Allie
Zurich isone of those places that would be perfectly romantic if you’re in love. It’s like something out of a movie—a beautiful, historic city on the banks of Lake Zurich. There are endless options for dining, shopping, and chocolate. A blanket of fresh snow gives the city a serene feel, and if I were happy, I’d love everything about it. But I’m not happy. I’m miserable. And this stupid gorgeous city isn’t helping. The snow only reminds me of being stranded at Black Creek with today’s stupid keynote speaker. The chocolate only reminds me of him telling me he’s ‘not a sweets guy.’ Talk about a red flag. How did I not pick up on that? Not a sweets guy is code for ‘I’m pure evil.’
But at least I’ve come to a very important conclusion—I’m not to blame. I’m not to blame for being tricked by a man who has spent his entire life lying. I’m not to blame for Lando using me, then stealing my work and dumping me, and fifteen-year-old me certainly isn’t to blame for stupid Ian Miller either.
I spent most of the flight thinking about what my dad said, and he was right about one thing—I do deserve tomato paste. There’s nothing wrong with me. In fact, I’m pretty damn great and I have got to stop being so fucking hard on myself. They’re the problem, not me. I won’t be dipping my toes in the dating pool anytime soon, but when I do, I’m not going to rush into it. I’ll take it nice and slow. Maybe get to know the guy as a friend for a year or two before even attempting a date. I’ll run background checks and ask all sorts of questions and analyze the answers for red flags. Have you ever washed your junk in the sink? Yes? Move it along. Are you dating a cheerleader at the moment? Get the fuck out of my house. Not a sweets guy? No thank you. But that’s all stuff for Future Allie to consider.
Right Now Allie has shit to do. My most important job is to wow everyone with Frank at that breakout panel, which is happening tomorrow. Today’s focus is to avoid Hudson like he’s the plague and the world just ran out of antibiotics. So far, so good on that front. Our team arrived at the hotel and conference center last night, and I haven’t seen Hudson even once yet, even though I know he was already here when I arrived. I could tell by the excitement in the air and the horny women everywhere. Also because of the all-chocolate gift basket he had delivered to my room with his room number and a note:
Allie,
I really need to talk to you before I give my speech tomorrow. There are things you need to know.
Love,
H
I read it over again while I nosh on a magical hazelnut, dried fruit, and creamy dark chocolate bar. “No, thank you. I already know enough.”
And I’m going to be late for the opening of the conference if I don’t get my butt down to the auditorium. I drop the note in the waste bin and hurry out of my room. My plan was to arrive right on time, and not a minute early in case it means we cross paths. All I have to do is get through his stupid keynote speech without looking at him, heckling him, or rushing the stage and pulling a Will Smith, and I’ll be fine. It’s going to be really fucking hard—it’ll require every ounce of self-control I have and then some, but I cannot let him get the better of me. Not in front of Lando and Chad and all the other assholes that will be in the room (and there are plenty).
Yes, I shall keep my dignity intact throughout the day. I am Allegra Cammareri, serious astrophysicist, and future global leader in SETI research. One day, I’ll be the new Frank Drake, except they’ll call me the mother of SETI for obvious reasons. But first, I have to get through today without any sign of weakness.
I get off the elevator on the main floor and walk down the wide carpeted corridor to the auditorium. A sign next to the door says, “SETI Conference in Progress.”
Pulling the door open, I step inside and stand at the back of the room, scanning the audience for Gwen, who has saved me an aisle seat. She turns and waves to me, and I hurry over to her and sit down.
“You okay?”
“Yes, I have a plan. I’m just not going to look at him the entire time.”
“How will that help?”
“Because then I won’t have to see him,” I say, as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “I’ll be fine if I never have to look at or smell him again.”
She nods, but I can see she’s skeptical. “Well, that’s a plan all right.”
“It’s really all I’ve got, so…”
A man’s voice comes over the loudspeaker. “Please welcome our very special guest and keynote speaker, Hudson Finch, to the stage.”
The place erupts with applause and a couple of cameramen sneak up to the front to take photos of him. I look to the left of the stage, only to notice a few film crews set up. I quickly lower my gaze to the back of the chair in front of me so as not to accidentally see him.
