Fifteen
FIFTEEN
“You can’t hurt me. You can’t break something that’s already dead.”
Lys Amarga, The Quantum Wraith
I n the end, the shoot couldn’t have gone better. Contessina and Raul received standing ovations from the crew for their intense dedication to the confrontation. The otherworldly beauty of the canyon only enhanced the drama. The team performed their roles expertly with little to no mishaps or delays, and the martini shot was completed and the production wrapped in plenty of time for everyone to clean up and change their clothes for the celebration. The investors departed for the airport, chattering excitedly about their enthusiasm for the film, and Kellen had given Xavier an especially hard back thump of congratulations as he left the set.
Xavier should be basking in his well-earned triumph, but his inability to connect further with Sutton kept him from enjoying the sincere congratulations and celebratory hugs. By the time he made his way to the small hotel ballroom with Erik and Ilsa for the party, his skin vibrated with concern.
“What’s up with you?” Erik asked. “You haven’t answered me at all.”
“Sorry. What was the question?”
“What time are we leaving for LA tomorrow?”
“Oh. The flight is at eleven a.m., I think?” He looked at Ilsa for confirmation, and she nodded.
“Cool.” Erik bounced on the balls of his feet, a rather uncharacteristic motion.
“Anxious or excited?” Xavier asked.
“Both.”
“Me too.” He followed Erik’s gaze to the table set up with assorted sliders, from hamburger to pulled pork to portobello mushroom. “Go eat. I’ll be right behind—”
His breath caught. Sutton had entered the ballroom, her hair loose around her shoulders in a fiery halo of curls, clad in a simple blue dress belted at the waist. She’d never looked more assured, more confident. And absolutely gorgeous.
“Yeah, no, you won’t be behind me,” Erik said with an eye roll, tempered quickly with a grin. “Have fun. See you later.”
By the time Xavier could reach Sutton, she’d been joined by Kellen. He arrived just as Kellen said, “This doesn’t seem like a cheap party.”
The same smile Sutton had on her face all day continued not to falter. “You’d be surprised at what we were able to get at cost.”
“Sure, sure. That’s what you said about the film’s budget. And now I’m somewhere near Yuma.”
“And the location made the scene,” Xavier interjected, stepping into the space between Sutton and Kellen. “We wouldn’t have gotten the same impact, the same performance from the actors if we filmed that on a stage. We needed to be on location.”
Kellen nodded. “It looked great on the monitor. But there’s still to be seen what post—”
“Listen, I’ll be the first to admit the production was in disarray. I didn’t…” He inhaled. Admitting he ran a less than a tight ship in front of the president of Monument Studios could be fatal to his goal of receiving more studio directorial assignments, but this was important. Sutton was important. “I should have paid more attention to what Pauley was doing. I trusted him too blindly. Sutton took a demoralized team and accounts that were out of control, and she turned the entire situation around. If the film is a success, it’s due to her hard work and dedication. She deserves Monument’s thanks. I know she has mine.”
Kellen’s look of surprise was almost comical. “Sutton has done a good job, but—”
“No. Sutton has done an excellent job. She’s the beating heart of this unit—”
“Oh, is this the part where we praise Sutton?” Contessina joined them, glamorous in a silver silk dress cut to drape just so over all the right places. “I couldn’t have gotten through this shoot without her finding a way for me to go home and be with Juliana. Lys may not break, but I would’ve.”
“Guys.” Sutton stepped forward. Her mask slipped, emotion welling in her green gaze. Xavier’s chest squeezed, hard, and he found himself reaching for her hand before he remembered a public display of affection in front of Kellen wasn’t the best idea. “I appreciate all the kind words, but I think there’s a misunderstanding.”
“The misunderstanding is Zeke saying he’d be overseeing the rest of the production,” Xavier said.
Kellen’s face hardened. “That was premature. But not a misunderstanding.”
“I am not allowing Sutton to be pulled off this film when she’s the best thing to have happened to it.” Xavier’s voice cut through the hum and noise of the ballroom.
Chatter stopped in their immediate vicinity as the other guests shot questioning glances in their direction.
Sutton touched his arm. “Can we talk? Privately?” She looked at Kellen. “If you will excuse us.”
Kellen gave her a half shrug. “Sure.” He turned to Contessina. “What about you? Have a minute?”
“For you, I have all the minutes.” She flashed her smile and led Kellen to the bar on the other side of the room.
Xavier watched them only long enough to make sure they were out of earshot before turning to Sutton. “I’ve been wanting to ask you all day if you’re all right.”
“I’m fine,” she said with a smile. “Especially after that defense. That was so sweet. And wonderful. Thank you.” She leaned up and briefly brushed her lips across his cheek. “You’ve been a knight in shining armor throughout this production.”
He held her gaze, searching the green depths. “But Zeke Fountaine—”
“Is an ass. And he shouldn’t have said anything to you. Not yet.”
“What do you mean, not yet? Sutton, he introduced himself as the new vice president of production. And he implied you’re off The Quantum Wraith . What’s going on?”
She sighed. “Zeke is a sore winner.”
