21. Mammon
TWENTY-ONE
MAMMON
All I can do is watch as Leviathan trashes his room.
With the growls and yelps of a wounded dog, he takes his already cracked mirror and smashes it against the floor, howling as the glass shatters all around us. I want to say I understand his pain, but I can’t. Not when Bel is tucked securely by my side, staring at Luc’s motionless body on the bed with wide and unfocused eyes. Gore’s not any better, crying softly into his hands as he curls into my other side.
“Why did this happen!” Leviathan roars, scratching at his arms as he paces back and forth. “How!”
Bel blinks at him. “Levi, I?—”
“He’s your brother, Bel!” Levi screams. Grabbing a skull off the dresser, he chucks it at his head. “You were supposed to protect him!”
I catch the skull midair and toss it on the floor, shielding Bel with my body. “He couldn’t have known this would happen.”
“His soul is mine! Mine !” Leviathan cries in misery and drops his face into his hands as he sobs. “And now he’s… he’s…”
“Just fine,” I finish, moving away from Bel and Gore to reach for Leviathan’s hands. He’s resistant, but I use my strength to guide him next to the bed where Luc lies. I place his hand on Luc’s chest, letting him feel the steady breathing underneath his fingertips. “He’s going to be okay.”
Bel nearly drove Luc’s car through the window to get him to us, but all the damage was forgotten when we saw the state Luc was in. He was half dead and seizing in the passenger seat. It was a miracle that Bel managed to drive them here and an even bigger miracle that we had our medical conduit in the neighborhood before she left for her shift at the clinic. She’s not too sure what was happening to Luc, but she was able to reverse the effects. If she had to guess, she’d say it was cyanide. Thankfully, my brothers and I have an abundant stash of different poisons we keep, along with their antidotes.
Leviathan trembles as he digs his nails into Luc’s shirt, nearly tugging him up and out of bed. “He’s fine.”
“Yes,” I say as I place a reassuring hand on his back, “he’ll recover. Luc is okay.”
“Luc is okay, Luc is okay, Luc is okay,” he repeats, tears still blurring his eyes as he crawls into bed next to Luc. He pushes up his shirt, latching onto his nipple with no shame as he rocks them back and forth.
Sighing deeply, I pinch the bridge of my nose as I step back and walk out the room to give them some privacy, Bel and Gore following. I pace the hall, unsure of what to do next, until Asmodeus appears at the top of the stairs.
“It was all fixed,” he spits, meeting me halfway and shoving a wolf poster into my hands. “I found this, along with the actual shop employee, tied up in the back.”
My hands shake as I look down at the poster. A cartoon wolf with his throat slit. My vision starts to blur and I suck in a sharp breath. “No.”
“This is real, Mammon,” he insists, pointing crudely at the picture. “It was a fucking setup.”
“But how did they know we’d go in there?” Bel asks, hooking his hand around my elbow. “Mammon?”
Jaw clenched, my fingers crush the poster in my hand. “I don’t know.”
“They could be anywhere,” Asmodeus says, looking at me cautiously. “What should we do now?”
They could be anywhere.
I shut my eyes, fighting against the brutal pressure building in the back of my skull. “I don’t know.”
They’re outsmarting you.
“Well, should we question the shop worker? He might have?—”
They have all the power here.
“I said I don’t fucking know!” I roar. Ripping the poster in half, I kick at the wall in front of me. “Let me fucking think for one second!”
The hall falls silent at my outburst. Asmodeus smartly keeps his mouth shut, brow furrowed with a scowl on his lips as I turn and march into my office. I go to slam the door shut behind me, but it bounces back. Gore and Bel rush in, coming to my side as I try to make my way to my desk.
“Talk to us,” Bel demands, placing a hand on my chest to stop me. “Tell us what you’re thinking.”
But I can’t because I don’t know what the fuck I’m even thinking. It’s all jumbled up in my head. When Bel and Luc wanted to go out, I should have said no, but I didn’t. I let them walk out without any sort of protection. For fuck’s sake, Bel doesn’t even have a goddamn phone. I didn’t think something like this would ever happen. I’m caught off guard, on high alert, the weak one in this battle that’s begun. There are so many questions that I can’t answer. I don’t know who they are, where they are, or how many of them are infiltrating my island. They’ve played me for a fool and that makes me feel… It…
“Mammon?” Gore whispers, twining his fingers with mine as he tries to pull me toward him. “Is everything okay?”
Everything is far from okay. I’m speechless. Luc is one of us and he could have died today. If he had, I would have lost Leviathan as well because that crazy fucker would have slit his wrists to be with him. That would have left me down two soldiers when the enemy is at its strongest. My offenses would be debilitated without those two. I’d have to find another mad dog and master tamer to take their place.
But no, it’s more than that. My mind wants to see just the tactical strategy, but my heart…that fucking organ that never takes the lead is aching for what might have happened. My family could have been shattered. The people I care for would have been lost.
And if Bel had eaten his ice cream, I would have lost him too.
That thought is too much for me to handle. I rip myself away from the two of them so I can grab whatever’s closest and smash it on the floor. It’s not enough. I need something else. Something I can’t describe. Something?—
“Let us help you,” Gore begs and winds his arms around my middle as I try to thrash him off. “We’re here for you.”
Bel’s hand finds my cheek, forcing my face toward his. “We fucking love you, Mammon. No matter what, we can figure this out together.”
Comfort .
That’s what I’m craving and it’s fucking disgusting.
I’ve never needed anyone in my life to help me. I thrive on being the one who dictates every action, every word, and every thought. If I were to give in and allow myself to be swaddled like a fucking newborn, what would I become?
Someone I’d hate. That’s it. This isn’t some sort of revolutionary thought that I’m having; it’s not some cosmic intervention that’s going to make me reconsider who I am. There’s no fucking epiphany happening here.
I stay in control because I fucking want it that way.
I move away from Bel and Gore, shaking my head at them. “I need some time to think about this.”
“Can we think together?” Bel says, but the lilt in his voice is tinged with annoyance and frustration. “I thought we were a team?”
I snort. I can’t help it. “There’s nothing you can do for me right now that I can’t do for myself.”
Gore blinks up at me with wide eyes. “How can you say that? We could help you feel better.”
Comfort .
That damn word rings in my head again and I push it away, just like I have to push them away now. I have to think clearly and I obviously can’t do that with them around. They’re like arsenic to my soul. They manipulate and twist it until it’s in the palm of their hands. I need to be the one taking the lead.
So, I choose my words carefully. They’re measured with precision and restraint. I know it’s going to sting, but I have no choice. “Unless you’re going to put your mouths to good use, I suggest you leave me to work.”
“Jesus fucking Christ,” Bel mumbles under his breath, shooting his hand out to grab Gore’s wrist. “Fucking fine. We don’t need this shit, Gore.”
Gore shakes his head. “But?—”
“Let’s go ,” Bel commands and yanks Gore toward the door. Pushing him out, he turns to look at me over his shoulder. “I knew you were a fucking liar.”
Who’s to say I am? Honestly, I don’t know. As I watch them walk out the door, the only thing I can think of is that I’d rather have them by my side, but that’s my idiotic heart talking once again. Emotions can’t devise strategy. Emotions can’t lead me to victory. Emotions can’t control me. Besides, I know Bel and Gore.
They’ll be back.