4. Chapter 4
Chapter 4
Violet
I spend the night tossing and turning in my too-expensive room at the hotel. The sun streams through the curtains I didn't bother to close last night. I finally give up around 5 am. Ignoring the fifteen unread messages from my friends, I type one of my own.
Brooks. I don't know what to say. Obviously. Because I'm a freak who can't talk to men. I'm in love with you. But I'm broken. You deserve better.
My thumb hovers over the send button before I delete it and throw my phone down on the bed with a groan.
After a hot shower, I gather my laptop and head to the local coffee shop I spotted on our way into town. The Reading Grounds is a kitschy, vibrant place. Loaded bookcases fill the walls and its popularity is evident by the number of tables in use even at this hour on a Sunday.
I get a black tea, trying to maximize my caffeine intake this morning since I don't drink coffee. Starting my laptop, I peruse job openings, making a list, and tailoring cover letters. Office work and project assistant jobs are easy to find, especially in the city, and I have a decent-sized list to start with in no time.
People come and go around me as I plug through for hours. I finally come up for air and see two women about my age sitting with a baby at the table next to mine. "Excuse me? Would you mind watching my stuff while I run to the restroom?"
"Of course not!" The blonde woman exclaims. Her energy reminds me of Naomi, and I like her instantly, despite my current feelings toward my roommate.
"Not at all." The other woman with dark brown hair and eyes agrees, grinning at the baby with matching hair and eyes in the highchair next to her. He squawks to get her attention. "We'll be here."
"Thank you," I say. "He's adorable."
She beams at me as I turn to head to the back.
A little pang hits me like it always does when I see a baby. Being unable to speak to men makes it a little harder to imagine having one myself. Not impossible, but project assistant jobs rarely pay enough to support a baby without a guy. I bite my lip, picturing a mini version of Brooks, and my heart squeezes painfully. Fighting back tears, I finish up, heading back out to my seat as I try to push the pain aside.
Before I sit down again, I order another tea. There's a momentary lull in traffic, so I head back to my table to wait for my name to be called.
"Thanks again," I say. "Wow, it's cleared out from this morning." I look around the coffee shop, surprised by how quiet it is.
"Everybody's over at the Quest and Odyssey event right now," the dark-haired woman tells me. She continues when I give her a blank look. "It's some kind of renaissance-themed day with wood cutting, games, and even a joust."
"Like with horses?" I ask, although I guess it's not unusual to have horses in the mountains.
"They're using kids' bikes," a deep voice adds helpfully. The guy handling the register puts my tea on the table in front of me.
I look up quickly and back at my cup, mumbling a thank you as he heads back to the front.
The dark-haired woman nods and smooths the hair on the toddler's head. He reaches for her with his chubby hands, and she kisses his little fingers. "This one's about ready for his nap, so we'll head over there too while he sleeps in his snuggly."
"Are you visiting or from here?" the blonde woman asks. "I'm Paige, by the way. This is my sister, Addy, and my nephew, Teddy." She tickles Teddy's little tummy, and his giggles peal through the shop.
It's contagious, and I laugh despite my sadness. "I'm visiting. And I'm Violet."
"Hi, Violet," Addy says.
"Are you both visiting or from here?" I ask.
"Visiting," Paige says at the same time as Addy responds, "I live here."
Paige glares comically at her sister. "Addy and I came here for one day to hike a little over a year ago, and she fell in love with a sexy mountain man."
Surprised, I swallow my tea and splutter. "Sorry, I...um...sort of fell in love with my own mountain man here."
Addy grins at me before wiggling her eyebrows at her sister with a knowing look.
"Seriously?" Paige exclaims, rolling her eyes. "Is there something in the water, or what?"
Addy laughs. "Paige, when you meet your guy, it's going to hit you like a ton of bricks, and you won't be able to imagine your life without him."
Paige snorts. "No thanks." Turning to me, she asks, "So, when's the wedding, Violet? I made Addy wait twenty-four hours before she got married. Do you need a friend to demand the same?"
