Chapter 24
Chapter
Twenty-Four
Ifeel like I’m recharging my batteries. I’m at home alone, only Tommy and I, spending time on my building site and loving it. I get a bit of stick from my guys about my Vegas wedding, to a ‘rockstar’ no less. I argue the definition of rock star as the band is hardly heavy rock type music, but we generally agree it’s a bit of a universal term for a superstar of the music world, especially as he’s in a band and is hardly a ‘popstar.’
My team is pretty fab. My head man has kept the schedule on track and another building is due to be ready. It’s mixed commercial and residential, as we’ve planned for the site to have people living and working here. This building is particularly lovely. The entire ground floor is eateries and bistro bars, with areas for eating in a courtyard setting that has a retractable roof. The next floor up houses a gym and leisure complex, while residential covers the next three floors. I’ve even soundproofed all the residences so no one is disturbed by the noise filtering from below.
Each apartment caters to the nuances of the building—it was a loading and holding bay, so lifts and pulleys are still visible, as well as shelving, and cupboard areas. We’ve kept nearly every bit of the built-in brick and stone and used it in the designs. It’s all coming together and, by no small effort by my team, on time.
I tell them my schedule, a bit of here, there and everywhere, but I’ve decided that I’ll take my laptop and work during the day. Day drinking and shopping are not for me. I may as well have meetings, or help Jude out with some finance stuff, if I’m really bored.
Not to disrespect anyone else, but waiting for the guys to come back from places is definitely not floating my boat. Performance days and nights I can cope with, anything else, no.
I meet one of my favourite clients who, like me, is totally into buildings with personality, at the building in the west end. I told her it was so full of personality and swagger I didn’t know if she could cope with it. After setting foot inside it, she, however, feels it’s the one for her, and we spend a happy couple of hours oohing and ahhing over features.
I ring Jude after the meeting, telling him to sort out all the paperwork as she’s hooked. “Even the building seems pleased,” I tell him. I think I’m as excited as she is.
“You’re as crazy as they are,” he chuckles. ”Do you want to meet for coffee? I’m around.” He seems hopeful, and I tell him to meet me after my appointment, but when I tell him where I’m going, he says he’ll meet me there.
I set my medical appointment a few days in to give me time to sort out the sites and reorientate myself in London. Now, I sit and wait for my doctor, stripped off with a gown on as I foolishly wore a dress. I totally forgot she likes to do a full health check up. They’ve taken blood, done my blood pressure—as I told her about my fainting spell—checked my breasts, and discussed periods—irregular at the minute, but small spotting. I had all the dates on an app. I had the readings from my fainting spell as well, as she’s very thorough and I knew she would want them. BMI done, height, weight. I just really wanted the shot done and go, but they need to double check everything before they act.
I sit for ages before Dr. Theodore finally comes in. “Evie, can I just check your period dates again please? I pass over my phone and she studies the app, passes it over to her assistant, then looks at me and says, “I can’t do the shot today, as?—”
“Why not?” I blurt out, not giving her a chance to finish her explanation. “I don’t have a lot of time to come back to London. I’m up and down to Devon, as well as going on tour with the band.”
”Because you’re already pregnant.”
I stare at her as her words sink in, then burst into tears. Oh God. This is, this is, my brain won”t function.
“Is it not good news?” she asks calmly.
“I’m thirty-six years old. Is it a problem?” I sob out. I think I might faint.
“No, it’s not, we just have to monitor you a bit closely, but we do that anyway. We need to do a scan to see how far along you are, but I think it is a fair few weeks. Some of these periods I don’t think were periods at all. I think it was spotting in early pregnancy.”
“My husband, he—” I start to cry again.
“Will he not be happy?” The doctor has her hand on my shoulder, sympathy oozing from her.
I shake my head. “His previous wife miscarried four times at sixteen weeks. Only James, only James,” I start blubbing again as I see the doctor and assistant look at each other.
