Chapter 31
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
O n the day classes resume, I’m looking at my schedule and starting to feel anxious. While I’m grateful that my course load was lighter last fall while I was applying to law school, I’m slightly regretting leaving myself with such an intense schedule for my final semester.
After sitting through two classes of syllabus readings, I walk to my final class of the day, a Theories of Human Communication elective. I’m a few minutes early since my previous class ended before the scheduled time, so I find a seat in the middle of the room and pull out my phone to distract me till the professor arrives.
A few minutes later, I hear my name in a familiar voice. I look up to see Aaron standing in front of me, and I drop my phone in surprise.
Aaron picks my phone up off the floor and hands it to me as he slides into the desk next to mine. “So, Human Communications, huh? I suppose you would be doing a lot of communicating with humans as an immigration lawyer,” he says, coming across surprisingly nonchalant compared to our previous recent interactions.
“Yep, you got it. And you’re in this class because…?” I ask, much less nonchalantly .
“It’s one of the electives offered for business and marketing. I figure marketing is a form of communication, so can’t hurt to better understand how people communicate,” Aaron explains.
My heart is still pounding, and I hope no one else notices the copious amounts of moisture the sweat glands in my armpits are now producing. I’m bouncing my foot and rehearsing “Perfect” with my right hand on my desk, trying to divert my nervous energy without being obviously awkward.
I’m clearly failing though, evidenced by Aaron turning toward me and reaching his hand over to still my fingers tapping melodies on the desk. My eyes flit over to his, and he clears his throat.
“Listen, Lana, I know I’ve acted super weird with you and put you in some awkward positions over the past few months, and I’m sorry,” he begins in a quiet voice, although we’re still the only two students in the classroom. “I feel like I need to just put my cards on the table, since not being clear is what caused me to miss out on us in the first place.”
My skin is clammy and I’m holding my breath as I wait to see where he’s going to take this train of thought. Another student comes in the room, and Aaron pauses as she walks past us, but resumes when she takes a seat on the opposite side of the classroom.
“I can’t lie, Lana, and say I’m over you, ‘cause I’m not. My feelings for you haven’t gone away, but I recognize that you’re…you’re with Alvarez, and I do respect that,” he continues before clearing his throat again. “Just because I missed out on a relationship with you doesn’t mean I want to miss out on your friendship. I really would like to move forward as friends, if that’s okay with you. Especially now that we’ll have class three days a week together.”
He looks at me patiently, his bouncing knee the only tell that he’s nervous. I decide if we’re going to put cards on the table, I may as well go all in. In a low but firm voice, I begin, “I am okay with that, Aaron. We’ve known each other for a long time, so I do want to be friends with you, as long as you recognize that being my friend means hearing me talk about Mateo. I care about him a lot, and he’s a big part of my life, so you can’t act uncomfortable every time I bring him up. Are you okay with that?”
Aaron doesn’t answer right away, instead leaning back in his chair and popping his knuckles as his knee continues bouncing. But he eventually turns back toward me. “Okay, yes. I will be—I’ll make myself be okay with it, Lana, if it means being your friend again.”
A student excuses himself to walk between our desks to sit behind me, giving me a second to close my eyes and exhale.
Aaron leans closer and whispers, “Friends share notes from class, right?” I snort a laugh, and he grins, clearly happy that he successfully lightened the mood. “You were always a better student than me,” he adds as he straightens back up when our professor begins her introduction.
Later that night, I’m sitting with Amaya and Teegan at dinner. “So he agreed not to be a weirdo every time you say Mateo’s name?” Amaya asks as she twirls fettuccine around her fork, one skeptical eyebrow raised.
I shrug and answer, “So he says. I guess we’ll see if he follows through or not.”
“I hope he does, for your sake. Otherwise, seeing him in class three times a week on top of Arrow meetings is going to be miserable,” Teegan adds.
I pause before concluding, “I hope he does for his sake. It doesn’t make me feel good about myself that Aaron’s still holding on to feelings for me—I really do want him to move on and be happy, as happy as I am with Mateo.”
“That’s sweet of you, Beef,” Teegan says, patting me on the shoulder. “Are you going to tell Mateo about this conversation?”
“I don’t think I’m going to tell him about my exact conversation with Aaron, per se,” I answer. “I’m not sure planting the thought in his brain that Aaron openly admitted to still having feelings for me is the right move, since I know I don’t feel anything for Aaron anymore. But I am going to tell him that we have class together. I don’t want to look like I’m hiding the fact that I see Aaron multiple times a week now.”
