Chapter 33
Chapter
Thirty-Three
The weeks roll by, my plan firmly in place. It’ll not be long now. I’m booked for a section for sixth December unless something changes and we need to go earlier. At thirty weeks, I’ve got less time in front than I have behind, and I’m like a slow moving vehicle, with spatial awareness issues. I keep bumping into things, forgetting how big I am.
Devon is quiet. Kasey and Carter have gone back to LA. They’ve been making the rounds on the chat shows, talking about here, and we’re swamped with offers to make us stars.
I laugh at it all. The only thing I may do is a bit of charity work for kids in the care system. Make use of the farm and the stables for children from towns and cities. We’re debating some of the more ecological horse stuff, if we are able to use it, but ultimately I would leave the picking to Molly and Lisa.
I’m standing out by the railings watching Marshall with one of the yearlings, when I get a call from Tarron Barclay.
“Hello my lovely pregnant daughter, how are you?” I smile into the phone. He’s been calling me ‘daughter’ since our trip up there in June.
“I’m good, getting bigger. How are you? All good in lovely Scotland?”
“Yes and no is the answer to that. I’ve hurt my leg. In fact, I actually broke it a few weeks ago. I’m up and about again, but am having to take it easy. No reeling for me yet.”
I chuckle. “The ladies of Barclay will be glad of the rest, Tarron. Just think how ready to go again they’ll be when their dancing partner is back.”
He laughs. “I have to sit out and coach. I must say, I enjoy shouting the orders out. It’s great fun making people do what you want.”
“I thought that was your job full stop as Clan Chief?” I heckle him.
“No, I”m just the mouthpiece for the community because I can shout the loudest.” I can feel him grinning down the phone. “Anyway, the point of this call is to ask you to pop up and have a look at some of the work I’ve completed and see if you think we can improve it.”
“Erm, yes, but just so you know, I’m thirty weeks pregnant, Tarron. Due on the sixth at thirty-seven weeks. So I wouldn’t want to stay too long, just in case. You are very off the beaten track up there.”
“Ock, it’ll be grand. It’s just a wee peep and then you can give us the go ahead. And I did hear via Marshall that you’ve had a bit of hassle in the town with paparazzi and what not. They’d not follow you here. And if they did, we can deal with them.”
I mull that over. He is right. I am concerned about it. “Okay, yes, I’ll get sorted today and try to get off tomorrow. Sooner there and back, the better. I don’t fancy giving birth in that Loch.”
He peals with laughter, “You wouldn’t be the first woman to do that now.”
“I was kidding, Tarron. I’ll keep you posted on my journey. Tommy will definitely come. One of my brothers may, but possibly not. Everyone is very busy at the moment. I’ll text you times, and see you tomorrow.”
No one is happy with me. I feel very ganged up on and take myself off to bed, having listened to lectures from everyone. They express their concerns in a nice way, but all the same message—don’t go, it”s too far and you’re too near.
I should have at least two weeks, I think, minimum. My babies don’t feel like they’re going anywhere, they’ve not dropped yet. Even though at my last scan they were both behaving and were head down the right way. The doctor did say they have time to move though, and the drop may be very quick. Two weeks, I pray. Just give me that.
I stop via Yorkshire on my way up to Scotland and pick up Eamonn Purcell. He’s handed to me at York Train Station like a little parcel of loveliness. The boy is my brightness on very dark days. We play cards. I teach him how to cheat, as every good Aunty should. And how to keep a poker face whilst he’s doing it.
I’m thrown back to memories of teaching James when he was young, all the tricks. He’s put them to good use over the years. Jonno took over training at ten.
I rest my hand on my belly. Mmm, better maybe not do that with these two. We’ll be a gang of criminals rather than just Jonno and James at this rate.
We reach Barclay house tired, in great spirits, and full of sweets (Eamonn). He falls into bed, mine. He likes to get in with me when we’re in Devon, so thinks he can wherever we are. I don’t mind, he’s a solid little boy, and he likes to cuddle. But he does chat on, especially to the babies. They are a captive audience at present. I sort him out and he hardly says any words, falling fast on recharging for the day tomorrow.
Tommy and I chat with Tarron, who’s brought extra ladies in from the village to cater to his every whim. Tarron is surprised by my size, and I tell him I can’t go out in the Land Rover, it will send me into early labour. I’ll stick to the buildings near the house, mainly the Fairy House and buildings. We’re fed, watered, and pushed off to bed, ready for the morning.
The weather is kind for the end of October, and as we tick past the weekend, I find myself enjoying the work. I can direct the workforce, so skilled they’re able to just get on with it, working in perfect harmony. Tarron is up and around on sticks and, as I’m also very slow, we spend time sauntering around the top grounds of the house, looking at areas that could be utilised.
