Love Me Gently (Deer Creek #1)

Thirty-Three

Trina

“Please, feel free to call or schedule an appointment whenever you need, okay? I know this is hard, but I’m here for you.”

My voice trembled, but it’d been doing that for the last hour. “Thank you. I will.”

“Seeking help is the first step, Trina. You should be really proud of yourself.”

I felt more like I’d been run over and then beaten all over again, but I suppose therapy did that to a person who’d held on to as much as I had, for as long as I had. We’d barely begun to scratch the surface of the last twelve years, and my emotions were shredded. “Thank you, Zoe. I appreciate that.”

I wasn’t sure I was proud of myself, but beneath all the pain we’d just delved right into, there was a comfort in it, too. As long as I could hold onto the comfort, I was starting to think I could truly do this.

We ended the Zoom call, which had been awkward at the beginning, but then somehow, the therapist Dr. McElroy recommended made me feel like we’d been best friends. As she started asking questions, I found myself opening up before I realized I was doing it.

I closed Cole’s laptop he’d told me I could use and pushed away from his office desk. He’d be back with the girls soon and I wanted to have dinner made for them. A quick trip to the bathroom and I scared myself when I saw my reflection. Starting therapy might have been a good thing, but it was going to wreak havoc on my face. I ran downstairs, gave my face a quick wash, reapplied my makeup, and then headed back to the kitchen.

It was now Friday. The week with him and the girls wasn’t only exhausting, but exhilarating. I was equally ready for him to take them to Marie on Sunday as I was mourning not have their constant excitement in the house. I’d stopped hiding away in my room after dinner after that first night, and now I stayed in the living room. We played various board games and Jenga after dinner and watched cartoons. When Cole put them to bed, I was close enough to hear him read stories, the giggles as they said their bedtime prayers, and then found myself crying, once again, as Cole sang to them. He was such a good dad, and while it hurt, it was a beautiful thing to witness, even if it was from a distance.

Since I wouldn’t be seeing them for another week, I’d convinced Cole to run to the grocery store for me so I could cook them all a meal. I wasn’t necessarily trying to win the girls’ approval, and it didn’t seem like I needed it because they seemed to be pretty at ease around me, but I figured it couldn’t hurt anything, either.

When I look at you, I see everything.

Cole’s words from last week came to me in a gentle whisper as I grabbed steak from the fridge. And then that kiss.

In all that had gone on in the last few weeks, I hadn’t truly considered what he was telling me. I’d been so focused on myself, I hadn’t considered he wanted something from us or for us. Or me.

He hadn’t helped get me out of Jonathan’s grip only for me to heal and get better. He wanted me back here.

With him.

The realization slammed into me, stealing my breath even while I reached for the mushrooms to make stroganoff.

He wanted me. He wanted me with him. He wanted me at the kitchen table with his girls.

How? How could he look at me and still see the girl he loved when I wasn’t sure she existed anymore?

And what did I want?

I’d loved him once and broken his heart. I’d loved a monster and broken my own.

I wasn’t sure I had any idea what love was anymore, or how I could give that to someone else.

My phone rang, startling me and I set down a pot of water I was filling and made my way to the counter.

The screen flashed with Ashley’s name and I answered it. “Hello?”

“It’s half-priced bottles of wine at Max’s tonight. You’re coming with me to go see Heather.”

I glanced at the clock, the food all over the counter, and the half-filled pot of water I’d just started boiling. “I’m cooking dinner,”

I said, and through the phone Ashley laughed at me.

“I didn’t mean right this very second, although with the day I’ve had I could use it. Heather’s heard you’re in town and mad she wasn’t invited over last week. You’re coming with me so she stops hounding me every five minutes to see you again.”

“Oh… I don’t… I’m not sure that’s smart right now.”

I wasn’t sure Cole would let me out of his sight. Not with Jonathan still threatening to make an appearance. And with the threat he’d told him about me, I wasn’t sure I wanted to go into town.

“Maybe you guys can come here? Tomorrow or something? Or next weekend?”

“No way. You need this. You’ve been hiding up there for weeks and Max’s is the safest place you can be. My parents will watch the kids so Robbie and Cole can come. Or his parents can watch mine there. But you’re doing this.”

“Ashely… I’m just not sure it’s smart.”

We hadn’t heard from Jonathan all week and there’d been no sign of him. I wasn’t sure that was a good thing considering the only text I’d gotten from Valerie all week had said: Sit tight. Trust me. Cole hadn’t gotten much more information out of Kip, either.

As for me, Brock had driven me to a lawyer’s office in Boone so I could talk about filing for divorce. Since I wasn’t a resident of North Carolina, though, and the state’s divorce process was longer and more complicated than Georgia’s, I had it on my to-do list to find a Georgia attorney first thing Monday.

I wanted to make it clear to Jonathan I wasn’t returning home, ever, and I wanted that done as soon as possible so I could keep moving forward. Regardless, I knew that would upset him even more when he learned.

