Maid in Heaven (Man Maid #1)

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“No, no, no!” Ava shouted.

“Oh, yes, yes, yes!” echoed the voice seeping from Ava’s cell phone.

“ Please tell me you’re joking!” Ava barked.

Her friend hysterically laughed on the other end. “It’s not a joke. He’s coming over.”

“Oh, for the love of… Madison! Why would you do that? This is, like, the worst day for that. I have a video call with a chairman from London this morning.”

“Well, tell him to start in the bathroom or something.”

“You paid some stranger to come into my house and clean it? Without my permission? That’s so… rude .”

“He’s not a stranger . I’ve known him since high school! He’s a good guy and a hell of a maid.”

“By the way… a maid? In Jackson Hole?” Ava’s lips raced as she spewed her protest frantically. “This is friggin’ Wyoming. I mean, I knew the billionaires were kickin’ the millionaires out, but is that even a job anymore? Maid? Is that even the politically correct term?”

“Slow down. You’re doing that thing where you talk at the speed of sound. You’re spinnin’ out. Take a breath. He calls himself a maid, so I’d say you’re safe on this one.”

Deflated, Ava sunk into her La-Z-Boy, one left behind by her ex-husband when he moved out months ago. “Madison, I’m gonna send him home.”

“No, you’re not! You’re going to let him clean up your pigsty of a house. I’m tired of coming over there and moving the laundry off the couch just to find a damned place to sit. You’re out of control. This first one’s on me. It’s my gift to you.”

“Daniel was the neat freak,” Ava growled. His name made her heart pang with sadness and her posture slump with embarrassment. “He’s gone. What’s the point in keeping a spotless place?”

“It’s time you get your house… and your pipes … cleaned,” Madison joked.

“Oh, fuck off. Nobody says that anymore. Your age is showing.” Ava winced at the realization that there was no getting out of this. “ Fine , but he keeps his clothes on . I don’t need these Brits to think I’m some sort of dominatrix or something.” Ava shook her head silently. “I have to go. Catch you later.”

“I’ll be waiting. Spare no detail. What he wore … how he cleaned … if you banged him,” Madison teased.

“I’m hanging up now.”

“ Wait! ”

“What?” Ava snapped, desperate to be off the phone with Madison, who sounded like a hyena with all the constant cackling.

“Do you have condoms? You know… in case?”

Ava pressed the end call button on her cell.

She didn’t have condoms. She threw them out when she found out she couldn’t have children.

The divorce followed shortly after.

She was left with the house and Kuda, her Staffordshire Pit Bull terrier. His short snout and wiggly body brought her comfort in those dreary, lonesome months.

Trotting in from his doggy door, Kuda made his way through the dining room into the living area. He got a running start and hopped onto the couch, curling up on top of a pile of clean clothes that were folded but not yet put away.

The doorbell chimed .

Ava’s heart jumped into her throat. Dreading the intrusion, she looked at the porch-cam notification on her phone. Selecting the alert, that’s when she saw him…

A God among mere mortal men.

Her eyes nearly fell out of their sockets at the gorgeous male standing on her porch, muscular form bulging out of a Halloween-quality police officer costume. His face looked like it was chiseled from stone, with robust, angular features. His blue eyes peered into the lens. Muscular biceps jutted out from beneath the short sleeves of the faux uniform.

Ava glanced down, eyeing the bulge in his pants. The man packs to the left, she thought before chastising herself for the lurid leering.

She subconsciously twisted a piece of her shoulder-length auburn hair around her finger before pressing the microphone button to speak. “Hello?”

“Good afternoon, Mrs. Quinn—”

She tapped the microphone icon on her screen and spoke, “It’s Ms. Quinn.”

“I’m so sorry.” His words were genuine. He ran a hand through his sandy-blonde hair. “So many of my clients have been married. I just assumed. I beg your pardon, ma’am.”

“You know what they say about assuming things, right? ”

“Yeah, it makes an ass outta you and me ,” he recited the dumb quip from memory. He locked his brilliant eyes onto the camera again. The masculine voice dribbled from his lips like honey. “Madison Miller hired me for a deep clean package. I’m your maid, Will Jessup.”

