Lost in Life

Chapter 17

Nova

Motherfucking arrogant piece of shit.

I glare down at the unconscious man. Men always underestimate me. A fact I have used to my advantage many times throughout my life.

My mind flashes back to the many times I’ve had to use the element of surprise. It’s not been an easy time by myself, but I’ve learned a thing or two along the way.

Hands grip my shoulders, spinning me around. “Are you okay?” West asks again, his eyes and hands roaming over my body.

I push away from him, holding my hands up as a barrier between us. “I’m fine.” I snap, gesturing around us. “All this? It doesn’t make us okay. If anything, it’s the opposite.” West looks at me brokenly, crossing his arms to keep from reaching for me again. “What the fuck were you doing, West?”

Confused, he cocks his head to the side. “I was getting the motherfucker off of you.” He replies, his eyes widening. “Wait, did you…want it?” Hurt flashes across his face as he glances at the man lying on the floor.

Shaking my head, I run my hand through my hair. “No, jackass. Not that. In the alley. Why were you just watching?” My anger fades as a deep sadness fills me. “Were you going to just let him kill me? I know we’re not in the best place but…” I avert my gaze, chewing on my bottom lip.

He’s abandoned me before, I don’t know why I’m surprised.

“No!” West exclaims, the volume mixed with the bright lights making me flinch. Noticing my discomfort, he lowers his voice. “Sorry.” He mutters, taking a step closer to me. “I just need you to understand how wrong you are, Nova. I froze for a moment, I was so scared of losing you that I became paralyzed by the fear. But I swear to you, I wouldn’t, I didn’t, let him.” Reaching a hand up, he gently strokes my cheek.

My heart aches as I desperately want to believe him. Want to welcome him back into my life. But it’s too late.

Shaking my head, I push away his hand. “I wish I could believe you.” I murmur, turning and stepping over the still unconscious man.

Walking out of the room, I discover the same small living space I woke up in earlier. Wooden planks run across the floor and up the empty walls. The only furniture a small table tucked into the space between a kitchen and the main living area, a built-in wall of cabinets on one side of the living area, and a leather couch sits beside an old wood furnace on the other.

If I didn’t know better, I would think this place was abandoned.

Walking through the sparse room, I open the front door, exiting to my freedom. Stepping out onto the porch, my eyes scan the darkness surrounding the small cabin.

“Fuck me.” I grumble, the sounds of forest life echoing in the dark. Turning back toward the cabin, I stumble into West. He instinctively catches me before I can trip and fall.

Keeping a hold on me, he peers out into the darkness. “Guess we’re not going anywhere right now, huh?”

Pulling free from his hold, I stomp past him. “Help me find some rope or something.” I shout over my shoulder.

“Rope?” West calls back, following me back inside.

Rummaging through drawers, I nod. “Yeah, we need something to tie our mystery anti-hero up with.” Pausing my search, I turn toward West, placing my hands on my hips. “If we’re going to stay here, I am not going to let him walk around thinking he can do whatever the fuck he wants.” A flash of the man hovering over me goes through my mind, my pussy clenching in response.

Nope. That did not turn you on. No fucking way.

Turning back toward the wall of built-in cabinets, I resume my search, letting out a triumphant cry as I discover the motherlode. “Oh fuck yeah!” I exclaim, my smile widening as I beckon West over.

Coming up behind me, he looks over my discovery, whistling. “Well hot damn. Who is this guy?” He muses, running his hand along a long curved knife.

Grabbing the rope, I turn toward the small kitchen table and move one of the chairs next to the old furnace. “I don’t know, but we sure as shit are about to find out.”

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West tosses the ice cold water onto the man. He wakes with a start, head whipping around as he tugs on the ropes confining him. “What the fuck is this?” He growls, turning his wild eyes on me. “You better let me go, little girl.” He warns, his voice dangerously low.

Stepping up to him, I press the blade against his throat, leaning into his face. “I’m not a little girl.” I growl, my anger growing at the term.

Glaring at me, he snarls, “Yeah? Then what are you?”

Smirking at him, I press the blade harder against his skin. “I’m your worst nightmare.” I reach my free hand up to pat his cheek. “I would also advise you stop calling me she and her. That is, if you want to keep your tongue.”

I’ve officially cracked. I’m not sure what has taken over me, but I feel a sadistic sense of satisfaction at the promise of retribution for the constant misgendering. It’s like years of pain and frustration come crashing into me and break free with the threat.

Maybe I should have taken this approach sooner. Maybe people would have actually listened.

My musings are cut off by his snort. “Okay, I’ll bite.” He agrees, arching an eyebrow. “And what, pray tell, should I call you?”