“Do you have anyone else with you today? We can do the scan to see how far along you are, but it all looks ok at the minute,” she coaxes.
I nod, picking up the phone to call Jude.
“Hey, are you ready? I’m outside.”
“Jude,” I start to cry again and Dr. Theodore takes the phone from me and tells Jude where I am and for him to come straight up.
He rushes through the doors, followed by Tommy, both looking frantic.
Dr. Theodore smiles calmly at them. “Who do we have here?”
“Jude, brother. And this is Tommy, security,” he points. “What’s wrong, E?” he asks as he comes over to me and pulls me in for a hug. “What’s wrong with her?” he asks the doctor, as, clearly, I have no sense at all.
“Am I ok to tell them, Evie?” she asks me.
“Yes,” I manage to splutter out.
“Evie came in for her regular shot, and just to be certain before we do it, we do a pregnancy test. Hers was positive,” she smiles at me.
Jude looks at me. “Not a-fuckin-gain,” he says, his voice hovering between concern and wonder. “Kellen?” I nod. “Oh, baby sis.” He hugs me to him and asks, “How far on is she?”
“Well, I’ve a good idea from her figures and from what I can see from my initial examinations, but I’d like to scan her and see for definite.”
“I think we should do it, Evie. I’ll stay. Tommy, do you want to stay in, or…?”
“I’ll wait, but I’ll be right outside, Kiddo.” He pats me on the back and moves outside.
With Jude holding me up, we move through another door at the back of the consultation room into a large room that has various scanners. “We can use a powerful one so we can get a good look at what’s going on,” Dr. Theodore tells us.
As I lay on the bed and they prep me, I close my eyes and wait for the whooshing noise of a heartbeat. I don’t hear one.
I hear two.
I startle and whip my head over to look at Jude. He was my partner for most of my pregnancy with James, by my side at every appointment, every milestone throughout.
His whole being radiates concern, but I can also see excitement. He’s pleased, happy even. He looks at me and then at Dr. Theodore, who is directing her aide.
“Well, it seems my thoughts are right. You have two babies in there, Evie.”
I surely cannot have any water left in my body as tears of joy and terror all come at once.
She takes careful measurements, and then says, “You’re far enough along, do you want to know the sex?”
I look at Jude, and he raises his eyebrows at me. “I don’t know. I, I… Can I think for a minute? Do you know it for both of them?”
“Yes,” she says, “as look here. They are twins, obviously, but this tells me we have two separate sacks.” She’s pointing at a grey mass on the screen and smiling at me. “This, I believe, is one placenta, which means they’re identical twins, so they’re the same sex.”
I lay back, resting my head on the pillows. Identical twins. Oh God. He’s going to freak out. Even Jude looks shocked. Twins, exactly the same. He looks at the screen as we listen to the heartbeats.
I make my decision and smile at them. “Yes, I’d like to know the sex. Jude, if you don’t, you can go outside for a minute.”
He shakes his head. “No way. If you’re staying to know, I am.” He takes my hand. “Twins, Evie,” he says with reverence.
“It’s boys,” Dr. Theodore says. “Identical twin boys. I can also tell you that you’re fifteen weeks pregnant.”
Fifteen weeks! I’ve been doing all sorts of reckless shit—mad motorbike dashes, drinking a bit, well a lot at times, wild, wild sex.
“I’ve had a drink of alcohol. Can you check if they”re okay?” I say, totally panicking.
“They look perfect for the dates. It was sometime in March, by your dates and the scan.”
France again!
“In fact, they are a very healthy size. Now, with twins, you can deliver anytime from thirty-two weeks; the norm is around thirty-seven weeks. But babies come when they’re ready. We can discuss options over the next few weeks. Most people deliver in hospital and a C-section is quite common, so don’t worry too much about that. Due date at thirty-seven weeks is around the sixth of December, if you get that far,” she says, checking the calendar on the wall.
“James, my oldest son was born on the second of December,” I tell her, which obviously makes no difference to these two at all.
