Lover, Come on Over

Chapter One

Kayden

Then

“She won! Again. And she beat the school record! Again. Can you believe it?” Emily plops down on a stool at the kitchen island like she owns the room, which is not far from the truth.

My best friend has been an almost-daily guest at our house since we met in first grade.

She took one look at me in the playground of Barnacle Cove Elementary School and asked me three life-altering questions.

The first was what my favorite animal was, to which I answered dolphins.

Hers was her pet lizard, Larry. Second, she wanted to know if I would ever hurt an animal, and I told her solemnly that, no, I never would, not unless it was trying to hurt me.

She seemed satisfied with that. Then the third question, which turned out to be the hardest one of the three—although I could tell by Emily’s expression she was dying to tell me her answer.

She asked me who my favorite Disney princess was. When I didn’t say anything but just looked like she’d slapped me in the face with Larry the Lizard, she smiled at me knowingly. ‘Oh, I know it’s hard to choose. I change my mind all the time. They’re all so pretty, so magical.’

I nodded, dumbfounded, while I mumbled so pretty, when really, I just wanted to be the prince.

‘Mine’s Rapunzel because she has the prettiest hair.’ Emily swept a hand through her own short black curls, which I later found out were short because Emily had lost all her hair the year before when she’d fought and won over childhood leukemia.

My mom smiles at Emily, then leans in over the kitchen island and presses a kiss on my cheek.

“Good for you,” she whispers against my ear.

Mom knows I don’t like it when people make a big fuss out of me winning or just of me in general.

It’s a little hard sometimes, especially when you’re the captain and star of the high jump team at Barnacle Cove High.

I never intended for it to be that way, but when Emily declared at twelve that she wanted to try out for high jump, I went with her because, you know, best friend duties and all.

As it turned out, Emily only wanted to join the high jump team because Jacob Stuart was on it, and she had a huge crush on him.

Three weeks later, when he started dating Olivia Glenn, the traitor, Emily lost all interest in high jumping, but by then it was too late for me.

I was already hooked. So hooked that high jumping has become my favorite thing over the years, my escape from all the confusion and insecurities that surround me.

Coach Kendall says I have a really good shot at getting a scholarship with the way I’m breaking one record after another.

Last year I came second at the state championships, and this year I’m going to win. I just know it. I just wish…

“Now, what’s all the fuss about?” Dad enters the kitchen, smiling, a stack of sketches tucked under one arm, his reading glasses planted on his forehead.

As always, Caleb, my dad’s closest friend and partner-in-boats, is just a few steps behind him.

My dad builds sailboats. He owns his own business here in Barnacle Cove that he built from the ground up with Caleb.

They sell custom boats all over the States and Canada, too.

They’ve even had a few offers from overseas in the UK, but shipping ‘is an administrative hell, K,’ as Caleb once told me.

I don’t blame people for wanting one of their sailboats, though.

They’re beautiful. During school breaks, the workshop is my favorite place to be, sanding down cedar, mahogany, or plywood next to Dad and Caleb while we listen to all the music from when they were younger.

It’s our thing, and I know Dad treasures those moments as much as I do.

I wish I didn’t have to go off to college, but my parents insist it’ll be good for me, although I already know I just want to live right here by the sea for the rest of my life.

I don’t like change. It freaks me out. Which is kind of ironic because the biggest change is just around the corner.

It’s different, though. It’s a change that I welcome, that I crave more than I’ve ever craved anything in my life.

It’s something that will hopefully set me free and allow me to become the person I’m longing to be.

Emily beams at Dad with her huge brown eyes, then side-hugs me. “Kait won again. And,” Emily makes a drum roll with her index fingers on the island, “she beat the school record!”

Dad drops the stack of drawings on the table and comes around the island. He smiles at me in that crooked way of his as he ruffles my hair. “That’s great, K. Real great.” Then his large hand finds my shoulder, and he squeezes it fondly. “My golden one.”

I swallow. It’s not my golden one that has me choked up and almost crying.

No, Dad’s called me that since I was a toddler because of my blond curls, light blue eyes, and fair skin.

No, it’s the K that nearly has me in tears.

