20. Yasmeena
Chapter 20
Yasmeena
I slept all day and all night. That’s not a good sign. Before the diagnosis or rather before I noticed any changes in my body, I could stay up all night working.
That isn’t the reason why I didn’t stay after the wedding. I didn’t see the need to. It wasn’t an event or anything that I was obligated to be involved in so I went home.
My eyes open, viewing everything around me slowly. Was there water on my nightstand before I went to sleep? I can’t seem to remember anything much from the jet to here. Slowly, I get out of bed and check my messages. There are a lot of work messages but those are things I can get to later. A text message has me pausing my next movements.
Amir: Baba wants to have dinner this weekend with the family, you know my kids …and you. Can you make it or will you come up with some excuse again?
Me: excuse? It’s called working, Amir.
Me: when is it?
Amir: should I go through your secretary for everything?
Me: you don’t contact my employees. They do not work for you.
My cell rings and I roll my eyes leaving it on the bed. It’s Amir, I don’t want to deal with him right now. I need to see my doctor and see if something else is happening, luckily, this exhaustion bullshit falls on the same day as my appointment to pick up the chemo drugs since I do not want a single thing to do with surgery right now.
After my shower, as I apply lotion to my body, the light on my family heirloom’s vined emerald gold ring shines bright making me remember again that I had done it. That I had gotten married and I was one step closer to having my baby. I don’t care whether it’s a boy or girl, I’ll just be content with being able to hold my baby in my arms, it doesn't matter if it’s a few months or years.
Slipping on a robe, I walk out and head downstairs to my office. When I make it in, Josh has the hot tea and fruits waiting on my desk for me. He’s always on time because the tea is hot as the steam lifts, disappearing into thin air.
I do what I’ve come to enjoy now more than ever. I pull out a journal that Janae suggested I have. A journal to my baby. She says it’s healthy especially because I want to get pregnant and don’t know if I’ll survive it all or be alive long enough to tell him or her why someone should buy or receive a corsage for their date. After journaling how I’m so close to getting pregnant with them, I write about the things I’m going to be doing today and how different it is from when I was a child. I don’t include cruel or mean things because I know that’s something no child wants to be exposed to.
I power up my laptop and look over those messages but my phone begins ringing again. It’s Amir, he must’ve really done something shitty at the company for him to want me to go there so I can be a punching bag.
Ignoring him again, I leave my office after I successfully finish the fruit on my desk and bring my tea to my room, setting it on my neutral vanity. Like everything else in my house, it’s all neutral colors and minimalistic.
Without thinking about what my brother would bother me with, I do my makeup and hair, placing it in the high braided ponytail that I usually wear for work. I put on my outfit right after; a long black mesh pleated dress and a black blazer on top with black stilettos to complete it.
I head downstairs and leave a note for the Chef to make whatever breakfast Enrique wants. I leave heading to my doctor’s office.
“Okay, how are you feeling and dealing with the pain killers?” Katherine asks me.
I smooth my already smoothed hair and let a shaky breath out.
“It’s fine. They’re not too bad but my appetite is worse but I still have fruits and tea in the mornings. I try to have a light lunch and very light dinner, if I can.”
“Okay, that’s a good effort, now can we talk about the new chemo drugs and the side effects.”
“Sure.”
Katherine listed off the many things but the only thing I heard was fertility problems. I take a deep breath in and release it.
“So, I have to try hard as this medicine destroys the cancerous cells.”
“Sure but I need you to listen to me, Yasmeena. Every single case is different, every person is different when it comes to these drugs. Do you have someone with you? I’d like someone like your family member or someone you trust to come here so we can discuss things. It doesn’t have to be today because that’s too last minute, bu?—.”
“I can…I’ll call my part—, husband.” It’s foreign to say but I say it so that I can get used to it.
“You have a husband?” Katherine asks. “And you didn’t invite me to the wedding?”
She’s a friend as much as Matthew is.
Ignoring her question, I dial Enrique.
“Yeah?” Enrique answers.