Even though I mostly hate Hudson now, my heart is in my throat because it hasn’t gotten the message that we don’t love him anymore, and therefore we certainly don’t have to worry about him screwing this up and embarrassing himself. “What’s he doing?” I whisper to Gwen, keeping my eyes on my lap.
“He’s striding purposefully over to the podium. Now he’s adjusting the microphone to the right height,” she whispers. “Oh, he just found you in the crowd and he’s staring at you.”
I battle the urge to look up. Instead, I say, “What expression does he have on his face?”
“Sad.”
“Welcome, everyone, I’m Hudson and I have absolutely no business being your keynote speaker. I’m not an astrophysicist, or a space engineer, and I certainly don’t have fifteen minutes-worth of important things to say. In fact, two months ago, I didn’t even know what SETI stood for.” Murmuring can be heard around the auditorium until he says, “No, it’s true. I had no idea. Six weeks ago, I showed up at the SETI Research Institute in Mountain View to prepare for an upcoming movie role, totally green. I had the incredibly good fortune to work with Dr. Allegra Cammareri, who taught me what she could, even though she was busy working on a project that is far more important than anything I’ll ever do. Anyway, she was gracious enough to help me out, and I learned more from her in those few weeks than I did the entire time I was in school.”
He pauses for a second, and I know without looking that he’s staring at me. Not falling for it, Mr. Liar Liar Kisses on Fire Pants.
Okay, that sucked, but I’m barely hanging on here.
“She taught me that science is the relentless search for truth, even if you have to forgo meals or showers or sleep, which she did on a regular basis while I was there observing her.”
He pauses and I whisper to Gwen, “Is he reading this or just free-styling it?”
“Free-styling it,” she answers.
“She also taught me that facts are not debatable. That’s what makes them facts. Like the fact that I’m standing up here and she’s sitting down there, when the fact is she should be up here delivering this speech, not me.”
Unable to help myself, I look up at him, only to see him staring back down at me. Damn him for looking so hot and for doing that stupid thing where he makes me feel like the only woman in the world.
He swallows hard, then keeps talking. “The fact is that Dr. Cammareri—and only Dr. Cammareri—is responsible for her AI system. I had nothing to do with it, and the fact that I’ve been given any credit at all is an insult, not only to her, but to all of you who work so hard in this field.
“I was asked to speak because I can bring attention to your program, which will bring in money. And that’s the only reason I’m here. It’s because those cameras are rolling and people who don’t know and don’t care about what you do are hearing about it today, many of them for the first time. So I’m going to help out in my own small way, to give a lift to an endeavor I’ve come to believe is very important for humanity. The search for extra-terrestrial intelligence is something more people should know about, because it’s the ultimate marriage of true science and hope. It could one day present humans with partnerships that could solve the major problems we face around the globe. It could bring us new technologies, new foods, new energy sources, and new medical procedures. And in my humble opinion, as an outsider—and again, as someone who really has no business even sharing his opinion—I believe this is something worth pursuing. I’d even go so far as to say it’s not up for debate. SETI research is something worth pursuing.”
He pauses and the auditorium fills with applause again while he stares at me. My heart swells in my chest, even though I tell it not to. I’m failing so, so badly right now.
“In a minute, I’m going to ask Dr. Cammareri to come up here and use the rest of the time that was wrongly given to me, because she deserves to be up here sharing her discovery with you. And you deserve to hear about it. But before I do that, I want to explain how the rumor got started that I’m the person who managed to get her system to work, which is pure fiction, I assure you. After my time at the institute, when I got back to L.A., I was so proud of Dr. Cammareri, that I told my team about what she had done. Inspired by her commitment to truth, I told them the truth about myself for the first time.
“I’ve had a secret I’ve been keeping my entire life. Something I was ashamed of, when there was no need to be. I have dyslexia, and in my case, it’s presented me with significant challenges with reading my entire life, in spite of my parents’ best efforts to fix me. The studio wanted me to keep that under wraps until my movie had come out so they’re going to be pissed that I’m going public with this right now, but the thing is, nothing is more important than honesty and being authentic. Dr. Cammareri taught me that too. And when you believe in something, you have to start living it now. Not just when it’s convenient or when it doesn’t scare the shit out of you. You have to live it every day. Which is what I’m going to do, starting today. No more hiding. No more pretending. Just pure honesty.”
Am I crying? Yes, I’m crying. Dammit. I do not want to cry in front of these people. This is so much worse than wearing a bathing suit.
