22. Surrender
22
Surrender
Ren
In the darkness of Dorian's bedroom, I held my breath as his eyes widened, trailing from my face down to my chest. I resisted the urge to cross my arms, to hide the scars that marked my journey. Each second of silence felt like an eternity, the cool night air raising goosebumps across my bare skin as I waited for his reaction.
“You're breathtaking,” he murmured, reaching out to gently cup my cheek. His thumb brushed along my cheekbone, sending a shiver down my spine.
I leaned into his touch, my eyes fluttering closed. “Dorian,” I whispered, my voice trembling slightly. “I... I want...”
His other hand came to rest on my waist, warm and steady. “What do you want, mo stóirín?” he asked softly.
I opened my eyes, meeting his gaze. The intensity I saw there made my heart race. “You,” I breathed. “I want you.”
Dorian's eyes darkened, but he didn't move. “Are you sure?” he asked, his voice low and husky. “We don't have to do anything you're not ready for.”
In answer, I leaned forward and pressed my lips to his. The kiss was soft at first, tentative, but it quickly deepened as Dorian responded. His hand slid from my cheek to tangle in my hair, pulling me closer.
I melted into him, my bare chest pressing against the soft fabric of his t-shirt. The sensation was electrifying, sending sparks of pleasure through my body. I gasped into the kiss, overwhelmed by the intensity of it all.
His fingers brushed against my side, right over one of my scars, just for a second, but it was enough to make me freeze. My breath caught in my throat, and I stiffened instinctively, the familiar unease creeping back in. It wasn’t the touch itself. It was just too much, too soon, and I needed space to decide what I wanted.
Dorian immediately pulled his hand away, his face flickering with concern. “I’m sorry, Ren. I didn’t mean to—”
“No,” I said quickly, my voice soft but steady. “It’s not... it’s not that. I just need to think for a second.”
He nodded, visibly relieved that I wasn’t upset, but he didn’t move, still watching me carefully, waiting for me to tell him what I needed.
I checked in with myself, taking a deep breath. The warmth in my chest had nothing to do with my fear, but everything to do with the fact that it was Dorian, the only person I truly felt safe with. It was him, and that made all the difference.
I reached for his hand, slowly guiding it to my chest, pressing his palm there as my heart beat in a quick, nervous rhythm. “It’s okay. You’re... you’re okay. Just be gentle,” I murmured, keeping my voice low, my fingers curling lightly around his.
Dorian’s eyes softened, and I saw the vulnerability in him as he let me guide him, a silent agreement that he would follow my lead. His hands were warm and solid against my skin, but he moved carefully, his touch light at first, almost as if he were testing the waters.
I closed my eyes for a moment, breathing deeply, trusting Dorian to respect me in this space, to understand what I needed without pushing me. His hands slid over the scars on my chest, tracing their path. And it was different this time. His touch wasn’t tentative anymore. It was certain, full of tenderness and care.
Dorian's touch was reverent, his fingers tracing the contours of my chest with a gentleness that made my breath catch. His palm settled over my heart, warm and steady against my skin.
“You're beautiful, mo stóirín,” he murmured, his accent thickening with emotion. “Every part of you is precious to me. My magic has never sung so sweetly as it does with you.”
I opened my eyes to find him gazing at me with such tenderness it made my chest ache. There was desire there too, smoldering in the depths of his green eyes, but it was tempered by something deeper. Something that looked a lot like love.
Emboldened by his words, I reached for the hem of his shirt, my fingers brushing against the warm skin of his stomach. “Can I...?”
Dorian nodded, lifting his arms to help me pull the shirt over his head. As it fell away, I couldn't help but stare. I'd seen him shirtless before, of course, but this felt different. More charged. My hands shook slightly as I placed them on his chest, feeling the steady thrum of his heartbeat beneath my palms. Dorian's breath hitched, his eyes fluttering closed for a moment.
His eyes opened, dark with desire. “Touch me however you like, mo stóirín,” he whispered, his accent thicker than usual.
I let my hands wander, tracing the lines of Dorian's shoulders, the subtle ridges of his collarbones. His skin was warm beneath my fingertips, scattered with freckles that I wanted to map with my lips. As if reading my mind, Dorian tilted his head, exposing the long column of his neck.
