Love Trips

Chapter 1 Dexter

Dexter

The betrayal in his amber eyes lashes at me harder than any whap of Dad’s belt used to. At least, back then, I could just mentally block out the hatred from my father. Hide in a place he couldn’t find me while he beat the shit out of me.

I can’t hide from this.

Never him.

Not Andrew.

“Andy,” I start, but I don’t have any other words.

“He was my only friend, Dex. The only one.”

I swallow hard, lowering my gaze to the ground, unable to look at my brother. I fucked up. I know I did.

“I’m sorry,” I murmur and then wince because it feels cheap. “I am. It meant nothing.”

“Which makes it worse.” He throws his hands in the air, features screwed up in an angry way that transforms his normally smiling face.

“You fucked my friend who meant ‘nothing’”—he makes exaggerated air quotes with his fingers—“and now he won’t come over to study anymore. You’re some kind of asshole.”

He stomps out of our tiny kitchen, his feet sending thundering ripples through our ramshackle trailer. All I can do is stare after him.

Andrew Love.

The tallest but also the baby…by two whole minutes.

His dark hair has grown out lately now that we don’t have Dad giving us shit about everything. It hangs to about his cheekbones and frames his eyes so that they’re the focal point on his face. When he’s smiling, I like how his amber eyes seem to smile too.

Tonight, they’re not smiling.

Nathan creeps from the living room into the kitchen, his head bowed and shoulders hunched. Guilt roils in my gut. Not only did I hurt Andy, but I upset Nate too by fighting with Andy.

We’re triplets.

When one of us is angry at the other, that puts the third brother in a spot where he has to choose sides. It’s torturous and a position we don’t often find ourselves in. I can tell Nate is torn between comforting me and calming Andy.

Turning away from Nate—the middle brother in our trio—I place both palms on the cracked Formica countertop. I squeeze my eyes shut and wonder what the hell I was thinking.

I wasn’t thinking.

I’d been tired from working my ass off all week, a little buzzed from the beers some guys from work bought me, and just really needed to get laid.

Seth came over to hang out with Andy, but when my brothers were passed out, Seth kissed me.

We’d ended up in the bathroom, him bent over the sink while I fucked him.

It was fast and meaningless. That was three weeks ago.

With morning brought regret and the dread that he’d eventually find out. Which he did. Today, apparently.

Lanky arms wrap around me from behind. Nate is always the comfort. When I was little and would be nursing whatever fucked-up ailments I had going on from Dad, he’d always cling to me, somehow making it better with his hug and familiar scent and quiet disposition.

“I’m sorry,” I say to him too because I am. I’m the only one of us who thinks with his dick. A heavy sigh escapes me. “I’m fucking this all up.”

“No,” he murmurs, hot breath tickling my back through my thin T-shirt. “You’re making it so we can have all this.”

Our own place.

My brothers in college.

Safe.

And I stupidly messed up Andy’s first and only friend because I just wanted to feel good for five minutes after a stressful week.

“Want me to cook something?” I ask, my voice gruff with emotion. “I bought stuff to make spaghetti.”

Nate and Andy’s favorite.

Nate releases me to peek into the sack. He reaches inside and pulls out a tub of cookies and cream ice cream. His smile—a rarity but warmer than the sun—is wide enough to chase away my self-loathing.

“I haven’t had this in forever,” Nate says, tawny eyes twinkling as he fawns over the store-brand container in his beloved flavor.

Not since our birthday when we turned thirteen. It’s been five years since we lost Mom and it still hurts.

“Special occasion,” I tell him. “I got Andy’s favorite too.”

He pulls out another container, this time vanilla bean. “Where’s yours?”

“Don’t need it.”

His smile fades and his brows furl. “Dex…”

“It’s just ice cream,” I say with a shrug.

“We’ll share ours.” He hardens his gaze, daring me to argue. I don’t. “What’s the special occasion?”

I was going to tell them the good news, but then Andy tore me a new asshole the moment I stepped in the front door.

“Got a raise.”

“No shit?” He grins again, making me feel less of an asshole than ten minutes ago.

“For real. Bert says I’m kicking everyone’s ass at the shop as far as moving vehicles out. He’s been making more money and said it’s only fair to pass it down my way.”

