Love Signals: An opposites-attract, forced proximity, only one bed, revenge romantic comedy (Love St

34. The Truth, the Whole Truth, and Nothing but the Truth

Hudson - Malibu - Two Days Later

Instagram Reel:Hollywood Dish with Ferris Biltmore

The video starts with Ferris at his desk with a red light therapy mask on. He lifts the mask and rests it on top of his head. “Hey, bitches! I’m getting my glow on because someone very special is back! Yes, you guessed it. Hudson Sex God Finch the First has finally returned from that cold, awful, yucky Mountain View place, all smartypantsed up and ready to wow the world with his new-found knowledge of all things space. I heard from my housekeeper’s uncle’s best friend, who owns a landscaping company in Malibu, that the man himself pulled into town yesterday afternoon, alone. Which brings me to my first segment: Thank You, Jesus!”

“Thank you, Jesus, for bringing him back safe and sound. Thank you for making sure he came back here ALONE, without that dull-as-dishwater scientist who was seriously in danger of bringing his hot level down from raging inferno to Carolina reaper-hot. Thank you.”

He nods and lets out a happy sigh. “Oh, and I’ve got some exclusive footage sent to me by one of my little birds who happens to have been at the same awful karaoke bar that Hudson was at a few nights ago, in which you can see the end of their happily never after. And you know what that means kids?! It’s time for another segment of I Got the Scoop, Bitches!”

A glittery graphic appears on the screen, then a video starts, showing Allie and Hudson standing next to her car in the parking lot while she digs around in her purse. “Oh God, just look at that perfect man. Then look at her. Yick. Now, there’s no sound so I’ve been putting my team to work doing some lip reading, so I’ll play the parts of both Hudson and that boring science woman.” Putting on a high-pitched voice, Ferris says, “I’m furious with you for no good reason other than that I’m a miserable, awful person who can’t stand to be around perfect men like you. Now leave me alone so I can go home to my parents and my twenty cats.” He lowers his voice and smooths it out. “You’re amazing and even though I know I’m too good for you, I somehow find you attractive.”

Imitating Allie, he says, “Shut up. I need to concentrate while I look through my handbag from Target for my cold sore medication. Here, I’m going to put all these dirty tissues on my car, along with things I’ve had in this bag for twenty years. You stand there and watch me. Now I’m going to throw things at my car because I’m so mad about nothing.”

“Don’t be mad, baby. Let me help you find your medication.” Hudson turns on his flashlight and holds it up for Allie.

“Oh my God, can you stop please?! I hate thoughtful men who do nice things for me.”

The video stops and Ferris fills the screen again. “Anyway, it’s just more of that for another couple of minutes until she gets in her car and tries to run over his foot. So, at least that’s over. She can go live in a cave until she dies. The point is, Hudson is back. He’s rid of her, and he’s moving on to bigger and better things in life.”

Ferris lets out a happy sigh, then slides the mask down onto his face again. “And … back to making myself look perfect just in case the world’s most perfect man comes calling…”

“So she just kept on walking?” Gershwyn asks. “Right out of the bar while the song played out?”

“Yup.”

“Did she have boots on at the time?”

“No. Ballet flats.”

“Huh,” he says. “Pretty baller move, when you think about it.”

“Right? You can see why I’m gutted,” I say.

We’re sitting on the beach, having just spent a good chunk of the morning surfing. Yesterday, when I got home, I wasn’t ready to talk about Allie. I told Gersh I was too wiped to even think, so we spent the entire evening watching basketball while Oscar snuggled up next to me on the sofa. Gersh only asked once if I was okay, to which I replied, “I will be. Someday.” He nodded and said, “I’m here when you want to talk about her.”

When I woke this morning, I immediately got into my wetsuit and made the most of the waves, hoping that doing my favorite thing in the world (well, favorite thing I can do without her) would take my mind off how horribly I fucked up. It didn’t. Instead, I felt totally dead inside even though the waves were perfect.

“Why didn’t you just deny it?”

“Because lying isn’t exactly conducive to a healthy relationship,” I answer.