“I need you to meet me at the doctor’s office. I’ll send you the address. Before you ask, I’m fine. It’s an appointment but she’d like to talk to more than just me.”
I hang up because there’s no point in talking after.
Katherine and I wait until Enrique walks into her office, she has my appointments much earlier than her work days because I want to keep this quiet. I don’t want anyone feeding anything to the media.
“Katherine, this is my husband, Enrique, Enrique, this is Katherine, my doctor.”
“Hello, I’m Enrique.”
“Hi, Enrique, Katherine.” She says and gets right to business letting him know what she told me. I zone out, not listening until I hear her speaking about the stage of my cancer. “So as I told Yasmeena, she’s at stage 1A, which means that the Ovarian cancer cells are in one ovary but since we’ve discussed with her that surgery is a no, I have prescribed the painkillers and now, the chemo drugs. There are side effects that I want both of you to be aware of with the chemo drugs, especially fertility problems.”
I cut her off because I don’t care about the other side effects. “But I can get pregnant?”
“Yes, you can.”
“Okay, that’s all that matters.”
“How long does it take for symptoms to appear? What kind of problems?”
“For fertility problems, it could be temporary or permanent infertility. As for symptoms, everyone is different. They can show up quickly or some may not. All the side effects may not ever make an appearance. These are things to pay attention to and if they do occur, contact me immediately or come see me. Yasmeena knows that I would open up the clinic earlier for her, if need be.”
“When I get pregnant, how long until I can be on the chemo drugs again?” I ask and I can see Enrique glaring at me but I need to know.
“After the first trimester, it is safe for you to take the drugs again. If and when you are pregnant, we make sure no harm comes to the fetus with any drugs.”
“But what are the most common ‘call me immediately’ symptoms to look out for?”
“Vomiting, hair loss, bleeding, appetite changes, and mood changes, to name a few. A lot of the symptoms probably will never appear. Also flu-like symptoms but pay attention to severe nausea because this medication will make her feel ill but she needs to continue on taking it as instructed.”
There are no more questions as Katherine continues filling us in on everything and handing me the medication, we exit her office.
As we get on the elevator Amir calls me again. This time, I pick up or else he won’t stop calling.
“Amir?”
“I called you, how many times? Why aren’t you answering my calls?”
“It’s early and you’re calling me. What did you fuck up this time?”
“You’re being a bitch, Yasmeena. I don’t need anything from you nor did I fuck up.”
“You definitely did.”
“Just because you’re paranoid and fucking crazy, doesn’t mean the rest of us are.”
“Don’t call me crazy, Amir. You know I don’t like that.”
“It doesn’t matter. You are and you’ve always been. It doesn’t change the fact that I say it or you don’t like to be called that plus, it’s not like with your, you know, that it hurts your feelings. You’re like a fucking robot. What is it that they call you over at your company? Icy bitch?”
I blink and check my manicure. Bored already.
“Say what you want or I’m hanging up.”
“You need to come to dinner, Baba and I have this business id?—”
I hang up. I don’t want to hear any business ideas because all that means is to invest. No.
“What was that about?” Enrique asks me.
“Just family business. Nothing special.”
The rest of the elevator ride is quiet and as we exit, we go in our collective cars to work. Neither Enrique nor I have anything else to say to each other. I guess it was more of an information overload for this early in the day and there’s a thousand and one things to get done at work since I slept the afternoon and night away.
Texting Matthew to prepare all my meetings and things to do, I completely ignore the fact that Amir is calling me again. I don’t need to listen to him further insult me. Even if it doesn’t faze me, it doesn’t mean I have to listen to it.
Work is a blur for me. I think about the medication that I have to take now. I take it morning and night. Not as often which isn’t too bad but none of that is in my mind. Not until later when I know Enrique is in his room, I masturbate, getting myself wet and excited but I don’t push myself over the edge…instead, I head to Enrique.
I knock on the door before entering and he’s in bed without a shirt on. I eye him as far as his duvet lets me and then my eyes travel back to his face.
“We’re behind schedule.” I say to him as I walk over, dropping my robe and straddling him with my naked body. “I need a baby, Enrique.”