"No wedding." I take a deep breath, smiling sadly. "I can't uproot my life to move here for a guy. Even a sexy mountain man who might be my soulmate." I shake my head as they look at me with sympathy. "Besides, I blew it with him," I admit quietly.
Addy frowns uncertainly. "I can tell you one thing about the men in Duhring Park. Once they have you here, they don't like letting you go."
"She's right, Violet. I barely see my sister now that Danny's sunk his claws in." Paige pouts. "Addy barely gives me the time of day. Duhring Park produces cavemen, I tell you!"
Anyone paying attention can tell that Paige is all talk. The way she looks at Addy with pure sisterly affection gives me a pang of guilt as I think about my friends. I know they were trying to help. They didn't want me to avoid something incredible because I refused to try. And if that isn't the story of my life, I don't know what is.
The thing is, I'm not excited about another office job in project management. I'm a capable worker if I have a reasonable boss. And no men around. But it's not my passion. The real problem is that I've made decisions for so long based on what I can't do that I haven't taken the time to figure out what I want to do.
I realize with sudden stark clarity that I'm doing the same thing with Brooks. I convinced myself he wasn't a real option, then suddenly, he was, and I told myself no.
Another round of shrieks from Teddy snaps me back to reality.
"Come on, little man, Auntie Paigey is going to snuggle the shit out of you."
Teddy babbles at his aunt as she straps him into the sling Addy hands her.
"Let's keep working on the nickname, Paige," Addy says to her sister before turning to me. "It was nice meeting you, Violet."
Paige waves as she heads out the door.
Addy leans closer and adds softly, "And if he's worth his salt, he won't let you get away that easily. I hope to see you around." She smiles kindly at me before following Paige and Teddy out the door.
Thinking about what Addy said, I gaze out the window and startle. Like some kind of neon red blinking sign of fate, Brooks hobbles across the street, heading directly for the coffee shop.
Is he limping? My first thought is to go to him and find out what's wrong. But the second I try to talk to him, we'll have a repeat of last night, and I'll be worse off than I was before.
My phone pings as he opens the door, and I glance at it quickly.
Rachel
Violet, we're so sorry. We want you to be happy. Please forgive us.
"Did they make you ride a real horse?" The guy behind the counter calls out as Brooks hobbles through the door. I watch him interacting with his friend, my heart begging me to go to him. Brooks' long-sleeved t-shirt strains over his muscles but fits a little looser on his stomach. He’s not showing off his body, as incredible as it is. His jeans hug his firm butt in a way that begs for a smack. I picture my hands, one on each cheek, with him between my legs as I hold on for dear life. I squirm uncomfortably in my seat as I try to stem the throbbing at the apex of my thighs.
"Cole, next time you ask for a favor, I’ll be checking if it involves riding a tiny bike across the grass." Brooks taps the counter. "And my answer will be no ."
Cole laughs heartily, handing Brooks a cup of what I'm sure is hot chocolate or tea since I know he doesn't drink coffee.
"Miranda might have sent me a video." Cole grins sheepishly at Brooks, trying to hold back his laughter.
Brooks' head snaps up. "There's a video?" He shakes his head, a small smile on his face as he groans good-naturedly. "Of course there is."
"I'll send it to you," Cole offers, grabbing his phone.
"Nope. I'm good." Brooks shakes his head again, his phone pinging as he turns to leave. His grin drops, and he freezes as our eyes lock across the shop.
I stare at him, opening and closing my mouth like a goldfish. He blinks at me. The world stops. It's just the two of us as I desperately try to summon my voice. I want to explain my behavior. I want to tell him I'm in love with him. Beg him to be patient with me and give me a chance to fix myself.
Suddenly, his face shutters, and he nods at me once before hightailing it out of the coffee shop, breaking the spell.
I slump against my seat.
How am I going to fix this if I can't even talk to him?