19. Chapter 19
I have been prepping food for Gran since well before the sunrise this morning.
I couldn't sleep knowing that I have to go back to New York today. I didn’t realize fully how stressed out I was in that environment until I left it. Now, all those feelings are coming back. Add in the whole situation with Liam and Alexander, and well, I’m just a mess.
I have two dozen bagels to show for it, a dozen muffins, and waffle batter to last Gran all weekend.
I have not stopped thinking about Liam. I am terrible for how I reacted to him telling me about Alexander. I let my old insecurities come through instead of looking at the man he is. Who he’s proved to be.
I asked him to trust me with Alexander, but here I am not trusting him in return.
I’m hoping Emma will be up early so I can see what she found out about the local farmers.
I stare out the window in the kitchen, watching the sunrise over the water, remembering the time I first saw this phenomenon with Liam on his porch. Watching together as the sun rose over the horizon.
An immediate pang of guilt hits, and I know that I need to apologize and beg for Liam’s forgiveness. I want to be with him, I want him as much as he wants me, and I’m about to lose him if I don’t.
I did a lot of tossing and turning last night, and Liam just isn't that type of man. If I wasn't letting the hurt from my mother cloud my judgement I would have known that immediately. But unfortunately, it took me a little longer to realize it.
“Good morning, dear!” Gran calls from the dining room.
I guess going to find Liam is going to have to wait.
“Hi Gran, you’re here early.”
“Oh you know, years of being up before the sun never dies. I’ve been restless not baking as much as I used to. I’m excited to be able to do it this weekend.” She wiggles her restless fingers in the air causing me to chuckle.
“Well come on in, let me show you around.” I wrap my arm around her shoulders and pull her through the door.
“Oh my goodness. What a beautiful kitchen.” She spins around taking in all the beauty of this old farmhouse turned industrial kitchen. “Is that the original crown molding?”
“Sure is. Liam said he and Nathan spent a whole winter painstakingly refreshing it before the kitchen was totally remodeled to be made more efficient.” It’s my favorite part of the kitchen next to the large farmhouse sink with the picture window overlooking the cliffs.
Gran walks around taking in the kitchen and where everything is, opening each and every cabinet.
“I made some waffle batter, it’s in the fridge and should be enough for the weekend. And there are two dozen bagels, and a dozen fresh muffins. The fridge is also all stocked up, for lunches and dinners.” I open the refrigerator and show her all the prepped meals.
“Aren’t you the little busy bee?” She eyes me suspiciously, “What is going on in that pretty little head of yours?”
“I made a mistake Gran, and… I love Liam.” I hang my head.
“Oh honey. I’m sure Liam will be more than forgiving. That boy has loved you since you were kids. The day you came back is the day we started seeing our Liam come back to life.” She rubs my shoulder in a comforting side hug.
“I don’t know Gran, I was pretty awful to him. I don’t deserve his forgiveness.”
“Trust me, honey, talk to him. I think you’ll be surprised.” She gives me a loving smile.
“I was on my way to find him when you got here. I need to apologize whether he forgives me or not.”
“What did you and Emma learn about Alexander? ”
“Not much, he told me that they’re buying a local farm who reached out for help. It seems plausible, but I can’t imagine an old farmer from Balsam Cliffs reaching out to a stranger.” I shrug.
“I don’t believe that hogwash.” She grimaces.
“I don’t know that I do either. I’m just saying that’s what he told me, and Emma is checking into it.” I grab the last pan off the counter and put it away in the cabinet, “Okay, I’m going to go grab my stuff, and see if I can catch Liam before I leave.”
“Okay dear, drive safe and let me know when you get to the city.” She kisses my cheek and pats my shoulder as I leave.
I drive down to Liam’s house, and knock on the door, hoping to catch him before his day starts. But no answer ever comes. I drive up to the barn, but don’t see any lights on, I guess it isn’t meant to be today.
Maybe it’s for the best. I’ll have a long ride to sort through my feelings and decide what I want to say when I do get to see him when I’m back. And I might have some answers from Emma by then.
By the time I’ve arrived in Massachusetts, almost in Connecticut, I have officially made myself cry.
I’ve been thinking about the whole situation for almost seven hours straight between the drive and the traffic.
