Loyal to His Love 2

Chapter 1

ONE

Learah

“Were you with her before or after me?”

“After, but before we decided to really make something of this.”

“When, Amir?”

“The day I showed up and spent the night. We didn’t have sex; we just talked.”

“Wow, so you left another woman’s bed then came to lay in mine?”

“I wasn’t in her bed; it was in a gotdamn bathroom at a sub place. I’m not that guy, no matter what you’re trying to put on me.”

“Oh but you are. You had sex with her then came to convince me I should give you a chance. How are you not that guy?”

“Because I’m fucking not! As messed up as it is, we weren’t together. You fucked me and sent me home, remember? I wanted more, so I was the one who stepped up and…”

“I wanted more too!” I bellowed.

“How? You damn sure didn’t act like it?”

“Because I was afraid. Afraid of this, that you would do exactly what I thought you would and I would be right back where I was, alone, Amir. How can you be upset about me not trusting you right now? You went to see her. Maybe you were going just to talk, or maybe you had plans to do other things, but regardless, you left me to go be with her. That shit hurts, no matter the reason, and you could have di?—”

“But I didn’t. I’m here, Lear. I’m not leaving you.”

“You can’t promise me that, can you?”

Silence

“That’s what I thought. I need time. Can you please just leave me alone and give me time?”

“How much, how long?”

“I don’t know. I just… I have to go. I’m glad you’re okay.”

Our conversation was on repeat in my head which meant my focus was shot to hell.

I closed my laptop and lowered my head on top of my folded arms. I was supposed to be working and couldn’t concentrate.

My entire thought process was distorted right now.

I missed Amir like crazy but couldn’t be around him until I sorted through things in my head.

Things I felt and things that needed to be defined between us.

Amir had me in such a weird space. I wanted to be with him, but I was afraid of what that meant.

As much as I hated that he could have possibly cheated, what I hated even more and what hit me the hardest was the fact that I could have lost him.

That was why I needed space. I wasn’t sure I could survive another loss of someone so near to my heart.

I had really strong feelings for a man I had only known for months.

Feelings that damn near caused me to break when I received the call that he had been shot.

I froze and couldn’t move because my mind and body shut down with all the what ifs.

To find out it was all because of another woman only made it that much worse.

“This fucking sucks,” I mumbled, inhaling deeply and releasing it slowly. How am I here? How the hell did I allow myself to be here?

Instead of running the thought through my mind for the millionth time, I got up to answer the door.

I was praying it wasn’t Amir, but seeing as how I was still at his place, I was sure if he wanted access to me, he wouldn’t knock.

This was his apartment; he had a key, even if he did promise to give me space.

Amir did what he wanted when he wanted. It was the reason we were currently at odds.

“Who is it?”

“Ky.”

Hearing her voice on the other side of the door allowed me to smile. She had called and texted to check in and give me unsolicited updates on Amir but this would be the first time I had seen her since he had been shot two days ago.

The second I had the door open, she smiled, holding up two takeout bags.

“I brought goodies.” As always, she was flawless—in jeans, ankle boots, and a boyfriend fit button up—while I was slumming it in Amir’s sweats.

Yeah I missed his ass but was still mad so this was as close as I would get to him.

Stepping aside, I allowed her space to enter and she went right to the kitchen, placing the food on the table. After locking up, I followed and peeked into the bags because my nose was already loving the aroma that quickly filled the space around us.

“What’s this?”

She was at the sink washing her hands, so she grinned over her shoulder like a sneaky child. “Chicken parm for you and shrimp alfredo for me.”

“How did you?—”

“Amir. I saw him before I came here, and when I told him where I was going, he asked me to bring lunch because he was sure you weren’t eating.”

I wanted to be upset. I was upset. But I still smiled on the inside. He was the one who got shot but was making sure I was eating.

“Is he okay, like healing okay?”

“Yeah, I guess. He won’t take the pain meds but he seemed physically alright considering he was shot just days ago. Now his mental state? That’s a whole other beast.”

Kyori sat down, grabbing her bag and lifting the plastic container.

I was still standing beside my chair until she frowned and pointed to my bag.

“Eat, Lear. I promised him I would make sure you weren’t in this apartment wasting away.