“What’s going to happen? It’s not like he can waltz into Max’s and take you out. Please. The entire bar would tackle him and then tear him apart piece by piece if he so much as laid a hand on you.”

“Lovely visual,”

I muttered, and then turned on the water to finish filling the pot. “I don’t know. I’ll have to talk to Cole.”

“Perfect. We’ll see you at eight. I’ll let Robbie and him figure out the kid situation.”

The call went blank, and I gaped at my screen. That hadn’t been a yes at all, and I was sure Cole would see the problem with it, too. Shaking my head, I set down the phone and got back to work on dinner.

Heather had always been the wildest one, and Ashley had been the sweet one.

She’d grown bolder over the years. Feistier.

All around me people had changed, but all of them for the good, at least the ones I’d seen so far.

Maybe it was time I started doing the same.

“You want to go?”

That was Cole’s response to me telling him about Ashley’s phone call.

“I assumed you’d say it wasn’t safe,”

I replied.

He glanced at his girls, sitting on opposite sides of the dining table from each other. They were devouring my stroganoff. It wasn’t that it surprised me, because I’d perfected this meal years ago and it was one of the few comfort, simple foods Jonathan allowed me to make instead of the fancier dishes he’d required me to.

“It’d be fine. If you want to go, we’ll go. If you don’t want to go, we don’t.”

“I don’t…are you sure?”

He rested his forearms on the table, and while his gaze was stormy, it was also warm. Patient. I imagine being looked at like that every day for the rest of my life, and my body heated. “It will never be my job or my place to tell you what you can and can’t do. It’s my job to keep you safe while you do it. You want to go, we’ll make that happen. We’ve got Kip’s mountain men with us and an entire town who knows us. Is it the smartest thing to go and do? Probably not. Absolutely not, really, if you want my honest advice. But I can guarantee you’ll be safe while you do it. So if you want to go see Heather tonight, we’ll go see her.”

“I like Miss Heather,”

June chimed in. “She makes the bestest Shirley Temple drinks in the whole world.”

“And she’s super nice,”

Ella added. “If she’s your friend, why wouldn’t you want to see her?”

“Well,”

I started, and then stopped. Because there wasn’t a great answer to give a five-year-old. “It’s been a long time, Ella. And besides, you only get so much time with your daddy, I wouldn’t want to take him from you.”

“You can’t do that,”

Ella said. “He’s our dad, and he’s never going anywhere. He’s promised.”

A deep, amused chuckle came from the head of the table.

That wasn’t exactly what I meant, but I got her point.

Ella glanced at Cole and smiled. June grinned at me. “We love Grammy B too and Papa. We have lots of people who love us and friends. I always want to see my friends. And maybe Miss Heather will be so excited to see you, she’ll make you a special Shirley Temple drink, too.”

It was impossible to be worried and riddled with fear with Cole’s girls being so encouraging. “A Shirley Temple does sound good,”

I admitted to June.

She shrugged and took another bite of her noodles like duh.

“Okay then.”

I shrugged and looked to Cole. “It would be nice to see her.”

She hadn’t hated me. She hadn’t understood but she hadn’t hated me. And maybe getting into town would be… nice? Scary, definitely, but nice for sure. I had to face everyone in town sometime.

What better time to do it than with, as Cole called them, Kip’s mountain men at my back.

“Then we’ll go,”

Cole said. “And by the way, I know I’ve already said it, but this dinner is delicious. You’re a great cook.”

Satisfaction bloomed in me, even if I knew the meal was already good. But sitting around the table with people easily enjoying it instead of judging and critiquing was an entirely new experience for me.

“Thanks, Cole. That’s sweet.”

“We’ll be out front, out back, and in the bar,”

Jim said as he pulled into the gravel parking lot behind Max’s. “One of us will have eyes on you at all times, so don’t worry about anything.”

Right. Don’t worry. Easier said than done, for sure.

“And I won’t leave your side,”

Cole said, climbing out of the SUV and then holding out his hand for me to slide out after him. “I’m sure you’ll recognize eighty percent of everyone in there, but that doesn’t mean you go anywhere alone. You got it?”

I got that as soon as I told Cole I wanted to go and he went into ultra-protective planning and slightly-bossy mode. But this wasn’t a bad kind of bossy. He was bossy to protect me, not control me, and it made a wild difference in how that felt.

“I’ll be smart,”

I promised him, and felt that familiar zing of warmth hit my fingers and then my chest as his hand wrapped around mine. Would that ever go away?

I hoped not.

I see everything.

The words came to mind again, and as we walked into the bar, I wasn’t worried about Jonathan. I wasn’t worried about Heather. I wasn’t worried about seeing anyone else in town I might know.

I was only worried that despite everything I was trying to do, I was still going to end up falling short.

I tried to brush it off as Rocco led the way into Max’s. He walked in first, holding the door for Cole to grab, but didn’t give us any attention, like he was there on his own, and headed straight to the far end of the bar.

