Chapter 47
T he Enchanters worked diligently, never missing a beat as they rotated to every angel that needed assistance. They had checked on each of us, giving us the okay when they saw fit that we could walk around on our own. Natalia had done her normal once over, scanning her magic over us to check for things that you wouldn’t see on the outside and having Xander go behind her and double check. A large bandage decorated my thigh and the knowledge that the wound would heal in time settled on my mind.
I assumed that went for all wounds and not just physical ones.
I walked down the hall of the infirmary, stopping to look in on Beetee, who had lost consciousness multiple times before they got her stable enough to feel comfortable leaving her alone. Well… alone was subjective. Elise eyed me from the corner of the room, pushing out of the chair she sat in and walking over to me.
“How is she?” I asked, crossing my arms over my chest as I leaned around the door frame.
“She’s fine. She won’t be shifting any time soon, but she’ll survive. I had to calm her moms down, which was my second least favorite part of the day.” I had been informed that Beetee had been my second light source. I didn’t know how I would ever thank her, but I would spend every minute of time I had figuring out a way. Beetee wasn’t like me. She didn’t need rigorous training to find her light and nourish it. She quite possibly was the light and used it in a different way other than for fighting. For Beetee, it was a demeanor and not a weapon.
I sighed. “I’m sorry. I really didn’t mean to…”
She held her hand up to stop me. “Yeah, I know. I would have been surprised if you didn’t explode with your unhinged hybrid powers at least once. Never again though or I’ll kill you myself.”
I let out a small chuckle. “Right.”
We heard crying coming from one of the rooms down the hall. I looked down at the floor and shook my head. Elise clucked her tongue. “She’s been like that for hours.”
Xander ended up having to give Leah a soothing tonic just to get her to stop convulsing into tears. She fought the healers that tried to take her husband away and she’d always tried to run out of the infirmary to find him. Natalia had attempted to talk to her, but she wouldn’t listen. She’d respectfully asked the High Priestess to leave her room.
“How would you feel if your husband died right in front of you?” I asked, raising my eyebrows.
Elise shrugged. “I don’t know. From what daddy Cassial says, Daya and Alex are watching her kids.”
Fuck , her kids. I had fought so hard to control myself and keep the powers in check so that Garrett could reunite with his family. I wanted to do something good and for it to work out. I held myself back to keep a family together, just for Dimitri to tear it all apart with a literal snap of his fingers.
I could still feel the weight of his heart in my hand and I wished I had crushed it, burnt it to pieces and stuffed the ashes down his throat. My heart beat loudly and I fisted the fresh shirt I wore, giving my hands something to do. Before I knew it, I was walking down the hall towards Leah’s room.
“Dani, if she didn’t want to see the witch, what makes you think she’ll want to see you?” Elise called after me but I ignored her.
I took a deep breath before I peeked into the room. Leah was huddled on the bed, her legs bent so that she could rest her chin on her knees. I took a tentative step inside, lightly knocking on the open door. She looked over at me, the area under her eyes was swollen from crying and red splotches decorated her face. “Please get out.”
I pressed my tongue into my cheek. I should have left and done exactly what she wanted. I really was terrible at following orders. I stepped further into the room and she huffed out a sigh.
“Dani, please , leave.” Her voice was small and the words that came out didn’t hold much ill-intent.
“I’m sorry,” I said, knowing that wasn’t enough and it never would be.
She squinted at me. “You’re sorry?”
I nodded, deciding that where I was standing was as close as I would get for now. Leah placed her hand over her mouth, shaking her head. “Dimitri should be sorry, not you.”
“You shouldn’t be dealing with this. You should be doing what you always planned together, whatever that may be. The two of you should be hugging your kids.” She let out a choked sob for a moment, causing me to stop speaking. She wiped her hands under her eyes, collecting herself. I continued,“you can’t punish Dimitri for what he’s done, but you can punish me in his place. I let you down and you deserve some kind of justice for all your pain.”
Leah swallowed, placing her hands on her cheeks as she stared at me. “Punishing you would be useless since you’ve done nothing wrong. I want to make someone hurt for Garrett, yes. I loved my husband and having him taken from me is the worst thing I have ever, ever felt. A part of me is missing, Dani. We were bonded in a way that makes my very soul weep.” She held her hand to her chest, tears streaming down her cheeks. “He would want me to fight when the time is right. He would want me to save my energy for our children and be there for them because they are going to hurt, just as much if not more than me. I just need time to wrap my head around the fact that I am without the other half of my heart.”
My heart thumped against my chest at her words. I felt my eyes burning from my own tears. “I want justice for you.”
She nodded solemnly, moving her hair behind her ears. “I do too, sweetheart. Garrett, Yuri, Jasmine, they deserved it.” Her eyes locked onto mine as if she wanted my full attention. “You gave my husband his family back by keeping Dimitri’s men at bay in Hell. You let me hold my husband for far longer than I thought I might get a chance to.” She scooted off the bed and leaned back against it. “He was one of the last resurrecting Enchanters and now there is just your Nicholas. We were hoping Yuri or Jasmine would start to show some signs of it soon, to keep their father’s line alive.”
“I’m sure Nick can learn right alongside them if they do,” I said, hopefulness in my tone.
“I overheard that he hasn’t woken up.”
I rocked back and forth on my feet. “Rumors are true.”
Suddenly, she was right in front of me, taking my hands in hers. She looked deep into my eyes. “You want to do something for me? You never give up on him. You stay by his side and wake him up however you can. Garrett was rooting for you two, as odd as your pairing may be. If you ever for a second think about faltering, think about how Garrett would have loved to see the things that you two would achieve. The moment you think Nicholas is a lost cause, you are hurting everyone who ever believed in you both. Sometimes healing medicine and wishful thinking isn’t enough. Sometimes all they need is you and you alone to bring them back.”
