eyes shut. That fucker had seen her naked and documented it not only for his own sick pleasure, but to torment her further.

“Beau, please,” she asked, her voice trembling now. “What’s going on?”

I bit down, my jaw popping. “I need you to step away from me,” I whispered, my muscles tensing as something dark swirled in my soul. Red Snake would find this man, and then they would bring that sorry son of a bitch to me.

I couldn’t wait to spread his ashes on Denver’s mountain after I heard his screams, savoring the way he would beg for mercy. I would spend hours torturing the bastard, and I wouldn’t lose a second of sleep.

Abbie put her hand on my arm. “Please, please. Beau, I can’t—”

In a flash, I had her wrist engulfed in my hand, her back against the fridge. I bared my teeth to her. “I said I needed you to step away from me,” I growled, my lips centimeters from hers. Her orange scent wrapped around me blanketing me in sweetness and desire. Raw need, a mix of rage and possessiveness, shot through my blood like a virus, claiming every single cell, turning me into someone I had no right to be. Not anymore.

Her eyes flashed with determination. “Not until you tell me what the hell is going on,” she shouted in my face. “When I ask you a question, I expected a damn answer!”

“And when I tell you to step away, you step. The. Fuck. Away ,” I roared.

Both of our chests were heaving now, brushing against one another’s. My heart was pounding in my ears, my mind conjuring images of her stalker in the bathroom with her. Fuck, she hadn’t even been safe in her own home. None of this would’ve fucking happened if she hadn’t had fucking left me.

None of this would’ve happened if I had been good enough.

You were never good enough for her, Beau.

I blinked and stepped back, shaking my head.

Abbie glared at me; her long body plastered against the fridge.

I swallowed down the anger, the possessiveness and stated, “Ash called to inform us that your office had been broken into by your stalker. He happened to be watching the live feed from the security cameras your boss provided Red Snake with this afternoon.”

That was a half-truth. She didn’t need to know about Jake Murphy’s hacking skills.

Abbie’s frustration washed away then, her features softening as shock took over. “H-he broke into my office?” she stammered.

I nodded once.

She looked to her feet for a moment. “Did he—did he take anything? Or leave anything?”

Sighing, I ran my fingers through my hair. “Yeah, Abbie, he fucking left something, and no, I don’t want to fucking tell you. It will just make you uncomfortable, and you don’t need to feel like that here.”

“I know I’m safe with you,” she blurted.

I stared. She was damn right about that.

“Hallow Ranch is the safest place for me to be,” she added quickly. “Now, tell me.”

“Abbie,” I sighed.

“No, Beau. I want to know. I have a right to; after all, he is my stalker.”

I surged forward, and both of my hands slammed against the fridge on either side of her head. “Don’t say that shit in front of me ever again,” I quipped harshly, my upper lip curling.

She turned her head from me, but it was too damn late for that. My hand shot up, gripping her soft jaw, tipping her head back slightly so she couldn’t look away when I asked my next question. “The night I showed up on your doorstep, you were wearing another man’s shirt,” I quipped harshly.

She flinched in my hold, her eyes widening once more. “W-what are you—”

“Don’t play dumb with me Abbie Spears. This isn’t the fucking time for that,” I warned through clenched teeth.

“What the hell does this have to do with my damn stalker?”

“Because any man who’s had your pussy after me surely became addicted,” I spat. Her hands went to my chest, and she shoved me back.

“Don’t you dare speak like that to me again,” she hissed, pointing a finger in my face.

“That bastard has a photo of you in the fucking shower, Abbie!” I roared, throwing my arm out. “Who’s to say this man isn’t someone you’ve slept with in the past? Have you even given that a thought, huh?”

She raised her chin, her fists bawling at her sides. “Stop this.”

“Stop what?” I shot back. “Your life is in danger! This man came into your home! He is familiar with it—”

“Stop slut shaming me.”

I blinked, my arms falling back to my sides slowly.

I wasn’t—that wasn’t what I was doing. Was it?

She folded her arms over her chest, tipping her chin back. “Let me clue you in on something: just because a woman wears men’s clothing doesn’t mean she slept with someone to obtain them. For your information, Beau, I like sleeping in big shirts.”

I said nothing, staring at her in a different light now. I knew that. I knew she liked to sleep in big shirts. She liked having her legs bare so she wouldn’t get tangled in the sheets and feel trapped at night.

