Chapter Seven
Lizzy hurriedly dressed before Michael woke up. She pulled on her leggings. She stared at her reflection in the mirror as she fixed her bra straps. Her fingers traced the swell of her breast. In two days, they would be cut off and leaving only scar tissue and a flat chest. She closed her eyes, shutting away the pain of what she was preparing herself to lose. She read the pamphlets, which assured her that what she experienced was normal. Yet, as she gazed at her image, her memory conjured up the special moments when she breastfed Conner. The connection to him never felt stronger than when she rocked and sang to him as he nursed.
She kept Michael at a distance. She laughed at how stupidly she worried over him seeing the lumpectomy scar and admitting to him she’d already battled breast cancer alone. Time ticked away and she struggled with making love to him. She longed for the connection between them. If she made love to him now, would he feel revolted when she came home in a couple of days with a flat chest, scars, and drainage tubes? She swiped away the tears running down her cheek. She didn’t want Michael or their friends to know how scared she truly felt. Part of what made her a woman would be cut away and gone forever. She considered reconstruction surgery. After reading the information and secretly meeting with the plastic surgeon without Michael, she decided against it. She wanted it over with.
A knock at the door startled her.
“Lizzy? You’ve stayed in there a while. Do you feel okay?” he softly asked.
She pulled on her shirt, grabbed the washcloth and swiped her face clean. “Yeah, I’m almost finished, I’ll be out in a sec.” She heard Michael hesitate before walking away from the door. She practiced the smile she used when people inquired about her health. They didn’t need to spend time worrying about her. She went through this alone before and came out on the other side. Michael remained her main concern. She needed to stay brave for him. They already lost too much, and she’d already hurt him once. He didn’t have to carry the burden of her fears and worries.
With one last check in the mirror, she left the bathroom and walked into the kitchen. Setting a plate in front of her with half a bagel with peanut butter and a side of fresh fruit, he poured himself a cup of coffee and handed her one.
“Thank you. What time will everyone arrive?” she asked.
“They’ll be here in about thirty minutes. Victoria and Ivan flew in last night and will join the team. Maddie and Carol stayed behind to make lunch and watch the kids. Edie’s flight lands at fourteen hundred and Samantha’s at fourteen hundred thirty. Saint will pick them up and bring them to the mountain. Kassie arranged for Ty to cater dinner at the new house, and he gave her a rundown on the schedule for the day.”
“Why are Samantha and Edie flying in? This isn’t her usual visitation week, and Samantha has started a new job. She can’t spend time traipsing across the country,” Lizzy told him, annoyed.
“Hey. They want to support you,” he gently reminded her.
She rolled her eyes. “I have breast cancer. It’s not a cheerleading sport. I’ll go to the hospital, they’ll cut off my boobs and I’ll be home by late afternoon. No fuss, no muss. I don’t want people hovering and making a big deal out of it.”
Michael’s fork slammed down on the counter. His hands gripped the counter’s edge. His jaw ticked as his chest heaved heavily up and down.
“You are a big deal, not the cancer. They moved heaven and earth to make this move as painless as possible for both of us. Those women didn’t even flinch at rearranging their schedules to support you. It sounds as if you bought a crystal ball and already know your fate. Please share it with me Lizzy, cause I’m going out of my mind. When did you plan on telling me you visited the plastic surgeon? Oh, let me guess, no muss no fuss. You may not be my wife because a piece of paper says we’re divorced, but I don’t feel that way. You’re mine, and I can’t stand here and pretend your avoidance on this topic doesn’t bother me. Damn it, I promised not to make this harder for you.” Michael swept his hand over his chin as if he was trying to stop the words coming from his mouth. “I love you, Lizzy Bee. Don’t act like this isn’t a big deal because you’re the only thing in my life I’m afraid of losing,” he whispered.
Lizzy sucked in her breath. She walked toward Michael and wrapped her arms around his waist. Her head rested on his chest. She closed her eyes and listened to his furiously beating heart slow the longer she held him. “I’m sorry. I should’ve told you about the visit. It’s hard getting used to fending for yourself and all of a sudden acquiring support from every direction. I love you, too. I hope you know how much,” she softly told him.
“Please don’t run. God, Lizzy, promise me you won’t take off again. No matter what happens, we’ll handle it together.” His arms wrapped around her, holding her tight.
“I won’t, you have my word. Last time, the loss of Conner and your captivity clouded my judgment. You deserved to know why I left abruptly,” she told him.
