Chapter Forty-Six
Chapter Forty-Six
Sofia had put it off long enough, she had to follow through. It was the only way. She was going to speak to the captain. As she made her way up the stairs to her office, she passed Stuart, who was grinning from ear to ear.
‘Hey, Stuart, you’re looking like the cat that’s got the cream today.’ She couldn’t help but comment on it. His usual expression would best be described as glumly uninterested.
‘You could say that,’ he chirped as they passed each other, but he didn’t stop to expand and so Sofia went on her way.
Outside the door she took a deep breath to steady herself. Had it really only been two days since she was last here begging to keep her job? So much had changed since then. Or maybe not. In a way everything was the same as it had always been; it was only that now she recognised it for what it was.
She knocked. She waited. When Captain Mary answered the door, she looked surprisingly flustered. Sofia was momentarily taken aback and they stood and stared at each other for a moment.
‘How can I help you, Sofia?’ the captain said finally.
‘May I come in?’ Her voice was croaky.
‘Sure.’ The captain sounded weary. ‘Take a seat.’
Once she was sat down Sofia realised that perhaps for the first time in her life, she hadn’t prepared anything to say. The captain raised her eyebrows and planted her elbow on the table in front of her emphatically.
‘I don’t mean to rush you, but I’m having quite a busy morning and I have some things to sort out, so if you would care to tell me what you came here to say, that would be much appreciated.’
The inflection of irritation in the captain’s voice jolted Sofia out of her stupor.
‘I have come to say that as much as I am really, really grateful for you giving me another chance, I don’t think I can keep working on this boat.’ Sofia surprised herself with how calm and considered she sounded. In her chest her heart was pounding wildly.
The captain looked shocked for a second and then recovered herself. ‘I see,’ she said evenly, leaning back in her chair. ‘And may I ask what has led you to take this decision?’
Another deep breath. ‘May I be candid?’ The stress of the situation seemed to be turning her into a Victorian lady.
‘Please do.’ The captain was growing impatient.
‘I lied to you, Captain, when I told you that I did not have feelings for Jack... I mean Officer Carter... That wasn’t... isn’t true and I don’t want to jeopardise his career. He loves working here, on this boat, with you, and it wouldn’t be fair for me to take that away from him because we... I can’t maintain a purely professional relationship with him.’ Her panic had subsided, replaced by a calm sense of knowing. She was doing the right thing. ‘So, if you’ll have me, I would still like to finish the charter, but I won’t be vying for the permanent position after that.’
‘I see.’ The captain seemed to be deep in thought. ‘Have you spoken to Officer Carter about your decision?’
‘No,’ Sofia said firmly, ‘this is my choice, and I stand by it.’
‘All right.’ The captain stood up and reached her hand across the table. ‘If you have made your choice, I can only thank you for coming to me and letting me know. I will have a think about the best course of action in terms of this charter but, may I just say, we’ll be sad to lose you.’
Sofia shook the captain’s hand. ‘Thank you, for everything. I have learnt so much and really enjoyed myself. You cannot know how much I needed that.’
Sentimentality was obviously not the captain’s forte. She nodded curtly and led Sofia to the door. ‘Good day,’ she said as she left Sofia in the corridor.
She didn’t know what she had expected but it had ended up feeling anticlimactic, especially as it was already time to get started on lunch. She made her way back to the kitchen. Ever a slave to the meal schedule, she began dutifully chopping.
***
When Patricio came to collect the dishes, Sofia didn’t even flinch when he noted that the Spanish omelette looked a little underdone, she just slid it back into the pan for a minute and then replated it. Once he had flounced out of the room, she resolved to confront him when he returned. She had nothing left to lose after all. They would only be colleagues for another couple of weeks, maybe less, if the captain decided to kick her out at the next port stop.
When he laid the empties on the counter, he turned to leave without saying a word. Sofia had already faced a difficult conversation that morning. What was one more?
‘Patricio, can I have a word?’ He spun on his heel, hands on hips, smirking. She could hardly remember the old Patricio, so sweet and conscientious, so dramatic was his personality transplant.
‘Yes?’
‘I was just hoping we could clear the air.’ Sofia tried to sound breezy. She felt like giving the situation too much gravitas would play into Patricio’s melodrama. ‘I’ve noticed that you’ve been a bit short with me recently.’
Patricio responded by curling his lip.
‘What did I do?’ She had slipped into exasperation. ‘Is it because of Declan?’
Patricio sniffed.
‘Please, just tell me.’ Now she was begging.
