Thirty
Trina
My heart was racing, and I couldn’t sit still the entire time Cole was gone. Now that we were back in his truck, everything was magnified. My fears. My memories.
All the things I’d done before that had somehow led me right back to this man driving me through a town I remembered so vividly and yet was so different.
Growing.
Maybe, somehow, in the last week, I was starting to do that, too.
“You need to tell me,”
I whispered. My hands were tangled and twisted together, knuckles aching on my fingers. I couldn’t sit still. He picked me up from Robbie’s, said we’d talk soon, and then took me in a direction that wasn’t at all back to his house.
“Later, Trina. I want to pick up the girls before they get worried. But things are okay.”
“You promised,”
I reminded him. “You said you’d tell me everything.”
He glanced at me quickly and then went back to the road. But there was a tic in his unshaven, stubbled jaw. “I want to give you a good afternoon with the girls, first.”
“Then tell me. I won’t break. I can handle it, but not knowing will make it worse.”
He must have heard the pleading in my tone because he pulled off the narrow, two-lane road and into the parking lot of a small shopping area. Five wood peaks all showing the names of different businesses and cafés and a bakery were printed in a scrolling scripts, colors all individualized to their own company’s branding. A financial planner and insurance salesman on one, there was Mellie’s Cakes on another, The Café on another, probably as simple as the coffee and food offerings inside. It was a new part of the town where I didn’t recognize the names or the places.
I faced Cole instead of the unknown. I had enough of that. “Tell me. Was it Jonathan?”
He jerked his jaw up and then worked it back and forth. “He’s here. Somewhere. Chief Lannister is working on figuring that out and we’re getting some extra men in town to keep a close eye on him.”
“He’s staying?”
“Said he was sticking close until I returned what belonged to him and for you to stop throwing your tantrum.”
“What else?”
Because all that was bad, and if he thought this was a tantrum, I was in some serious trouble. There could still be a way to get him to believe I hadn’t wanted any of this. It’d involve throwing Kip under the bus, but better Kip go a round with Jonathan’s fists than me.
Wouldn’t it? I’d never asked Valerie for her help. If she had stayed out of this, I’d probably be in Italy, in solitude.
I shook the image out of my head. I’d probably be tucked away in some villa and my bruises and scrapes would be well tended to, but I wouldn’t be healing.
I’d be hiding in a forced seclusion, and not a single second of that time would be peaceful, even if it was quiet.
No…I wouldn’t throw Kip under the bus.
And I would never go back. Valerie and Kip risked their necks to give me freedom for the first time in well over a decade, and I had no plans to squander the gift I’d been given.
No. I wouldn’t do that.
“Tell me,”
I said to Cole, when he didn’t answer my question. “There’s more to this, and no offense, but out of the two of us, I’m the one who knows him better. I know how he works.”
His lip curled up. “There were threats of charges, kidnapping, trafficking…”
He glanced in my direction, and a smirk twisted his lips. “There was maybe the mention of alienation of affection.”
“Alienation of…is that a thing?”
“It is.”
I didn’t know exactly what that meant, but I could figure it out close enough. The fact he was threatening it was absurd, which I blurted out to Cole who chuckled.
“It is. It’s also a bunch of nothing that won’t go anywhere. There’s not a judge in this county, or this part of the state, that doesn’t know you or your family. Or me, frankly, or at least my department. Jonathan might think he has the upper hand up here, with all his money, but if he tries to buy off anyone, I won’t be the only one who puts him out of town with a thirty-two aimed at him. You know that, right? No one would let anything happen to you here, least of all some smug, manipulative stranger who thinks his money’s more important than character.”
“It is, though, Cole. For a lot of people that is what matters.”
“Not here. You know that.”
He had a point, but so did I. He might have wanted to believe that everything would be smoothed over easily if we only believed enough, but life worked differently. Especially life wrapped in Jonathan’s bubble.
There was more Cole was hiding. His hands hadn’t relaxed, and he was no less strung tight despite trying to brush off Jonathan’s threats as a small annoyance.
I shifted in my seat and waited. “There’s something else, isn’t there?”
Cole pushed out his lips and dipped his chin. His rich, beautiful brown eyes that had once made me feel like the most special girl in the world swirled with indecision.
“Tell me.”
There was another grimace, curl of his lips, and I figured it was bad because he was having to force them out of his throat. “He said to prepare yourself for him.”
All the blood rushed from my face, and a fierce chill hit my spine. I jerked my gaze back to the storefronts and the pastels on the bakery’s sign blurred and turned ugly in my vision.
Prepare yourself.
I shivered as Jonathan’s voice reverberated so clearly in my mind, it was like he was right there.
