Mafia Rules (Mafia King #1)

34. EVE

34

EVE

I rented a car to get back home. The thought of being indebted to him one more time made my heart ache, so I stubbornly didn’t use his car service. I swung by his condo and took everything of mine. I crept into Macy’s apartment during the night and fell asleep on the old couch one last time. Tomorrow morning, I’d make the long drive back home to my parents and admit my failure to their fake surprise.

I open my eyes when the sun hits them, and the smell of a strong pot of coffee from the kitchen awakens my senses. I forget everything that happened for a moment and wonder why I wasn’t in Ash’s bed. Then, it all comes flooding back — Sasha, Ash in the shower, the last look he gave me, all overwhelming me again. The pain settling back into my chest, making it hard to breathe.

How could I live without him? Never being in his arms, or worse…Sasha being in them. I shake my head as if I could get rid of the image of them out of it at the same time. Groggily, I raise myself, surprised to find his shirt beneath me. Oh, right…I took that . The faint scent of him is still on it.

"Well, well, well, look who decided to make an appearance." Macy hands me a steaming mug of coffee and settles into the plush, oversized chair, curling up with a contented sigh.

“Sorry. I hope you don’t mind.” I place my drink on the coffee table and force my legs off the side of the couch to sit up.

“What happened?” Macy puts her mug down, wraps her arms around her legs, and stares at me, her eyes questioning, "I'm assuming something from the stains of mascara on your cheeks."

I forcibly silence the relentless stream of thoughts and images from the past two days, focusing on what I want to share with her. My gut screams to protect him, but I don’t owe him anything now. They were together at a luxury penthouse, and I was on Macy’s couch.

“It’s done.” Words tumble out of me in a frantic rush, each syllable a painful effort as I try to carefully choose every word to explain what happened. “He’s moved on.”

“What???” Macy springs to her feet and over to me. “What did he do?”

“It’s complicated, but he’s back with his ex. She was away for years and came back.” My voice falters, overcome with emotion.

“I’m so sorry, Eve.” Macy embraces me. “Life isn’t fair.”

I lean into her and sob, my body aching for shaking so violently over and over. “I’m not sure I can do this.”

“Fuck yeah, you can.” Macy tightens her grip on me. “You’re a tough girl, Eve. You’ve been through so much already, and you’re resilient like a fucking diamond.”

I cling to her arm as she rocks us back and forth, neither of us saying anything for a while. “I didn’t know he existed months ago, and now he’s my everything. But I have to let him go.”

“Sometimes we think we know someone, and we don’t. They show us what we want because we tell them what we need.” Macy swipes my tear-stained hair from my face. “Never tell a man what you want again.”

I nod in agreement. If I ever got into another relationship. The pain from this one, even though short-lived, was like nothing I’d ever felt. But maybe I was romanticizing him. Why would he lie and tell me he loved me? Why not just not say it? I fell for it like a fool.

I sit up, lifting myself off of her. It was time to move on – or start too. “I’m leaving today. I’m going home.”

“You can stay here,” Macy says as soon as I tell her. “You don’t have to leave the city.”

“No. I don’t want to be anywhere where I could run into them. I couldn’t stand that.” I say, feeling a sense of dread taking over my lungs. I had to get out of the city as soon as I could.

“Okay, but if you want to come back, you always have a place here. With me. We could even move to a two-bedroom.” Macy chokes out.

“I won’t disappear.” I smile. Unsure if anyone else in the world felt the way Macy did for me. “Do you have my iPad? I couldn’t find it.”

“No, you took it with you.”

“Shit,” I remember where it is now. Laying on the side table in the living room of Ash’s condo. I’d have to go back. “It’s at the condo.”

“Want me to go with you?”

“No. I’ll grab it on my way out. I should leave soon. It’s a long drive.” I glance at my packed bags and boxes in the corner from my old life.

“Leave the boxes. That way, I know you’ll come back.” Macy laughs, a watery sniffling sound as she wipes her tears away.

“I’ll be back. I promise.” I rise to my feet, a subtle feeling of ease settling in. I had a plan, and that’s all I need to focus on now. Just making it back to my parents. Then I’ll make another plan.

“I love you girl.” Macy hugs me, crushing me to her. “I don’t want to let go.”

“I know.” I half smirk, my skin feverish. “I wish I’d never met him. That I listened to you that day.”

“Don’t do that, Eve. Sometimes, people are only in our lives for a reason. When you were with Ash, you came out of your shell and had a voice for the first time in a long time. It wasn’t all bad.”

I lower my head. He made me feel alive again. I didn’t even realize I was living like the dead before him. I hadn’t laughed that much in years. His name coming up on my phone made my heart skip a beat. His voice on the phone so smooth and dreamy. I couldn’t remind myself of those things again.

“I want the life I had before him.” I swallow back tears, needing to leave this place soon. I had to get to his condo and leave right away. Or forget my iPad altogether.

“Are you sure he’s with her?” Macy’s voice squeaked as her eyes narrowed. “I mean, he was pretty into you from the start.”

“They’re in a penthouse, luxury suite as we speak. I showed up, and he was in the shower.” I fidget with my hands, thinking of his clothes and her clothes on the floor together.

“Oh.” Macy recoils. “He was never good enough for you.”

I nod, the pressure in my chest building up again. I take a deep breath to calm myself, remembering the grounding techniques my old therapist taught me in my teens.

“I should go.” I pick up some clothes from the floor, the same ones I wore yesterday, and take them to the bathroom to change into. I didn’t have the energy to struggle with closing my bag after getting clean clothes.

I close the door and lean my forehead against it. He’s on my mind every minute, every second of every day. I’ll never know how he’s doing again, if he’s happy, and when he meets his end on this earth. It seems strange to think I’ll never know those things about the person I love…but he never loved me. That’s the hardest part of all of this. He doesn’t give a shit about me. But I meant everything I said to him. Will I ever stop loving him?

I force myself to take off my jammies and put on real clothes. Splashing water on my face to wash off the tears and make-up as best as I can. I steal a little of Macy’s fancy face cream. Lingering a moment on its sweet smell. A break from the constant thoughts of him.

I gave myself one more check over in the mirror, not that it mattered. My hair looks like I hadn’t brushed it in days, so I grab Macy’s hairbrush and run it through. There…Presentable if I need to stop for the bathroom or gas.

I say my goodbyes to Macy and grab everything I can carry. Macy takes the rest down to the rental car. With one more long hug, I’m off to his condo. I’ll be in and out as fast as I can be. Then, I can heal from all of this.