I glare down at him, stepping back and crossing my arms. “They or them would work just fine.” I reply, watching him carefully.

His humorous expression fades to confusion. “They? The fuck?” He mumbles, glancing over my shoulder at West before returning his gaze to mine, his eyes widening. “Wait. Does that mean you're not…?” His voice trails off as his eyes go to my stomach.

“Not what?” I snap, feeling self conscious under his intense gaze.

Shaking his head, he smirks. “Well that makes things easier.” He licks his lips, raking his eyes up and down my body. “Why don’t you let me free, beautiful, and we can finish what we started earlier?” I shudder, my body responding to him despite my aversion to the man.

“You wish, asshole.” I sneer, turning my back to him to hide my reaction. Only in doing so, I’m met with West’s suspicious look. “What?” I snap at him, growing increasingly frustrated with the two men.

He looks between me and the man tied up across the room. “You don’t actually want him, right?” He asks in a low voice.

Throwing my hands in the air, I let out an exasperated noise. “Are you fucking kidding me? Can you guys stop thinking about my pussy for one goddamn second?” I cry, instantly regretting the outburst as both of their eyes shift to the space between my legs. “For fucks’ sake.” I grumble, shoving past West and out into the chilly night air.

The instant the cool breeze hits my face, all the emotion drains out of me. The earlier anger fades and I’m overwhelmed by an intense exhaustion.

Once. Just once I wish I didn’t have to come out.

Apparently it doesn’t matter the context, whether it be a complete stranger I have tied up or my own mother, it hurts every single time.

Maybe I’ll just get it tattooed on my forehead, save myself the breath.

I let out a watery laugh, blinking back tears I didn’t realize had formed.

“Hey peanut.” West murmurs, stepping out onto the porch. Ignoring him, I keep my gaze fixed on the dark yard in front of us. Sighing, he walks closer, the wood creaking beneath each step. Coming to a stop next to me, he nudges my shoulder with his. “Wanna punch him in the face again?” He chuckles. “I know I would feel better.”

Snorting, I shake my head. “Shut up.” I laugh, wiping my eyes with the back of my hand.

Nudging me again, he smirks. “Oh come on, just one more little fist to face action?” He pleads. “It was pretty hot, ya know.” I snap my head up to look at him, my eyes wide.

Did he…?

His cheeks redden at my shocked expression but he doesn’t try to explain away his casual admittance. Studying my face for a moment, he lets out a heavy sigh, turning to face the expansive darkness. “What the hell.” He mutters, taking a deep breath and slowly releasing it.

Before I can ask what the fuck is going on in his mind, he starts talking again. “You’ve always been my person, you know.” He starts, gripping the wooden railing. “From the moment you entered my life, there was this, like, instant connection. There was never just me, it was always us. West and Nova. Nova and West.” He trails off, chewing on his lip.

“West…” I mutter, my words halting when he holds up a hand.

Glancing at me, he breaks my heart with the look on his face. “Please. Let me…just let me get this out, okay? Then you can say whatever you want, or nothing at all.” He begs, holding my gaze. I slowly nod, running my fingers across my lips with a twist of my wrist in a locking motion. His lips twitch but the smile doesn’t reach his eyes.

“Thank you.” He murmurs, looking away again. “I know I fucked it all up. Believe me, I know. I regretted leaving that church every single fucking day.” Running a hand through his hair, he blows out a breath. “I was so hurt I didn’t stop to think how much it was hurting you too. How much I was hurting you.”

He pauses, his shoulders slumping. “I wish I could say I would do things differently if we went back, but I don’t fucking know. I was just a kid and my mom, she was…”

I put my hand on his arm, pulling his attention to me. “I know.” I say, aching at the sorrow I find in his eyes.

He holds my gaze briefly before nodding. Reaching up a hand, he covers mine with his own. “No matter how much I was hurting over her, I never could have imagined the pain I would feel at the loss of you.” My breath catches as I listen to his words and find the truth of them shining in his eyes. “My mom might have been my only family, but Nova, you…You were my everything, and I was a goddamn fucking idiot for ever walking out of your life.” Silence envelopes us at his declaration, even the woodland creatures have ceased their midnight chirping.

We don’t say anything, staring into each other’s eyes, attempting to communicate through just a look like we used to be able to so long ago.

Releasing my hand, he reaches up to cup my face. “I should have told you this a long time ago, peanut.” He murmurs, stroking my cheek. “I love you.”

My heart hammers in my chest as I watch Nova’s face. Shock fades to an emotion I can’t quite place before an all too familiar anger overtakes their delicate features.

