35. Harper
35
HARPER
W e are heading out to The Hamptons for one of the last couple of weekends before the summer ends. Camryn and Nate are finally back in New York after getting back together in France. They have been holed up in a little bubble for a couple of weeks together, which I don’t blame them for after spending all that time apart. They have flown up earlier to get the house ready with Sam and Kimberly, and Felix and I are flying up with Meadow, Issy, and Pierre with Frankston the most adorable Golden Retriever.
“This is Frankston’s first helicopter flight, guess he’s got to get used to living in the big city now,” Pierre says as he babies his dog. It’s very disconcerting that this beast of a hockey player is talking in a baby voice to his dog. Things blew up the past month for Pierre, but in the end, he got what he wanted, a move to the Manhattan Mavericks. Everyone is losing their minds. Having the St. Pierre brothers playing together for the first time is apparently a big deal. The sponsors have gone crazy for them and their profiles have exploded. Pierre found a home to rent in the city and asked Felix to move in with him once the season starts, and he said yes. That kind of sucked, but it’s what we agreed on, what I’ve been pushing this entire time, I can’t be mad at him for that. I’ve become used to him being around. His routine in the mornings, going for a jog with my brother, and now his brother joining in. He still walks me to work and picks me up when I’m finished. Since helping his brother it’s brought us even closer as we tried to salvage his career and reputation. This is what you wanted. I know. I can still be sad about it.
The helicopter takes off and poor Frankston howls the entire way in Pierre’s lap as we fly over the city, which is a beautiful view over the Hudson, then over Central Park, and across the East River toward Southampton. It takes us about forty minutes to get there which was forty minutes way too long for Frankston. He was extremely excited when we landed and was able to stretch his legs. We had cars waiting for us when we arrived to take us to my family’s home.
“I’ve never been to The Hamptons before, I’m kind of excited,” Felix whispers in my ear.
“You’re going to love it,” I tell him as we head out of the heliport and toward our home, which is a five-minute drive from the Southampton Heliport. We arrive via our circular drive, and I can see Felix clocking the houses with every mile we have driven. We pull up out the front of the traditional Southampton home with the gray shingling.
“You have a tennis court?” Felix asks, spying it through the gardens.
“Yes, my parents put one in for me to train on during the summer holidays.”
As we pull up, I see Camryn and Nate hugging each other with Sam and Kimberly.
“You made it,” Sam says, welcoming us.
Camryn comes running over to me and pulls me into a hug. “Thank you for making me go find him,” she whispers into my ear. At the wedding reception, I told Camryn to sort her shit out with Nate, as she was flirting with one of the Sons of Brooklyn boys.
“I’m so happy you two are back together. I’ve missed you so much. Never, ever run away again,” I tell her.
“I won’t, I promise. He’s stuck with me now.”
“Good,” I tell her.
“Hey, Felix, nice to see you again,” she says, greeting him. “Sorry, last time we met it was a weird time.”
Felix gives her a smile before her returns his arm to around my shoulders. “Glad everything worked out,” he says as Nate comes over and pulls Camryn to his side.
“Come inside, guys, let’s get the party started,” Sam shouts.
“I can’t believe this is your holiday home,” Felix says, nudging me.
“We used to come up here for parties when we were teens. I can’t believe how many memories are coming back,” Pierre states. Felix frowns at his brother as he pulls me tighter to him. Is he jealous of me having memories with his brother?
“Let me take you up to my room.” I tug him away from the group. We walk up the grand stairs to the second floor and turn right down one of the wings. I push open the door and pull him into my room. As soon as I slam the door shut, I pull him into a kiss, and we tumble onto the bed. “We have literally five minutes before one of our nosey friends comes and finds us.”
“I can be quick when I need to be.” He grins.
Dinner was perfect tonight, such great company, way too much wine, and so much seafood I might sprout fins and swim in the ocean. The music is pumping and everyone is drunk as we sit around the fire.
“Would you like to go for a moonlight walk along the beach?” Felix asks me.
“Oh, how romantic,” I tease as he helps me up from my chair, and we walk hand in hand toward the jetty that takes you out to the beach. You can hear the waves crashing but everything else is quiet. We stumble a bit thanks to the ton of alcohol we have indulged in and burst out laughing as we continue to wind our way down to the beach. “I love it here. Nothing but darkness for miles, the crashing of the waves, the twinkling of the stars, the moon. I can feel all the stresses of the city melt away as soon as my feet hit the sand.”
“It sure is pretty here,” he says as we slowly walk along the beach.