“What he said is true?” Lava erupted in his veins. “Let me talk to Kellen—”
“No!” Sutton grabbed his hand and squeezed his fingers before dropping the connection. “Everything’s fine. Honest.”
“But if Zeke is the winner—”
“He’s the winner in a manner of speaking. But that doesn’t mean I lost.” She squeezed his hand.
“I don’t understand.” His confusion was complete. As for his emotions, they couldn’t be more jumbled if they’d been put in a blender set to terminal velocity.”
“First things first. It’s true. Zeke was given Chester’s job. Did you meet the older man among the investors? Silver hair, tall, dark blue polo shirt?”
“What does the investor have to do with Zeke?”
“That’s his father.”
“Oh.” He thought the information over for a beat. “Zeke is still an ass.”
“Can’t disagree.” She shrugged. “But in the end, it was never a contest. My boss Harry thought I had a chance if I proved myself on this film, and he was furious when he discovered the promotion was never going to me. But the writing was on the wall once Zeke’s father put his money in the studio.”
“I’m so sorry.” His gaze locked with hers. He hoped she could read all the things he didn’t dare say in public.
“I won’t deny it stings.”
“I’m going to tell Kellen where he can stick Zeke, and it’s not on my film.” He started to move past her, but she grabbed his arm.
“No! Don’t do that. There’s more.”
“More?” His stomach squeezed at the warning look in her gaze.
She steadied herself. “I’m not getting the vice president job. But Kellen was truly impressed with today. Thinks Contessina is going to be a big star. And he agreed the location was the right call, matched the grittiness and reality of the scene but also the otherworldliness.”
“That sounds like good news. So why are you—”
“Because it is good news.” Her smile turned brighter than the crystal chandeliers above them. “Kellen offered me an even better position, overseeing Monument’s productions in Europe. They’re expanding their overseas coproductions, which is part of the new investment deal. And Kellen thought my experience on The Quantum Wraith made me the perfect candidate for cutting through barriers and communication problems.”
Xavier broke into a grin, relief that caused his knees to go weak. “Sutton! That’s amazing. And well deserved.”
“Well, I doubt I can use the same methods of communication on them that I use on you.” She briefly touched his cheek.
“They’re pretty effective, I will admit.” His lungs could take in air again. “Good thing there’s already a party happening, because we need to celebrate.” He signaled for a passing waiter with a tray of freshly poured flutes of champagne to come by and offered one to Sutton before taking one for himself.
She accepted the flute, but her fingers were tight on the stem. “There’s one thing more.”
“Oh?” The champagne was crisp and cool, the bubbles matching the fizzing feeling in his veins her nearness always caused.
“They want me to start tomorrow. In London. They’re already working on an expedited work visa. The director and the two stars are in a tense standoff on the latest Destiny’s Dragons film, and, well, I don’t need to tell you how that can affect morale on the set—”
“Wait.” The champagne turned to battery acid. Turned out, the shoe just hadn’t fallen yet. And this was a hell of a shoe. A steel-toed boot, in fact. “London? Tomorrow?”
“I know, but I’m already packed thanks to my time here, and Nikki said she’d continue to look in on my apartment. Although, I guess I’m going to have to buy an umbrella and dump my year’s supply of sunscreen.”
Whiplash didn’t begin to describe what was happening to his emotions. “What about The Quantum Wraith ?”
She bit her lower lip. “That’s the worst part about this. But the film is in great shape. There’s only two weeks of principle photography left on the soundstages and then you’ll be going into post. You won’t need me—”
“What do you mean? Of course, the film will need you.”
She folded her arms across her chest, the excited light in her gaze fading. “Just the film?”
The sounds of the ballroom faded away, replaced by the dull thumping of his heart.
He’d always known losing Sutton was inevitable. The relationship would fade out eventually once they returned to prosaic reality and the excitement of making the film was over. She would have left him anyway, once the glamour wore off. Like Mimi. The only thing that should come as a surprise was that the day arrived even quicker than he anticipated. All her announcement did was speed up the process.
At least Erik hadn’t become too accustomed to having Sutton be a constant presence in his life. He did that right. Although Erik would still miss her.
He would also miss her. So much. More than he dared admit to himself.
“You’re a vital member of the team. I respect your judgment. Of course, I would welcome the opportunity to still work with you. Hopefully we will work together again in the future.”
Hurt flashed deep in her emerald eyes. But in the end, he was being kind. To both of them. No need for protracted goodbyes. “So, it’s my judgment you like,” she said slowly. “You can’t possibly need me for any other reason. Like, say, ten years of rain checks. Or anything more.”
“We had a deal, Sutton. You get your promotion. And you said Kellen is pleased, which mean I’m delivering a film that will allow me to move into the ranks of top tier studio directors. Looks like we got what we both wanted.”
Confusion chased anger chased dismay across her expression. “The last few weeks…us…it was just a deal to you? I don’t believe that. I think you’re trying to push me away.” Her gaze searched his until he could no longer take her scrutiny. He glanced around the ballroom to see if they had attracted any attention. Sure enough, interested glances were being thrown their way.