“Winter babies,” she says and smiles.
Twins, boys, fifteen weeks, sixth December. “Doctor, my husband has been married before and his wife had four other pregnancies, and they all miscarried at or before sixteen weeks. Do you think…” I tail off as I look at her and the screen, which is now printing pictures.
“Well, we can never guarantee anything, but as it stands at the moment, there do not appear to be any issues.”
“I know the exact date of conception. Would that help?”
“You do?”
I nod. “Twenty-second of March. I didn’t see him again for another four weeks after that, and, to be honest, didn’t have sex again for a further few weeks until I had to marry him. And then again in Vegas, which was not until May, so it had to be then.”
Dr. Theodore looks at the calendar. “Well, as we’re here,” she points at the current date in July, “you’re nearly sixteen weeks on Wednesday. Maybe not tell him until after that date. It may be helpful for him. I take it he didn’t want further family, due to his previous history?”
“Yes. He wanted no more attempts at children. He’s terrified of the phone call that says it’s another miscarriage. He says he died a bit each time.” I’m babbling like a brook now and Jude looks up at the ceiling and closes his eyes.
When he opens them, he leans down and kisses me. “It’ll be fine, sis. He’ll be fine. We’ll put him off until the end of the week. We can say we’ve gone on a buying trip, he won’t come for you then. Tell him when you’re seventeen weeks.”
I shake my head, tears starting again. “I don’t think it’ll matter. I think he’ll be worse, more terrified of the hope.” I try to not get fully sobbing again.
Dr. Theodore stands and says, “We’ll get you back into your clothes. We’ve done pictures for you, and I want to see you again in three weeks. Stay as long as you want, no need to rush around. There’s a very lovely tea spot upstairs, very private, go up and grab drinks, take your time.” She smiles and leaves her assistant to help get me dressed and give me leaflets and particularly about twins.
I come out to find Tommy pale, but smiling, and Jude just pale. “Let’s go for that drink, tea all-round Brown.” He takes my hand and Tommy gets close behind me as we go and sit in the tea shop.
The silence is deafening as we all start to come to terms with the news. “I didn’t know about the babies,” Jude says eventually. “I knew about the marriage of course, the babies must have been kept quiet.”
“I think the first one was only just as he was up and coming. The other three, well publicised. But each time they were hit with it, it contributed to the breakdown of the marriage. The divorce was acrimonious due to Kell’s attempts to numb out life with drink, drugs, and women. Then the ex wife killed herself. The despair, the emotional turmoil, it was all over the press. The family blamed him, he blamed himself. But he was dying, trying to kill himself I think. He said after that, no more children, ever. Then I turn up with James, you can imagine.” I look at Jude. “He told James and I about the other children, how he felt. He’s going to go—god I don’t know. But it’ll be bad. He might even leave.” I pause for breath, trying to keep the tears at bay.
“I don’t know if I can do it again? Can you, Jude? Do you want to? You’ve got other things outside of me, outside of the family.” I mean Isobel, and he knows it, but I can hardly bring myself to say her name.
My heart rate has kicked up and I’m practically panting. Jude touches my hands as Tommy starts to pat my shoulder, and I blow out a breath trying to calm myself down. It will do these two no good. I need to think of them now, not just me or Kell. “I don’t want you to see me as a burden,” I finally blab out, my brain finally coming back on-line.
“Listen, stop, just stop,” Jude says, hanging onto my hands. “We’ll sort it. You’re not on your own, not ever. Right, Tommy?”
He nods at me. “I’m here, Kiddo. You’ve got lots of people in your corner, probably more than you think.”
“We will look after you,” Judes states with conviction, “more so now as you’re having twins. I can’t believe it. Talk about Kellen, go big or go home, that man is off the scale.” He smiles at me, his eyes lighting up as he contemplates the babies. “Are we telling the others, James and Bucky?”
“Not today, unless they’re at home, then yes. I don’t want to keep anything from them. I’ll tell James after I tell Kellen. Oh god, we had better have Xan there in case he has a meltdown. In fact, I know he will.” I fall silent, worrying over the reaction I know is coming.