“Anyway, while I was telling my team about my dyslexia, I accidentally made it seem like something I said caused Dr. Cammareri to find the final missing piece to the puzzle, when in actuality, I didn’t even know that what I was saying was in any way related to what she was doing. In my team’s effort to make the world believe I’m some type of genius—which I’m not—they didn’t just bend the truth. They broke it. And I’m sorry that happened, Allie. I’m sorry I didn’t stop them the second it happened. And I’m sorry that while I was so busy hiding who I really was, I didn’t think of how I was hurting you. And I know I hurt you, and that’s the last thing you deserved. What you deserve is to be respected for the remarkable scientist—and human—that you are. You are strong and honest and brave, and you have more integrity than anyone I know. Your dedication to your work is truly inspirational, and I want the world to know your name because you are the one who should have the cameras on you. Not me. So please come up here and introduce the world to Frank, because it’s high time they get to meet him.”
He stands back from the mic and starts to clap while I sit, stunned and yet somehow more alive than I’ve ever been. Everyone else joins in with his applause, and I know it’s not because they suddenly respect me. It’s because they’re following his lead. But it still feels fucking amazing.
“Go on, get up there,” Gwen says.
“But I’m not?—”
“You are. Now go show these bastards who’s boss.”
I walk up to the stage, my legs feeling wobbly as I make my way up the stairs. Hudson holds his hand out to help me up. Of course he does because he’s a mother fucking gentleman and I’m totally done for because there’s no way I can not love him now. He whispers in my ear. “I love you, now go give ‘em hell.”
I hurry over to the podium, a new-found strength growing in me with each step. When I’m finally standing there, I face the crowd—a moment I’ve fantasized about for years. I spot Lando and my lips curve up in a smirk I don’t even want to hide. Yes, fuck you, Lando. I won. And also, what was I thinking with him? He’s actually kind of gross.
I take a deep breath and start to talk, trusting that I already know exactly what to say. I talk and talk for what feels like hours and somehow only a few seconds at the same time. I don’t have my computer with me, so I can’t demonstrate, but I tell them all about what Frank can do. Before long, I have people in the audience asking questions, and I can see they’re all growing more excited by the minute about the possibilities.
When I’m done speaking, I stay perfectly still while I get a standing ovation. Tears fill my eyes and even though I promised myself I wouldn’t show any emotion, I don’t even care. Because I did it. I really did it. I worked my ass off and I believed in myself and now I’m standing here while everyone in the SETI world claps for me. This moment is huge—it’s everything I’ve always wanted. I’m finally being recognized for my work, and I’m not ashamed that I’m so happy I’m letting a few tears slide down my cheeks.
I don’t even remember how I wound up backstage, but now I’m here, standing in front of Hudson between the curtains. He’s smiling down at me with that look that says all the things. I close the distance between us, wrap my arms around his neck, and kiss him hard on the mouth, those feelings rushing back to me. The way he smells, the way he holds me, the way our bodies feel so perfect pressed against each other. We pull back and I say, “I can’t believe you just told the world everything you just told the world. How do you feel?”
“Incredible. And a little scared.” He tilts his head, then says, “Actually, really fucking scared.”
“Are you worried the studio will drop you?”
“No, I’m worried you won’t take me back.”
“But I already kissed you,” I say, narrowing my eyes a little.
“But that could’ve been just a reaction to the moment.”
“It was a reaction to being near you. I can’t help myself. I’m in deep here, even though I was trying so hard not to be.”
“I promise I will never give you another reason not to be in love with me again.” He gives me a slow, gentle kiss, then rests his forehead on mine.
“My dad was right about you,” I tell him. “You are tomato paste.”
He chuckles and kisses me again, pulling me in tighter. “Great speech, by the way. Even though you weren’t prepared, you really knocked it out of Earth’s orbit.”
I grin at him. “Aww, an astronomy metaphor?”
“Yes, and it took me an embarrassingly long to come up with it,” he says. He lets go of me and takes his phone out of his suit jacket pocket and turns on the camera.
“You’re not going to post a picture right now, are you?” I ask.
Shaking his head, he says, “Nope. This one is just for me. Well, I’d really appreciate if you’d send it to your dad for me. I want him to see that the light’s back in your eyes.”