“Yeah, but it’s not really lying. It’s not like you were grossed out by her or something. You wanted to kiss her, right?”

I watch as a wave rolls into shore. “Of course I did. I also wanted to have sex with her up at Black Creek, but in both cases, I was also desperate to hide my dyslexia from her, so I did exactly what she accused me of doing—making a move to avoid the truth.” Shaking my head, I say, “Honestly, it was the worst thing I could do to someone like her. I made her feel used and … unworthy, and she’s had a history of guys who have already done that to her.”

“But you didn’t use her, and you’re not the one who hurt her in the first place, so don’t start taking responsibility for shit you didn’t do,” Gersh tells me.

“But I am responsible,” I say, picking up a rock and tossing it toward the water. It doesn’t make it far enough and bounces on the sand. “She told me when I first met her what the line was, and I crossed it over and over. Hell, I danced over it like a total idiot, thinking she’d never figure it out.”

“Like ninety-nine percent of women would never have put that together.”

“Hmm, I think you’re underestimating the fairer sex there, but yeah, most of the women I’ve dated certainly wouldn’t have.” I chew on my lip for a second. “That’s the problem with falling for a genius.”

“I could see it having its drawbacks.”

“Yeah, if you’re a total fuck up.”

“You’re not a fuck up.” Gersh gets up and grabs his board, and I know it’s time for us to get ready for a meeting with Paul and Brittany. “As usual, you’re being way too hard on yourself. You made a mistake.”

Standing up, I grab my board. “I made the same mistake multiple times and totally blew her trust, and the thing is, Gersh, she was the one for me. We had so much fun together, and I could talk to her, you know? Like, really talk to her. And I wanted to know everything about her. And when I was with her, I could just be myself. Well, mostly. Obviously I was holding back, but when she figured out I have dyslexia, she managed to make me feel good about it. Can you even imagine that? Me feeling good about something I’ve been ashamed of my entire life?”

“No, I can’t.”

“Well, somehow she did it. She talked about it being a superpower instead of a problem.”

“Shit, man,” he says, as we walk across the beach. “If only our parents could’ve made you feel like that. It would have saved you so much heartache.”

“Yeah, well, they didn’t,” I answer. “But it was my job to get over it. I’m almost forty, for God’s sake. I shouldn’t be acting like a child, hiding all the time.”

“Cut yourself some slack. You had nearly forty years of them programming you to be ashamed of yourself. That would be hard for anyone to get past.”

“Please don’t make excuses for me,” I tell him. “I know you’re just trying to make me feel better, but honestly, I need to own this. It’s the only way I’m going to be able to change.”

“Okay,” he answers, as we get to the stairs leading up to the house. “So, what are you going to do about it?”

“Stop fucking hiding.”

Paul and Brittany sit at my dining room table with their mouths agape. I just told them everything, and now I’m waiting for them to respond. This conversation has been one of the hardest fucking things I’ve done. I broke out in a cold sweat as soon as they showed up at the house. When I started talking, I could barely get the words out, but I forced myself to do it, knowing that this is the first step in becoming the man I should’ve been for Allie. And I know it’s over, but there’s a tiny part of me that is hoping that if I can show her I’ve changed, that she’ll give me another chance.

Brittany closes her mouth first, then says, “You’ve always had it?”

Oh God, this sucks. Nodding, I say, “It’s something you’re born with.”

“How did we not know?” she asks. Then, turning to Paul, she says, “How did you not know? You’re his agent. You must have gone over dozens of contracts and scripts with him.”

He shakes his head at her, and says, “I had no idea.” He gasps and looks at me. “Oh my God, you never once read any part of a contract in front of me. Or a script. How did I not realize that?”

“Gersh and I have a pretty good dog and pony show going,” I answer, picking up Oscar, who was standing on his hind legs and pawing at my knee. I hold him against my chest and he licks my chin a couple of times as a thank you. “He immediately picks up any contracts or scripts while I distract you or change the subject.”

“We’ve been working together for almost twenty years. How have I never noticed this?” he asks, scratching his forehead. “Am I that clueless?”

