Live for Me (Hallow Ranch)

Chapter Twenty-Six

Abbie

I looked up from our intertwined hands to the table, holding my breath.

I could feel Beau’s eyes on me, his grip tighter than before.

Actually, I could feel everyone’s eyes on me and the air in the dining room was chilling. I didn’t have the stomach to look at them. I caused so much pain. I hurt Beau, his father—-hell, I even think I hurt the Langston brothers.

“He fuckin’ touched you,” Beau said darkly, his voice cutting through the silence like a blade.

I said nothing, still not ready to face my judgment.

Beau released my hand, shooting up from his seat, sending his chair flying back, crashing onto the floor. I jumped, and suddenly, my chair was ripped back and twisted. Beau’s hands flew down, slamming against the armrests, caging me in. Anger and death painted his face, transforming him from the man I loved into the monster he told me he’d become. His hard features were set in stone, the flame in his eyes untamed now as he leaned down.

“HE FUCKIN’ TOUCHED YOU!”

His roar bounced off the walls and instantly scared NJ. The baby girl started crying and my eyes left him, looking for her.

“Beau,” Denver warned.

Beau blocked my view, and I heard Valerie murmur something, another chair scooting back. My head twisted when she finally came into my view, her crying daughter—clinging to her. Valerie’s worried eyes met mine as I pushed out. “I’m sorry—I’m sorry for all the trouble I caused—I—”

Beau’s hand cupped my jaw and turned my head back to face him. “He fuckin’ touched you,” he repeated.

“Drop your hand.”

Mags’ deep command shot through the air like a bullet, and Beau’s eyes sliced over to his friend.

“He fuckin’ touched her,” my cowboy growled, his body vibrating with rage, his fingers tightening.

It hurt, yes.

But it wasn’t on purpose; I knew that in my soul.

“Know that, Beau, but you need to check your anger before you touch your woman right now,” Mags said calmly, a jagged edge to his voice. “Only going to say it one more time: Drop. Your. Hand .”

The reaction was almost immediate. Beau’s hand disappeared, and he backed away from me, like I was the one who’d burned him. He tore off his hat, rubbing that same hand through his hair. “Fuck,” he rasped, looking at me in a different like now. “Fuck.”

More chairs moved and I didn’t have to look to know Harmony and I were the only ones still sitting. I kept my eyes on Beau. “I’m sorry,” I breathed out, putting my hands to my chest in an effort to ease the ache. I shook my head again. “I’m so sorry, Beau.”

I broke then, shattering into a million pieces, letting all the pain from the last six years free. My head was in my hands next as my body jerked with each sob as I chanted the same words into my palms.

I’m sorry.

I’m sorry.

I’m sorry.

I’m sorry.

I leaned forward, sinking to my knees on the floor, unable to handle the poisonous agony coursing through me. For six years, I’d held onto that night. For six years, I suffered in silence, made myself out to be an enemy, all to protect him. For six years, I ignored my broken heart, putting on a show for the rest of the world.

Now, the secret was out, and as my tears showed no signs of stopping, another realization crashed into me like a freight train: I was dying, rotting from the inside out. My ears began to ring.

I’d spent the rest of my twenties pretending to live.

Knives gathered in my throat, slicing the soft tissue, cutting off my ability to speak.

“Abbie,” Jigs’ gentle voice murmured from above me.

My head shot up to look at him, the image blurred by tears. “I’m not Amanda,” I rasped, my throat hurting.

A pained look slashed across his features then, his creases deepening, his smile lines almost disappearing as his lips turned down. “I promise I’m not her, Jigs,” I cried out. “I loved Beau. I still love Beau. Leaving him was the hardest thing I ever had to do.”

“I know, sweetheart,” he urged.

Something else cracked inside my chest, and I couldn’t look at him anymore. “I’m not her. I’m not a mean woman. I’m kind. I’m good. I promise. I’m not her.” Each word grew softer, more broken.

I felt Beau then, and I opened my eyes to find him on his knees in front of me. “No, you’re not,” he rasped, his arms hanging down, his torso bent. He was wearing a similar expression as his father, but the rage was still there. “You’re my wildflower.”

My face crumbled again. “Beau.”

His throat bobbed. “You’re my Abbie, and that’s all you’re ever gonna be to me. You hear me?”

“I—I—I’m sorry,” I stammered, my breath hitching as my body continued to succumb to everything I’d kept beneath the surface. “Beau, I never wanted to leave you.”

His stared at me, tears shining in his eyes now, his throat bobbing.

“I wanted to say yes,” I cried out, shoving my hands into my hair. “I wanted to be your wife, Beau! I—I never wanted to hurt you. But I couldn’t live like that! I couldn’t live—I would never been able to live with myself if something happened to you because of me,” I cried out, not caring about all the people in the room, the eyes watching the shit show that was Abbie damn Spears. I put my hands to my chest, feelings I’d kept locked up spilling out of me, and I was powerless to stop it now. “I was a mess, Beau. The entire fucking town hated me because of my mother. They only tolerated me because of you. You were cut from good and decent cloth—clean and perfect. I was trash!” My voice bounced off the walls of the Langston dining room as the tears I’d been holding back finally spilled over. I dropped my head, shaking it as I croaked, “I couldn’t live like that, and I was so afraid, Beau. I was so afraid they would hurt you, and if they couldn’t get to you, then they might have come after Jigs—Denver and Caleb.”