The Fairy House and buildings are not the only potentially habitable buildings on this side of the property, there’s also a gatehouse that is tired, but so pretty. I stand with Tarron at the bottom of the drive one morning looking at it. Going inside, I’m surprised to see it’s one room and a bit of a mezzanine at the top.
“Wow, we could use it as a cottage for two people. Maybe four if a sofa bed was added down here, there’s enough room. We could use the outbuilding as a boot room and storage, so the only thing in here is a kitchenette, living space, and bedroom upstairs.”
I’m inspecting the brickwork when I hear the door open.
Tarron shouts out, “Xander, you didn’t have to come, I told you I was fine,” and I turn to see Tarron hugging his son. He’s not seen me yet, and I’m standing stock still, staring at him.
He smiles at his father, and touches his leg. “You’re still on sticks. You should have told me how bad it was sooner. Bill shouldn’t have had to call,” he scolds Tarron. He looks so good, black hair flopping around his tanned face, making the blue of his eyes spark out even more in the Scottish light.
I move my foot slightly and it clips a stone, making a noise. He spins around and looks at me, gasping out, “Evie, what are you doing here?” He looks down to my stomach, which is protruding a lot today, and stares at it in wonder before looking up at my face.
And, oh god, I start to cry again. My tears don’t stop. I put my head down and go to move out of the door. This is pathetic. If I cry at every meeting, I’m literally going to be the most blotchy person ever.
I move my finger in the direction I’m going, but can’t get my words out.
He moves fast. Well, faster than me. But these days, that’s not hard.
“No, please don’t, I need to see you.” He touches my face as Tarron makes an excuse to go and leave us.
“Xan, I—” I close my eyes and I shrug, shaking my head.
“I know, Kitten, I know. I missed you so much, but he needed me more. You had people who loved you, he didn’t.”
He pulls me into his arms and hugs me, stroking my hair as I cry into his shoulder.
“Why did you not call?” I sob out. I think my heart is going to stop beating.
“What would I say?” His voice cracks, pleading with me to understand. “Yes he”s fine, when he wasn’t and isn’t. He’s drunk, drugged up, and a mess. How could I have told you that every day for the past four months? It was just too depressing, even for you.” His hands rove over my hair, my face.
“Have you been well?” I ask him, looking into his eyes. He’s shaking his head. “I saw you out alot,” I say, looking down, closing my eyes.
“Means to an end. Not great, but I’m better now. I can’t believe you’re here. How far on are you?” He’s changing the subject, and his hands go towards my stomach, but he retracts them.
“Thirty-one weeks on Wednesday. I’ve only got six weeks left.”
His smile is gentle, his face full of love. “Well, I’m here to stay. Even if Kell doesn’t come home, I’m not going back until you have those babies.” Determination to stay rings in his voice.
“Do you think he won’t come back?” I ask the dreaded question, my voice quiet. I don’t really think I actually want a straight answer. I feel as if my chest might burst open.
“I think he will. He’s got it in his head that if he comes back something will go wrong, that he’s bad luck. He thinks he needs to stay away until after they’re born.” He’s shaking his head in disbelief. “We’ve all tried to convince him otherwise, but he won’t have it. I actually believe he thinks in some weird way he’s protecting you.” His eyes are taking me in constantly, assessing me.
I stand and stare at him, taking that in, and remember the words Kellen shouted at me. That I was never loved. He was talking about my family, maybe them, him and Xan. I wasn’t sure. But it had still hurt. I knew he was just blindly lashing out. Hitting the mark he intended. My heart.
Xan is still intently watching my face, and starts to shake his head more vigorously. “No Evie, he didn’t mean that. You know deep in your heart that they were the most untrue words he’s ever spoken.”
I look down, tears sting my eyes. “I don’t. After everything he’s done to hurt me deliberately, I don’t know that, Xander.”
“Did you never love him, like he said you didn’t? Did you do it on purpose to get another baby?” He puts two fingers under my chin and pulls my face upwards to look at him.
“No, I never told him I did that. I told the truth, though. I did love him, I told him I did. But things happen. And when he refuses to wear a condom, things go wrong. Or right, depending on your point of view. So I refuse to be blamed totally for this. He has to take some responsibility. If he doesn’t want kids, he needs to ensure he doesn’t put himself in that situation.”
“He did every other time, other than with you,” Xander defends him.
“No,” I say deliberately. “No, he”s had four other children, so he did it four other times as well. That’s not taking control of your life, it’s blaming others for your faults.”
“Did you think I didn’t love you?” he asks me, touching my hair as he speaks, his eyes sparking love, roving over my face.
I shrug. “I don’t know what to think anymore. No one came, no one phoned. Jonno came to the scans, even James made me take him to one, but neither of you’ve seen any.” I’m trying to get control of myself. All this hurt is not good for my babies.
He huffs out a dark chuckle at that. “Oh we’ve seen them alright. You have a very ruthless son, who plonks things in your face and makes you look, and look and look. James is a stubborn man. We’ve seen scans, he sent audio of the heartbeats. I know he’s still sending them to Marcus, every chance he gets.”