“That means something,”
Cole said. His voice was a deep rumble, but I barely heard him. All the years.
All the moments those words were spoken to me when only nastiness came after.
“I can’t go back to him,”
I whispered, and my tangled hands fisted in my lap until pain cut into my palms. “I can’t go back to him. Swear it, Cole. Swear I won’t ever have to go back.”
“Never.”
It was a fiercely spoken word like a shot in the tight space in the cab of his truck.
I sniffed and blinked back tears before facing him. “I can’t do it again.”
He leaned closer, and while one of his arms rested on the armrest the other was on the steering wheel. As he turned to me, there was nothing relaxed or calm about his posture or his expression. “What did that mean? When he said that to you? It means something to you.”
I shook my head. “I can’t go back there.”
“You won’t, Trina. I swear it on my life. Tell me what that means.”
I peered up at him. With tears running down my cheeks and my chin wobbling, I forced the truth out of me. The ugly, disgusting parts. “That was what he said to me before he planned to hurt me, and I don’t mean the times he hit me.”
A fiery blast of fury slammed and bounced all over the cab. Cole cursed, and then he moved so quickly I yelped, right as his palm slipped to the back of my head.
“Listen to me,”
he growled, and that deep, thick voice was so angry I had no choice but to listen to him. “Listen to me, Trina and listen closely, okay?”
“Okay.”
“Over my dead body will that man ever touch you again.”
He was so close his breath skated across the tip of my nose as he spoke, but I couldn’t pull myself away from the anger swirling in Cole’s gaze. None of this was on him, none of this had anything to do with him, and yet he was furious. For me. And it wasn’t because I owed him.
It was because he spoke the truth.
He loved me.
I only wished I was worthy and good enough for it, but I was still too afraid. That ship had long since sailed.
“Cole.”
He blinked, and it was then I realized I was touching him. My fingers brushed over his stubble, and his eyes closed. Leaning into my barely-there touch, a fluttery breath left his lips.
“He will never touch you. Never hurt you again. I don’t care if I have to shoot him myself.”
“I trust you,”
I whispered.
I wasn’t sure if I believed him, but I trusted Cole, and for me, that was saying a lot.
But this was Cole. The boy who’d loved me before we ever really understood what love was, or at least before I did.
Because love wasn’t anger and manipulation and it wasn’t coercion and proving yourself right.
Love was this, right there.
Being willing to sacrifice yourself to keep someone else safe.
Loving was giving everything you had.
“Thank you for that.”
I dropped my hand back to my lap and pulled away from him. His hand slipped from behind my head as I moved.
“We should go get your girls.”
“We can wait. I can spend time with them later?—”
“Cole,”
I interrupted. I appreciated the care and the concern, but we could deal with the rest of this all later.
“What?”
“Let’s go get your girls. They need their dad.”
And weirdly enough, I was starting to believe I did, too.
Instead of Marie bringing the girls to Cole’s house, we met her at hers. I would have preferred to not see the house he’d lived in with his wife and kids and my already frazzled nerves took another beating when we pulled up the driveway.
“I know Marie wants to meet you,”
Cole said, “but I think for now it’s probably best you stay in the car.”
“I understand.”
I could go the rest of my days without setting eyes on the woman Cole loved enough to marry, the woman he loved enough to have daughters with. I’d stared at the picture of him and his girls far too many times over the last few weeks. He might have hidden it in the nightstand, but that didn’t mean I didn’t pull it out and memorize every one of their features, cataloging the ones that were so familiar to me and marking the ones that I couldn’t place. Far as I could see, Cole was equally present in both girls’ physical appearances, but in opposite ways.
Where June was lighter-haired like Cole, Ella was brunette. But it was Ella who had Cole’s amber, almond-shaped eyes. June’s were a vibrant blue that I had no doubt were brighter in the beach picture due to the sandy shore and cloudless, bright blue sky.
Either way, I was rethinking the decision to meet them at all when the door to the front door opened, stealing my chance to change my mind.
A tiny bundle, tucked beneath a hot pink hat and bright blue puffer coat, charged out of the front door. Her mouth was wide open, and while I couldn’t hear her shriek, the joy on her face was clear.
“That’s June,”
Cole said. He was laughing as he opened his door and climbed out of his truck. Like they rehearsed their greeting in their sleep, June slammed her little body into Cole’s at the exact moment he crouched to catch her.
“Daddy!”
she screamed. Her legs locked around Cole’s hips and his face got buried in the collar of her coat, making her pink-booted feet kick with pleasure.
I tore my eyes off him, to see an exact matching outfit on the front steps. Ella’s hair was longer than June’s, and much darker, but as my gaze lifted, there was no doubt where that came from.