Ava held down the mic button again. “May I ask why you are dressed like a Reno 9-1-1 reject at eight thirty-two in the morning? It’s freezing outside.”

He simply chuckled.

The sound of his laugh made her weak in the knees.

“I grew up around here. I’m used to the cold,” he added with a million-dollar smile full of teeth as white as the snow behind him. “I’m pretty sure your neighbors are getting a free show. Maybe you could let me in so they have less to talk about?”

Damn. He was right!

Ava trudged to the door and yanked it open. She growled quietly. “ Fine. Come in. ”

“ Sure thing, ” Will whispered as he stepped over the threshold.

Once the door was shut, Kuda erupted into a symphony of ferocious barks, his display of anger betrayed by his wiggly rear and adorable Pit Bull smile. Will bent at the waist to greet him. The beefy animal raced toward the stranger, jumping on his hind legs to attack the man with eager kisses.

“Worst guard dog ever.” Ava rolled her eyes.

“Dogs are better judges of character than we are. He knows I’m only here to help, don’t ya buddy?” Will grabbed the tag on the wriggling pup’s collar, read it, and snickered. “ Barry Kuda ? Clever.”

“I just call him Kuda.” Ava managed a smile.

Once the dog had his fill of ear scratches, Will glanced around. Ava followed his gaze, mortified by what he was seeing. Along with the clean clothes that had taken up residency on the couch, there were take-out containers cluttering the coffee table, pizza boxes, stacks of unread mail, dishes, paperwork, haphazard piles of movies, and stacks of paperbacks needing to go back in their respective spots in her bookcase. A thick layer of dust had taken up real estate on picture frames, along with the massive flat-screen television that hung on the wall opposite the couch.

“Wow, you have a party or somethin’?”

“ Or somethin’, ” she said lowly, avoiding the subject. “Look, you don’t have to clean. I’ll tell Madison you did, and you can leave and keep whatever she paid you. It’s nice of her to do this, but...” At a loss for words, she gestured to his costume, “I don’t need this today.”

“ Ms. Quinn,” he said, stressing her official title, “look, no disrespect intended, but I’m gonna have to send over someone in a hazmat suit if you don’t let me clean because this place, no offense, is bordering on health hazard.” Will swiped a finger across the dusty photo frame beside the front door. It featured a torn picture in which only Ava remained, broadly smiling in a flowing white gown and veil. He looked at his fingertips and then wiped them off on the tight black pants of his costume.

Ava frowned and crossed her arms in disappointment in front of her busty chest.

“Plus,” he smiled, “if you tell your friends I cleaned your place, and it looks like this when they come over, I could lose a lot of business. My reputation is on the line, Ms. Quinn. I typically cater to wealthy, lonely women, and, boy , do they talk .”

“I assure you, I’m just messy lately,” she lied.

“Understood.”

“Fine,” she groaned, rolling her eyes.

“Fantastic.” He grinned. “Now, this costume is part of my service. I warn all clients up-front that the same rules of a gentleman’s club apply: look but don’t touch. ”

Ava felt a surge of heat at the thought of the Adonis in front of her, stripping down in the privacy of her home. Flustered, she looked away bashfully.

He smiled as if her reaction to him was as expected as the morning sunrise.

Ava stood straight. “So… Madison said she went to high school with you?”

“Yeah. She did.”

The awkward silence between them mounted palpably. Finally, Ava spoke.

“Right. Well, I have a conference call via webcam here in a few minutes. I really need you to stay out of sight. So start with the bathroom or something. And please, keep your clothes on .”

“Can do. Anything else you need me to tackle today? Because this,” he gestured to the house, “is going to be more than a one-time visit.”

“Don’t count on it. Like I said, I appreciate what Maddy was trying to do, but don’t expect a call back. I’m not in the market for a maid.”

Will scrunched his lips together, put his hands on his tactical belt full of fake plastic guns and furry handcuffs, and looked around. “Understood. Kuda and I are on it. Aren’t we, Kuda?”