On the off chance that Alexander is telling the truth, Liam was still looking out for me, he wasn’t trying to control me and make decisions for me like my mother has been doing for years. He’s always looked out for me, even as kids when he didn’t even know he was doing it. He’s fiercely protective of me, and loves me in a quiet way even if he hasn’t said it yet .
And I’m done waiting and playing games, I’m going to tell him as soon as I get back.
I smash the button on my steering wheel to bring up my phone, “Message Liam,” I tell it.
“What would you like to say to Liam?” My car responds.
“I’m so sorry for kicking you out. When I’m back I want to talk to you as soon as possible.”
My message repeats back to me through the speakers and I confirm to send the message. It’s almost dinnertime, so I don’t expect an answer back.
I turn up the music and a smile spreads across my face, happy that I’ve sorted my feelings and apologized to Liam, even if it was just through text, I put it out there and I feel lighter knowing that he knows I am sorry for my actions.
About four hours later I pull into the underground parking garage, and park in the empty spot that used to be mine. Or still is for appearances sake anyways.
I take a deep breath before stepping out of the car and taking the elevator ride up with my lone backpack.
When the elevator opens, Mom is there to greet me. Thankfully, Larry isn’t by her side.
“Welcome home, we’ve been waiting for you. Dinner is ready and we’re in the dining room, you can go to freshen up—” she looks at my rumpled travel clothes, “—upstairs. Maybe change into something a bit nicer. ”
She gives me a quick, stiff hug before hurrying into the dining room.
I groan, choosing to go to the bathroom down the hall to splash some water on my face, and change my shirt. I’m wearing Liam’s hoodie and I don’t know who Larry has in the dining room for company.
A sweater off the top of my backpack should suffice.
I give my cheeks a pinch to get the pink in them, a trick I learned to be mostly makeup free in this fake world my parents live in.
“You can do this, it’s 24 hours, then you can leave.” I give myself a pep talk in the mirror before going to the dining room.
Mom looks at my leggings upon my entrance and glances disapprovingly. I know full well she wanted me to change into the dress that is inevitably laid out on my old bed.
I hold my head high and take my seat at the table across from Larry. Surprisingly, there is only one other guest, seated across from Mom.
As soon as I’m seated the housekeeper delivers a meal for me, and a glass of red wine.
“Violet, this is Christoff from The Blue Manor. I wanted to introduce you two. He has an opening at his Michelin star restaurant for a sous chef. And he’s agreed to give you a trial run.” Larry nods to Christoff. There’s no introduction, no greeting. Just a job.
He shifts uncomfortably under Larry’s gaze, “Yes, we would be happy to see if you are a good fit in our kitchen. As you know, typically a chef would work their way up through the kitchen, but Larry is a good friend, and customer. So we’d love to host you next week.” He smiles, fakely, before looking at Larry, who gives him a nod of approval.
A slight drop of his shoulders tells me that there is something shady going on and this poor man is being forced into giving me an interview. Probably something money related since Larry likes to toss money out then expects favors in return.
I turn toward Christoff. “While I appreciate that you’re willing to extend a very undeserved interview to me, for a position that I’m sure your staff would hold against me, I am no longer living in New York. I have a job that I love very much, I’m simply here for the gala.”
His shoulders drop more, and a genuine smile spreads across his lips for the briefest of moments. The tension has eased from his body until Larry clears his throat.
“You mean to tell me that after the education we gave you—” he glazes over the fact that I dropped out and never wanted the education, “—that you are going to turn down this gift of a job at a prestigious restaurant in New York City? The job is yours as long as you show up.” He eyes Christoff.
Before he can answer Larry’s tirade, I speak up. “As I’ve said, I no longer live in New York, and I’m happy with the job I have.”
“Honey, you probably have just had a long travel day, why don’t you sleep on this, and we’ll let Christoff know your decision tomorrow?” she offers sweetly.
“You’re right Mom. I have had a very long day, and sleep would be best.” I get up and face Christoff, extending my hand, “It was a pleasure to meet you.”
He reaches up to shake my hand but I bend down near his ear, “but you can hire whomever you like. I will not be interviewing, or accepting any job. ”
He freezes at my parting words, and I can sense Larry’s anger bubbling to the surface as I walk up the stairs to my room.
I only feel a little bad that I left Christoff to deal with Larry on his own, it was his decision to get into bed with him in the first place.