Chapter 33 Selene
Chapter thirty-three
Selene
“Hey, I’m going out with the girls at the club. You sure you don’t wanna come, Selene?”
I shake my head, forcing a smile as I watch her ponytail bounce behind her. “No, thanks, Jasmine.”
Her round hips sway, heels clacking and tan skin popping against the emerald-green dress she’s wearing.
When she gets to the door, she whirls around, her perfectly drawn brows arching at me. “You don’t have to…wallow in it, you know. Just let things flow,” she breathes, her green eyes searching mine. “I’m sure there must have been some mix-up. I know your man will come for you.”
Saliva thickens my throat. I nod for lack of a better response. She walks back to hug me before heading towards the door and out of the house.
I release a heavy breath, plopping down onto the mattress. Despite my state of confusion, I’m glad that I still managed to go to the doctor to confirm my baby is okay and got the necessary prenatal vitamins. I decided then, it was best to reach out to Jasmine.
Thankfully, she immediately responded.
After she heard everything that happened, minus the pregnancy, of course, she offered me her place to stay until I could sort my stuff out.
When I recall the content of the disavowal document, my stomach revolts, as if a knife is twisting in it. The document had been signed and dated. Lord knows if the news processing is already underway.
A quiet sigh escapes my lips. In some small way, I’m glad I didn’t tell him about the baby. I couldn’t stomach him staying with me just because of our baby. I don’t want him to feel trapped and grow to resent me.
Tears trickle down the corners of my eyes as I lie on my back, clutching the beat-up Android phone Jasmine had given me. For the umpteenth time since I left the mansion yesterday, I check the news. Nothing…yet. It makes me wonder when he plans on releasing it.
And all that after fucking me to his heart’s content? Or after ensuring I’ve served my purpose in stopping the undercutting? How could I be such a fool?
My chest tightens, and I can feel the strings in my heart snap. Every time I think about him…his lips, his touch, how he’d looked at me…something shatters within me.
No, not something. Everything!
I can feel my heart breaking into fragments, leaving pieces that I’m sure even time won’t mend. He didn’t even have the decency to wait until the contract was over.
The wetness of my pillow stings my cheek as I turn to lie on my side.
For a split second, I let logic override emotions in my head.
Of course, the document was dated the day I escaped to see Luca.
I lied, tricked his men…but it’s still difficult to accept that while I’d risked my life several times to get answers for him, he had a disavowal draft waiting, and was ready to sign me into danger the moment I messed up.
Hurt stabs my chest. Maybe I am irrational.
It’s my own fault, too, but I bled for him—risked my freedom, life, and sanity.
So if one mistake is all it takes for Cortez to turn on me, then I did the right thing by walking away.
Although I admit that walking away is hard, especially when it’s from a man you’re already falling in love with.
Shutting my eyes, my hands find my tummy as I feel the slight, almost unnoticeable swell. If he, by chance, finds out about it, what would he say? Would he even care? What’s my next course of action now that my enemies are dead?
As I’m lost in my thoughts, I feel a headache building, and hear my stomach growling, reminding me that I barely ate a few slices of bread yesterday and have eaten nothing today. Shit! Guilt pricks my chest at the realization of my selfishness. I should at least eat for my baby.
I get up from the bed, my limbs heavy as I head to the tiny kitchen. Dirty plates and a few leftovers litter the kitchen sink when I get there. The sight of it stirs nausea in my stomach, and I quickly turn away.
I groan, grab a coat from the wardrobe, and glance at the time on my phone. It’s a few minutes past 6 p.m. I need to eat something.
Thoughts of Luca rush into my mind as I head towards the door, slipping on a pair of sandals that belong to Jasmine. I’d called him several times after I received the call from Maria’s phone, but it all went to voicemail. I wonder how he’s doing and if Cortez’s attempt on Julio succeeded.
Shit! Maybe I shouldn’t have let emotions drive me.
After finding out about the draft, I bawled my eyes out, and when I made up my mind, I walked gently to one of the guards and told him I needed to meet up with Luca.
Thankfully, the night after we had sex, when we talked, Cortez gave me his black card and told me how I now had the freedom to go anywhere with the guards, especially if it involved meeting up with my brother.
He also told me how Ramirez and Los Hierros are now out of the way.