The Pit Bull stared at him, breathing hard.

“Ms. Quinn, we will whip this place into shape and stay out of your way. I will stay quiet as a mouse.” He saluted her and headed down the hallway toward the kitchen and bathroom, assessing the dwelling. Padding behind him, Kuda happily followed his newfound companion into the kitchen. Will let loose a sarcastic whistle of disapproval. “Good Lord, what happened in here? Is that pot moving?Is that a rat ?”

Ava flattened her lips together, pinching her eyes closed. “Whatever happened to quiet as a mouse? ”

“ Oh, it’s just a Brillo pad.” He let out a sigh of relief. “It’s fine. Disregard.”

Ava shook her head and huffed, trying not to smile at the handsome stranger rooting through her home. She headed into her office, hurriedly twirled her hair up, snatched a pencil from her desk, and wove it through the makeshift bun, pinning it against her head. Sitting down at her modern-style glass desk, she sunk into her comfortable black leather office chair.

She woke her computer and typed in the passcode: her old wedding anniversary.

She’d have to change that at some point…

She angled the camera at herself and realized that it would capture the mound of shredded photos and wedding gown lumped into a pile behind her. Her friends had taken turns wearing it with a black veil at her divorce party, which, of course, was Madison’s idea .

Madison was right, though. Getting rid of a cheater was grounds for celebration.

Ava picked up the heavy, silken garment and hurled it out of sight. She tossed the photos into a metal trashcan and returned to her chair. She pulled up the appointment link and double-clicked. The video-chat client opened up. Her thumbnail icon popped up first in the virtual conference room. Her pale skin looked ghastly in the unforgiving lens, and her freckles seemed more pronounced on camera. She cursed herself for not applying more makeup. Instead, she plastered on her most pleasant smile.

Donald Breckin, a balding man in his fifties, popped up on the larger screen. She couldn’t help but think of Ben Franklin’s iconic image. The resemblance was striking.

“Good morning, Ava! Thank you for meeting with me.”

“Of course, Mr. Breckin. I apologize for not being able to grant you a longer window of time to talk, but as you know, we are in the middle of this merger, and there is no such thing as free time.”

Donald Breckin chortled and wiped something from his keyboard. “No problem, hun. We can get straight down to brass tacks. ”

“Great. Mr. Breckin, I want you to know that I am here for you as your liaison, and I understand you have some questions for me.”

“Yes. A couple, if that’s alright.”

“Absolutely. Fire away.” She steepled her hands in front of her face and leaned in intently to listen to his concerns.

“I’m hearing rumors that your people are saying my wages are too high and that so many expenses need to be cut? The business side of my laboratory is operating well within normal limits. We aren’t blowing money here haphazardly. I assure you, every expenditure is necessary. This laboratory needs to raise prices. Not lower them.”

“I see,” she said calmly. “I hear what you’re saying. We don’t fully know the ins and outs of how your business operates, but, Mr. Breckin, we’ve acquired several businesses like yours over the last decade and created a network of laboratories to handle more tailored needs. We keep costs low by doing bulk loads of samples from the individual hubs. We are acquiring you to make your lab a highly-specified and smooth-functioning hub as well. We are seeking high-volume, low-error results with quicker turnarounds. We feel your company is going to be a welcome addition to that. That said, we obviously have to stick to the overall financial strategy of cost-cutting wherever possible to keep expenditures across our entire network of labs low overall. Does that make sense?”

“Sure, but how will that affect my portion for the years we determined in the contract? Could we have been realizing more profit with—”

Don stopped and then squinted at his screen.

“—Is that… a police officer ? Is everything alright? Are you in some kind of trouble?”

“What?” Ava snapped, spinning around in her chair.

Will Jessup stood in the doorway, waving apologetically in his police uniform, biceps bulging from beneath the tight fabric. “Sorry. Can I borrow you for a quick second?”

Ava squelched an internal scream and turned back to the camera. “Don, this is my… cousin . He thinks he’s a police officer. He’s not well. Would you please excuse me for a moment?”