Tuesday evening, Mateo picks me up to drive to The Hangout together. It’s exhilarating having another excuse to spend time together each week, even if it’s mostly just time driving in the car.
We walk into the building, and Mateo’s entrance causes quite the stir. He’s immediately surrounded by all the middle and high school guys crowding around to greet him and offer condolences on the championship loss. Sofia has edged her way into the center of the group, loudly proclaiming that her mother said to pass along her well wishes to Mateo, posturing as a close acquaintance of his. I roll my eyes but inwardly laugh. This is exactly the spunk that made me fall in love with Sofia years ago.
“Okay, okay, get over here, Sofia, so we can find the other girls.” She throws her arms around me in a hug. “Oh, so you’re happy to see me too?” I chastise her in jest.
“Can you really blame me for going to Mateo first?” she teases back.
“Point taken,” I say with a smile as we head to our usual table. I glance back at Mateo, still surrounded by teenage boys, and grin at him as he winks my way.
Two hours later, I heckle him about his fan club as we walk back to his truck. He opens the door for me but doesn’t let go of my hand to let me climb in. “What can I say? Being your boyfriend has really put me on the map,” he says with a wry smile.
I giggle and lean forward on my tiptoes to kiss him on the cheek. Immediately, I hear Sofia’s enthusiastic voice calling out, “Awwww yeah, get it, Lana!”
My head snaps in her direction where she’s getting into her older sister’s car, along with Clara. My cheeks warm with embarrassment, and I clap my hand to my forehead. “Oh my gosh, I’ll never hear the end of it,” I moan under my breath.
The next thing I know, Mateo calls out to get Sofia’s attention, then firmly plants an arm around my waist before dipping me backward to kiss me full on the lips. Sofia and Clara are screaming, and I hear yells from a couple of the high school boys too.
Mateo stands me back upright and says, “Now you’ll really never hear the end of it.”
I can feel the Christmas-red color flooding my face down to my neck, which only encourages his smile. I playfully slap him on the chest before getting in the truck and pulling the door shut.
“I cannot believe you,” I chide as he gets in the other side.
“What? Just giving them one more reason to keep coming back each week. Hanging out at the program helps keep them out of trouble, right?” Mateo says with a sneaky grin that knows I can’t refute his point.
As we drive back to AOPi, he talks about the boys he got to know tonight playing soccer. He pulls up in front of the house, but I stop him from opening the door.
“Hey, I wanted to tell you something real quick,” I say. Mateo swivels in his seat to face me, and butterflies suddenly start churning in my stomach. “Um, I just wanted to tell you, well, it’s not like a big deal, but I wanted to just…let you know…that I have a class with Aaron Adams this semester,” I stutter out.
A hint of a frown flashes across Mateo’s face, and he glances down to my left hand, which is subconsciously playing “Moonlight Sonata” against my knee. I grip tightly onto my knee to make it stop.
“You have a class with Aaron Adams this semester,” Mateo restates. I give a slight nod. “So you’ll be seeing him every…?”
“Monday, Wednesday, and Friday,” I gulp. “I didn’t know about it until he showed up in class yesterday.”
“He didn’t mention anything about it this morning at our Bible study with Kent,” Mateo remarks evenly.
“But it’s just class, it’s not like we’re casually hanging out,” I add, knowing I’m sounding flustered. “I wanted to be upfront with you, just because of my past, you know?—”
“Your past crush on Aaron and his current crush on you, you mean?” Mateo asks, more emotion filling his voice. His hand runs through his hair down to his neck.
“Well, yes. That. But it’s not that big of a deal, right?” I ask, a pleading tone now in my voice. Mateo has always been so quietly confident and self-assured; this is not how I expected this conversation to go.
He’s silent, lost in his thoughts for a moment, until I reach my hand up to his cheek, tracing the stubble that’s grown so familiar. “It’s not a big deal, right, Mateo?” I whisper.
Mateo traps my fingers against his cheek with his hand and sighs. “No, it’s not. It’s not a big deal, Lana. You’re right, it’s just class.”
“Should I not have said anything?” I ask, my voice still a whisper.
“No, I’m glad you did. I’m sorry for responding poorly. I’m glad you told me about it.”
“Honesty always, right?” I ask with a little more strength in my voice.
Mateo lowers our hands with a squeeze and nods. “Honesty always,” he repeats, although his voice seems to falter.