“Go ahead,” he murmured, his voice rough. “I'm yours, Ren.”
Those words sent a shiver down my spine and made my cock throb with want. I leaned in, pressing a tentative kiss to the hollow of his throat. Dorian's breath caught, and I felt emboldened. I trailed kisses up his neck, relishing the rasp of stubble against my lips, the salt-sweet taste of his skin. When I reached the sensitive spot just below his ear, Dorian let out a soft groan that made heat pool in my belly.
His hands came to rest on my hips, thumbs tracing slow circles that sent sparks of pleasure through me. I pulled back slightly, meeting his gaze. The hunger I saw there made me dizzy with want.
“Dorian,” I breathed, hardly recognizing my own voice.
“Yes, love?” Dorian's voice was husky, his eyes dark with desire as they met mine.
I swallowed hard, my heart racing. “I... I want more,” I whispered, heat rising to my cheeks. “But I've never...”
Understanding softened Dorian's gaze. He cupped my face gently, his thumb brushing across my cheekbone. “We'll go as slow as you need, mo stóirín,” he murmured. “Just tell me what feels good, all right?”
I nodded, leaning into his touch. Dorian's lips met mine in a tender kiss that quickly deepened, igniting a fire in my veins. His hands roamed my back, tracing patterns that made me shiver with pleasure.
Slowly, giving me time to object, Dorian eased me onto my back. He hovered over me, his weight supported on his forearms. “Is this okay?” he asked softly.
“Yes,” I breathed, reaching up to tangle my fingers in his hair.
Dorian's lips trailed down my neck, pressing soft kisses along my collarbone. When he reached my chest, I blurted, “Wait.”
Dorian froze instantly, his eyes searching mine with concern. “Too much?” he asked softly.
I shook my head, feeling my cheeks flush. “No, it's just... after the surgery, my nipples don't have much sensation,” I explained, the words tumbling out in a rush. “I'd rather you focus elsewhere, if that's okay?”
“Of course, love,” Dorian murmured, his eyes warm with understanding. He pressed a tender kiss to my forehead, then to each of my cheeks, before capturing my lips once more. As we kissed, Dorian's hand trailed down my side, leaving goosebumps in its wake. His fingers danced along the waistband of the borrowed pajama pants, teasing. “Would you prefer,” he whispered against my lips, “I put my mouth here instead?” His hand dipped lower, cupping me through the soft fabric.
A jolt of pleasure shot through me, and I gasped, my hips bucking involuntarily into his touch. “Oh,” I breathed, my mind going fuzzy with want. “Oh, yes, please.”
“With pleasure,” he purred, his accent thicker than ever. “But first, a lesson in patience.” His hands pinned my hips firmly to the bed. “Stay still for me, love. Let me teach you how good it can feel when you surrender control.”
My heart raced as Dorian slowly kissed his way down my body, his stubble scraping deliciously against my skin. When he reached the waistband of the pajamas, he looked up at me, silently asking permission. I nodded, lifting my hips to help as he gently tugged the pants down.
Cool air hit my heated skin, and I resisted the urge to cover myself. I held my breath as Dorian's gaze traveled over my newly exposed skin. His eyes lingered on my cock, and I felt a flash of vulnerability. It wasn't large by any means, but the hormones had given me some growth. Still, I couldn't help but wonder if Dorian would be disappointed, if he'd change his mind now that he saw all of me.
But then Dorian looked up at me, his eyes dark with desire, and any doubts I had melted away. “I can’t wait to taste you,” he murmured, and kissed the inside of my knee. “Being so patient for me, aren't you?” Each word was punctuated with soft kisses, moving higher but never quite where I needed him most. The teasing was exquisite torture.
“Please,” I gasped, my fingers twisting in the sheets. “Dorian, please!”
“Patience, love,” he said, his voice rich with authority and affection. “Trust me to give it to you in my own time.”
I nodded, not trusting my voice. Dorian's hands caressed my thighs, gently spreading them wider. He pressed more soft kisses to the inside of each thigh, working his way higher. The anticipation was maddening, every brush of his lips sending sparks of pleasure through my body.
When Dorian's mouth finally reached my cock, I couldn't hold back a gasp. His tongue flicked out, teasing the sensitive tip, and my hips bucked involuntarily. Dorian's hands steadied me, holding me in place as he took me fully into his mouth.
