Maddog (Black Reign MC #10)

Chapter Nine

Jax

Holly slept like the dead. After a couple hours, I had to move to a chair I’d pulled up beside the bed so she could see me if she woke and I could hold her hand if she needed me to. I wanted to hold her hand whether she was awake or not, but Wrath was blowing up my phone with information they were getting out of the girl. Alistair, the prick, wasn’t talking. Didn’t matter much if he talked or not. Apparently, his phone, and a private server he thought was impenetrable, had a wealth of information on them. None of it good for Chris Alistair the Third.

I’d just finished reading a text when Holly moaned and rolled over on her side, facing me. Her eyes opened and I reached for her hand.

“Hey, baby. Sore?”

She gave me a sleepy smile. “A little.”

“Fury sent something for pain if you need it. Not too strong, but it’ll help you sleep.”

“No.” Holly gripped my hand. “We need to talk first. Probably should have already.” Those clear blue eyes of hers could drown a man. Especially when she looked at him like she was looking at me now. There was no guile, no hedging. Holly was exactly as I saw her now. Sure, she could be brash and sarcastic, but I knew it was how she protected herself. When things were going wonderful in her life, she was like this all that time. When things got rough, she shored up her defenses and concentrated on surviving. Likely due to the leukemia she’d had as a child.

“We’ll talk about whatever you want to talk about, whenever you want to talk about it.”

She smiled. “Are you always going to give in to my demands?”

I couldn’t suppress my chuckle. “Probably. I’ll make sure I’m there when the fireworks start, and stand between you and whatever I have to until you’re ready to leave.”

“That’s such a ‘you’ thing to say, Jax.” She focused on my hand, threading her fingers through mine. “Are you and my dad OK?”

“We are, baby. Don’t worry about your dad. He and I can work out our own problems, but he’s going to allow me to make you my old lady.”

“I mean, you gave me a property cut and everything. It’s a little late, I suppose.”

“Never too late for a daddy to protect his little girl, but Wrath knows I’ll take care of you.”

Moisture leaked from her eyes, though she smiled through her tears. “You’ve always taken care of me.” With slow, deliberate movements, she raised her hand to my face, stroking my short beard. “I’ve loved you my entire life, Jax.” Her voice was barely a thread of sound, almost like she was talking to herself. “I know I haven’t always acted like it. I’m sorry for telling Mom and Dad you were mean to me when I was little. That wasn’t very nice of me.”

“Baby, don’t apologize for that. Never for that. It was the only way you could get one of them to come get me.” I chuckled softly, bringing her fingers to my lips where they were still laced with mine. I kissed her knuckles gently, letting my mouth linger on her skin. When I spoke, it was with her fingers still against my lips. “I admit the first time startled me. Especially when I opened the door to a scowling Wrath. He took a swing at me before telling me what was going on. Once he did, I knew what was wrong.”

“Were you even out of your teens?”

“Not that time. But I was eighteen. Barely. It’s why he took a swing at me. I was legal and he knew I knew better than to hurt your feelings.”

“And I told him you had. And he believed me.”

“Of course, he was gonna believe you. It’s why you told him I’d been an asshole. You told him you wanted me to come apologize and that’s what he was makin’ me do.”

“Then you let me berate you for a solid hour. I think I hit you more than once.”

“Yeah, baby. You did. I took it proudly because once you tired yourself out, you crawled up in my lap and went to sleep with me holding you.” I stroked a lock of hair off her forehead. “That’s one of my favorite memories. The first time you showed me you trusted me and that I was able to take away at least some of your pain and frustration.”

Holly sat up and moved to the edge of the bed before crawling up into my lap. She wrapped her arms around me and cried against my neck. I held her and let her cry. The sooner she got out all her pent-up negative emotions, the better she’d feel. And we could get about the business of us.

When she finally stopped crying, Holly showed no signs of being ready to let me go. I was content to simply hold her. Wrath still shot off the occasional text, but as I’d told him when I stopped answering my phone, Holly was awake and needed my full attention. If he called, I’d know it was urgent. Otherwise, I was going to ignore everything but Holly.

“So, what now?” She played with the front of my T-shirt, picking at the neckline and brushing her fingers over the material and my chest.