Shoving my hand off of them, Nova glares at me. “Seriously, West?” They cry, backing away.

I drop my arm to my side, my soul dying at their reaction.

I deserve this.

“Nu-uh.” They snap, stomping closer again. Their chest brushes against mine as they lean their head back to peer up at me. Jabbing a finger into my chest, Nova growls, “Youdon’t get to be upset. Do you have any idea how badly I wanted to hear those three fucking words?” They ask, a little of the anger bleeding out. “How many times I silently begged, wished for you to feel the same way I-” Their words cut off as a choked sob breaks from their chest.

Shaking their head, they ball their hand into a fist, pounding against my chest. “I loved you, damnit!” Nova shouts, hitting me again and again. I stand there and let them let out all the pain I’ve caused, taking their agony on for them. Sobbing, their blows weaken. “I loved you. I-I still love you.”

My heart stops and lungs freeze. “You-you do?” I manage to choke out.

Nova shakes their head, looking up at me, tears streaming down their face. “Yes.” They whisper and, for the first time in a long time, a small blossom of hope blooms in my chest. “But it doesn’t matter. It’s too late.” As quickly as the hope bloomed, it dies off, shriveling to nothing but an empty despair.

Backing away, Nova turns and enters the cabin, leaving me alone with my pain, just as I did to them all those years ago.

Nova

“I love you.”

Those three words repeat in my head over and over as I stumble into the cabin.

“Trouble in paradise?” The tied up, arrogant bastard calls out.

Flipping him the bird, I mutter, “Fuck off.” I cross the room, flinging open the fridge and snatching out a water bottle. Chugging the cool liquid, I have the sudden need for something stronger.

Turning toward my prisoner, I gesture around. “You got anything stronger than piss beer in this place?”

He arches an eyebrow at me. “What’s in it for me if I do?” Smirking, he runs his eyes down my body.

I sigh heavily, crossing my arms. “Maybe I won’t chop your balls off. How’s that?” I snap.

Throwing his head back, his laughter echoes in the sparse room. Lowering his head again, his laughs die off as he narrows his eyes. “I’d like to see you try.” He challenges.

“Don’t fucking try me. Not tonight, mysterio.” I warn, slamming the fridge door. Turning away from him, I walk toward what I hope is a bathroom. Opening the door, I let out a relieved breath, something finally going right for me as my eyes land on the clawfoot tub.

Yes. A bath is just what I need.

Before I can close the door behind me, I hear a shout from outside the bathroom. “Zayn.” The man calls.

Sighing, I step back out, knowing I’m going to regret the decision. “What?”

The man wiggles in his binds, twisting his arm enough to point a finger at himself. “Zayn.” He repeats. “I want you to know the name of the man who’s going to take away that pain shining behind your eyes, beautiful.”

My breath hitches and I spin around, running back into the safety of the bathroom and slamming the door shut behind me.

What is happening?

I woke up this morning distraught with grief over Hollis and now I’m trapped in a shack with two men who just declared their affection for me like we’re in some dumbass romance novel.

This can’t be real life. Carver must have actually killed me and I’m in hell.

Walking on numb legs toward the sink, I bend over and splash water onto my face. Gripping the edge, I peer at my reflection. My eyes zero in on the bruises on my throat, noting the tear streaks running down my face, my hair sticking out in a chaotic mess.

Oh yes, I can see why every man in my vicinity is losing their ever loving mind. I mean look at me, I’m such a catch.

Shaking my head, I push off the sink and start the water in the tub, turning to hunt for something to wash away the day. I find a small bottle of body wash and travel size bottle of shampoo.

Setting them next to the tub, I begin to strip. I test the water before twisting the knobs and climbing in. Sinking into the liquid heaven, I let out a sigh as the hot water relaxes my tense muscles. I slip beneath the water, holding my breath until my lungs scream.

Coming up for air, I push back my wet hair, blinking open my eyes. A scream rips from my throat as I open my eyes to a tall figure hovering over me.

“What the fuck?” I shriek, glaring at West.

His eyes drop down to my naked body before shooting back up, a blush forming on his cheeks. Shaking his head, he sobers up quickly, shoving a towel at me. “We have a problem.”

“Yeah, I think we do.” I snap, snatching the towel from his hand. Awkwardly exiting the tub while trying to cover as much of myself as I can, I wrap the towel around my exposed body, shivering from the chilly temperature.

West’s jaw ticks as he forces his eyes to remain on mine. “Not that, Nova.” He chastises, like somehow I’m the problem.

“What the fu-”

“He’s not in there anymore.” West cuts me off, waving at the door behind him. “Nova, he’s gone.”