The wet heat of his mouth enveloped me, and I moaned, my fingers tangling in his hair. The sensation was unlike anything I'd ever experienced. Dorian's mouth was hot and wet, the suction enough to send jolts of pleasure coursing through my body, building a delicious tension in my core. It felt incredible, yes, but it was more than just physical. This was Dorian, the man I trusted more than anyone, worshipping my body as if it were the most precious thing in the world. There was no hesitation, no hint that he saw me as anything other than the man I truly was. His enthusiasm left no doubt. He wanted me, all of me, exactly as I was.
I whimpered, my hips straining against Dorian's firm grip as he took me deeper. The vibrations of his appreciative hum traveled through my cock, drawing a strangled moan from my throat. My fingers tightened in his hair, tugging gently in a wordless plea for more.
Just as the pressure was building to a fever pitch, Dorian pulled away with a wet pop. I whined at the loss, my hips chasing his mouth. “What’re you doing? Don't stop !” I pleaded, my voice breathy and desperate.
Dorian chuckled, the sound low and rich. “Oh? So you're enjoying yourself, then?” His eyes sparkled with amusement and desire as he gazed up at me from between my thighs.
“You know I am,” I groaned, propping myself up on my elbows to glare at him. “Now get back to it, you tease.”
Dorian's grin widened, a mischievous glint in his eyes.
Without further preamble, he dove back in, his tongue swirling around the head of my cock before taking me fully into his mouth once more. I fell back against the pillows with a strangled moan, my back arching into the warm suction of his mouth.
His hands roamed my thighs, kneading as he worked me with his mouth. Every touch, every caress sent sparks of electricity coursing through my body. I could feel the pressure building, a delicious tension coiling tighter and tighter in my core.
But as incredible as it felt, I found myself aching for more. I wanted– needed –to feel Dorian inside me, to be as close to him as physically possible. The thought alone made me throb with desire.
“Dorian,” I gasped, tugging gently at his hair. “Dorian, wait.”
He pulled back immediately, concern etched across his features. “What's wrong, love?”
I swallowed hard, my heart racing. “I... I want you inside me,” I whispered, heat flooding my cheeks.
Dorian's eyes widened, his pupils dilating with desire. But he didn't move, his gaze searching mine. “Are you certain, mo stóirín? We don't have to rush anything.”
I nodded, reaching out to cup his face. “I'm sure. I want to feel all of you.”
A soft smile curved Dorian's lips as he leaned in to kiss me tenderly. When he pulled back, his expression was gentle but serious. “I need to ask, love…Where…”
My blush deepened, but I appreciated his careful consideration. “My, um, my front hole,” I mumbled, stumbling over the words. “Is that okay, or…”
Dorian's smile was warm and reassuring. “Of course that's okay, mo stóirín. Whatever you're comfortable with.”
His gentle acceptance made my chest ache with emotion. I pulled him down for another kiss, pouring all my gratitude and desire into it.
When we finally parted, both breathless, Dorian's eyes had darkened with desire. His voice dropped to that low, commanding tone that never failed to make me shiver. “Before we continue, I want you to promise me something.” His fingers traced my jaw, tilting my face up to meet his gaze. “Promise you'll tell me what feels good. I want to hear every gasp, every moan. I want to know exactly how I affect you.”
The intensity in his eyes made heat pool in my belly. This was the side of Dorian I'd glimpsed during our previous encounters, the confident teacher who knew exactly how to guide me to pleasure. “I promise,” I whispered.
“Good lad,” he purred, and the praise sent a jolt of arousal through me. “Now, let me show you just how beautiful you are.”
I nodded, suddenly nervous again. “Will it... will it hurt?” I asked, hating how small my voice sounded.
Dorian's expression softened further. “I'll do everything I can to make sure it doesn't,” he promised. “If anything feels uncomfortable or painful, you tell me right away, okay? We can stop at any time.”
“Okay,” I whispered.
Dorian pressed a tender kiss to my forehead before reaching into his bedside drawer. He pulled out a condom and a bottle of lube, setting them on the bed beside us. My heart raced as I watched him roll the condom on.