“Don’t start thinking there’s something wrong with you,” Gersh tells him. “We’ve had our entire lives to get this down to an art. No one knew about it. Not even our grandparents or Hudson’s teachers.”

“Wow,” Brittany whispers. “And here I always thought you were a marginal actor, but it turns out you’re like fucking Pacino.”

Narrowing my eyes, I say, “Thanks. I think. Anyway, the reason I’m telling you all this is because I need to start being honest. With you, with people in the industry, with the public. I want to share my struggles in case it helps some kid out there who’s dealing with a learning disability.”

Paul opens his mouth, and I’m certain he’s about to lavish all sorts of undeserved praise my way, about being brave and a true role model. Instead, he says, “Terrible idea.”

Gershwyn wrinkles up his nose. “Seriously, Paul?”

“Yeah, I mean, eventually, sure, but not right now,” he tells Gersh. “Not when we’ve been working overtime to convince the world he’s a total brainiac.”

“You can still be a brainiac and have dyslexia,” Gersh tells him.

“Yeah, in fact, half of the people at NASA have it,” I add. “Half. Can you believe it?”

Paul squints a little. “Is that a TikTok fact? Because it feels like a TikTok fact.”

“No, it’s real. You can Google it if you like,” I say. “I looked it up after Allie told me that. It turns out there are some pretty cool gifts that can come with dyslexia when it comes to problem solving and creative thinking. Well, for some people anyway.”

Gershwyn nods. “It’s probably why he’s so good at hitting his marks after only seeing them once, and why he’s so good at connecting with people.”

“The point is I don’t think it’ll hurt my new image. If anything, finally being open about how my brain works will let people connect with me.”

“And we can share the stuff about NASA, which will really solidify things for Hudson as far as the role goes,” Gersh adds. “In fact, we can talk about the problem-solving stuff and Hudson can talk about how he helped solve an issue the team was having with this new AI system.”

Scratching Oscar behind his ears, I say, “No way can I take credit for Allie’s work.”

Gersh sits forward a little in his chair. “I’m not saying you take credit for her work, but you told me yourself that it was something you said that sparked the big fix she needed to make to get it working.”

“Wait. Allie the opera date?” Brittany asks.

I give her a deadpan expression, not wanting to talk about her. “Yup. That’s the one. Anyway, all I did was explain how difficult it was for me as a kid to decode the English language. We weren’t even talking about her system at the time so it’s not like I even knew I was helping her.”

Brittany tilts her head. “Tell me about this language thing. I’m curious.”

A sense of relief comes over me, knowing that another person knows the truth and isn’t judging me. “Well, there are twenty-six letters in the English language and they make a total of forty-four sounds, depending on the combination of letters. For someone like me, when I see a new word, it’s nearly impossible to figure out which sound the ‘c’ is making, for example. I needed it all broken down into the smallest chunks so I could memorize the combinations.”

“And him explaining that to Allie helped her realize she needed to break down the information she was feeding her AI system,” Gersh says. “So, you can see how, if Hudson hadn’t been there, it may not have ever gotten solved.”

I shoot him a dirty look. “She would have figured it out eventually. Probably the next day even.”

Gersh gives them a knowing look. “He’s a pretty big fan of hers.”

“Anyway, I’d like to get back to the matter at hand. I really want to go public with this. I think I can help a lot of people.” Myself. I can help myself get Allie back when she finds out I’m finally being honest. Obviously, I do want to help other people feel better about themselves too, especially children. But I also really, really want Allie back.

Paul taps his stylus on his iPad. “Why don’t you let Brittany and I have a think on this, and I’ll talk to the studio about it so we can figure out the best way—and the best time—to go public with it.”

“So long as we’re going to actually do it, Paul,” I tell him. “I’m serious about this. It’s important to me and I don’t want to wait a second longer than necessary.”

“Don’t worry about a thing. We’ve got your back.”

Brittany offers me a big smile. “We’re here for you, Hudson. Don’t forget that.”

I smile back even though in my mind I’m saying, why don’t I believe you?