Chapter Four
On our way back to the beach shack Rochus—Rocco—lovingly calls home, we stop at a drive thru and get some food. Despite my insistence that I don’t need my own meal, Rocco ignores me. And maybe he’s right to because putting Mindy in her place has made me hungry.
“I’m not fucking discussing this again,” he snaps. “You need to eat more.”
Scowling, I turn around and look at him. I don’t like being told what to do, especially not when he’s right and I’m wrong. I know I can’t keep myself going like this, especially not if I’m going to keep my promise to Julietta.
“Okay,” I say, trying not to giggle at the shocked expression on Rocco’s face. “But I don’t like banana shakes, and I want extra large fries.”
I don’t know whether I like banana shakes or not, I’ve never had one. I’ve never even been to a drive thru. While we wait in the line of cars, I use the time to study the menu placed between the lanes.
The options are overwhelming. How do I know if I like pickles on my burger? Or if the chicken nuggets are good?
“Do you know what you want?” Rocco asks when there are only two cars in front of us.
“Umm…” Hesitating, I skim the menu again. “I’ll take the large cheeseburger meal, a vanilla shake, and… five cookies.”
My stomach rumbles in agreement.
“Anything else?”
I turn my head to look at Rocco, unsure why he’s asking me. Then I look back at the sign, pondering what else I might want to try. “Mozzarella sticks,” I say. “And maybe an ice cream.”
“Is that all?” Rocco chuckles.
Feeling self conscious, I wring my hands in my lap. Did I order too much? I did, didn’t I. “Maybe I don’t need the mozzarella sticks,” I sigh. “Or the cookies.”
Damn, I really wanted the chocolate chip cookies. They look so delicious in the picture, and so does everything else.
“You can have whatever you want,” Rocco says. “Personally, I’m a big fan of their curly fries and shakes.”
Rocco drives up to the window and places the order. Not only is he ordering everything I asked for, he’s also ordering other things and different flavors.
A knot forms in my stomach as I realize I don’t have any money to pay for my food. So far, Rocco’s been keeping me fed, and even bought me new clothes. But I can’t keep taking his money. Okay, so technically I am working for it by doing the books for Dirty Diamonds.
That reminds me…
“Cain owes me a favor,” I rush out once he’s paid and driven to the next window, where we wait for our food. “He wrote that in a comment after I corrected the shift schedule.”
Huh, I never knew there’s so much waiting involved.
Rocco turns his head and looks at me. “Is that so?”
I nod eagerly. “Yes. Do you think I can use it to pay for my share of the food?”
His eyes twinkle with mirth, but he doesn’t answer me until we’ve received our food and are heading back to the beach shack.
“Look,” Rocco says, breaking the silence. “If Cain owes you a favor, that shit is priceless. He doesn’t give out favors easily. So I’d save it for something you really want.”
Without meaning to, I stare longingly at the bags of food resting in my lap.
“Cara.”
Stupid tears gather in my eyes because I know he’s about to tell me I can’t have any of the delicious smelling food.
“Look at me.”
Refusing to let him see my shiny eyes, I keep my gaze fixed on the paper bags for the rest of the drive. I even hold on to them when we’re back at the shack, refusing to part with the food just yet.
My stomach hurts, it feels like it’s gnawing on itself as pangs of hunger make me feel lightheaded and like I might collapse.
Once we’re inside the cozy house, Rocco tells me to place the bags on the coffee table in front of the couch. I discreetly hide one behind my back, the one with the ice cream and cookies.
After getting some plates from the small kitchen, Rocco sits down on the couch and pats the space next to him.
“Come sit,” he says.
Shaking my head, I take a step back. I look at the back door, wondering if I can get away with sprinting out there.
Rocco sighs. “Look, I get that I don’t know half the shit you’ve been through. But it’s getting real fucking hard not to take your attitude personally.”
Looking at him, I furrow my brows in confusion. I don’t get why he’s taking it personally. He hasn’t done anything wrong, I have. I’m the one who’s meant to cater to him, submit to him. That’s what my mom taught me, and Mindy said that’s what he wants.
“Can we just fucking eat in peace and… I don’t know… talk or some shit?” When I don’t move, he adds, “You know your ice cream is going to melt, right?”