Marie Paxton was beautiful. Dressed in skinny jeans tucked into furry winter boots, her legs were long and slim, and the rest of her was equally elegant. Her soft smile grew as Ella tugged on her hand, and she bent to kiss her daughter’s cheek.
More cautiously, but no less excited based on the soft little smile on Ella’s cheek, she made her way to her dad with slower steps, but with more purpose than June’s wild screech and run. I caught Ella take a glimpse of me, and her already pink cheeks darkened as she gave me a timid smile.
It was then I felt something and turned to the woman on the front steps to the home she’d once lived with everyone now standing in the driveway.
Her eyes were on me this time, and she lifted a hand in a barely-there wave of acknowledgment. Sadness flickered across her face as she dipped her chin toward me.
I had no doubt there was a mix of pity in there if she was as good of a woman as Cole claimed, but there wasn’t the animosity I deserved.
The truck door opened in the back, and the cab erupted with the sweet chatter and squeals of girls eager to see their father.
“My turn to sit there!”
“No! Scoot over!”
“Dad!”
“Please with Mellie’s Cakes cherries on top?”
“That’s not fair you know those are my favorite!”
Cole shot me a grin from the opened door behind him, a grin and a look that said a million things. Part exasperation, part aren’t they the cutest monsters in existence? Which meant when he climbed into the truck and closed his own door, I was matching his grin.
It was hard to be scared and sad and all the things I was so used to feeling with such unabashed happiness flooding the cab.
“Girls,”
Cole said. “You keep chattering about cakes and you’ll never get to say hi to Miss Trina.”
“Oh! You’re daddy’s new friend!”
June shouted.
“Junie bug, this is Miss Trina.”
“Hello!”
“Hi.”
The second greeting came quieter with a hint of uncertainty in it, and as I turned to face Ella, she was looking out the front windshield.
A quick peek told me her mom was still standing there, and she wasn’t sure how to treat me.
“Hi, Ella. Your dad has told me how lovely you are.”
I looked to June so she didn’t feel left out. “You too, Sunshine.”
“Sunshine! I love the sun!”
the girl shouted.
Ella sank back into her booster seat and buckled up. “Thank you,”
she said. It was quiet and quickly drowned out by June starting on a story about the beach when Cole grabbed my attention.
“I need to give Marie a quick update about what happened today and grab their bags. You good in here with them?”
“Sure, she’s good!”
June shouted. “She wants to hear all about my stories, Daddy!”
“Go,”
I whispered, to him, but I doubt he heard me.
June was off and running, stories to be told, and a captivated listener trapped in front of her.
The afternoon was a whirlwind. If the morning started off terrible and worrisome, there was no room left to think of any of it with June and Ella around. June seemed intent on using every word in the English vocabulary at least a dozen times, and Ella, while seemingly content to listen to her sister prattle on and on with little annoyance or frustration, was sweet in her own way.
By the time we were sitting down to dinner, where Cole had whipped up tacos, Ella took the lead in setting the table, and June filled everyone’s glasses with water from the fridge, after grumbling that it wasn’t her turn.
Somehow, I was starting to think June thought nothing was her turn to do unless it was something she wanted to do. The girl was the Energizer Bunny on steroids, and we were all along for her unending, boundless energy path she carved….but she was adorable. So stinking adorable.
Ella, on the other hand, was the calm to June’s storm. I caught her glancing at me through the day, like she was trying to figure me out, so I stayed back and let Cole take the lead, perfectly content to be a visitor.
Which was exactly what I was.
This wasn’t my house.
This wasn’t anything except a brief stop in time, and I knew, soon, I’d have to start figuring out those next steps myself. Fortunately, it wasn’t anything I could think of with June at the kitchen table.
“Who’s ready for school tomorrow?”
Cole asked.
Ella grinned. “I get to be star of the week tomorrow. Mommy spent all day helping me make a poster of all my favorite things. You’re on it, too, Daddy.”
Cole chuckled and pointed his fork at his little girl sitting to his right. “I better be one of your favorite things.”
A sweet, soft smile bloomed on her cheeks and tears sparked my eyes that I quickly pushed away. He was a dad. I could have been the one who worked on a star of the week poster with him, our children…so many eons ago, but it was moments like this, with such precious kids around me, the reality of the decision I made all those years hit hard and wasn’t so quickly brushed aside.
I sniffed and looked down at my plate, while June said something about her school.
I sat back, finished my tacos and when I was done and glanced up, I caught Cole’s gaze on me.
One arched brow asked the questions I couldn’t answer.
Are you okay?
No… I didn’t really think I was.
But maybe someday, I’d get there.