Not Kaitlyn or Kait. Just K. To the outside world, it’s just a letter, but to me, it means the world.

In that small letter lies a world of recognition and acceptance.

I think Mom and Dad knew before I did that there was something different about me.

That I’m not what the outside world sees when people look at me.

I’m not a girl. I’m not Kaitlyn or Kait.

I’m K. I’m a boy. I always was, and once I turn eighteen, I’ll start transitioning.

One day, K will become a boy, a man, on the outside as much as he already is on the inside.

I know my parents put money away every month for gender-affirming care, like they would put money away for a car or my first apartment.

But I don’t want a car, and I think I could live just about anywhere as long as I’m me. I just want to be me.

“Thanks, Dad,” I whisper, then pick at my cuticles.

“Congrats, sweetheart,” Caleb hums in that deep bass of his, then bumps my shoulder lightly with his fist. “Our little champ,” he winks, then proceeds to kiss my mom on the cheek while he snatches a carrot stick from the kitchen island. “Vivian, good to see you. Ouch!”

I snort as Caleb pulls back his fingers and eyes them like Mom had slapped him with a ruler and not just a fond jab with the kitchen towel.

Mom and Caleb dated for ‘one uneventful week’ in high school before Dad ‘stole’ her away, as Caleb never fails to mention.

It’s all in good fun. Caleb is a notorious flirt and a self-proclaimed ‘wooer of both lovely ladies and gorgeous gents,’ as he calls it.

I can totally see that; how he can woo just about anyone with that windswept chestnut-brown hair, piercing steel-gray eyes, and defined jawline.

Caleb Morgan is a looker, all tall and broad.

And that smile. Yeah, when he smiles at you, it’s like you’re the only one in the room.

Like you did something special to deserve a smile like that.

I don’t have a crush on Caleb, though. I don’t really have crushes.

There’s too much going on in my life as it is, and a crush would just mess with my head even more.

But if I were to crush over someone, it would be over a guy like Caleb.

Not just because he’s gorgeous, but because he’s kind, too.

There’s this aura of safety around him. Like he’d do anything, just like my parents, to make me feel safe and loved.

“So we’re going out tonight. Abigail Jones is throwing a party.

” Emily bats her long, dark eyelashes at Mom because she knows Mom is the commander-in-chief around the Somner residence.

“And you don’t have to worry about anything, Mrs. S, because Mr. Morgan already promised he’d pick us up, didn’t you, Mr. Morgan? ”

Caleb groans something that sounds like, “Candace is gonna kill me,” while he rubs his forehead.

I bet Candace is his latest fling. He’ll do it, though.

He always does. Dad doesn’t drive because of his epilepsy, and Mom, who’s a pediatric nurse, usually works nights at Barnacle Cove General Hospital on Saturdays.

“Sure.” Caleb shrugs, his voice this deep rumble I associate with warm hugs and afternoons spent at the beach. “But you kids are cleaning Marilyn on Sunday, then.”

Emily groans while I nod eagerly. I love cleaning Caleb’s car.

It’s a dark blue 1968 Ford Mustang Fastback, and she’s a real beauty.

Sometimes, out on the back roads, Caleb even lets me drive her.

I want a car like that one day, fast and smooth.

I want to drive down the coast, the wind in my hair, a song blazing on the stereo, a feeling of freedom and lightness in my chest.

“Whatever,” Emily sighs, rolling her eyes.

I notice she’s wearing blush. The pink shimmers against her mahogany skin when she moves.

Most of the girls around school started wearing make-up a few years ago, and Emily’s favorite pastime is dragging me along with her to the mall to shop for concealer, mascara, or some products I don’t even know what they are.

I don’t care about stuff like that, but Emily does, and I have to admit that she looks really pretty with the pink blush dusted across her prominent cheekbones.

To be honest, I don’t care about the party either.

I’m not a party person—I never was—but I love driving in Caleb’s classic car.

He’s restored it himself over the years, and aside from it being a ‘hookup magnet,’ it’s also the smoothest ride in the universe.

Whenever Caleb picks us up from a party, the most amazing thing happens.

For around thirty minutes, depending on where the party is, Caleb’s all mine.