It ran along the left side, with three booths in front of it. The center of the small tavern had two, narrow, bar-height tables that could seat twelve. They were meant for people to hang out, greet new people, and have some drinks, but there wasn’t exactly room to have full plates of food. On the right side, were two more rows of regular height tables. Some square, some round, Max’s Tavern had never been a bar bar, with live music or pool tables or darts or all the bar things. It was a restaurant with good, simple food meant to warm your bones after a day of skiing, and drinks meant to cool you off after summer days of hiking. It was the first restaurant and bar ever built in Deer Creek. It wasn’t only a staple to the locals, but it was a hotspot to visitors and tourists.

Given the fact we weren’t yet fully into the ski and holiday season, the place was full and busy, but there wasn’t a wait outside and there were a few open tables.

I scanned it all, recalled dozens of memories I had of being in this place for lunches with friends and dinners with my family and Cole’s, and it took me about two point five seconds to take it all in. Almost done scanning the place, I caught sight of the blond behind the bar, who had frozen in the middle of pouring a drink and whose gaze had stalled on me.

I flexed my fingers for Cole to let go. His hand went to my lower back. “She looks more surprised than I thought she would,”

he whispered to me.

“No kidding,”

I muttered right back. I took that first step forward, and out of nowhere, Ashley popped into my line of sight.

Her hands were out, and she looked frazzled. “Okay, okay, so I fibbed a bit.”

“What in the ever-loving slice of weird voodoo is going on?”

Heather shrieked.

Fortunately, we were close enough she didn’t have to shriek too loud, and as Cole guided me toward the bar, where Heather’s appearance turned more surprised by the second, and then happy, he barked to Ashley, “Explain. Now.”

“Well, okay, so she didn’t know Trina was in town, but I knew she’d want to see her, and I thought if I tried to convince Trina to come and Heather didn’t know, it’d be easier for her to say no, so I fibbed… but just a little…because see?”

She flung out her arm toward Heather, who had handed off the half-mixed drink, and had somehow disappeared from behind the bar, and was running straight toward me.

“Not cool,”

Cole growled.

I didn’t have time to think about any of it because Heather was barreling down on me, her mouth opened into a wide, cheek-aching smile, and her arms were extended. “I don’t know what’s going on or why you’re here, because this feels like an incredible fever dream, but holy freaking cow, Trina!”

She threw her arms around me and yanked me to her. She’d trapped my arm beneath hers in her rush to get to me, and I grunted as pain flared in my ribs as she swung me back and forth. “Holy cow,”

she repeated. “Holy freaking cow. You’re here, you’re actually here, and it’s so incredibly amazing and surprising to see you.”

I could barely breathe, much less respond, so I stayed still and took Heather’s fierce hug while she kept rambling.

But man… that felt good. It felt good to be held by her and have her so overwhelmingly excited to see me.

“I can’t breathe,”

I finally rasped.

Heather laughed and let me go, only to hold on to my hands. “You’re beautiful. So beautiful. I’m sorry, I just…I can’t believe you’re here here. And with Cole.”

She blinked and her gaze swung to him and then Ashley and Robbie, who’d joined us at some point. “And…like you all knew this.”

“I know,”

Ashley said and lifted her hand. “I know. And well, I didn’t tell you because I wanted to respect Trina’s privacy, and everything, but I felt bad.”

She turned to me. “And I’m sorry I lied to get you here, but I couldn’t hold it in anymore, and I didn’t want to keep hiding it from Heather, so I’m sorry. But I told you she’d be excited to see you. Didn’t I?”

“You did,”

I replied, and tugged on my hands that were still connected to Heather’s. “And it is good to see you. You look incredible.”

“You’re as beautiful as always,”

she said, peering at me as her eyes narrowed. “But sad. And hurt.”

Her gaze stalled on the scar at my temple. The stitches had been removed a week ago, and most of my bruising was either gone or yellowed so I could easily hide it, but if felt like Heather saw it all. “I’m guessing there’s a story there.”

“There is,”

I confirmed, but this wasn’t the time or the place to share it.

She frowned. “Okay then. Come, come sit at the bar. I’ll kick people out if I have to. I’m obviously working, but man…”

She threw her arms around me and hugged me tight. “It’s so great to see you. Injuries and stories, aside, I’ve missed you.”

This time, I was able to hug her back. “You too, Heather. It’s good to see you too.”

She dragged us to the bar, and like she’d promised, she kicked out a group of men and pointed them to the closest booth. “Sorry guys. This is my best friend who I haven’t seen in far too long. She gets center stage tonight.”

I didn’t quite like the idea of being the center of anything, especially not the attention she was putting on me, but the men left with barely a grumble, and then Cole was planting onto a stool while Heather scooted around back behind the bar, beneath an opened area, and then popping up on the other side.

“Let me guess,”

she said, grinning at Ashley and me. “Half off double bottles?”

“You got it,”

Ashley replied for me.