Tears fall from my eyes when my mind drifts back to Maria and her daughter. I apologized that morning before I saw the disavowal document. But I don’t think it’s enough, even though Aliyah said she understood why I tricked her and locked her inside the closet.
No, Selene. It’s all good. It’s just your raging hormones.
Wiping my cheeks, I tug the door open, and I instantly freeze in my spot at the sight before me.
Cortez.
He’s leaning against the railing, hands shoved into the pockets of his pants. His hair is disheveled, sticking out at all angles as if he’s been tugging at it.
My breath hitches when I hold his gaze. His eyes are red…bloodshot, and he looks like he hasn’t slept in ages.
“Selene,” he rasps as he pushes off the railing, voice low and strained.
I hold my breath, my heart pounding relentlessly in my chest. My name on his tongue still does things to me.
This is not the first reaction I expected to have. I should ignore him and slam the door in his face, but somehow my legs stay rooted on the spot.
“What are you doing here?” My voice comes out shaky but he still flinches at the sound.
“Please,” he breathes thickly, stepping forward. I take a step back, fisting my hand on the doorknob, a silent threat that if he oversteps, I’ll shut him out. He seems to understand. “Please…just hear me out.”
I press my lips into a cold, thin line.
He runs a hand through his hair again. “I know you saw the document. But I promise, it’s not what you think,” he starts, eyeing me tentatively. “When I found out you escaped…went to meet Luca, I-I was livid. I…felt betrayed.”
“For the first time I…” His breath hitches as he holds my eyes with emotions so raw, it strikes through my heart. “I let emotions override logic. I found the draft, signed and dated it. But never sent it. I couldn’t bring myself to.”
My eyes water, but that doesn’t erase the fact that he still had it. “You had it ready,” I breathe.
He shakes his head and takes a step forward. My hardened gaze pins him in place.
“Fuck,” he mutters, turning his head away before looking at me. “I did. I had it ready, but that was way before all of this.” His voice breaks as he gestures between us. “Way before I…I realized that…that I…that I love you,” he says, his eyes gazing deeply into mine.
The world pauses, and my heart pounds ten times faster at the words. I love you. Tears stream down my cheeks at the rawness in his eyes. But I refuse to acknowledge it. His words won’t magically erase the ache in my chest.
“That draft was a death warrant.” I grip the knob tighter, watching him wince as the words leave my lips. “It’s not the fact that you didn’t send it. It’s the fact that you knew what it’d do to me, yet you still went through with it, despite everything.”
My throat thickens. “I know I made mistakes, Cortez. I made irrational decisions. But everything I did…I did it with the intention of helping,” I explain. “Helping you…and me.”
“But the moment I…” I’m unable to help the tears that stream down my cheeks.
“The moment I messed up, you thought to sign me off. Is that…really what I’m worth to you?
” He balls his hands into fists, silence overtaking the space between us.
Wind howls, drying up my tears, but fresh ones pour in their place.
“I messed up,” his shoulders sag, chest sinking as he exhales deeply, “...and no amount of ‘sorry’ would erase that. I know that I am a man flawed in many ways. But I’m also a man who wants to grow…who wants to right his wrongs. Please give me a chance.”
I bite back the sob that wracks my throat, shaking my head.
“...Please, Selene,” he rasps thickly, taking a step forward.
But this time, I don’t move. “I’ve lost you once.
I don’t want to lose you again. I love you, Selene…
” He pauses as if letting the words sink in.
“...and I want you in my life. I want to know that when I look beside me, you’ll be there, telling me if I’m fucking it all up or making it work. I just want you.”
Seeing Cortez like this—without his tough facade, vulnerable…begging—does something to me. He’s a man who carries himself with ruthless composure, yet here he is, laying it all down.
Eyes are a window to the soul, they say, and in this moment, I can see Cortez baring his before me. But right now, trust is broken, and some wounds take time to heal.
“I need time,” the words leave my lips in a breathless whisper. “I need time to process everything and be sure this is what I really want.”
His jaw flexes; pain is evident in his eyes. Still, he nods. Slowly, I step inside, but before I slam the door, his voice reaches me.
“We’re working on bringing Luca out. I promise, we’ll get him back to you safely.”
“Thank you.” I let out a breath of relief before shutting the door.