I mean I can’t really tell since you’re drowning in his clothes over there, but ay, I’m still here to do my part.

” That smug grin she offered let me know she knew exactly why I was dressed in his things but I refused to fess up.

“I’m not wasting away.”

My eyes rolled so fast I was surprised I didn’t get whiplash, but it was true. I wasn’t eating like I should. With everything going on, I didn’t have much of an appetite and the source of that loss of appetite had sent in his proxy to force me to eat.

“He’s really going through it, Lear. Like really going through it. You should at least talk to him.”

“I have. I talked to him at the hospital, and when he texts and asks if I’m okay I?—”

“Reply with one word. Yes. That’s not talking to him, sis.

That’s torture for a man like Amir. Trust me, I have firsthand knowledge because he’s just like Asim.

Needy as hell and the type who has to have control.

You’re not talking to him so you took away his control, boo. ” Kyori grinned and I shrugged.

“What’s there to say? I need a break to figure out what the hell this is and what we’re doing.”

She lifted a forkful of pasta into her mouth, staring at me while she chewed. I opened my lid and my stomach growled immediately.

Damn this smells amazing.

Chicken parm was one of my favorites and Amir had insider knowledge, which I was sure was the reasoning for his choice. He wasn’t playing fair.

“Is it really about him and the bathroom hoe or is your break about someone else?”

When I narrowed my eyes at her, she smiled. “You know he been crying about it to Asim since you won’t talk to him. I know all the details. So is it really about her?”

“What do you mean?”

“He didn’t sleep with that damn girl when he met up. Amir swears it was really just to confront her about the whole baby thing and I believe him.”

“So do I. I needed that to be clear. I really didn’t feel like he was that horrible of a person, just that he handled it all wrong. He should have been honest. I wouldn’t have liked it but at least I wouldn’t have been blindsided. I could have told him not to go and he wouldn’t have been?—”

“Lear, I know you’re in a complicated place. You just lost your sister then this happened?—”

“It’s not about my sister.”

Kyori stared at me for a while and I felt like she was trying to decide how to proceed.

“I have to disagree, sis. I believe finding out Amir was so close to leaving you too has you stepping back so you won’t feel the void if it happens.

Trust me, I get it. I’ve barely seen Asim in two days because he’s out doing God knows what to make a point to whoever came after Amir.

He’s angry and stressed and his mind is dark right now.

He barely talks and I know he’s putting himself in dangerous situations every time he walks out of the door.

I’m scared to death that one of these nights he won’t make it back home.

But what’s crazy is even knowing all of that, the thought of losing him is making me hold on tighter instead of pushing him away.

He’s already in me, a part of me, and I can’t do anything but hold him close when I have the opportunity.

You feel the same but you know what that loss feels like, so you’re pushing him away to avoid feeling that pain again.

There’s no way to avoid it. Just like Asim is in me, Amir is in you, Lear.

We’re tragically stuck to men who live and breathe life into us in the worst kind of way but neither of us has a defense or the ability to deny them. ”

I didn’t want to hear any of what she was saying, no matter how much truth there was in her words.

Would Amir be out there alongside his brother the minute he was able to?

I was sure that was his goal. He was the target; he was the one who’d actually gotten shot and Amir wasn’t built to sit back and let things happen.

He needed to be in the middle of the action.

Kyori was right. Fear of losing Amir was ninety-nine percent of my issue.

I was afraid. Afraid that maybe he would break my heart by cheating, but even more than that, I was afraid I would lose him altogether and that was something I couldn’t deal with.

It would devastate me in ways I wasn’t sure I could even imagine. I was angry, but most of all, scared.

“Lear?”

My eyes closed briefly and I shook the thought, smiling right after. “You don’t know me, so don’t try to shrink me, Ky.”

She laughed, offering a one-shouldered shrug before shoving another forkful of pasta into her mouth. “I do know you. At least enough to see right through your bullshit. If you want to find that hoe and fade her, then I’m down.”

“When are you not down with fading a hoe?” I offered a cheeky grin and she shrugged again.

“I mean, it is what it is, and sometimes you have to lay hands on people in order for them to see the light. And I’m not talking about becoming one with Jesus.”