“Hope you’re having fun tonight?”
“For sure.”
“It’s the first time we’ve all hung out properly without anything else going on, but it also feels like we’ve been doing this for years. It feels normal looking across the fire and seeing you sitting there,” I tell him.
“It feels normal to me, too,” he agrees, pulling my hand to his lips and kissing it.
I let out a sigh. “I’m going to miss this.”
“What, moonlight walks along the beach with me?” he teases.
“Yes, among other things.” The stupid wine is making me loose-lipped.
Felix stops and stands in front of me, the wind whips around us. “I don’t want this to stop,” he confesses. I go to open my mouth, but he places his finger against my lips. “I’ve had a lot of beers tonight, but I think it’s going to be the only time I have the courage to say what I need to say.”
“Felix.”
“No, Harper. I’m going to say what I need to say. It must be said,” he demands. No, it doesn’t, please. I can’t hear this, not now. “This last couple of months together have been some of my happiest. It’s the first time in my life I’m dreading going to training camp because that means you and I are over, and I don’t want us to be.” His thumb slides across my cheek. “I’m not ready to let you go, not sure if I ever want to let you go.” Thud. Thud. Thud goes my heart. “This is not where I saw myself when I left LA, but I feel like it is exactly where I should have always been. I’m in love with you, Harper. I don’t want what we have to be over, I want to keep dating you until …” he lets out a heavy sigh, “until one day I put a ring on your finger.” My eyes pop open wide at that declaration. No. No. No. I take a step back out of his embrace and I watch his face fall. “Don’t say it, please, don’t say it,” he says, looking defeated. “You don’t feel the same way I do, do you?” My heart is screaming yes, tell him you feel the same way, but my mind is screaming he’s too young, he can do better than you, and it’s a little fuzzy thanks to the wines. “It’s okay,” he says. “Come on, let’s get you back to the party. They are probably wondering where we are.” He starts to walk off back to the house, and I follow in silence behind him.
When we get back to the group, Felix wishes everyone goodnight, saying he’s going to bed, he’s had one too many beers, and he needs to sleep it off. The boys give him a hard time, but he walks out, and I’m left there standing in the dark watching the man that my heart knows I’ve fallen for, but my head just won’t let me think it.
“Are you okay?” Meadow asks, noticing me in the darkness. A single tear falls down my cheek.
“I don’t think I am. I think I just made the biggest mistake of my life.”
“Oh, babe,” she says, hugging me. “What happened?”
“He told me he loves me, but I couldn’t say it back.” More tears roll down my cheeks.
Meadow brushes them away. “That’s okay. The fact that you are having this reaction means you have feelings for him. You’re just not there.”
“He can’t love me, he’s too young.”
Meadow rolls her eyes. “It’s not like it’s twenty years. He’s not a boy.”
“You call him the kid,” I snap back.
“Because I like teasing you. But, Harper, I see the way that man looks at you, he is head over heels in love with you. He walks you to work every day and picks you up every evening. Since he’s been doing that, you’ve been working less, you’re happier than you have ever been. You are taking time out for yourself more.”
“Was I that much of a raging bitch before?” I ask her.
She bursts out laughing. “No, but you were stressed like we all are, but you have the added pressure of it being your business. Felix helped you delegate better and ease off on the micromanaging.”
“I sound like a horrible boss.” I pout.
“You’re brilliant, but I’m only saying that because I’m drunk,” Meadow teases. “He’s a good guy, nothing like the others you’ve dated. Could you imagine any of your exes going along with dating you to protect you from another ex?” Meadow explains.
“No.”
“Exactly. Look, your dating past hasn’t been the greatest, I get it. But don’t let all those assholes win by you closing yourself off from a brilliant guy.”
“I don’t look desperate dating him?” I ask her.
“He’s hot. If you aren’t going to date him, there are millions of women in the city who will,” Meadow warns me. My face scrunches up at the thought of that. “Your face says it all. The thought of him dating anyone else has you looking like you want to murder those women.”
“I do.”
“Then go upstairs to that man and tell him that you’re interested in giving this a shot. You don’t have to declare you’re in love with him, but give that poor guy a chance,” Meadow tells me.
She’s right.
I leave her and make my way up to my bedroom, my heart thumping in my chest. When I open the door to my bedroom, I can see Felix is fast asleep, and my stomach sinks. I get ready for bed and jump in beside him.
“I’ve fallen for you, too, please be patient,” I whisper into his ear as I kiss him goodnight.