Chapter Twenty-One
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
P ass me the sugar, sweetheart,” my mom called over her shoulder as we stood in the kitchen, almost shoulder to shoulder, in front of a bright red KitchenAid stand mixer. I slid the canister across the counter as I watched her with rapt attention, still in disbelief of this surreal moment. “The secret to a really moist cake is making the perfect sugar-and-butter combination.”
She was teaching me my grandmother’s recipe for yellow cake while we stood in the kitchen of her childhood home wearing aprons that were probably older than I was.
Mom had been staying on the farm with me since the day of the plan, and Dad joined us a few days later. Like me, she couldn’t bear the thought of sleeping in my grandparents’ bedroom, so she and Daddy took my bedroom, which used to be hers anyway, and I unofficially moved in with Dan. We barely let each other out of our sights these days anyway, so it made sense.
I looked over my shoulder to see Dan and my father sitting at the kitchen table, playing a game of chess. After only a few moves, I could tell that Dan was letting my father win, and it was a little endearing. He caught my eye and winked at me. I blew him a kiss.
Mom and I were baking a cake to celebrate my brilliant, botanically inclined boyfriend closing a seven-figure deal on the patent of his rose.
Once we’d gotten the cake into the oven and Dan had taken way longer than he should’ve to checkmate my father, I excused myself from the kitchen and pulled Dan into my grandfather’s study. I pulled the door shut with a soft click and turned to face him.
“If you’re looking for a quick shag, Emma, I think we should go a little farther away from the kitchen. I don’t think you want your mum and dad to hear your cat noises.” He waggled his eyebrows and grinned at me.
“No.” I chuckled. “That’s not why I brought you in here. I wanted to give you a gift.”
“But I already have the best gift.” He pulled me into him and pressed our lips together.
“I know that,” I said with a coy smile, “but I have something else for you.” I grabbed his hand and pulled him over to my grandfather’s desk and the large antique chess set. “I know my grandfather would’ve wanted you to have this.”
“Emma,” Dan looked from me to the chess set and back again. “I… I… can’t accept this. Your grandfather once told me that this chess set was hand carved by his grandfather. This is the chess set that he taught you to play chess with. It’s an heirloom. It should stay in your family.”
“It will.” I took his hand and placed it over my heart. “It is no secret that I’m crazy about you. I’ve never felt this way about anyone. I’ve never felt this way about myself. I hope it never ends, but if it does, it won’t change the way my grandparents felt about you or the way you’ve become a part of this family, whether you like it or not.”
“I like it,” he whispered, and his voice was tight with emotion.
“Good.” I pressed myself onto my tiptoes and kissed him. “Because I like it, too.”
He cleared his throat and wrapped his arms around me in a hug that lasted for a few long moments, with Dan resting his chin on the top of my head.
“Well, I have a surprise for you, too.”
“I hope it’s not an antique chess set.”
“No.” He chuckled. “When I signed the contracts, I had to name the rose.”
“Sweet,” I murmured with my cheek against his chest. “What did you name it?”
“There was only one name I could’ve given something that incredibly beautiful, that adapts to any situation, works hard, and puts a smile on your face when you look at it.” I blinked and picked my head up to meet his eye.
“You didn’t.” I gasped.
“I’m afraid I did.” He shrugged. “This time next year, the Queen Emmaline rose will be sold in nurseries and gardens all around the world.”
“Wow.” I sighed and returned my head to his chest. “I’m a rose.”
“You’re a lot more than that, love.”
“Mom?” I ventured into the living room holding hands with Dan to find my parents sitting on the couch. My grandfather’s journal was in my mother’s lap. “Is everything okay?”
“I think it’s time we talked,” she said. “Please have a seat. Dan, you’re welcome to stay.”
“Actually”—Dan brought my hand to his lips and kissed it, before releasing my hand—“I have a bit of work to do in the greenhouse.” He turned to me. “Find me later?” I nodded and sank into a nearby armchair.
“I can’t believe it’s taken nearly twenty-five years to say this, but I owe you an apology. It wasn’t fair to you, and I can’t change the past, but maybe if I finally tell you my side of things…” She paused, and my father tightened his arm around her waist, pressing a kiss to the side of her head.
“Your sister was very sick. She had a rare seizure disorder, and to this day, we aren’t sure of its origins. God knows, your father and I searched. It started when she was around four and continued to increase in severity, no matter what treatments we tried. Toward the end of Annie’s life, she was having more than one hundred seizures a day. It was mentally, emotionally, and physically exhausting.”
I tried to search my memories for any image of Annie sick, but for some reason, all I could see were flashes of her playing or laughing.