My eyes widen as I realize he knows I’m hiding it from him. “You can’t have it,” I warn, lifting my chin.
I know I’m behaving like a kid, but it’s so hard to navigate my new reality. I never wanted to be here, let alone to be married. But I’ve never had a choice in these matters. No matter how brutal prison was, it strengthened me. In there, I didn’t let anyone walk all over me and take my food, and I won’t allow it on the outside either.
Even as a kid, I never allowed anyone to touch what I perceived as mine. I think that’s the real reason I got so pissed with Mindy at the club. Rocco’s my husband, and that should mean something. Even if it’s not a love marriage, I’m not okay with him getting his rocks off while I was locked up.
“I’m not interested in your fucking ice cream,” Rocco laughs. “All I want is to share a meal and have just two minutes where you don’t look like you’re contemplating killing me.”
Tilting my head to the side, I look at him from beneath my lashes. He sounds sincere, and he doesn’t look threatening. Maybe it’s okay to let my guard down while we eat.
Moving over to the couch, I slowly sit down as far away from him as possible. I prefer to watch him closely, so I adjust my position on the couch by pulling my legs up and leaning back on the armrest. I even place the ice cream on the table with the rest of the food.
“What do you want to try first?” Rocco asks as he shoves some fries into his mouth.
I point at the burger, and when he hands it to me, I unwrap it right away. The first bite is so good I moan in pleasure. The meat is full of flavor, and the lettuce, tomato, and bun taste so much better than the prison food.
“That good?” Rocco laughs, and I nod eagerly. “Try a curly fry.”
He shakes them in front of my face, not stopping until I take one. “Oh my God!” I exclaim with my mouth full. “They’re great.”
As my gaze collides with Rocco’s, I’m surprised how dark his eyes are. I mean, yeah, they’re always dark. Yet, right now, they’re almost black. But instead of making him look menacing, he looks like a forbidden treat that I... I shake my head because it doesn’t matter how he looks.
Rocco continues to push food on me, not stopping until I’ve tried every single thing on the table and slurped the last of my shake.
“Do you want your ice cream now?” he asks, arching a brow like he’s daring me to consume more food.
“Absolutely,” I say eagerly.
Reaching for the tub, I scoop some onto the spoon that came with it. Once again, I moan. The caramel and chocolate flavors exploding on my tongue are too fucking much. This is the stuff of dreams.
“Can I try some?” he asks.
Despite the teasing lilt to his tone, I shake my head vehemently. “No.”
Rocco snorts and bends down to kick off his shoes. I know what comes next, and yep, like clockwork, his shirt is the next to go.
“Why do you always do that?” I ask, genuinely curious.
“Do what?”
Rolling my eyes, I take another bite of the heavenly ice cream. “Walk around shirtless.”
He shrugs like it’s no big deal. “I’m in my home, what’s more natural than being as comfortable as possible?”
I take a moment to mull over his words. I guess it makes sense. Not everyone comes from a fucked up home where there was never enough food, or where being dressed was a luxury.
Putting down the now empty tub of ice cream, I unzip my boots and pull them off before getting up from the couch, placing them neatly by the door. It’s awkward, but I walk backwards, refusing to take my eyes off Rocco. He might have had my back at the club, but that doesn’t mean he won’t pounce when I’m not looking.
As soon as I’m back on the couch, Rocco says, “I want to talk about what happened with Mindy.”
Here we go. He’ll probably tell me off for attacking her.
“I’m not sorry for what I did,” I snap, defensively.
“You shouldn’t be.”
My lips part, but I can’t think of any words to say. This isn’t the reaction I was expecting.
“You and I aren’t together, Cara. So I can do whatever the fuck I want. But—”
I jump off the couch and place my hands on my hips, my temper getting the better of me. “Is that so, husband?” I sneer. “Can I fuck around as well, then?”
Fuck me. I shouldn’t antagonize him or remind him that I legally belong to him.
“You can try,” Rocco snarls, getting to his feet. “But it won’t end well for whoever you give your virginity to.”
His nostrils flare as he crosses his tattooed arms over his chest. I’m momentarily distracted by the ink on his chest.