Patricio indulged in the tension, taking his time before replying. ‘OK, Sofia, you want to know the truth?’
Sofia nodded.
‘Obviously I feel sorry for my friend Declan. It is clear that he feels very strongly for you, and he is hurting because now he knows that you do not feel the same way about him.’ He spoke slowly and deliberately. ‘But the person I am hurting for, whom you have wronged, that is Jack.’
Sofia blinked, confused.
Patricio seemed to find her reaction infuriating. ‘I am angry because you have treated them both like they are disposable. Declan is young and he will get over it, but Jack, I have never seen him open up like this with anyone. He is... well not so young, and it takes a lot for him to let down his...’ he was shouting and waving his arms around, frustrated to be at a loss for vocabulary ‘...how do you say? Walls? His defences, his barriers!
‘That night when you told me that you had been together, I was so happy. Finally I thought he might have a chance at love. He might start to believe that it was possible for him, but then you...’ He trailed off, and shot her a look she could only describe as one of revulsion. He sighed theatrically and crossed his arms. ‘You broke his heart, left him alone in that room and ran away. When he tried to talk to you, you dismissed him. You made it clear that it had meant nothing to you. That is what I cannot forgive you for.’
Sofia was in a state of shock. She didn’t know where to begin. She had so many questions, and she started with the most pressing. ‘What has this got to do with you exactly, Patricio?’
He huffed, ‘Me? We are brothers, Sofia. His blood is my blood, and family is everything. There is some truth in that Italian stereotype.’ He was catching his breath, climbing down for the adrenaline high of his rage.
Brothers, of course. But why hadn’t Jack told her? The burning next question popped into her brain. ‘Does he know?’ she asked quietly.
Patricio’s face drained of colour, and she had her answer. He had overstepped, thrown down all his cards in anger and now it was Sofia who held them. She didn’t want them.
‘Patricio,’ she said softly, as if calming a wild animal, ‘that is not how it happened.’
‘Jack was the one who left in the morning. I went to find him, but I couldn’t and then I overheard him telling the captain it was all...’ She paused. Even now the words stuck in her throat painfully. ‘It was all a mistake. I assumed he meant it and...’ She considered whether to reveal herself. It seemed only fair. ‘And let’s just say that it is not the first time that a man has said that about me, so I wasn’t going to wait around and be made a fool of.’
She searched his face and was relieved to see a trickle of empathy.
‘He didn’t mean that, Sofia,’ Patricio said hesitantly, ‘or maybe he thought he did when he said it, but he doesn’t really. Surely you must know what men are like?’
Sofia snorted in bemusement. ‘Apparently not.’
Patricio looked deep into her eyes. ‘They so often do not know their own hearts; they think only with their minds.’
‘I think maybe I am guilty of that too,’ she admitted.
Patricio suddenly looked hopeful. ‘And what do you feel in your heart?’
‘That I love him.’ The words tumbled out before Sofia could stop them. Patricio pulled her into a tight hug.
‘I knew it,’ he whispered into her ear. ‘I am certain that he feels the same. You must tell each other immediately.’ Patricio pulled away, a bundle of excitement, his demeanour transformed. Sofia did not know how to tell him that she would never do that, that she would rather leave and let Jack have the life he had always dreamed of.
‘You have to tell him too, Patricio.’ She thought of the little boy grieving for his mother all alone. ‘He is always looking for her and she is a part of you, so he has been looking for you too.’ Patricio blinked tears and this time it was Sofia who pulled him into a hug. He sobbed softly against her shoulder.
‘None of them were ever supposed to know,’ he began, his words muffled by her hair. ‘The Americans,’ he clarified. He leant back, scrubbing at his eyes with the backs of his hands. ‘She got pregnant with me almost as soon as she returned to Capri, and she was still married then so it was very shameful.’ He hung his head, as though he was to blame. ‘My father worked for the family and when I was born I went to live with him and my grandmother. He tells me that she would often come to visit me,’ he sniffed, holding back more tears, ‘but I was not even three years old when she passed.’
Looking at him standing here in front of her, Sofia could not believe that she had not clocked the connection the moment they met. The angular jaw and full lips, the dark hair – even their build was similar, although Jack was taller. And in those same green eyes, that same deep sorrow she had seen that very morning on the deck.
‘I never even knew her.’ The tears cascaded down his cheeks.
‘She was amazing.’ Sofia smiled, wiping away the drops as they fell. ‘And Jack would love nothing more than to tell you all about her.’ Patricio nodded, gulping. Sofia rubbed his back gently until his breathing slowed.