Dorian settled between my legs again, his warm hands caressing my thighs. I shivered at his touch, a mix of nerves and anticipation thrumming through me. He leaned down to press a soft kiss to the inside of my knee, then looked up at me with those impossibly green eyes.
Dorian's fingers traced delicate patterns along my inner thighs, each touch sending shivers through my body. His eyes never left mine as he reached for the bottle of lube, the snap of the cap loud in the quiet room.
The first touch of his slick finger against me made me gasp, my hips jerking involuntarily. Dorian's other hand settled on my hip, a comforting weight as he slowly, oh so slowly, pressed inside.
The sensation was familiar, yet somehow entirely new. We'd done this before, Dorian's fingers coaxing pleasure from my body, but never with this level of intimacy, never with the promise of more to come. I closed my eyes, focusing on the feeling of Dorian's finger as it moved inside me, gentle and exploratory.
“Still good?” Dorian asked softly.
I nodded, a breathy “yes” escaping my lips. Encouraged, Dorian continued, adding a second finger with aching slowness. The stretch burned slightly, but it wasn't unpleasant. If anything, it only heightened my arousal, my hips rocking against his hand, silently begging for more.
Dorian's fingers worked me open with exquisite care, stretching and exploring. His free hand roamed my body, tracing patterns on my skin that left tingling trails of sensation. When he curled his fingers just so, hitting a certain spot inside me just right, I couldn't hold back a cry of pleasure.
“There we go,” Dorian murmured, his voice thick with desire. “That's it, love. Let me hear you.”
He lowered his head, his warm breath ghosting over my most sensitive areas. When his tongue flicked out to taste me, I arched off the bed with a strangled moan. The dual sensations of his fingers inside me and his tongue on my cock were overwhelming in the best possible way.
Dorian worked me higher and higher, until I was a writhing, whimpering mess beneath him. Just when I thought I couldn't take anymore, when the tension coiling in my core threatened to snap, he pulled away. I whined at the loss, my hips chasing his touch.
“Shh, mo stóirín,” Dorian soothed, pressing a kiss to my inner thigh. “Do you want more?”
I nodded frantically, beyond words. Dorian smiled, his eyes dark with desire as he positioned himself between my legs. I felt the blunt pressure of his cock against me, and my breath caught in my throat.
He leaned down to kiss me tenderly as he slowly, carefully, began to push inside. The stretch was more intense than his fingers had been, a burning fullness that made me gasp against his lips. Dorian froze immediately.
“Do you need to stop?” he murmured, concern etched across his features.
I shook my head, wrapping my arms around his shoulders. “No, don't stop,” I breathed. “Just... go slow?”
Dorian nodded, pressing soft kisses along my jaw as he eased forward again. The initial discomfort faded, replaced by a deep, aching pleasure as he filled me completely. When he was fully seated inside me, we both stilled, breathing heavily.
“Oh, Ren,” Dorian groaned, his voice rough with desire. “Fuck, you feel incredible.”
Hearing him curse was a rare treat, one that never failed to send a shiver of desire down my spine. I loved knowing I could make him lose control like this, that I could break through his usually impeccable composure.
“You feel amazing too,” I breathed, marveling at the fullness, the incredible intimacy of our connection. Every tiny movement sent sparks of pleasure coursing through my body.
“That's it,” Dorian murmured, his voice deep and commanding even as his touch remained gentle. “Let yourself feel everything, love. Your body was made for pleasure.” His hands caressed my thighs, spreading them wider. “You're so perfect for me, so responsive to my touch.”
The praise made me whimper, my body clenching around him. There was no dysphoria in this moment, no doubt, just the pure pleasure of being desired exactly as I was.
“Such a good lad,” he breathed against my neck. “Taking me so beautifully. Do you have any idea how sexy you are? How much I’ve wanted this? Wanted you?”
Dorian's forehead rested against mine, his breath warm on my face as he struggled to keep still, giving me time to adjust. His arms trembled slightly with the effort of holding back, and I could feel the rapid beat of his heart where our chests pressed together.
Our magic danced between us, silver threads of power weaving around our bodies like gossamer bonds. Each point where our skin touched sparked with energy, making every sensation more intense. When Dorian pushed inside me again, our magic surged in response, creating patterns of light and shadow that painted the walls with our pleasure.