Well, not mine-mine. Not like that. I have him all to myself, though, because as soon as we get in the car, Emily crashes in the back while Caleb holds the door open for me, and I sit in the passenger seat next to him.

While Emily snores softly in the back, we just talk.

We talk about boats and college, and everything and nothing in particular.

Caleb smiles and hums at everything I say like he’s never heard anything more profound, and I smile right back at him because I love him.

I think I always have. I don’t remember there being a time when Caleb wasn’t in my life, but I remember the first time it hit me that I love him.

I was eight or nine, and Emily brought Larry the Lizard to the workshop at the shipyard, and he crawled onto my head.

I screamed and screamed until Caleb came running from his office and detangled Larry from my hair. Ever since that day, he’s been my hero.

Mom sighs. “Okay. If you don’t mind, Caleb, then I guess it’s okay.” Mom looks at me, an unspoken question in her blue eyes, and I just shrug at her, because when Emily is intent on something, there’s no point in arguing.

“I don’t mind, Vivian.” Caleb smiles in that crooked way of his, then snatches another carrot stick, which this time doesn’t earn him a smack with the kitchen towel.

“I guess we’re going then,” I groan, and Emily wraps me in a big hug and smacks a loud kiss against my cheek.

“Yay! We’re gonna have so much fun! Cameron is coming for sure!

” Cameron is Emily’s latest crush in a row of crushes that just goes on and on like a river that keeps on flowing.

Emily loves boys, and they love her, and I love that for her.

I’m envious, too, because although Emily has had her heart broken again and again, it’s still easy for her because she doesn’t have to hide who she is.

She can just be a girl who has crushes on boys, and no one bats an eye at that.

And I don’t mean that in a condescending kind of way because I don’t think any teenager’s life is ever easy…

Emily has her own shit to deal with, like going to the hospital for her yearly check-ups, which always leave her an emotional mess.

“You okay going, Kait?” Emily sobers next to me and brushes my curls out of my eyes. As always, the fondly spoken Kait tears me apart inside. I don’t know why I haven’t told Emily yet that I’m not Kait but K.

“Of course.” I force a smile onto my face, then hold up my hands in the devil horns sign while I shake my hair into place. “You know me, Em. Dying to party. Rock ‘n’ roll, baby.”

She laughs at that, and her face is once again bright and carefree. “Right. You’ll just sneak off to a corner somewhere and secretly judge people’s outfits.”

I gasp in mock horror, clutching my chest. “I would never!”

“Liar.” She narrows her eyes at me. “I see you, Kaitlyn Somner. I see right through you.” Only she doesn’t.

Not really. It’s not that I don’t trust Emily.

It’s just… I don’t feel like burdening her with it, because I know it would be a burden, even if she probably wouldn’t see it that way.

I know she’d never turn her back on me or think any less of me.

Emily’s not like that. But what if she accidentally misspoke in front of people at school?

That would just devastate her, and I don’t ever want Emily to be devastated.

I’d rather bear the sadness I feel whenever she calls me Kait, because it won’t be forever.

There’s an expiration date now to my birth name.

I’ll be eighteen soon, and then I’ll start transitioning.

In the fall, Emily and I start college in Boston, and a new chapter of my life starts, not as Kaitlyn but as Kayden.

I can’t wait to share that part of myself with Emily.

She’s asked me a couple of times since we started high school if there’s something going on with me; maybe she even suspects something, I don’t know.

I always tell her it’s nothing, and she doesn’t push.

So for tonight, I’ll just be Kaitlyn Somner, the star of the high jump team at Barnacle Cove High, and loyal bestie.

I’ll hold it all in and smile at the world like I always do.

I’ll accept all their congratulations and well-dones while I find a quiet corner where I can watch my peers enjoying a few hours of dancing, drinking, and crushing on their latest infatuation.

I’ll count down the months, weeks, and days until I can be me, like really, truly me.

Until I can be not just K but also what that beautiful, promise-filled letter stands for.

Kayden. I might not have the body I want yet, or the voice to go with it, but I have the name, my true name, and that keeps me going. The promise of Kayden keeps me going.