“Cara!”
The way he snaps my name has my hackles rising. “I’m not a fucking virgin anymore,” I lie. “You’re about three years too late.”
Horror creeps over his features, and he takes a step toward me. “What?” Although I don’t want to give him any ground, I take a step back. “You weren’t a virgin when we got married?”
I force out a laugh. “Sure I was. But I took care of that within the first week in juvie.”
Bullshit, that’s what it is. Rocco doesn’t need to know that, though.
A low growl emanates from his throat as he clenches and unclenches his fists. He looks scary, so I’m not sure why I don’t feel any fear. He could easily pick me up and do whatever the hell he wants, and maybe that’s why I can’t stop pushing him.
So far, he’s been… nice, something I don’t trust. I need to see what’s underneath the surface. When Mindy antagonized me, I got a small glimpse of Rocco’s monster. Which reminds me…
“You want me to punish you?” I ask, completely changing the subject.
“Say fucking what?”
I nod. “You said I could punish you.”
Palming his chin, he runs his thumb up and down the scruff. “I didn’t say that for you.”
“But you deserve to be punished,” I exclaim.
I have no idea how I could do that, only that it feels right. In prison I punished everyone who disrespected me. Usually with my fists or feet, which was enough for them to learn their lesson and leave me the fuck alone.
Rocco’s different, and to truly punish someone, you need to know what they either fear or hold dear. With him, I don’t know enough to even take a guess.
“Take your best shot,” he smirks.
I nod. “I will. Eventually.”
“We’ll see.”
Without another word, Rocco disappears into the bathroom, and within minutes I hear the water from the shower running.
This is our routine. He showers before bed, and I half suspect it’s partly to give me privacy to change into the leggings and tee I sleep in. Well, sleep is much too generous. I still can’t relax enough to let myself go completely, so it’s more like I’m resting.
After tidying the empty containers and all traces of our food orgy, I brush my teeth at the kitchen sink and quickly get changed. It feels weird to be out of my leather, and I still haven’t decided if that’s good or bad.
Lying down on the couch, I pull the laptop on top of my stomach and begin rifling through the files. It’s mostly to have something to do since I already know there isn’t any new work for me to keep myself occupied.
My eyes grow heavy, and I swallow down a yawn as I quickly reply to some of Cain’s comments on my last notes. Once that’s done, I’m blurry-eyed from exhaustion and the battle to stay awake is becoming harder.
Rocco might be as long as another half hour in the shower. I never know with him. So I make the snap decision of catching a speed nap while he’s getting ready for bed.
I turn to my side so I’m facing the room and close my eyes, letting the waves crashing on the rocks across the road, and the water from Rocco’s shower lull me to sleep.
“Cara.”
I groan, annoyed to be woken up, and blink to get used to the darkness.
“Be quiet and don’t fucking move.” Rocco hisses, his mouth so close to my ear I can feel his hot breath on my skin.
I open my mouth to answer, and stiffen when I realize his hand is clamped around my mouth and his weight is crushing me to the couch.
That motherfucker. I let my guard down, and now… and now… I buck, trying to get him off me, but he doesn’t budge.
“Whatever you think I’m doing, this is not it. Listen,” Rocco whispers urgently.
That’s when I hear it, someone is jiggling the door handle and it sounds like they’re trying to get inside. As soon as the realization hits me, I stop fighting him and become completely still.”
“Mija, I know you’re in there!”
I stiffen as I hear the endearment only my mom has ever used. It’s not a woman’s voice, though, and I already know who it belongs to.
“Don’t be a coward, Cara. Come out and play.”
Fuck. Mateo. My twin.
“You know who it is?”
I nod.
“Your family?” Rocco whispers directly into my ear.
I nod again.
He curses low enough that my brother shouldn’t be able to hear him, and then he reaches for his phone. The light is so harsh I close my eyes, shielding my irises.
Why the hell is Mateo here? I don’t belong to him. Rocco bought me, so my family doesn’t have a claim on me anymore.
“Caraaaaa,” Mateo shouts gleefully. “Why are you hiding from me, sister? Is it because your husband hasn’t claimed you yet?”