“Shall we go to the lakes for a few days? So he doesn’t come for you? I do think if you’ve gone past the sixteen week marker, he may, after a while, feel a bit better.” Jude, ever the optimist.
“He won’t, but I suppose it won’t hurt. We could go look at those buildings that were coming up for auction up there. One of my clients wants one, so we could go look,” I say hopefully, trying to kid myself it just might be okay.
“Are you going to be alright to drive that far?” he muses. “I suppose we could go by train to Birmingham and then drive further north. Are they near Windermere? How many days do you want to try and get away with?” Jude enquires. He’s hatching a cunning plan.
“Well, he won’t come today or tomorrow, then he’s off to Scotland. I was supposed to be going.” I gulp.
“Let’s go up there as an urgent rush job and I’ll take the flack, plead uselessness. That will give us another week,” Jude offers.
I think about the schedule for the next few weeks. “They don’t have much after Scotland til the twentieth, but that is really next week, then it”s Suffolk, Sheffield, Cornwall then Leeds,” I reel off the list.
“We’ll go tomorrow.” He’s decisive. “You’re more or less sixteen weeks then, and it’ll give you a bit of time to think about what you want to tell him,” Jude says.
“I feel so happy, so sad, so terrified all in one. A lot of things make sense now. I’ve been all over the place these past few weeks, but it was these two.” I rub my stomach.
Jude beams at me. “Twins. Jesus, you don’t do anything by halves. I can’t wait.”
I look at him incredulously. “Really?” My jaw is practically on the floor.
“Yes, really. It was too quiet at home. We need some young ‘uns again.”
“I think you have pregnancy brain. It makes you forget how hard it was and only remember the good bits. James at two times two. Jude, I’m thirty six, I’ll be thirty-seven by the time I have them. I’m classed as a geriatric pregnancy!” I really think he’s lost the plot. But he just keeps smiling.
“Yes, but you can afford help this time around. And you have all of us with our experience. Piece of cake.” He sits, grinning at me and Tommy.
“Yep, that’s the babies sorted, we just need to keep the dad on the straight and narrow. That is not going to be easy. In fact, I know it’s not going to happen.”
My stomach starts to churn again as the nerves take over and I remember the tormented look on Kell”s face when he told me about his unborn children. Tears well again in my eyes.
“He’ll come around, eventually,” says Tommy.
“I hope it’s before they’re born, but I’m not holding my breath on that one. Do you want to be my partner again, Jude? Or shall I ask Jonno this time. If he does ditch me, it’s a lot, and you have, err, Is–.” I practically choke on her name. Jude looks at me sharply.
“We can do it together, jointly. Family above all, Evie.” He looks a bit insulted and a little hurt. “I think Jonno would like to. He still goes on about being your favourite. To be honest, I use being your pregnancy partner last time as a point of reference as to why he isn’t.”
We laugh and I start to feel mildly optimistic. I can’t stop touching my stomach now I know.
“Your stomach is so flat for more or less sixteen weeks, you can’t tell you’re pregnant at all.”
“My boobs are bigger, apparently. Kell commented the other day.”
“He would notice that.” Jude shakes his head at me. “Let’s go home. Are you coming to us? I’d prefer if you did, or I can come to yours. Either way, I’d rather someone as well as Tommy be with you.”
“I’d rather be at home. I need to do some work stuff if I’m jetting up to the lakes. Do you mind?”
“Nope let”s go get my stuff.”
Kellen is not a happy camper. In fact, he’s furious that I’ve taken off to the lakes. He’d expected me in Devon to go to Dundee by plane. I was a no show.
I ring him from Windermere in the lake district, which is hard because the signal is awful. I hook in to the internet and facetime him.
“What the fuck are you playing at?” he shouts at me. “Why aren’t you here? Everyone else has someone. I’ve got a fucking wife and yet not here.”