He pulls me closer to him, putting his hands on my shoulders. “And I do love you, so much. I’ve missed you, the family, so fucking much. I’ve wanted to come back for a while, but I couldn’t leave him. He’s too broken. And the people around him weren’t right.” His voice cracks with emotion as he closes his eyes, looking back into the horror of the past few months.
I bark out a harsh laugh at that, and my lip curls in disgust. “No one came though, regardless of all of that.”
I turn to go back to the house, feeling things are still unresolved. “Eamonn is here with me. He’s been asking for you and Kellen. He’ll be pleased to see you.” I grin at him. “He’s helping me with the build, and he’s onto Bug every night with tales of fairy buildings and water horses. Bug is threatening to come get him back.”
He smiles at that. “He won”t. He loves it that you have Eamonn, he loves the connection you have with his son. It feels the same as you did with him.”
He looks down and chuckles, as he’s clearly thinking about Bug and I as kids, before peering at me from the corner of his eye. His lips slide into a knowing smirk, and I can see him peeking at me thoughtfully through his long lashes. “There’s another event here in a few days, another event for you to cause trouble at. Samhain. Are you staying for that? We have a big event in the evening and there’s lots going on the next two days for All Souls. If you can stay that long.”
He’s staring at my tummy again. “I can’t believe how big you are. It blows my mind.” He’s trying to move us to a more comfortable footing. Lighten the tension of their leaving me.
“Yep, well, they’re putting on weight now they’re ready to go. So, getting bigger every day.”
He takes my hand as we walk slowly back up the drive, threading his fingers in mine. Touching my fingers constantly. He looks jagged, like he’s trying to get his skin to fit. Well, welcome to my world, I’ve felt out of my skin for months.
“The Fairy house looks great. I can see your drawings in it, it reminds me of you. I’m sorry I didn’t come sooner, or call. I just didn’t know what to say.” He turns me to him on the drive and kisses my cheeks. “I love you, Evie. I always have. Please don’t let what Marcus said taint anything between us. You’re both very good at hitting where it hurts the most.”
I look into his unblinking beautiful blue eyes and see only love there. It burns bright and hits me full force. I nod my head slowly, maintaining eye contact all the while. His lips tip up into a smile that comes straight from his heart, and it lightens my soul to see it. We start walking again, with him gripping my hand for dear life.
“Uncle Xander.” We hear the shout go up, and Eamonn flies round the side of the building, covered in shavings. He runs like a guided missile straight for us and leaps into Xan’s arms. “You have to be nice to my Aunty Kitten, or my dad will get you. He told me to tell you if you came home.” He touches Xan’s hair then looks at his mickey mouse watch. “Time for our biscuits,” he says, having delivered his message. “Grandpa Tarron said to tell you that.”
“Grandpa? When did he start using that title?” Xan asks.
“Yesterday. When he told me I was part of his Clan,” Eamonn answers.
“Oh God, he’s on a recruitment drive again. Let’s go get some biscuits,” chuckles Xander.
We walk slowly up to the house, and, once inside, we settle comfortably into the speak-a-word room. I take off my jacket, laying it across the back of the chair I’m sitting in, grateful I had the foresight to wear a thin T-shirt and leggings. I get so hot, the best planning I can do is layer and hope for the best.
Xan cannot stop looking at my tummy, and when the babies start to move, as Eamonn sings to them, he comes over to touch me.
“May I?” he asks before he puts his hands on me.
“It’s a free-for-all. A pregnant woman’s stomach seems to be public property.” I’m laughing, trying to keep my tone light. But I feel anything but. His facial expression is so intense. He’s laser focused on me and the babies. The intensity pouring from him, to me.
He gets on his knees in front of me. “Hi, boys,” he says to my stomach, getting really close. “It’s Uncle Xan. I missed you. Can’t wait to meet you. I’ve been looking after your daddy.” He kisses my tummy twice, three, four times. “That’s from your daddy, and the other two are from me.”
Everyone is silent, Tarron watching his son closely. Xan looks really tired and emotional. He sits next to me on the sofa and leaves his hands on me. “Is that ok to do? I can’t take my hands off them, or you, I feel weird.” He looks over at his dad. “Have you put a blessing on these kids, so you can recruit them too?” he asks him, tears in his voice.
Tarron just grins. “You know I can’t give away my secrets,” he whispers to Eamonn, and Eamonn taps the side of his nose and nods his head solemnly.
“His daddy will stop him coming up here if you fill his head with Fairies, water horses, Kelpies and sprites,” Xan tells him.
“We know, don”t we, Eamonn,” he says conspiratorially to the little boy.
“We do, Grandpa.”
They sit together eating biscuits. Xan and I look at each other. “I think Eamonn has been here before,” I say quietly as Xan rubs my stomach. “Definitely.”