“Certainly,” Donald said, face frozen in a bemused expression.

Ava grabbed Will’s arm and walked him back down the hall to the living room.

“Ow!” Will hissed. “You have a grip like a gorilla .”

“I said no interruptions! What the hell ?”

“I need cleaning supplies to tackle that kitchen. ”

“What?! What kind of maid doesn’t have his own cleaning supplies?”

“Did you see me walk in with anything?” he asked sarcastically. “Rich women pay me to clean their homes. They provide the cleaning products. It’s written on my website and on the contract.”

“I didn’t see your website!” Ava huffed. She looked around and rubbed her forehead anxiously. “Everything you need is in the cabinet near the base of the fridge. Now, if you don’t mind, I have to talk a man out of backing out of a multi-million-dollar deal. I need to focus . If I lose this client—”

“Yes, ma’am!”

His response only further infuriated the already frazzled Ava. “Go!”

Will disappeared down the hall, handcuff chains jingling against his tight buns. Ava rechecked herself, straightening her pink pajama bottoms in an effort to salvage her image. As she feigned confidence, she strode back to her office and shut the door.

She gracefully took a seat. “So sorry for the interruption, Don.”

“It’s Donald ,” he corrected.

“Of course.” She bit down hard, pretending to smile again. “My apologies. Now, I’m sure you have more questions, and I want to make certain that I answer all of them for you.”

“I want to talk about my shares.”

Ava knew it was coming. She clenched her hand into a fist beneath her desk. “Yes, you understandably seem as though you may have some reservations regarding the compensation.”

“Your company seems to be all about the bottom line. A business like mine took a lifetime to build. It’s my legacy .”

“I understand that, Mr. Breckin—”

“Do you have children, Mrs. Quinn?”

“It’s Ms. Quinn, actually.” It had suddenly become painful for her to smile at the thought of her official title reverting. “And, no, I don’t.”

“Neither do I, Ms. Quinn. This company is all I have. I’m giving my baby to you, so to speak.” Don sat back in his seat. It groaned beneath his weight.

Ava gripped the arms of her chair so hard she feared one might shear off, but her forced, pleasant smile washed across her face. “Well, you’re not giving it to us. It’s an eleven-million-dollar buyout. Your legacy will live on, and we will expand into all new territories with it. That said, if you have an issue with your compensation, I’m happy to discuss it further.”

The words came out more curt than she had intended. His previous comment about children had knocked her off-kilter. Now, she was having difficulty righting herself again.

“It’s not so much an issue as it is a generous offer to assist in these matters. I imagine a little lady like you would want to know if you’re making a mistake or missing out on opportunities to make more money. And those additional profits would trickle down to what we’ll call my compensation .”

Eleven-and-a-half-million. You’re set for life, you idiot .

She nodded casually. “Let me talk about that with the higher-ups and get back to you.”

“Yeah, go ask the big dogs. I’m sure the other men will agree.”

Ava felt rage bubble inside her and wanted to end the conversation as calmly as possible. “Well, Donald, as always, I appreciate any and all of your suggestions and am happy to field any more questions you have at a later date.”

“I’ll shoot over some ideas I’ve been having the last few nights that might help you all rob me blind even more.” He chuckled insincerely.

“Well, I’ll be looking forward to that email.”

“Sounds good, doll.”

“Is there anything else you’d like to discuss?” Perhaps my failed marriage?

“No, I think we are all set. ”

“Great.” She felt relief wash over her. “Alright, Mr. Breckin, you take care.”

“You too, hun.”

Ava slammed her middle finger hard against the end call button, clamped her eyes shut, and shoved her face into her hands. After taking in a deep breath, she shouted, “Fucking asshole ! Oh my GOD. What an idiot! It’s eleven million. Ugh! Dickhead. It isn’t worth half— ”

Ava opened her eyes.

Don was staring at her in utter shock.

With her fraying nerves, she must not have hit the button right. The call had obviously not ended.

She swallowed hard, her voice barely escaping her lips. “Fuck.”