“This isn’t the right time—”
She huffed. “Time. It wasn’t the right time at LAU. And it’s not the time now. When will be the right time, Xavier?”
“You just told me you’re going to London tomorrow.”
“London doesn’t matter! Yes, we’ll be in different cities. But there are phones, video calls, texts, email, planes… It’s not like we can only communicate by letters sent by ocean voyage. And even when ocean voyages were the only thing possible, people still managed to have long-distance relationships.”
“That’s not the issue—
“It is the issue. It’s the only issue.” Red suffused her face, obscuring her freckles. “We just spoke about continuing to see each other in LA. The only thing that has changed is that I will in London instead. Why does that make such a difference? Tell me.”
He knew what she was really asking. And he wished he had faith. That he believed in a world where “love conquers all” wasn’t a shopworn cliché, where happily ever after wasn’t merely a trite ending for a popcorn flick meant to be consumed and then forgotten. That he could sweep Sutton into his arms and hold on her to forever, to wake up with her breath warm on his cheek every morning and to go to sleep with their limbs entangled every night.
But the world wasn’t popcorn and rainbows and riding off into the sunset. Life was chaotic and complicated and hard, hard work. His parents never gave him much, but the one lesson he took from them was a firm appreciation for ripping off bandages and facing immediate hurt instead of prolonging the agony. And he knew her. Her optimism and desire to never give up even on hopeless situations meant she would never be the first one to call quits in any given situation.
Therefore, it was up to him to do the right thing for both of them. And let her go to her bright future without any encumbrances, any assumed obligations.
Free from inevitable future resentments and painful regrets.
He fixed his gaze on a distant point over her shoulder. “LA would have been a continuation of our time here. And we had a good time. A great time. I will forever be thankful you walked onto my set and back into my life. But you have an amazing opportunity now. You need to take it.”
“I’m going to take it. That was never a question. But I don’t have to choose between you and London. We don’t have to choose. I don’t understand why you’re… I don’t…” She took several gulping breaths. “Wait. I do know. This is Vertigo versus Notorious all over again. All of our conversations about storytelling, from film school to today. Why you so hated my final project.”
Her voice, thin at first, gained power with every word. “I recently reread that screenplay, for the first time since seeing your grade. And you know what? You were right. I did half-ass the writing. But you’re wrong about the emotion. I poured my heart into that script because I had such an enormous crush on you. That happy ending wasn’t a tired, unrealistic cliché. That ending was hope. Hope and a promise for the future. But you…you’re scared to ask for a future. You scared to demand what you want. You leave it up to fate, other people. You left our future up to a letter— a letter —ten years ago.”
His feet were rooted to the floor. He was cold, cold as stone, a statue of marble and metal. His heart screamed to tell her she was wrong, that a future with her was worth fighting to the death.
His head wouldn’t let the words come out. There were no fairy-tale endings in real life.
“And the thing is,” she continued, her brilliant emerald gaze pinning him in place and allowing him no escape, “we could have a future. A great one. You’re thoughtful and caring and smart and you…you make me feel treasured. You took care of me when I needed you, and you take care of Erik and Ilsa and everyone on set. You’re a good man, Xavier Duval.”
Something started to tear deep inside his chest.
“But I offer and offer myself to you, and you won’t accept. I understand why when I was your student. But that’s not the case now. And yet I still had to practically beg to get you to go on a date with me, and now you’re outright refusing to consider a future only because I’m going to be in another country.”
His mouth finally agreed to form words. “I’m being realistic. One of us has to face reality.”
She nodded, her head bobbing rapidly. “Right. Realistic. Of course. You think realistic is Kim Novak jumping to her death at the end of Vertigo but Cary Grant realizing he loves Ingrid Bergman and saving her life in Notorious , that’s unbelievable, correct?”
“Films are not real life—”
“I know that! But news flash, Xavier. Sad endings are not realistic. They’re just tragic. And I know tragedies have happened to you, but good things would happen, too, if you would only allow them. Allow me.”
His heart hurt. His head was beginning to ache, too. “Go to London, Sutton. Be amazing. I know you will be.”
“I love you.” She searched his gaze, her gaze open and pleading and shimmering.
And he loved her. Her words caused the rift in his heart to widen enough to now fit the entire solar system.
But he’d learned long ago people who loved him left. People who loved him died. If Sutton stayed, if they tried to continue dating, she would gradually pull away like Mimi did. The light in her gaze would fade to indifference, and while he quickly got over Mimi, witnessing the same from Sutton would devastate him.
He was doing her a favor. He was keeping Erik from another loss. He just had to keep repeating that to himself.
She fell back, her shoulders slumping. “Tell Erik I’m sorry we didn’t say goodbye after all, please? I’ll text Ilsa as well. He needs to know if he wants to talk comics, I’m always available for him. Always. I mean that.” She took another step before turning around again. “Oh. I almost forgot. About that email I sent you earlier today. Go ahead and delete it.”
“Why?”
“It’s a collection of hackneyed clichés. Disregard. See you in the movies, Xavier.” And with that, she was gone.
She took all the light and warmth and music of the room with her. But he was doing the right thing.
He was saying he loved her by letting her go.