“Oh gods,” I gasped, overwhelmed by the dual sensations of physical and magical connection. It felt like our souls were touching, merging together just as our bodies joined.
“You can move,” I whispered, rolling my hips experimentally. The slight shift in angle drew a low moan from both of us.
Dorian pulled back slowly, the drag of him inside me unlike anything I'd ever felt before. When he pushed back in, just as carefully, I gasped.
“Oh!” My fingers dug into his shoulders. “Oh, that's... fuck, Dorian.”
Dorian's lips curved into a smile against my skin. “Good?” he murmured, voice low and husky.
“So good,” I breathed, arching into him. “Please, don't stop.”
He obliged, setting a slow, steady rhythm that had me gasping with each thrust. “That's it, mo stóirín,” Dorian praised, his accent thicker with desire. “Let me guide you. Let me show you how good this can be.” His hands were firm on my hips, controlling our pace, teaching me through touch how to move with him. “You're doing so well, following my lead so perfectly.”
This was what I needed, to be cherished and guided, to surrender control to someone who saw me, all of me, as desirable and worthy of pleasure.
“Please,” I gasped, desperate for more. “I need—”
“I know what you need,” Dorian assured me, his voice rich with authority. One hand slid between us to stroke my cock. “And I'll give it to you. But first, I want to hear you. Tell me how good this feels.”
“It's—ah!” I gasped as Dorian's fingers circled my cock just right. “It feels incredible. Like I'm burning up from the inside.” My hips bucked, caught between the sensation of him inside me and his skilled fingers working my shaft. “You make me feel so full, so... so...”
“Say it,” Dorian encouraged, his voice rough with desire. “Tell me how I make you feel.”
“Safe,” I breathed, the word catching on a moan as he hit a particularly sensitive spot. “Wanted. Like my body was made for this, for you.”
Dorian groaned, his rhythm faltering for a moment. “That's it, love. You're perfect just as you are.” His thumb pressed against my cock, making me cry out. “So responsive, so beautiful. The sounds you make drive me wild.”
His fingers traced the length of my cock with reverent attention, making me shiver. “Do you have any idea how sexy this is?” he murmured, his voice thick with desire. “How much I love touching you here, feeling you get hard for me?” His thumb circled the sensitive head, drawing a desperate moan from my throat. “The way you respond to my touch, how your cock swells and throbs... it's intoxicating.”
I whimpered, overcome by his words, by the pure desire in his voice. There was no hesitation in his touch, no uncertainty, just genuine appreciation and want. “Really?”
Dorian's fingers tightened around my shaft, stroking firmly as he thrust deep. “I love it. Love how sensitive you are, how perfectly you fit in my hand.” He pressed his forehead to mine, his breath hot against my lips. “Love making you feel good. Watching you writhe with pleasure when I touch you just right.”
His words sent heat rushing through me, chasing away any lingering doubts. The way he touched me, the way he talked about my body, made me feel sexy, desirable. Made me feel like my body was exactly as it should be.
“Love being inside you,” Dorian breathed against my neck, his thrusts deep and steady. “You feel incredible, so hot and tight around me.” His hands gripped my hips possessively. “My handsome lad, taking me so well.”
The praise made me dizzy with pleasure.
“That's it,” he encouraged as I rocked up to meet him. “Gods, yes. Does that feel good?”
“Yes,” I gasped, moving faster.
His hands stilled my hips, and I whimpered, irritated that he wasn’t letting me move more. “Patience, love. Let me feel you squeeze around me.”
I obeyed instinctively, clenching around him, and gasped when he moved. That small adjustment made his cock drag against mine, sending sparks of pleasure through me.
“Perfect,” he praised. His hand slid up to cup my jaw, making me meet his intense gaze. “Now look at me and let go. Let me give you all the pleasure you deserve.”
The combination of his dominance and his complete acceptance of my masculinity made me feel safe enough to truly let go. I didn't have to question or doubt. I could just be a man experiencing pleasure with another man who desired me exactly as I was.
He shifted, changing the angle slightly, and suddenly every thrust sent sparks of pleasure shooting through me. “Oh! Oh gods, right there!”