At the mention of his son, Denver softly cleared his throat, and I looked over Beau’s shoulder to find the ranch owner staring down at me with regret swirling in his gray eyes. “Abbie,” he began, his deep voice the softest I’ve ever heard it. “I would’ve protected everyone. Trust in that.”

I straightened. “No. No, Denver, you don’t understand—” I cut myself off, looking back to Beau. “These men, they were professionals. After that night, I constantly felt like I was being watched and…and the day you proposed to me….” My voice faded, the memory of my rejection coming to the forefront. That day would haunt me for the rest of my life.

“What about that day, baby?” Beau asked quietly.

My chest nearly caved in. “I felt them watching me—us.”

The flame of fury in his eyes burned everything else lingering within them, and he looked at Denver. “Call Chase.”

“No!” I blurted, grabbing his arm.

“Abbie, this—”

“The other two men, the ones who pointed their guns at me.”

His jaw tightened. “What about them?”

They still weren’t getting it. I had to make them understand.

“They looked like professionals, possible law enforcement or former military,” I explained as Harmony came into view, her arms wrapped around herself.

“Abbie, I need you to get off the floor please. You’re killing me,” she said, her raspy voice sweet.

“Good idea,” Beau muttered darkly, holding out his hand.

Once we were both on our feet, he bound his arm around my waist, holding me to him as the other cupped my face. The rest of the room faded as he stroked my cheek, brushing the tears away. “Did I hurt you?” he asked. I could tell he was trying to keep his anger in check, but his body was tense. He was ready to explode.

I shook my head. “You could never hurt me, cowboy,” I promised, putting my hand over his heart. I pressed my lips together for a moment.

If Beau was able to keep his emotions in check, I should be able to do the same.

“I’m sorry for breaking this,” I whispered.

“I’m sorry for letting you break it,” he returned, his voice thick.

The breeze was gentle as Valerie moved the swing we sat on, pushing off the porch with her foot. Harmony was sitting on the porch railing, one knee to her chest, watching me closely. My legs were curled up, my arms keeping them close to my chest while Valerie had a foot tucked underneath her.

The three of us had been out here for the last half hour.

After my breakdown, I gave the cowboys the descriptions of the men again, and they immediately dove into planning. They were going to hunt them down—for me and Beau. Ten minutes in, the conversation took a dark yet unsurprising turn, and Harmony read me like a book. She and Valerie brought me to the porch, gave me a blanket, and we all sat in silence for a long time.

“I would’ve done the same thing.”

My head snapped up, finding Valerie’s eyes. “What?” I breathed.

“In a heartbeat,” Harmony added.

My eyes bounced back and forth between the two women. My next question came out on a broken rasp. “You would’ve?”

Harmony nodded, looking down to her lap, twisting her fingers. “Mason saved my life, in more ways than I can count,” she confessed. “He made me feel alive again after so many years.” She inhaled a deep breath, and her eyes met mine. “I was dead inside, Abbie. I didn’t have the will to live, and then here comes this cocky, dangerous bull rider.”

Valerie’s chest moved, inhaling a deep breath as she picked at a loose string on her blanket. Her eyes weren’t on me or Harmony, and I knew she was lost in her own memories.

“He crashed into my life and showed me what it was like to be loved,” Harmony continued. “So yes, Abbie, I would’ve done exactly what you did. In. A. Heartbeat .”

“My mom used to always tell me to live,” Valerie added softly. “I’d spent so many years fighting for her, taking care of her, and somewhere along the way, I stopped living for myself.” She looked at me. “When I met Denver, I’d never seen anyone—anything—more beautiful.”

I swallowed the painful lump in my throat, understanding both of them completely.

“He was a force of nature sent to remind me to live,” Valerie said, giving me a sad smile. “When I told my mom about him, told her he wanted me to stay, you want to know what she said?” A single tear fell onto her cheek. “She told me to live.”

Harmony sniffled. She was crying too.

Valerie closed her eyes, grief hitting her. “I would’ve done whatever it took to keep Denver and Caleb safe.”

“And we need to thank you for protecting Beau,” Harmony whispered. “If you hadn’t left him…” She trailed off, looking out into the night.

Valerie looked at her sister-in-law, finishing the sentence for her. “Hallow Ranch wouldn’t be here.”

“You don’t—”

“You said they were professionals,” Harmony cut in, wiping her tears again. “Professionals know how to make things look like an accident. They would have done it, Abbie. You need to understand that. I’ve been around men like that. Their threats aren’t tactics for fear. They are promises.”

A chill slithered down my back.

“None of us would be here, Abbie,” Valerie murmured, reaching over to grab my hand.

