Love Unfeigned (Timeless Love: Darcy and Lizzy variations)

15. Chapter 15

Chapter fifteen

February 1812 Gracechurch Street Elizabeth

E lizabeth read Mr. Darcy's letter again. She traced his signature and pictured his face in her mind. She loved him—of that she had no doubt. How it was possible for her feelings to undergo such a change and in so short a time, she did not know. Every ill feeling was now resolved, and he had forgiven her for her hasty judgments of the past.

Why, then, do I hesitate to arrange our meeting? she thought. What holds me back? Was it because she struggled to imagine herself as his wife? No, that was not it. She had pictured their future together many times. Maybe it is because my mind cannot reconcile the man in the letters with the man from Hertfordshire. But he had changed—he wrote of it.

It had been two days since she received this missive, and she did not wish to delay replying any longer. Settling at the little table where her writing box stood, she pulled a piece of paper towards her and began to write.

Dearest Mr. Darcy,

I find myself once again reflecting on our last meeting at Hatchard's, and I cannot help but feel a great sense of longing for the conversation we were denied. Though our exchange was but a brief one, my thoughts return to it over and over, as if there is a certain weight or significance to the words we shared that I did not fully comprehend at the time. How often I wish I had not been obliged to take my leave so hastily—perhaps it would have allowed me the time and courage to speak more freely, to unburden myself of thoughts I have not yet found the courage to express. I often wonder what more we might have shared, and how my own thoughts might have been clarified had we continued our discourse. But, alas, such musings are idle now, and I am left only with the wish that I had more boldly seized the opportunity for a longer conversation.

Your forgiveness, sir, is something I hold in the highest regard, and I am endlessly grateful for it. The very thought that you might have dismissed me entirely due to my previous behavior was a fear I carried with me for some time, and I am truly relieved to know that such a fate was not mine. Your words, so kind and understanding, fill me with a profound sense of peace. I did, indeed, fear that I had lost your good opinion forever, and to know that it remains is a gift of which I shall never cease to be thankful. It is a great comfort to me that my actions, though misguided, have not caused irreparable harm to our relationship. I treasure your continued regard with all my heart.

That said, there remains a matter that troubles me, one that I must raise with you—Mr. Wickham. As you well know, he is a man whose charm has won him the favor of many, especially amongst the ladies. I cannot deny that his manner is most disarming, and I am aware of how easily he could be mistaken for a man of virtue. But I now find myself questioning whether I can, in good conscience, allow him to remain within the circle of my friends and family, especially if all you have told me is true. I trust you implicitly, Mr. Darcy, and I do not doubt the accuracy of your report. But I wonder, given the man's past and the deceit he has so skillfully woven, whether it is safe to allow him to continue to move freely amongst those I care for.

It is troubling to consider that he, a man without fortune and with little to recommend him aside from his charm, might still find a way to ensnare the affections of some unsuspecting young woman. Can I, in good conscience, allow him to behave as a gentleman in the presence of my friends? His history, as you have shared it, suggests he is more than capable of using his wit and his charm to mislead others, and I fear that his actions in the past may not be confined to those early indiscretions. The thought that he might repeat such behavior, or worse, lead others into similar ruin, weighs heavily upon me.

Yet, I find myself in a most difficult position, for though I know what I must do, the information I hold is not mine alone to share. Mr. Wickham's actions, and the impact of those actions, are his own, and yet I cannot help but feel responsible for the welfare of those around me. I am caught between the desire to protect those I love and the knowledge that I cannot act alone in this matter. I cannot speak to my father about it—though we have always been open with one another, I fear he would dismiss the matter entirely. His indifference to the more serious aspects of life, particularly those involving the welfare of my sisters, leaves me with little hope that he would take my concerns seriously. Perhaps it is my own naiveté, but I cannot help but believe that there are men who require no fortune to ruin a young lady. And Mr. Wickham, with his charm and his ability to deceive, is surely one such man.

I am at a loss as to how to proceed, Mr. Darcy. I know that the right course of action must be taken, but I fear the consequences of making the wrong choice. Your advice would be invaluable to me, and I eagerly await your thoughts on how best to navigate this troubling situation.

But I must confess, I cannot end this letter on such a bleak note, for I wish to share with you a more amusing account from my recent adventures. The other day, Jane and I made our way to Bond Street, where I indulged in a most unexpected delight. As I sipped my hot chocolate, Jane, ever playful, added some of her vanilla ice to my beverage. Initially, I must admit, I was rather put out—the cold ice did little to enhance the warmth of the drink, and I found the combination somewhat vexing. But to my surprise, the flavors melded together far better than I could have imagined, and I must say, I was quite taken with the result! In fact, I am now quite determined to try this again the next time I visit Gunter’s—hot chocolate with a scoop of vanilla ice on top. I wonder what you might think of such a combination?

I do hope this letter finds you in good spirits, Mr. Darcy, and that your day has been as pleasant as mine has been, despite my earlier concerns. I look forward to your response with great eagerness and anticipation.

Yours most sincerely, Elizabeth Bennet

She sanded and sealed the missive, determined it would be in Mr. Darcy's hand before the day ended.