“There it is,” Dorian purred, satisfaction clear in his voice. “Now be a good lad and take what I give you." His thrusts deepened, each one hitting that perfect spot while his fingers worked my cock in counterpoint. “I want to feel you come apart around me. Want to feel how tight you get when you're close.”
The dual sensations were overwhelming. I clutched at his shoulders, my nails digging into his skin as the pressure built. “Dorian, I'm—I can't—”
“You can,” he assured me, his voice commanding even as pleasure roughened it. “Give in to it. Let me watch you come undone.”
My world narrowed to the points where our bodies connected. Everything else fell away. The lingering fears from my nightmare, the anxieties about my body, the looming threats we faced. None of it mattered in this moment. There was only Dorian, only the pleasure building between us, only the adoration I saw shining in his eyes as he gazed down at me.
With every thrust, my cock rubbed against the coarse hair on Dorian's stomach, adding yet another layer of sensation to the overwhelming pleasure. I could feel myself getting close, a familiar tension coiling tighter and tighter in my core. But this was different from anything I'd experienced before, deeper, more intense, more all-encompassing.
“Dorian,” I gasped, my fingers digging into his shoulders. “I…I…”
“Let it happen, mo stóirín,” Dorian murmured, his voice rough with desire. “I've got you. Come for me, Ren.”
The tension that had been building inside me suddenly snapped. Our magic exploded outward in a shower of silver sparks as pleasure crashed through me. Every nerve ending sang with ecstasy, amplified by the surge of power between us. I could feel Dorian everywhere—inside me, around me, his magic twining with mine until I couldn't tell where I ended, and he began.
The cottage's wards flared in response to our shared pleasure, casting everything in an ethereal glow. Even the air seemed charged with energy, thick with the scent of sex and something deeper, more primal, like lightning about to strike or stars being born.
When Dorian followed me over the edge moments later, our magic created a feedback loop of pleasure and power that left us both trembling and gasping. The mark on my forehead blazed with warmth, but not with its usual dark energy. This felt like transformation, like something ancient and powerful being rewritten by the strength of our connection.
We lay there for a long moment, both panting heavily. Dorian's weight on top of me was comforting rather than crushing, grounding me as I slowly came back to myself. He pressed soft kisses along my neck and jaw, murmuring words of praise and affection that made my heart swell.
Eventually, Dorian carefully withdrew, both of us wincing slightly at the sensitivity. He disposed of the condom and grabbed a warm washcloth from the bathroom, gently cleaning us both up. The tender care in his actions brought tears to my eyes.
“Are you all right, love?” Dorian asked softly, concern etched across his features as he noticed my watery eyes.
I nodded, my face heating, but I didn’t try to hide it. Instead, I reached for his hand, lacing our fingers together. “I’m… more than alright,” I whispered, my voice still a bit unsteady. “It’s just a little overwhelming to feel this…safe.”
Dorian’s expression softened, and he brushed his thumb over my knuckles. “You’re safe with me, mo chroí. Always.”
He settled back down beside me, gathering me into his arms. I nestled against him, feeling the warmth of his body, the steady beat of his heart against my back. His fingers traced idle patterns along my arm, grounding me, and I felt myself relax even deeper into his embrace.
We lay there in comfortable silence, letting the quiet of the room envelop us. The gentle rise and fall of his breath lulled me into a peaceful drowsiness, and I realized how vulnerable I’d let myself be, yet how right it all felt. With Dorian, I didn’t have to hide, didn’t have to question whether I was enough.
“I like it here. Like this.” I admitted quietly, feeling the weight of the words but also the relief in saying them out loud. “Being here… with you? It’s like coming home every time you put your arms around me.”
Dorian pulled me closer, pressing a lingering kiss to the top of my head.
The cottage settled around us like a living thing, spirit lights dimming to a soft purple glow. Even Bones seemed content, his skeletal tail making a gentle clinking sound as he curled up in his bed. A phantom wind chime played somewhere in the distance, its notes sounding like an ancient lullaby.
I felt more than saw Dorian smile against my hair. “The cottage approves of you,” he murmured sleepily. “It's never felt more like home than when you're here.”
A comfortable silence stretched between us as my eyelids grew heavy. Just before sleep took me, I felt his arms tighten around me, a final, reassuring embrace that told me I was exactly where I belonged.