“You mean, what now for us?” I shrugged, leaning down to kiss her forehead just to feel the silky-smooth texture of her skin against my lips. “We live happily ever after.”

She pulled back, meeting my gaze with an exasperated one of her own. “Nothing is ever that simple, Jax.”

“It is with us. Sure, there are a couple things that need ironing out, but I’m pretty sure our major problems are going to disappear. After that, you and I get busy figuring out what makes you happiest.”

“Me? What about you? Despite our history, I don’t want you to be miserable.”

That got a bark of laughter out of me. “I never thought you wanted me miserable, Holly. You needed a way to vent your anger and frustration. You chose me. I accepted the challenge willingly.”

“But you didn’t know I didn’t mean all the stuff I said.” The tears were starting again. I hated seeing her cry. Especially about our past.

“I knew. Call it intuition. Or wishful thinking.” I chuckled.

“You couldn’t have known I didn’t mean it, because I didn’t know I didn’t mean it!” There was a little fire in her eyes now. That spark of temper was the thing that made me relax. Holly was ready to start fighting again.

“All I knew was I needed to make you better. Since there was nothing I could do to cure your illness, I knew I’d do the only other thing I could. Be there for you when you needed to lash out. You couldn’t do it with your parents, and certainly not the McDonalds. You had parents and other people who loved you, and all kinds of bikers in this compound who’d kill anyone you needed killed. You even had a doctor doing everything in his power to make sure you were with us for a very long time to come. What you didn’t have was a person you felt safe to release all the pent-up anger and frustration inside you. I knew exactly what I was signing up for, baby.”

“I don’t deserve you, Jax.” Her chin trembled with emotion.

“Yeah you do, baby. You deserve way more than I can give you, but there is no one on this earth who will be solely focused on you and seeing to your happiness.”

“You know, the leukemia came back once. Blade said he got on top of it because he monitors my markers aggressively. Says it’s better to do a blood test more frequently and get a negative result than to not test enough and get a positive result months later.”

“I remember.” As if she had to remind me. “I was on pins and needles for months, afraid to leave your side.”

“What? You weren’t there until I got sick from the chemo.” She sounded equal parts pissed, hurt, and resigned.

“Oh, no, honey. I sat outside your door every waking moment. The only time I left was when Wrath and Fury made me sleep. The women even made me a plate of food every time they brought you something. Then Wrath told them to stop. He told Lyric the only way to get me to leave was to not feed me. Then I’d either man up and come inside and sit with you, or go get my own food. At which time he’d simply lock me out.”

“That sounds like my dad.”

“Yeah, but it wouldn’t have mattered. I’d have sat outside your window. You kept it open in the evening, and I could sit and listen. I’d be there if you cried out in the night.”

“So that’s how you got into my room.”

I grinned. “Yeah. I know it’s kind of creepy, but I didn’t look at it that way. I was protecting you. Even if it was from nightmares. Or pain.”

“It’s not creepy.” She cupped the side of my face. “I think it’s wonderful. Thank you so much for always being in my life when I needed you, Jax.”

“Hardest thing I ever did was leave for the service. In the back of my mind, I was always on edge. If you needed me and I wasn’t there, I’d never have forgiven myself. The only reason I did it was because I wanted to work for ExFil. It provided a stable income for me and made El Diablo happy. I had to do my time like everyone else.”

She sucked in a breath. “So, me leaving on this trip was a special kind of hell for you.”

“Not really. I mean, yeah. I was upset you left before I could get to you, to go with you, and impatient to shake those losers and find you, but I knew I was coming after you and I was on my way.”

“I should have known you’d come after me. I mean, I did, I just wasn’t sure how I was going to let you know where I was. When my phone started blowing up with calls every little bit, I knew they were giving me time to answer before they activated the satellite GPS in my watch. After that, I knew whoever they sent, you’d be with them.”

“That’s my girl.” I pulled her closer. “Now. Any objections to me kissing you? Because I really need another taste of you.”

The smile she gave me was so fucking beautiful, if I’d been standing I’d have fallen to my knees and wept. “I’d like that very much. I need you, too.”