Michael lifted her chin with his thumb. “I don’t give a shit why you left. You’re here now. You say we’re together but won’t let me share your burden. Why the secrecy about the appointment? Do you feel I’ll influence you one way over another? Are you second guessing the move or us?” His eyes scanned her face for any reaction indicating she changed her mind.
Lizzy took his wrist and met his gaze. “I didn’t realize I caused you so much worry. Honestly, I didn’t want you to be there for the consultation. Not because my feelings changed, I needed to go by myself. It doesn’t excuse the fact I should’ve told you.”
Michael kissed her forehead. “Eat your breakfast. Our friends will show up soon,” he prompted. “Did the hospital call to give you a check-in time tomorrow?”
“Not yet, but I’ll keep you posted.” She bit into her bagel and chewed as she watched him place the peanut butter back in the packing box. He washed the utensils and dropped them inside the donation pile.
The doorbell rang as if on cue. Michael gave her a brief smile of reassurance as he left the room. She noticed the faint lines of worry around his eyes and longed to soothe them away. Hopefully, after tomorrow, both of them will breathe easier.
Kassie carried in tape, markers, and scissors. Bryanna brought a basket of snacks, and a cooler of drinks. To her surprise Catherine showed up holding a roll of paper towels.
“Don’t you work today?” Lizzy asked.
“No. Leo decided I didn’t need to help,” she scowled and held up the offending object. “According to Mr. Bossy, this represents the heaviest thing I can carry or lift. I swear if he reads another book or watches another series on childbirth I’ll strangle him. Do you know what he did?” She didn’t stop to allow anyone to answer. “My frenzied hormones decided to stay on two settings: food and sex. We spent an entire night alone and enjoyed a wonderful meal at Ty’s. We returned home and I went on the attack. We get all hot and heavy if you know what I mean, and he stops smack in the middle of the moment to research whether or not sex hurts the baby. Apparently, SEALs get trained in all sorts of things except common sense. I assured him he couldn’t hurt it because it was nestled in amniotic fluid. The next thing I know, he’s worried his pecker will puncture the sack. Don’t get me wrong, my husband’s packing, but even he has limits.”
The women burst into laughter.
He walked into the room carrying an armful of boxes. “What’s so funny?” It sent the ladies into another round of giggles.
Bryanna took the items and set them to the side. “Oh, you know us; we need a good laugh before we start our day.”
Leo glanced quizzically at the group as he exited the room.
Catherine shook her head. “He refuses to allow me to do anything. I appreciate all the effort he puts in with Melody and taking care of me, but the man seriously needs a chill pill.”
Kassie planted her elbows on the counter and ducked her head around to ensure the guys weren’t lingering around the corner. “Three little birdies informed me Uncle Leo planned a mission called Operation Baby Bump. He borrowed Wendy Wet Pants from his daughter and the guys apparently practiced diaper changing. Michael gave the entire team a crash course on bathing, burping, and dealing with a crying baby.”
Bryanna leaned forward at the same time as Lizzy. Catherine glanced toward the door before joining them. “Let me guess, those little birdies, Lady Bug, June Bug, and Nugget informed you.”
“Yep,” Kassie told the group before turning her attention to Lizzy. “Where do you want to start?”
“How about the bedroom? Michael took the list of furniture coming with us. The bed will be the last item to go since we don’t know how long it will take to move everything.” She led the way to the bedroom.
Kassie taped the first box while Lizzy went through the items in the dresser. “Can you reach the suitcase on the top rack of the closet? I’ll pack some of my clothes to take with me.”
Bryanna proceeded into the closet and brought back the luggage. She opened it on the bed. Catherine took the marker and assigned the box to the bedroom.
Lizzy took out a couple of sets of pajamas and passed them to Bryanna. The rest she handed to Kassie to add to the box. She did the same for the next two drawers. She opened the next one and paused. Her hand slowly pulled out a delicate lacy pink bra. She held it close to her chest as she slid to her knees.
Catherine went and closed the door. Kassie placed her hand on Lizzy’s back offering silent support. Bryanna knelt and held her hand, lending her strength. Catherine sat on the floor in front of her and put her hands on Lizzy’s knees.
“It’s silly. The stupid thing itches to no end. I paid two hundred dollars to wear the damn torture device and now I’m sitting on the floor crying because I won’t be able to use it,” she cried.
“Think how much money you’ll save on bras alone,” Bryanna whistled making Lizzy choke back a giggle.