Jude snatches the phone off me and shouts at him, telling him to fuck off shouting at me and he takes the blame.
Kellen is calling him all the names under the sun. “Well you better be back for next week when I’m passing through, and you’re coming to Sheffield at least, because we’re staying at home with Orla and Bug. Jude, fuck off, I want phone sex with my wife.”
I smile at him as Jude leaves the room, but he’s still not entirely ready to be happy. “Don’t fucking smile like that. I can’t stay mad at you. Take that top off, let me see those tits.” He’s trying to keep scowling into the screen.
“Stop being so aggressive,” I tell him as I take my top off.
“Fuck me, have they got bigger? Or it’s probably because I’ve not seen them for two weeks up close and personal, they look bigger,” he’s complaining again. “You’ll have to green light Xander, I need to fuck someone.” He’s literally whining as he stares into the camera. “You’re so beautiful. I fucking miss you. Touch your tits, Kitten, and tell me what they feel like and what you want me to do to them?”
I laugh, shaking my head at him, telling him what I want. He’s groaning so badly, I bet the whole bus can hear him.
We stay on the phone for over an hour, until he gets shouted at to go to the plane. “I love you baby, see you tomorrow. Be somewhere on your own. I need to see you, the whole you.” He winks into the phone, and it goes dead.
I go downstairs, feeling like shit for lying to him. But it’s for the greater good, I keep telling myself.
My phone pings, and I smile thinking it’s Kell with some ridiculous picture. It’s not, it’s Jonno. I suppose I should have expected it.
Jonno
What”s going on?
Me
Nothing. Looking at offices for clients.
Jonno
What”s going on? Do I need to hack into your records? U never got on that plane, and Windermere is in the opposite direction so he could not get to you, so?!!!!!
Me
I’ll get Jude and ring u in 5.
Me
Pest, but still my favourite.
Jonno
Now I’m well worried. Sunshine has texted me, he smells a rat
Me
Shit.
I grab Jude and Tommy and we Facetime Jonno. Jax is with him.
“I’m pregnant,” I blurt out. There’s silence at the other side as they stare at us all.
“Pregnant,” says Jackson “How did that happen?”
I start to laugh. “Really, Jackson, do I have to explain the mechanics to you?”
“No, I mean, I thought you were on contraception. You went for your shot the other day?” Clearly my medical history is a discussion point.
“Yeah, well, part of the renewal is a standard pregnancy test, and I passed it. Positively.”
“Wow, baby sis. I’m assuming fuckhead is the Dad again.”
“Errr, yes. Who else would it be?” I throw my hands up at them. “And it happened in France. I’m sixteen plus weeks, seventeen on Wednesday. Oh, and it’s twins, and boys.” I’m going for gold now.
They sit in silence for ages. I look at Jude. “You looked like that, to be fair,” I tell him. “Tommy went a bit paler.”
“Fucking twins.” Jonno starts to laugh. “He can’t cope with two eighteen-year-old men, he’s got no chance with twin boys.” He’s really laughing now. “He is going to die. Xan might be a better bet, Evie. I’d divorce Kell and go for Xan.” I roll my eyes.
“Are you alright, Kitten?” Jackson asks.
Kitten. He must be in shock. He never calls me that unless it’s a nightmare.
“Yeah, I feel fine. Look, I need to tell you about Kellen. It’s really serious, so please listen.”
I tell them about his marriage and all the other babies. Jonno knew, but not the sentiment behind it. He didn’t know the level of terrified each phone call heaped on Kellen. They look really worried when I’ve finished my tale.
“Which is why we came away. I wanted to be beyond that point before I told him. I don’t actually think it will help. And it may make it worse because he’ll get his hopes up and then be waiting for the sword of Damocles to swing. I’m so terrified he’ll be upset, but I didn’t do this on purpose. How could I know? I went as usual for my shots as dictated, nothing new.” I feel like I’m practising my speech to Kellen.