Deep down, I knew I needed to listen to what she had to say. She was far from done. So, I waited, taking in this raw yet powerful side of her.

Something flickered in her eyes, the fear gone from them now. “Unfortunately, I left all your shirts in the bunkhouse when I left you. Frankly, I didn’t deserve to wear them ever again. When I got into the city, I tried wearing PJs and would end up donating them. Then, one day, I went thrifting with Dave. I bought seven big men’s t-shirts to sleep in, and I keep them in constant rotation,” she explained.

I silently cursed myself, shame coating me like a second skin, weighing me down.

“I’m sorry,” I murmured after a few minutes of silence. She kept quiet, unmoving, studying me. My throat bobbed and I ran my fingers through my hair before looking her in the eyes again. “I wasn’t thinking. I was running on my emotions, Abbie, and I let them get the best of me.” I paused for a moment, trying not to let my possessiveness over her control my tongue. “I can’t stand the thought of you in danger,” I murmured. “I can’t stand knowing that someone invaded your private life and took something precious from you.”

Her brows came together. “Something precious?” she parroted softly.

“Your intimacy,” I clarified.

Understanding dawned, and her arms slowly fell to her sides. She took a deep breath, inhaling and exhaling through her nose as she looked away from me. “And to answer your question, no.”

I bit down, waiting for her to say more.

As the truth spilled from her lips like an overflowing river, she kept her gaze locked on the living room. “There hasn’t—” She cleared her throat. “There hasn’t been anyone since you.”

My shoulders sagged, my eyes widening as my jaw loosened. I needed to say something—anything—but my brain shut down, my body humming with desire.

She’s yours, Beau. Always has been.

My cock twitched in my jeans as she moved away from the fridge, wrapping her arms around herself. She put some distance between us as the air in the cabin became thicker—warmer. My eyes dropped to her lips, knowing I was the only one on this planet to ever taste them, to know their sweetness, to hear her little sounds she made when my tongue stroked hers. I flexed my fingers at my sides, remembering how soft her flesh was, knowing all the right places to squeeze. My mouth salivated then, my cock growing rock hard.

When she looked back at me, ready to say something, most likely ready to brush it off, she stopped short. She wasn’t a fool, but I sure as fuck was. One sentence, and my body felt alive again, every cell inside me pulsing with need.

But fuck, I needed her.

I needed her more than anything else in this world. I needed her in my arms. I needed her soul linked with mine. I needed our bodies connected every damn night. I needed her heart.

It was the only way I would be able to survive.

“Abbie,” I pushed out when her eyes dropped to the front of my jeans.

Her lips parted, sucking in a sharp breath that had goosebumps spreading across my skin. It felt like fire.

I was on fire, and she hadn’t even touched me.

“Beau,” she whispered, her brown eyes flicking back up to meet mine.

My feet remained planted as my chest heaved. If I moved now, there would be no stopping me. She was mine; she’d always been mine, and even though I wasn’t good enough for her, I would always be hers. She lifted her foot, ready to take a step closer to me, but I shook my head.

“You come any closer, mistakes will be made, Wildflower.”

“Mistakes?” she breathed out.

I clenched my jaw. “You need to go upstairs. Now.”

“You don’t want—”

“Take a look at the front of my jeans before you start spouting bullshit,” I clipped. “You know I fucking want you. I’ll always fucking want you, baby, but the fucking problem is, you didn’t want me six years ago, and you don’t want me now.”

She looked hurt and her eyes started shining. “Beau—”

“Get away from me, Abbie,” I ordered before giving her my back, bracing my hands on the countertop once more.

Nothing else was said. The only sound in the cabin was her footsteps to the living room and a few seconds later, up the stairs, followed by her bedroom door shutting. I stayed downstairs, staring out into the night for a long time, replaying every second of our lives together, trying to pinpoint when I fucked up, when I stopped being good enough for her.

Then, after midnight, I made my way upstairs to get ready for bed. The second my head hit the pillow, all I could see was Abbie on top of me, her silky brown hair hanging down the sides of her face, her lips parted in pleasure, her skin glistening as she rode my cock. I closed my eyes, muttering a curse as my cock hardened again.

I didn’t deserve her in real life, so there was no way I deserved to pleasure myself to the thought of her. Instead of stroking my cock, giving it the release it desperately needed, I folded my hands behind my head and forced myself to go to sleep.