His words bring forth a memory of a conversation I overheard between my dad and Julietta’s husband. Basically, dad was saying that until the buyer fucked my sister, the deal wasn’t complete even if money had changed hands.
Fuck.
Rocco hasn’t done… that. Does he know about this? Is he wanting me to go back to my family?
Sweat coats my forehead as I struggle to breathe.
I can’t go back, not after killing my dad. I’d sooner fucking die myself.
“Are you okay?” Rocco murmurs. “Gray and Gunner are on their way. Don’t worry, no one’s going to lay a hand on you.”
Right now, I’m glad for the darkness. With how perceptive Rocco is, he’d see the panic written all over my face within seconds.
“Nod if you’re okay,” Rocco urges, so I do. “Okay. Just hang in there.”
Just as the words leave his mouth, a window shatters and I scream into his hand. Rocco curses, but doesn’t move off me. If anything, he presses his hand harder against my mouth as we listen to the footsteps from somewhere outside.
I lose track of how much time passes until the sound of a vehicle approaching reaches us.
“That’s them,” he says, no longer whispering. “I’ll be right back.”
Rocco gets off me and throws open the door just as there’s a knock. A young guy with dark wavy hair stands in the doorway.
“Gray,” Rocco snaps.
“Gunner’s looking around, but I didn’t see anyone,” Gray says.
“I’ll check the back,” Rocco snaps. “Stay with Cara.”
“We already checked. Gunner dropped me off a few houses away and gave me a head start so the engine didn’t tip them off to our arrival. There’s no one here.”
Rocco ignores him and walks over to the back door, keeping one hand at the small of his back as he kicks it open. Holy shit, does he have a weapon hidden?
I don’t know why it never occurred to me that he’d be packing. It seems so obvious, and obviously a factor I’ve overlooked.
“Hey,” Gray says sheepishly. “We haven’t been formally introduced. I’m Gray.”
I slowly get to my feet, my legs still shaking. “Hola,” I greet him.
With no idea what else to say, I just stare at him. Unlike Cain and the few other people Rocco hangs around, Gray looks homeless. His clothes don’t fit him properly, and he just has an aura of being lost.
“Are you okay?” he asks, sounding uncomfortable.
I shrug. “Sure. Why wouldn’t I be?”
He chuckles, which makes him look younger than I first thought he was.
“All good,” Rocco says as he comes back inside. “This is Gunner.” He points at the guy with sandy blond hair behind him.
“Sup,” Gunner says, looking anywhere but at me.
“Hi,” I say. Then I look at Rocco. “Is he gone?”
Something in my tone makes him pinch his lips together as he nods. “Yeah, no traces of anyone.” I wish he’d look away instead of studying me like I’m a rare specimen. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
“Sure,” I say, trying—and failing—at sounding chipper.
Knowing that Mateo so easily found me has me on edge, especially since he’s right. Rocco hasn’t claimed me, but now I need him to. And fast.
“What did he want?” Gray asks, looking between us.
Rocco looks deep in thought as he says, “I’m not sure. I don’t even know who it was.”
I breathe a sigh of relief and plaster a smile on my lips. “It was my brother,” I say sweetly. Then I move to Rocco’s side, and place my hand on his bicep. “You saved me.”
His gaze snaps to mine, uncertainty swimming in his dark eyes. “Umm…” Palming the back of his head, he trails off.
“Thank you,” I say sincerely.
I might have a role to play, but my gratitude is still heartfelt.
Rocco takes my hand, and I allow him to intertwine our fingers while he talks with Gray and Gunner. Since I have to up my game if I want to make sure our marriage is consummated so my family can’t claim me, I lean against him and wrap my arm around his waist. At first he stiffens, but he quickly relaxes and returns my affection by moving me in front of him so he can hold me from behind.
Too preoccupied with breathing and mentally talking myself into doing what needs to be done, I barely hear their conversation.
“Okay, we’ll patrol tonight,” Gunner says, though he doesn’t sound happy about it.
“For sure,” Gray adds.
After saying goodbye, they leave and I have a plan that I’m pretty sure will work.