“We used to come here almost every weekend to visit your grandparents. They were always a great source of support, and I needed it. Also, as strange as it seems now, Annie was also so happy here, her illness didn’t seem as bad. Of course, that was probably wishful thinking on my part.” She shrugged and a tear slipped out of her eye.
“One day, Daddy showed me an article he’d found in some chat room on the internet about the use of medical marijuana to treat seizures in children. I’d warned him about those damn chat rooms. Full of conspiracy theorists and crackpots. I’m a doctor with several advanced degrees. I believe in science, not anecdotal evidence from Lord-knows-who in God-knows-where. I knew that marijuana had some medicinal properties, but the data wasn’t present, and of course, it was illegal. I said no immediately.” She shook her head and gripped the diary in her lap.
“If something went wrong, the consequences would have been dire, including criminal charges and losing both you and Annie. Your father and I could’ve lost our medical licenses. We were in so much debt. I couldn’t work and take care of both of you. It was a risk we couldn’t take.” Her voice turned cold, and tears spilled from her eyes. “I told them that. I explained it. So. Many. Times. I thought they understood.”
“That… day… your father and I had come to pick you and Annie up after you’d spent the weekend here. Annie was her usual cheerful self, despite her illness. That girl was such a bright light.” She paused with a wistful sigh before she continued. “But something was off. She was different.”
“Her face had more color. The dark circles under her eyes were gone. Annie didn’t usually have much of an appetite, and when we walked in, she was eating a damn sandwich.” My dad let out a mirthless, incredulous chuckle and shook his head.
“I knew exactly what they had done. My mother just thought that if she could show me, if I could see it for myself, then I would reconsider. I was so furious with them for giving her something like that without knowing the long-term effects. It might have appeared to work for a few days, but the side effects could have been catastrophic. We had a huge fight. We said a lot of things to each other that will haunt me for the rest of my life.” She let out a deep sigh.
“I didn’t feel comfortable leaving you and Annie alone with them, and I was still too angry to be in the same room with them. Time went by, and none of us were willing to apologize. My life was consumed with Annie’s care as her illness progressed until one day, she was gone.
“I was too overwhelmed by guilt and grief to try to repair my relationship with Mama and Daddy. I thought they would blame me for her death. I know that’s foolish now, but then…” She shrugged. “Not inviting them to the funeral wasn’t malicious. Everything was happening so fast and yet so slow at the same time. I didn’t know who I was. Nothing made sense. One day, I would be frantically reorganizing the kitchen, then the next day, I wouldn’t be able to get out of bed. I know now that I should have been talking to someone, but saying Annie’s name out loud felt like a knife in my chest. I felt like a failure, and facing my emotions was too difficult. I threw myself into my work. It made me an amazing doctor, but a horrible wife and mother. Thank God for your father.” She patted my father’s leg, and he kissed her on the head.
“Days stretched into years. Pretending Annie and my parents didn’t exist was easier than letting myself succumb to my grief, but it was so unfair to you. It was so hard trying to be a good mother when I’d convinced myself that I was a terrible one. I see now that I emotionally distanced myself from you and your father because I knew I wasn’t strong enough to endure the pain of losing two children. It’s also why I was so overprotective and strict. I know it took a toll on you, and I don’t have any excuse… I’m just…”
She began to sob, and Dad held her. His eyes were also filled with tears. I felt like a curious observer watching two people I’d known for my entire life interact in a way I’d never seen. They looked like two people in love.
“Mom.” I sat at her feet and touched her hand. “You don’t have anything to apologize for. If I’ve learned anything in these last few months, it’s that life doesn’t come with an instruction manual, and we’re all doing the best we can. The best lesson was that we don’t have to do it alone. My only regret is that you didn’t tell me all this sooner. We could have grieved Annie, Grandma, and Grandpa together.” She leaned down and wrapped her arms around me. “I love you.”
“How did you get so wise?” She sniffled and wiped away the tears streaming down my cheeks with her thumbs.
“I was raised by two very smart people”—I let out a watery chuckle—“and I fell in love with a very wise man.”
“Yes, you were and yes, you did.” She nodded and sat up, still holding my hand. “That Dan is something special.”
“Yes, he is.”
I left my parents alone in the living room holding each other and followed Dan’s instructions to find him in the greenhouse. His face lit up when saw me, and he folded me in his arms and kissed me.
“You are gonna get dirt all over my dress,” I squealed, though I made no move to leave his embrace.
“I thought you liked it when I was dirty.”
“I love it when you’re dirty, both inside and outside of this greenhouse.”
“And I love you, Emma Walters.”
“I love you, too, Danesh Pednekar.” I smiled and pressed our lips together. “And that’s Emmaline to you.”