“Evie thinks he’ll freak out and leave her,” Jude tells them. “I think even if he does run, he’ll calm down eventually, come to his senses and come back. But I think we need to make sure Xan is there, just in case.”
“Do you think the boys should be there?” Jackson asks.
I shake my head. “I don’t, I don’t want them to see him if he goes apeshit. He might say stuff he doesn’t mean. I know where it’s coming from, but they may not forgive him.”
“Will you?” Jonno asks, studying me closely through the phone.
“I hope so, but I know it’s going to be bad. It was hard when he told me, and he was a mess even then, so many years after the event. But I can’t change it. I won’t, anyway. If all goes well, I’ll have these babies and have to get on with it. Just as we did with James, and then Bucky.” I’m trying to be positive, but know I’m failing as they trade looks.
“You were eighteen years old then. No offence, but you’re a lot older now.”
“Thanks for the reminder, Jonno. I will be thirty-seven when I have them. My due date is sixth December. I can’t change my age either. But I can get help, I have enough money. I don’t need Kellen, if it comes to it. I’ll do it on my own, again, with you lot hopefully with me again.”
Tears begin to gather in my eyes, and I hear Jackson make a noise in his throat. “Sorry, my hormones have kicked in. I’m as horny as hell and keep crying. So, whatever happens, I need Kellen. Hopefully he’ll fuck me before he fucks off.” I try to make a joke, and they smile but don’t laugh.
“Are you telling James before you tell him?” asks Jonno. “He’s on it, he knows you’re up to no good. He’ll hack your records if you don’t tell him. He was already halfway in when I said I was investigating, so he stopped.”
“Honestly, Jonno,” I shake my head at him and half-stifle a giggle, “you’ve made my son a criminal. I’ll have to phone him after you lot, otherwise he’ll be texting Kell to find out his story and it might trigger him. No bloody privacy in this family.”
“Fucking twins, and boys,” says Jackson in awe.
“Identical ones,” I add, and they all grin. They actually look happy. Maybe it won’t be as bad as I think.
Iring James and get him to get Bucky. “Are you somewhere really secure and no one can hear you?” I ask them both.
“Yes, we’re on Dad’s bus. He let us take it as he’s flown to Scotland. Then he says he’s coming to get you in London. No one else on it, just me and Buck.”
“Right then,” I start.
“Oh God, Mum, are you okay?” Bucky asks, his voice wobbling with nerves.
“Yes, Bucky. I’m fine, but I’m pregnant.”
They sit like statues, especially James. I can see he’s put things together, clever boy.
“How far?” he asks.
“Sixteen weeks, now, today actually. So by the time your Dad comes back, I’ll be nearly seventeen weeks.”
He nods. He knows the significance of that.
“I’ll tell Bucky about Dad’s other kids. I’ve not before, but…”
They fall into silence again.
“Are you happy?” asks Bucky. God I love him. He’s more concerned about me.
“I’m shocked. Obviously this wasn’t planned. I went to get my shot done and turned out I was already sixteen weeks pregnant. Oh, and there’s something else. It’s twins, identical ones, and they’re boys.”
They sit in shocked silence.
“Twins, boys,” repeats James. “Mum, he”s going to go ballistic. What are you going to do?”
I know James is the only other person who’s seen how tortured he is when talking about those children. I get tears in my eyes again. God, these tears.
“I know, James. I’m so scared of how he’ll react. I feel so bad for feeling so good about it, now I’ve accepted it. I can’t change it, I just have to wait and see how things go.”
“That’s what’ll kill him, the waiting for the call.” James gets tears in his eyes, he’s so worried. “Shall we come home and be with you when you tell him?”
“No, he’ll come straight from Scotland. I’d rather you wait and speak to him later, maybe go see him after. It may not be pretty. He’ll be terrified, and terrified people hit out at the ones they love. Say things they don’t mean.”
“Surely that won’t be you, if you’re having his babies,” says Bucky.
I shrug, James shrugs, we both know how bad it might be.