“So thank you,” Harmony rasped, hopping down from the railing.

“Thank you so much for protecting Hallow Ranch,” Valerie cried, breaking and lunging for me. Her arms were around me, followed by Harmony’s.

The validation seeped into my heart and soon, the three of us were in a heap on the porch, holding each other and crying.

I didn’t know how much time had passed when Mags found us. We slowly broke apart, all tear-stained cheeks and red-rimmed eyes, looking up the dark cowboy.

“Hi,” Valerie greeted, laughing quietly.

Mags blinked. “Kings is looking for you, Val.”

“Oh.” She moved to get up, and Mags was there, holding out his hand for her. Once she was on her feet, she put her hand on his shoulder, silently thanking him before heading inside. Mags’ dark eyes studied Harmony and me for a moment.

“Women don’t belong on the floor,” he said gruffly, holding out his hand to Harmony first, helping her up, and then to me.

His hand was warm, calloused, and strong—like Beau’s. He pulled me up with ease.

“Thank you,” I muttered, wiping the tears from my cheeks again. “Sorry I’m such a mess.”

Mags said nothing, stepping back away from us.

“You disappearing into the night, Mags?” Harmony asked, teasing him with a soft smile.

He headed down the porch steps. “I’ll be back.”

And that was all he gave us before he disappeared.

“You know he heard every single word of our conversation, right?” Harmony asked, staring up at the moon now.

My head jerked. “Wasn’t he in there with the rest of the cowboys?”

Harmony stepped forward, leaning her forearms against the porch railing. I followed her, mirroring her position. “He’s been in the foyer, listening in on the cowboys and us,” she explained, shooting me a look. “He may never thank you for doing what you did, Abbie, but trust me when I say, that man is grateful.”

I nodded. “I know he is.”

The screen door opened behind us, and I looked over my shoulder, finding Beau coming out, placing his hat on his head. As the door banged shut behind him, he came directly to me, cupping my face in his hands, his lips heading for mine.

“Sorry, Harm,” he muttered. “Need to kiss my fuckin’ woman.”

His lips landed on mine, and I clung to him, my hands landing on his biceps as his tongue forced my lips open. And God, Harmony watching or not, I let him in. He tasted like mint, anger, and all man. He held me in place, kissing me until I was breathless, my heart pounding for an entirely different reason now.

Slowly, he pulled away, both of us breathing heavy now.

A throat cleared softly at our side, and Beau looked over to her, his forehead resting on mine.

“I would just like to say, I’m glad I tried to help her run away from you,” she said, her words making me look at her too. There was a deep blush on her cheeks, and her eyes shone with pride. “I would also like to take partial credit for this.” She gestured to the both of us, tucking a curl behind her ear.

“Harmony,” Beau called.

“Hm?”

“Go find your husband,” he suggested, his lips twitching.

She nodded. “Right. Yeah. Um. I’m just going to…”

I didn’t even get to say goodnight to her before Beau was kissing me again, this time with a sense of urgency that made my body ignite. He backed me into a pillar, growling into my mouth before taking my bottom lip between his teeth, pressing his front to mine. His thumbs shifted below my jaw, forcing my head back, allowing him to dive down, his lips kissing along the path he’d grabbed in the dining room. With every kiss, he whispered something new.

“I’m sorry.”

Kiss.

“My beautiful wildflower.”

Kiss.

“Forgive me.”

Kiss.

“My precious Abbie.”

Kiss.

“My love.”

Kiss.

“Please forgive me.”

His name came from my lips, breathless. There was nothing to forgive. My eyes closed as he brought his mouth back up to my face, taking his time, peppering kisses over every inch. My chin. My lips. Each corner of my mouth. My nose. My cheeks. My eyelids. My temples. My forehead.

“I love you,” I croaked when he was done.

Before I knew it, my head was on his shoulder, his hand on the back of my head, those strong fingers weaving into my hair. I snaked my arms up, locking them around his neck.

Neither of us said anything for a long time, and after a while, he eventually started swaying.

Back and forth.

Side to side.

Back and forth.

Side to side.

Inside the house, I heard the twins yelling, Denver telling them to shut up. I saw Valerie in the living room window, smiling up at her stepson as he kissed his little sister on the nose. I saw Harmony come in, Mason on her heels. Through the screen door, I saw Jigs reaching for his hat on the wall and slowly placing it on his head, looking at Denver, who was standing in the kitchen.

“I’m sorry for hurting you, Beau,” I whispered. “But I’m not sorry for protecting Hallow Ranch.”

He pulled me back, studying me.

“I’m not sorry for protecting you,” I rasped, my hands falling to his chest, the steady beat of his heart grounding me. He would never know how much he meant to me, how much that little organ meant to me. Each beat was precious, a blessing. “I hope you can forgive me for the pain I’ve caused.”

“Told you not to apologize anymore,” he said.

“Then what do you want me to do?”

I had to do something.

“Love me, Wildflower. That’s all you gotta do.”