While Rocco closes and locks the doors, I slowly move over to the bedroom. I turn to him and bat my eyelashes. “Can I sleep with you tonight? I don’t want to be on my own in case he comes back.”
Despite the nod I get in return, I can feel his suspicion.
“Do we need to board up the window?” I ask as I suddenly remember hearing one shatter earlier.
“No, it wasn’t one of ours,” he says curtly.
I watch as he gets back into bed, and I quietly climb in and make myself comfortable. We don’t speak, we just lie there as a heavy silence stretches around us.
To keep my mind busy so I don’t fall asleep, I try to remember the tips my sister gave me on my wedding day. Too determined to never let it happen, I didn’t pay much attention back then. And now, I wish I had.
I smile as Rocco’s breathing deepens and eventually his snores echo in the quiet room. Game time.
As quietly as possible, I shimmy my leggings down and kick them off. Then I move around on the bed, testing to see how deeply Rocco’s sleeping. His snoring doesn’t change, which means he’s far gone. That’s good since we’re both sticking to our side of the bed, and I need to be much closer for what I have in mind.
Swallowing down my guilt, I move closer until our bodies touch. I cautiously lift the sheet, needing to get a better look at what I’m dealing with here. Unlike the men my sister had to fuck, Rocco doesn’t have a beer gut hiding his crotch, which makes it a lot easier.
I move my hand to his crotch, but when I connect with his dick, it’s soft. How the hell am I meant to make him hard and get his boxers off without waking him up?
Needing more time to form a new plan, I turn to my back and stare up at the dark ceiling like the answers to my problem are written there. They aren’t. And the more I think about it, the more impossible it seems.
As the room brightens and the sun shines through the windows, I realize I’m out of time. I can’t keep stalling. Throwing caution to the wind, I move back to my side and, once again, I reach for him. This time, he’s hard, and when I touch the bulge in his boxers, it jerks under my touch.
While dragging the sheet down, I keep my eyes on Rocco’s face, needing to make sure he’s still sleeping. Luckily for me, he doesn’t stir and his breathing stays the same.
Now that I can see his boxers more clearly, I notice they have a slit in them. I snake my hand into the gap, and gently ease his cock through.
Rocco’s dick is very different from the previous ones I’ve seen. It’s huge, and there’s a vein running along the length. The tip is angry looking and wet, something shines from the tip.
With jerky movements, I straddle Rocco and slide my panties to the side. I wrap my hand fully around his large cock, giving it a few strokes before I line the head up with my opening.
What I’m about to do is wrong on so many levels, and I wish there was another way. But having Mateo show up like that changes everything.
I can’t go back. There’s just no way.
Three!
Fuck, I don’t even know if he’ll fit…
Two!
I shouldn’t be doing this…
One!
I have to do it.
Needing to get it over with, I slam down and take him all the way inside me in one move.
Fuck!
Pain flares to life, nearly blinding me as it feels like he’s ripping my vagina apart. My eyes water, and I bite down on my hand to stop my whimpers from escaping.
Shit, this really hurts.
Rocco’s lids fly open, and he gasps my name.
Despite the need to get away from him, I force myself to move up and down.
“What are you doing?” he rasps, but I ignore him.
The pain doesn’t matter, only that I lose my virginity. Which I guess I’ve technically done now. I can’t believe how much it hurts. Every move makes it feel like my insides are being stabbed.
I’m so focused on the task at hand that I don’t notice Rocco’s hands on my hips at first.
“Don’t touch me,” I hiss, slapping his hands away.
“W-what?”
He looks so confused I almost feel bad for him.
“This isn’t what you think,” I admit. “I… we… this had to be done.”
“Had to be done?” Rocco echoes. “If you wanted me, all you had to do was say so.” His voice is husky with remnants of sleep.
When he tries to touch me again, I leap off him and the bed. That’s when I see it, the blood coating his hard dick.
Fuck.
Rocco looks down at himself, and I want to shrink under the death glare he sends my way when he notices the blood.
“What the fuck did you do?” he roars, sitting up.
I startle, and a part of me wants to cower and beg for his forgiveness. That’s when the perfect excuse hits me.
“You had to be punished!” I shout back. “I told you I’d get you, and now I have.”