“No tight underwire digging into your sides,” Kassie volunteered.
“No icky boob sweat,” Catherine added.
Bryanna gently pulled the bra from Lizzy’s hold. “Why do we allow ourselves to wear these darn things? They’re uncomfortable as all hell. Donate the sucker.”
“Pick one of your favorites to slip on tomorrow. Later, after you heal, we’ll have a ta ta party.” Kassie told her.
“A what?” Bryanna questioned.
“A ta ta party. You’re losing a part of yourself and those contraptions will no longer bind you. We’ll throw a ceremony to honor your loss and burn these lacy torture devices in effigy.”
“Where do you find this stuff? It’s a good idea, don’t get me wrong.” Catherine stared at her friend.
“What do you say? Shall we send them off in a blaze of glory?”
Lizzy’s gaze wandered to the dresser drawer holding numerous satin and lace items exactly like the one Bryanna held. She bit her lip in indecision. Lizzy pulled a white silk bra out from the back. The intricately woven lace and tiny seed pearls adorned the bra along the cup. She dug deeper, pulling out a matching pair of panties.
“I wore these on our wedding night and the night we conceived Conner. Michael left for the humanitarian mission the next day. I want to keep these because they hold the greatest memories.” She paused as she stroked the fabric and smiled as the nostalgia of the garment returned to her. She wiped the tears from her face and grinned at the trio quietly watching her. “I say burn those suckers.”
Kassie took the precious items and passed them to Bryanna to add to the suitcase. Catherine pulled out another box which Kassie taped and handed it to Lizzy. She pulled out the entire drawer and dumped it in the box. Catherine wrote ‘Burn these bras’ in large letters.
After picking out a couple of outfits to add to her suitcase, Lizzy directed the rest of the clothing into boxes. Her business suits and dresses placed and zipped into garment bags. They gave Catherine things to wrap while she sat on the bed.
A knock at the door made the women pause their assembly line while Lizzy opened it. Victoria pulled her in for a hug. Her eyes scanned the room as she nodded her approval at the support team surrounding their friend.
“I brought helpers. Ivan found a few of his men taking a holiday in our absence.” She shook her head. “I keep telling him I don’t have any issues. He says he wouldn’t either if I let him shoot a few in the ass,” she sighed heavily. “I’m meeting Maddie and Carol. Can my men load anything into your vehicle? The moving truck will arrive in an hour.”
“We didn’t hire one,” Lizzy told her.
“I know my dear. Consider it a housewarming gift. We want you settled in your new place as soon as possible. Catherine, you’re coming with me. Your mother may need you, plus Leo’s acting positively insane. How many children do you plan on having with the porpoise? You’ve earned at least a bottle of wine as soon as the little bundle of joy leaves the hatch. Where on earth does he get all this information on childbirth? Doesn’t he realize his only job consists of watching you bear down in pain, birth a bowling ball from your hoohaa, and he gets the honor of cutting the cord. Then he’ll strut around the lobby passing out some souvenir like a bloody peacock. Even for a porpoise he should manage to handle the job.” She shook her head in dismay as she helped Catherine slide off the bed.
Victoria leaned down, placed her hands on each side of Kassie’s cheeks and kissed her on both. “I’ve missed you, luv. I’ll see you soon to chat.” She patted Bryanna’s shoulder as she walked from the room.
“She’s intimidating,” Lizzy said under her breath. “She’s nice but wow.”
Kassie laughed, “Wait till you face her with a knife in one hand and let your attention wander for a moment.”
“She seems to have taken to you,” Lizzy commented.
“Yeah. I’ve grown to love her and Ivan. Maddie will always act as a second mom to me. Victoria, she’s…special. She doesn’t hesitate to tell me the hard truths, and I know she’ll always show up whenever I need her. I guess I have three moms in total.”
“I grew up in foster homes,” Lizzy confessed. “You’re extremely lucky.”
Bryanna laughed, “Yeah, it’s all fine and dandy until you have Maddie and Victoria mad at you simultaneously. Then Carol jumps in by default.”
The women laughed and together, finished packing the bedroom. Lizzy watched as her new friends didn’t think twice as they wrapped items and placed them in boxes. As soon as they filled one, they called for the men to remove the box from their area. This small group of friends would help her and Michael navigate the upcoming days. They made the silly, difficult moment of getting rid of her bras tolerable. She didn’t doubt for a moment their level of sincerity in becoming her friend.