I swallowed the very big lump in my throat wanting to verbally commit to a yes but I simply nodded. She grabbed my shoulders and pulled me into a hug. I nuzzled my face into her neck. “Garrett was so lucky to be loved by you.”
She cried harder, her words coming out choked. “Oh, I was so lucky to be loved by him .”
I pulled back, planning to leave her in peace, but she stopped me. “In a few minutes can you tell them to bring my children here. I don’t know how I’ll make it through it, but I can’t leave them in the dark forever.”
I gave her one solid nod. “Yeah, I can do that. If you want some additional strength, I’m here.”
Nick let out steady breaths as he remained asleep. If you took out the random shaking and jolts he did, he looked serene in his comatose state. Reese had his feet kicked up on one of the tables as he leaned back in his chair, sleeping and Mr. Cassial was in the other chair, staring down at the floor.
Maurice looked up at me, giving me a wilted smile. “How are you feeling?”
I moved my head from side to side. “I’ve been better, but okay.”
He hummed, looking over at his son. “No changes. His skin is still on fire and his eyes are roaming away underneath his lids. I wish I knew what was happening in that head of his.”
“Nothing good, but he’ll pull through. He always does.” I sounded optimistic and I hoped he believed me.
He squeezed my hand. “Yes he does.”
I licked my lips, giving Nick my full attention when I said, “can I have a minute with him?”
Maurice chuckled softly. “Of course you can.” He walked over to Reese, jostling his shoulder. The blonde angel jumped, kicking the table.
“What, what’s happening?” Reese looked around the room. “Did he wake up?!”
Maurice sighed. “No. We are going to give them a moment alone.” He nodded his head towards the door.
I held onto the side of Nick’s bed as I watched them leave. Reese spun around before he exited. “I’ve tried everything I could. You are probably the only person that can wake him up. Do what you can…please.”
I cocked my head to the side, watching as he gave me a tight lipped smile before walking out of the room. I let out a heavy sigh, not really knowing where to begin. I ran my knuckles over his cheek, feeling the heat wafting off of him. “I don’t think I need to ask you what’s going on in that head of yours.”
I leaned forward, grabbing his hand and placing it to my lips. “You worked so hard to keep those thoughts in check and now he’s placed you with them without a way out.” I didn’t know if he could hear me, but I just didn’t care.
I placed his hand at my cheek. “Was this what it was like when I was dying in your arms? Was there a sharp pain in your chest? That’s what I feel right now and I don’t like it, Nick. I can’t stand it. So I really need you to wake up.”
I kissed his knuckles, over and over again. “I told you I would fight your demons if I could and right now, I really fucking want to, baby. They are all clouded in your head, but I can’t get to them. Fuck, Nick, you spent all that time making sure Dimitri didn’t take me away from you, so do not let him take you away from me .”
I dropped his hand and moved further up his body, placing my hand along his jaw. I leaned down and kissed his forehead. He jolted a bit and I could see his face contort for a short moment in pain. “I don’t know how to fix this, Nick. You’re my fixer. You’re the one with well thought out ideas. You’re the hero.You’re the one who tells me when something is probably not a good idea, but I do it anyway and you tag along because you love me so fucking much. God, why do you love me so fucking much.”
I didn’t know why I was talking so much. Maybe if I spoke enough he would wake up just to shut me up. If I had to go to Hell to figure out how to fix this I would. Nick would never approve, but that was a risk I was willing to take. Too much had happened for me to go the easy route when it came to getting him back.
I placed my hand at his cheek, pressing my palm against it. I kissed his other cheek, my tears making his skin wet. “Leah said that when Garrett died it was like half of her heart was gone. You are right here and I feel like half of my heart is fumbling. I know what it’s like to be lost in the dark, Nick, and I wouldn’t put that kind of emptiness on my worst enemy.”
I didn’t have necromancer powers like Nick, but he wasn’t even dead. I didn’t have the kind of magic that could remove the net and kill all the demons in his mind. I wasn’t this heroic figure he thought I was—if I was, I would be able to fix him. Despite everything, all the self loathing in that Hell prison, all the torture from Lilith and everyone else—I had never felt weaker than I did right in this moment.
I moved my head down so that I could rest my cheek at his chest. His heartbeat thrummed against my ear and it was nice. “You promised me you would stand beside me or behind me. Whichever I prefer. You can’t do that if you’re like this, so just wake up. We can’t exist together if you don’t wake up.”
I sighed, sniffing against his chest. I would go to Hell. That was it. My mind was made up and I was going to fight for him, for my own happiness. I deserved to be happy and not have to destroy an entire realm to achieve it.
I pulled away from him, starting to make my way out of the room and alert the others of my plan when Leah’s words halted me.
Sometimes healing medicine and wishful thinking isn’t enough. Sometimes all they need is you and you alone to bring them back.
That was what I was doing. Me, myself and I were going to bring him back. I took another step and then stopped again. Maybe, that’s not what she meant. I brought my hands out, palms up and stared at them. I slowly turned around and made my way back over to him. I leaned over, placing my hand to his chest and ran my nose over his.
“I love you Nicholas Cassial. Please come home to me,” I whispered against his lip before I kissed him. The kiss was soft and I just held my lips against his. I pushed my light out against his chest, trying to dig it in as deep as I could. I tried to keep my shadows at bay, assuming that they weren’t needed but I felt them caress his body and move in alongside the light.
I told Nick I would fight the demons in his mind, if I could.
I had to try .