We’ve been in this dinky-ass town for four months now. But it’s within walking distance to the community college and the auto repair shop that was hiring. This town is more like home than anything we’ve ever had. Finally, it feels like we’re starting to move up a little.

Speaking of…

“He gave me a bonus too,” I reveal, unable to hold back my own smile now. “I had a little left over for ice cream. I’d say don’t get used to it, but I think we can. Things are looking up.”

Aside from Andy being disgusted with me.

“A little left over? What did you buy?”

I can barely contain my excitement, but I hold it back. This surprise will be revealed when Andy is speaking to me again. It’s the nicest thing we’ve ever had.

“Come on,” I grunt, clutching the back of his neck. “Help me get Andy to forgive me and I’ll tell you both.”

He puts the ice cream in the freezer and then follows me to the one and only bedroom in our trailer. I’d wanted to spring for something bigger, but my income barely puts food on the table and keeps the utilities on. Well, until now.

Andy is lying face down on his air mattress. I can tell he’s still pissed by the way he breathes heavily, his entire body trembling. It guts me all over again. I’m such an idiot.

“Dex got ice cream,” Nate says, leaning his head on my shoulder.

Andy tenses but turns his head to peek at us. “What kind?”

“Our favorites,” Nate reveals, “but Dex forgot to buy himself some.”

I drink in Andy’s facial features, willing them to soften and for him to give me his easy smile. It hurts not receiving it from him considering it’s often been the only thing to get me through some of my darkest times.

“You’re trying to buy my love,” Andy grumbles, but his amber eyes are bright with excitement.

“Is it working?” I manage to ask, my voice soft and filled with shame.

He sits up and runs his fingers through his dark hair. “I’ll let you know.”

Nate snakes his arm around my waist. “Dex has a surprise for us.”

Andy, despite his anger, perks up, brows rising. “What? A television?”

Guilt rushes through me. Since my brothers are in college, going to school full-time with their grant money they were awarded, they don’t have time to also work. It’s up to me to keep them fed and sheltered. There’s just not much extra.

“They’re distracting anyway,” Andy tells me, a smile tugging at his pink lips. “I’d probably just watch cooking shows and not do my homework. What is it?”

I drag my gaze from my brother, taking in the small space.

When we first moved here, the man who rented the trailer to us, Vern, felt sorry for our lack of…

well, anything. He brought us a couch from the Salvation Army, a rickety wooden kitchen table with four chairs, and three gently used air mattresses.

The three twin-sized air mattresses are crammed next to each other in the small room and we share a plastic dresser purchased for ten bucks at Dollar General.

It’s not much better than what we had growing up, but it’s ours.

No one can hurt us here.

Unless you count me and my stupid decision to fuck Andy’s only friend.

“You remember back at our old house when we’d take turns sleeping on the bed?” I ask, unable to contain my grin.

“Nate always ended up on that bed,” Andy grumbles, but he’s not mad.

“Our house was cold,” Nate says. “You two are warm.”

Lies. Nate’s just a cuddler. And living in the south can get pretty hot sometimes. Not that either of us ever kicked him out. It was usually me and Andy taking turns sleeping on the floor because two were all that could fit on our dilapidated mattress.

I check my watch I’ve had for five years—only an hour until my surprise arrives.

When my uncle came to see Mom before she died, he gave me the watch on his wrist, Andy the shoes on his feet, and Nate all the money in his wallet.

He said goodbye to his sister and then was gone just hours before she left us too.

“Come on,” I say, offering Andy my hand. “Let’s make dinner. The surprise will be here in an hour. You’ll see.”

Andy slides his hand into mine and my heart squeezes in my chest. I’d thought, for a moment, that I’d fucked up royally. But, when Nate holds out his arm and Andy steps forward to hug us, I think maybe I dodged a bullet.

My eyes prickle with tears as I bury my face against Andy’s neck. He smells like soap and sunshine and hope.

“I don’t need friends like that anyway,” Andy says with a sigh. “Real friends don’t fuck your brother.”

Shame once again crawls all over me like spiders, invading every inch of my skin. I shudder, trying like hell to shake away the awful feeling.

“Still love you, Dex.” Andy pulls away and dazzles me with a grin. “Even when you do stupid shit to piss me off.” He drops a kiss to my forehead and then one to Nate’s. “I’m starving.”

And just like that, all is right in our world again.